Bella had come to see a lot of sides from the Cullens since becoming a vampire.
Sides she had once upon a time thought nonexistent due the fact that she had the habit to paint them as perfect.
Like watching Emmett chug an entire gallon of milk for no apparent reason before proceeding to throw it all up over the kitchen floor.
Or when Edward fell down the stairs in the most graceless manner ever due one single furby on the stairs.
Esme smacking Alice with a spatula after this one tried to put more frosting on the cupcakes.
Carlisle sitting on the countertop. Rosalie screaming her lungs out at Emmett after this one sneaked a battalion of raccoons into their room. Jasper hanging from the railing in hopes of hiding from Renesmee. Alice crying over her favorite store from Paris going bankrupt.
But never could have she ever expected to hear the two most composed people she had ever met arguing.
Carlisle and Jasper.
Jasper wanted to go back to hunting animals but of course Carlisle refused. He was still healing and he shouldn't put such strain in his body so soon.
But Jasper wouldn't listen to reason.
And at the end he did end up yielding. Sort of.
She watched him stalk back into the house and disappear upstairs before hearing a door slam. That was unexpected.
~~~~~~~~~~
One of Esme's least favorite things was to see her children upset. Even more so if said state was brought due either Carlisle or her.
Thus when she heard the door slam upstairs she couldn't help but sigh. She couldn't quite understand Jasper's sudden obsession over going back to the vegetarian diet though. She thought that he had been doing well with the human blood.
And while she wanted nothing more but to go upstairs she decided to give him some time to cool off.
-Bella darling, leave him be.- Esme called sadly when she saw her getting up with all the intent on going after Jasper.- I know you mean well but right now it's best to leave him be.
Bella didn't seem convinced but still did as Esme said.
~~~~~~~~
Jasper had known that Carlisle wouldn't agree to his request. Alice had told him to not do it. That rising an argument out of this wasn't worth it.
But what was he suppose to do?
He was tired of this.
Not of the human blood of course. He could never grow tired of it.
What he was tired of was of being the black sheep. Now more noticeable than ever as he, with red eyes, stood among golden eyes.
He was tired of feeling like an outcast. Of not being able to go hunting with Emmett and Edward. Or even with Carlisle. He was tired of having to lock himself in his room whenever he had to feed. Of feeling the wolves' judgemental looks over the color of his eyes. Having to keep his distance whenever Charlie came to visit so he wouldn't notice the color of his eyes.
He was tired.
"Why'd'ya let him tell ya what ta do? You're actin' irrationally, jus' sneak out if ya wanna die that much." - The Major. His reflection on the mirror giving him an exasperated look. Jasper whirled around to glare at the reflection.
-Shut up! You've no right to speak about this! No right!- He nearly snarled.
"'M jus' sayin'. You're drownin' in a glass of water. If ya dun't wanna listen ta him. Then dun't. Though if ah were ya, I'd listen. For once he seems ta know what he's talkin' 'bout."
-You only say that because of the blood.- Jasper snapped dryly.
"Maybe. But ya gotta admit 'm right. Animal blood is useless. Unnecessary. Ya heard him. That blood is not for us."
-I don't care. I made it work before. I can certainly make it work now.
"What are ya doing?"- The Major asked as Jasper slid the window open.
"I'm refusin' to let someone control my feedin' habits. That's what I'm doing. He's not my boss."- Jasper told as he climbed out of the window. Making sure to keep a grip on the wall outside as he did so before closing the window.
"Technically, he's. Have ya forgotten what a coven leader is?"
"Be happy! I'm followin' your advice. I don't have to listen to him if I don't wanna." - Jasper said as he began climbing down the house's walls.
"Ah jus' wanted ta sound supportive ah didn't think ya would actually do it!"
Jasper ignored him and as his feet touched the ground he sniffed the air to make sure neither Bella or Esme were close before making a run for it. His stealth hadn't been so useful since he was with Maria.
But he managed to escape from the house without being detected so at least he was glad to see he hadn't grown rusty.
Jasper makes a point to hunt closer to the wolves' land knowing full well that the Cullen's didn't hunt close to them.
He caught a bobcat without troubles. Bringing it down with familiar ease as he snapped its neck.
He wanted to show Carlisle that he could do it. He could feed off animals just like the rest. He wasn't stupid. He knew they were starting to run low on blood, and there was so much they could get from the Quiloutes before it went from kindness to straight abuse of their kindness.
He didn't want to be the reason for an argument between them. For their alliance to end or grow weak.
And if he had to disobey Carlisle for it then so be it.
He dove down for the bobcat's neck and sank his fangs into its throat. The familiar feeling of fur as he did so was almost comforting despite how nauseating it felt.
Then he began to suck.
The foul taste made him gag but he didn't let it win.
After five sips he was pulling back as the nausea intensified. Fingers gripping his stomach. He swore under his breath as heat flared in his gut and spread across his arms. Legs. Throat.
And then it came back up.
He threw up all over the ground. Throat flaring up twice as hard as he did so.
But this time it wasn't just the consumed blood and venom.
His own blood also came back up.
And when he was done throwing his insides out he was left shaking and gritting his teeth as anger began to bloom deep within his chest. Hot and unforgiving until flashes of red were staining his vision.
He tried to bite it down as he buried the bobcat. His breathing ragged as he got up.
But at the end he couldn't stop his fist from connecting with a tree. The force of the impact making it crack loudly and for leaves to rain down, birds flying away cawing like crazy. His fist went through the wood of the trunk.
That punch didn't sooth the burning rage as he had expected.
It made it grow.
And he pounced on the trees. Bringing them down through kicks and punches. Arms slamming against the trunks. Him colliding against them. If he couldn't hurt others to drown his pain the trees would always be a great replacement.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Between Carlisle and Esme Esme had to admit she was the most resilient when it came to her children. She was the one who would comfort and hold them after a scolding. Would be the one offering comfort when being scolded.
She hated seeing her children upset. Hated having to scold them.
But she had a limit.
A limit that came up whenever her children crossed the line and put their lives in danger.
Like now.
Jasper had dared to sneak out of his room and she didn't had to be a genius to know what he was planning on doing.
Against popular belief she was great at finding things.
And it didn't take her long to catch his scent.
She followed the trail and caught the stain of acid in the air.
He had come closer to the wolves' territory, he knew perfectly well that none of them hunted around here, smart .
But that didn't deter her from her anger.
Then she found the trees.
Her anger staggered at the destruction.
And as she sped up her pace she caught a sob.
That single sound was enough to make her anger disappear and her chest constrict.
She found him sitting under a tree all curled up in on himself, there was such a thick sadness in the air it made her chest tighten. There was anger, pain, self-hatred, loneliness, frustration, more anger.
All of it weighing the air down like a blanket of depression.
He didn't even react to her presence as Esme approached him. She knelt on the ground and pulled him into a hug.
-Oh sweetheart, it's okay, everything will be okay.- She soothed rubbing soft circles around his back as he buried his face into her shoulder. Fingers curling into her shirt.
Each sound tore at her and she wasn't even sure what had brought this.
Still .
Esme did what she did better.
She held him and shushed him. Rubbing soft circles around his back and keeping herself calm so as to not agitate him more.
It took a while before he began calming down and relaxed into the hold. Soft sobs leaving him from time to time.
-I couldn't keep it down.- Came the miserable mutter and Esme didn't had to be a genius to know what he was referring to.
-Darling, your body is still healing after going through a severe situation due animal blood, you can't put it through it again so soon. Your father told you didn't he? Your body isn't prepared for that strain just yet. He's not being overprotective or paranoid, he's just trying to do what's best for you right now. We all are.- Esme told softly.
-I know.
-Then why are you disobeying us and going behind our backs to put yourself in danger?
Silence was her answer.
-Well?
At his silence Esme pulled back from the hug, just enough to grab his face and force him to look at her. He still avoided her gaze.
-I asked you a question young man.
-'m tired.- Came the miserable whisper as his shoulders dropped in defeat.
-Of what?
-I miss huntin' with Emmett and Edward. I hate how the wolves look at me and I know you're startin' to have troubles with gettin' blood. I just... I don't feel comfortable with red eyes among y'all.- He confessed at the end.
He felt like an outcast. Like he stood out as the beast among the kind hearted Cullens.
And the wolves' looks did nothing but strenghten said thoughts.
A lion standing among sheeps.
A monster.
He felt like he was failing the Cullens. Failing at fitting in. Failing at being more human. Failing .
-Oh sweetheart, there's nothing to be ashamed of, you haven't done anything wrong, haven't hurt anyone to get your eyes red. You know it and we know it, what anyone else thinks doesn't matter. Alright? You don't have to hunt with Emmett and Edward to spend time with them, they are your brothers, I'm sure they would be more than happy to spend time with you. And about the blood... don't worry about it, alright? We will figure something out. Right now the most important thing is for you to get better.
Esme pressed a kiss on top of his head. Knowing the reason behind his anger made her chest ache for him. She knew things had been hard on him lately, knew he may be starting to get frustrated over being kept from hunt ing with his brothers and even Carlisle.
But his body wasn't ready to start straining itself with animal blood.
The fact that he threw it back up was proof of it.
Still.
She would need to speak with Carlisle. Maybe it was time to come up with a solution.