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Fifteen

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You'd think that after almost two years of underground hideouts and constant moving, Sasuke would have gotten used to it. That he would stop trying to settle somewhere, stop emptying his bags, neatly organizing his weapons, his shampoo bottle, and more recently, his razor and aftershave, but no. Uchiha Sasuke always needed consistency in his life, order, and tidiness, and he doesn't think it will ever change.

And maybe that's why he's gotten used to Hana's late visits, even though it feels utterly wrong every time he lets her have her way with him. But Hana looks like a grown woman, and Sasuke has unmanageable needs that the drugs he's taking and the curse mark on his neck heighten considerably.

He's never let himself care, though, and he can tell it is bothering her. But who would have thought that the girl was looking for more when she so boldly took off her shirt in front of him for the first time? And perhaps he should have questioned her actions, but her hand was sliding up his thigh the second after, and his mind turned blank.

Hana tried to cuddle a few times, but Sasuke quickly clarified it would never be about that, about more than filling a need, releasing some tension. She accepted it the way she accepts everything lately, with a shrug of her shoulders and the set of her jaw.

His mother wouldn't be proud of what he's become; It would devastate Sakura to hear those rumours. But Sasuke doesn't care anymore. That's the beauty of the curse mark and Orochimaru's teaching: what he gains in strength, he loses in humanity.

How many days before he makes his first kill? Before the beast crushes the last bits of good left in him?

Not much, he can tell.

Ever since he's found Hana willingly getting butchered by Kabuto, and he's been giving an ultimatum concerning Sakura's life, he's constantly weighing the pros and cons of that option. Either he kills some random shinobi for the benefit of his sensei, or he ends Sakura's life and gains the Mangekyō.

A few months ago, that wouldn't have been an issue at all. Another proof that the beast is slowly winning the fight. Because recently, instead of thinking about the pretty pink-haired girl and how the world wouldn't be the same without her light laugh and bright green eyes, he's starting to believe that if he has to kill somebody, he may as well gain something in return. Right?

With the Mangekyō, he would have a fair chance at winning against his brother. The only chance at winning, actually.

But then, what?

And that's when the rational Sasuke usually comes rushing back.

Because let's face it, what brought him to desert wasn't just his desire to get revenge; it was also the need to ensure Team Seven's and, more specifically, Sakura's safety. Only after Sasuke witnessed Itachi threatening everyone he loved did he finally accept sacrificing what he'd built for a few years of misery. All of this in the hope of one day coming back.

But if he kills Sakura, why come back at all?

Naruto and Kakashi would be useless in helping rebuild his clan, and there is no other girl Sasuke considers worthy of bearing the next generation of Uchihas. It will be Sakura or nothing, and it cannot be nothing. He owes his parents that much.

"Itachi," Sasuke finally voices his thoughts, breaking the heavy silence. "You said he killed Shisui, that that's what granted him the Mangekyō."

The silver-haired man doesn't even lift his eyes from the piece of paper in front of him, only hands Sasuke a file with his brother's name on it. "You confirmed it yourself; that he gained his eyes before the murder of his clan."

Sasuke pushes the file away and clicks his tongue. "I know what I said. I was there. Remember?"

"And you asked me a stupid question," Kabuto counters, finally meeting Sasuke's murderous glare. "So I answered in equally stupid terms, so you can understand them."

A pulse behind Sasuke's neck turns his eyes a crimson red.

"Now, now, Sasuke-kun," Orochimaru says, the first words he pronounces in a while, his destabilizing gaze gauging his two minions, back and forth. "I'm sure you meant something more with that question. Speak your mind."

A scowl makes its way to the boy's lips, but he obeys Orochimaru's request nonetheless. "Well, Shisui was my brother's best friend," he states, and his irritation for the binocular man only grows when he sees him roll his eyes.

"And?"

"He didn't kill Izumi... Or not that day, anyway."

"Izumi..." Orochimaru sifts through Itachi's file thoughtfully. "I have nothing about an Izumi here."

Sasuke scoffs. "Of course, you don't. Izumi was Itachi's first love. But he stopped seeing her when he was assigned to the Anbu force."

Kabuto shrugs. "Perhaps he forgot about her during his time away. Perhaps he stopped loving her."

"It's not that easy," whispers Sasuke, brows furrowed.

A sigh escapes Kabuto's lips as he leans back in his chair. "Your point?"

"He didn't kill me either."

"Obviously," the silver-haired man replies, pushing his glasses up in irritation.

But contrary to the medic-nin, Orochimaru's face holds an expression of pure interest. "Are you saying what I think you're saying, Sasuke-kun?"

The black-haired boy gulps, unsure of how he feels about his new discovery. "Itachi loved Izumi, if not more, than just as he loved Shisui," begins Sasuke, his mouth heavy, words leaving with much difficulty. "And he loved me more than anyone else. Or I wouldn't be here today." Or at least, that's the conclusion he came to over the past few years, the one he wishes to be true. Because even if he's planning on killing his older brother, it would be nice to know that the first eight years of his life hadn't all been a lie.

"Uzumaki Naruto," Orochimaru says, nodding. "You want to switch our target?"

"He wants to spare pretty Sakura-chan's life, even after two years away from her. I wonder what Hana would think of that. And what Sakura would think of your relationship with her nemesis."

Sasuke shrugs. "I don't have a relationship with Hana, and I don't care what Hana thinks of this idea. Killing Naruto would be more beneficial than killing her." Her. Say her name, coward. Sakura. Haruno Sakura, your first kiss. Your first love. Your only love.

"The little kunoichi would be easier to kill than a Jinchūriki," Kabuto states, matter-of-factly, and again the beast in Sasuke begs to be released. He grips the side of the desk, his knuckles turning white.

"If I can't kill Naruto, then I can't kill Itachi."

Orochimaru nods thoughtfully. "You could tame the beast while you're at it. This could be to your advantage."

Kabuto shrugs. "It doesn't matter. As long as you have feelings for that civilian girl, you won't be able to do what has to be done. Even if it means Sakura stays alive, she will never forgive you once you've killed her teammate."

Sasuke glares at the man with pure hatred, his skin scalding hot, his brain turning blank. When he speaks again, he doesn't recognize his voice. "The first I see, I kill."

And perhaps he believes those words. Or maybe the first person he will kill is this pathetic excuse of a man. All he knows is that he ought to get out of this place before he gains the Mangekyō. The three-year truce is almost over, and if Orochimaru's hungry eyes are not proof enough, the fact the legendary Sannin has become obsessed with the Sharingan is.

"The intelligence we've gathered tells us our dear Team Seven just defeated a member of the Akatsuki. We are next on their list. What should we do? Use this opportunity to kill one of them? Or both?"

Orochimaru observes Sasuke as the silence stretch. How the old man would love that. That would be perfect timing. Almost too perfect…

Then it's settled. Sasuke will let Orochimaru thinks he's the clever one and wait for Team Seven's first reunion in years. Then, he will make his first kill and break free from this underground life.

He nods, lips held in a thin line. "When are they coming?"