Hobbes hid in a closet, tangled in Christmas lights. He had dashed in too quickly and was now stuck. "Well, at least I lost the dog. Now to get outta this mess." He scrambled out of the closet and ran down the hall. Suddenly, he heard a familiar voice.

"Wah-wah-WAHOO!" It was Mario!

"Really?" said another voice. "That is so interesting!"

Hobbes peeked into the room to see Mario dressed as a woman being served tea by Susie. "More tea, Mrs. Nesbit?" asked Susie.

"Thank you so a-much for a-playing my game!" said the prerecorded dialogue inside Mario.

"Here you go!"

Getting an idea, Hobbes imitated Susie's mom's voice. "Susie! I need you in the kitchen!"

Susie left the room and Hobbes ran in. "Wow, Moe's not the only crazy one in the family! Look at you!"

Mario suddenly sprang to life. "Gone!" he shrieked. "It's all go-o-one! All of it's gone. Bye-bye! Whoo-hoo! See ya!"

"Eww, how did your arm come off?"

Ignoring Hobbes, Mario continued. "One minute you're the savior of a hot girl with a high-pitched voice, the next thing you know, you're a cross-dressing pathetic doll taking shots of tea! Never again will I do the Mario! Those were the days!"

"Oh...kay," Hobbes said slowly. "I think you've had enough tea, Mario. Let's just get you out of here and back to the house where you're loved and accepted.

"Don't you get it! You see the hat? I am Mrs. Nesbit!" Mario threw back his head and laughed wildly. "Wah ha ha ha ha ha! HA!"

Mario slumped down on the table, his maniacal laughter dying down to a creepy little chuckle. Hobbes smacked him with the arm. Mario immediately sat up, this time acting normal. "You're right. I'm sorry."

They walked down the hall, Mario quietly continuing. "It's just that, it's kind of hard, that's all. I mean when you find out that you're a FAILURE!" He went back to his screaming. "AAAAAHHH! That's all I am! I can't even use a leaf right! Can't even fly out the window!"

Hobbes looked up. A lightbulb went off inside his head. "The window? That's it! Mario, you're a genius!" Hobbes grabbed the Christmas lights.

Meanwhile, in Calvin's house, Edd and Eddy sat by the window playing the new game of Candyland.

Eddy laughed. "Give it up, Double D! All I need is a purple space and I'll get to King Kandy! There's no way you can win!"

"Oh, curse my luck, getting lost in Lollipop woods!" grumbled Edd.

Eddy calmly grabbed another card. "Yep, in one card motion, I'll go straight to...PLUMPY! Dang it, it's one of those cards that sends you back to start!"

One of the Cojammer monkeys sat by them. "I told ya that you'd get that one. Pay up."

Eddy sighed and tossed Cojammer his shoes. "At least it's only my shoes..."

"Of course," pointed out the monkey, "these things double as your feet."

"WHAT! Now I gotta wobble everywhere!"

Cojammer stuck his tiny feet into the huge shoes. "Meanwhile, I'll be walking in style."

"Get back here!" Eddy rolled after Cojammer.

Edd sighed and put away the game. "There they go again. I suppose I win by default."

"I'll trade you these for something!" Cojammer pulled off Eddy's nose. "Got your nose! Get it?"

"Guys! Guys!" Everyone turned to see Hobbes calling from the window across the street.

"It's Hobbes!" cried Charlie Brown.

Linus ran to the window. "Hobbes? It's a miracle!"

Nazz followed. "Dude! How did you get over there?"

"I knew he'd be back!" cheered Snoopy.

"I'll explain it all once I'm safe," smiled Hobbes. "Catch, Snoopy!" Hobbes tossed Snoopy the Christmas lights.

"Got it!"

"Now just tie it onto something..." Hobbes instructed.

"I got a better idea," said Eddy, grabbing the lights away. "How about we don't!"

"Eddy!" cried everyone.

Eddy angrily swung the lights at everyone. "You morons! Did you forget about what he did to Mario? We can't let a nut back here!"

"Spoons, spoons, spoons," said Ed.

"See? One is enough!"

"No, seriously," Hobbes said, a little nervously, "Mario is right here with me!"

"Prove it," glared Eddy.

Hobbes turned to his friend. "Mario, come on up here and just show everyone you're not dead. Mario. Mario! Give me a hand!" Mario threw his arm at Hobbes. The annoyed tiger picked it up. "Witty."

Hobbes ran back to the others and tried to hold the arm mostly out of view, to hide the fact that Mario wasn't there. "Wow, Hobbes!" Hobbes said in Mario's voice. "I a-love you! Let's go stomp some Koopas!"

"What?" said Eddy.

"Well, sure Mario!" Hobbes grinned as himself. "I love you too! Let's do our new secret best friends handshake! WOO!"

"See?" whispered Nazz. "I told you they'd be friends!"

"Indeed," Edd said suspiciously. "Although it seems a bit too friendly."

Hobbes wrapped the arm around him. "Now give me a hug!" he said as Mario.

"I'm not buying this!" said Eddy. "What's really going on?"

"Nothing." Hobbes accidently revealed that there was only one hand. The toys gasped in horror.

Edd ran away. "I feel ill! I feel ill!"

The Cojammer monkey threw Eddy's shoes back. "I suddenly feel bad for stealing Eddy's feet."

Ed fell off the desk. "Not my happy place, Eddy! Not my happy place!"

"How the mighty have fallen..." sighed Linus.

Eddy dropped the lights, leaving Hobbes alone. "Have fun in hell, Hobbes!"

"No!" cried Hobbes. "Guys! Please! Please!" Snoopy sadly closed the blinds.

Hobbes looked away. His friends hated him, he was stuck, Mario was crazy just as they were getting a little closer, Calvin was leaving, Moe had plans, the Koopalings were hiding somewhere...

Just as Hobbes thought of the horrid Koopas, he was suddenly knocked over by Roy. The Koopa grabbed the arm away and threw it down to the other Koopalings, who had surrounded Mario. They swarmed all over him. Hobbes rushed in to stop them, but by the time he got there, he saw that they had only put the arm back.

"If we're gonna kill you," said Ludwig, "you might as well be up to fight!"

"Don't close both eyes at night, boys," hissed Wendy. The Koopalings swarmed away.

"Well," Hobbes said quietly, "at least you're fixed...I haven't got a friend in the world and it's all my fault! AAAAHHHHH!"

Hobbes peeked out to see Ludwig and Jimmy in the distance, being repaired by the other Koopas.

"Finally!" Jimmy cried happily. "My small body is back!"

"Remember," said Ludwig, "our deal was that you would help us in our mission to destroy the new ones."

"We're in!" smiled Sarah.

Hobbes looked up. "Why me?" Suddenly, he heard Moe stomping up the stairs. Hobbes jumped into a milk carton, hoping to avoid the huge bully. He looked out to find that Mario was still lying there. "Mario! Run!"

Mario did nothing. "That's what I call depression," said Hobbes.

Moe suddenly burst in, holding a huge box. "It's here! It's here! The big one!" He pulled out a rocket. "'Extremely dangerous. Keep out of reach of children,'" he read on the side. "Cool. Now what do I blow up with it? I know! That stupid tiger!"

Moe picked up the milk carton, but Hobbes was hiding under it out of the bully's sight. "Dang," grumbled Moe, throwing it away. "I know! I'll warp Mario out of this world!"

Moe strapped Mario to the rocket. Suddenly, it started to storm outside. "NO! Well, I guess I can launch him tomorrow. Sweet dreams, Mario. Heh heh..."

Changing Battleship to Candyland left me to make a few fun changes to the script. Oh, and the Cojammer monkeys are from the game Ghostmaster and previously appeared in my fic with the same name.