I wrote this about 4 years ago, so it's my very first fan fiction. I know, it sucks, but I fixed it up a little from the original version. Just don't be too harsh when reviewing
Warning: Rated T for language and cheap humor.
Description: Padmé throws a surprise birthday party for Anakin, but it doesn't quite turn out the way she planned.
"It's perfect!" Yelled Padmé Amidala-Skywalker in a large room that was littered with red and black decorations and filled with people. Mostly Jedi.
"What the fuck is with all the red and black decor?" asked Mace Windu walking up to Padmé.
"Well, Anakin said those are his favorite colors."
"Much wrong with that there is," Yoda said walking toward them. "Meditate on this I mu--"
"Yeah, yeah, meditate. Right. I think it's time to get the birthday Jedi!" interrupted Padmé.
"Actually," cut in Obi-Wan Kenobi "He is only a Padawan. He has yet to be a Jedi Knight. Just like you said two years ago," he pulled out a book that read 'Attack of the Clones' and flips through pages, "See?"
Padmé stared at him, "What?"
"Uh, nothing, nothing..." he quickly pulled the book away.
"Whatever. Just don't do anything to make Anakin angry okay? I'll go get him. Does anyone know where he is?"
"I think he's over in Palpatine's office," Mace said.
"Okay. Keep your senses up and hide when we come around. You know, I've told Palpatine about this surprise party a million times. I wonder why he isn't here, and why he has Anakin with him..."
"Much danger I sense." Yoda said.
"Oh you sense danger all the time you pessimistic old midget! You even sensed danger in that cake we bought from that nice old hooded man!"
The scene cuts to a black-hooded man in an apron who is laughing maniacally behind a counter. "Number twenty three!" he called out.
"Hmmmm," Yoda glared angrily at Padmé.
"I'm going. Remember to turn the lights out. I hope he enjoys this party, what with the clone wars going on and all, we could all use a little relaxation." she said and walked out the door.
"Such a bitch, she is."
Obi-Wan looked in surprise at Yoda.
Padmé reaches Palpatine's office and is outside the doors. She opens it and sticks her head inside.
"So alls I have to do is take out Jocasta Nu and the Jedi-" Anakin was talking to Palpatine.
"Anakin! Are you planning on cheating on me with an old bat like the Jedi Librarian?" Padmé said jokingly to Anakin.
"Oh, uh, Padmé! Hey! How are you doing! No, are you silly? Jocasta scares me..."
"I know, baby." she gave him a hug. "Hey, come with me. I need to show you something."
"We are talking Jedi proposals here Senator Amidala," said Palpatine
"Yeah, well I need him! He's my husband and he will do what I say. Right Anakin?"
"Yes, master," Anakin said with his head down walking toward her.
"Good," she turns around and starts walking out the door.
"Uh, I'll come too!" Yelled Palpatine following behind.
When they reached the room Padmé stopped.
"Okay Anakin. Go on in," said Padmé.
"Ladies first," said Anakin.
"Good," Palpatine whispered in Anakin's ear.
"Oh, how sweet. Okay then!" Padmé opened the door to the dark room and stepped in. Anakin walked in after her.
"Why is it so dark in here, Padmé?" Anakin asked.
"SURPRISE!" yelled everyone in the room when the lights came on.
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" Yelled Anakin in surprise igniting his lightsaber and slicing off Padmé's arm off.
Padmé fell onto the ground screaming and everyone gasped. Just then, two babies fell out from under Padmé's dress. Anakin , not noticing the babies, went straight for Padmé.
"Oh jeez!" said Obi-Wan scooping up the babies and running to Yoda, "Master Yoda. Padmé just gave birth to these twins! They're Anakin's children!"
"Hmmm. This betrayal from Anakin is most uncalled for. Come. Let us hide these children."
"Why, Master Yoda?"
"Know I do not. But feel I do." he then pushed a copy of A New Hope aside with his foot. "For some reason, take these children we should. Let us go."
So Obi-Wan scooped Yoda up too and ran out of the room.
"Padmé! Padmé, are you okay?" Anakin asked kneeling next to Padmé.
"Sure I'm okay. You sliced my arm off you frikkin' retard!" yelled Padmé.
"Oh Padmé. I'm so sorry!" Anakin started crying.
"Oh here comes the waterworks. Well, surprise! Happy Birthday Anakin! Whatever..."
"Why! Why does this always have to happen? This is all your fault!" Anakin got up and glared furiously at all the Jedi in the room. "This... is all... your... FAULT!" Anakin ignited his lightsaber and took a step toward the Jedi.
"Now, now, Anakin. No need to be hasty. Now this can all be fixed. Padmé is okay, and we can get her a robotic arm like yours." said Ki Adi Mundi "None of this is your fault. We don't blame you. Now please, put the saber away..."
Anakin took another step toward the Jedi.
"Oh shit! Who's the Gungan who suggested not bringing lightsabers to a birthday party?" Mace said.
"Anakin, please! I don't want to use force on you-" But Anakin sliced Ki-Adi-Mundi's head off.
"Anakin! He was a leading member of the motherfucking Jedi Council!" yelled Mace. "Now where are we going to get another one? Do you know how motherfucking hard it is to find a Jedi Master willing to do the job?" said Mace.
Just then little Boba Fett walked into the room and shot Mace in the crotch with a blaster.
"Oooooooowwwww! Fuck!" screamed Mace in great pain.
Then Boba got out Jango's helmet and bashed Mace's skull in with it. Several times. While Mace screamed. Then Mace died. Then Boba kept making sure Mace had died some more.
Meanwhile Anakin ran forward and started slicing up the Jedi. One by one Anakin massacred the Jedi.
"Oh great Anakin," said Padmé. "Kill all the Jedi. Join the dark side while you're at it too!" she picks up a black novelty Clone Trooper helmet and throws it at Anakin's back, but he ignores it.
Then Obi-Wan rushed in and grabbed Padmé from the floor and dragged her out of the room.
"Hey let me go, asshole!" yelled Padmé, but Obi-Wan didn't pay any attention to her so she started beating him with her severed arm.
"Oh great. It looks like I have to go in hiding… again." said Obi-Wan as he looked around the room.
Anakin kept killing the Jedi, Boba kept killing Mace, and General Grievous walked in. "Hey, you need any help in here?" Grievous asked. "No, I'm fine." said Anakin. "Oh, okay. You want any coffee or anything? I can run down and get some coffee." "Yeah, sure. I want it..." he turned to face Grievous in a dramatic pose. "BLACK." "Sure thing." Grievous said walking away.
When Anakin had finished killing all the Jedi, there were body parts everywhere. He walked over to little Boba who was still hitting Mace's flattened corpse with the helmet.
"Hey kid, go home," said Anakin. "You're good. Let's talk business later."
Boba got up and ran away. Palpatine walked in.
"Hmmm. You've sure made quite a mess in here. All the Jedi are dead. You have no good left in you. What else is there? You can go into the repo business? Or maybe you can help me form an empire that will destroy the Republic and take over the universe? How does that sound?"
"Great." huffed Anakin. "Where's Padmé?"
"Oh, uh, the Tuscan Raiders took her I'm afraid. There was nothing I could do to stop it."
"What? Not again!"
Anakin started walking out of the room when he saw the black novelty helmet. He picked it up, stuck a black triangular cup to the nose, put it on and walked away.
"Oh I hope he doesn't wear that all the time," Palpatine said following after him.