Harry Potter and the Broom Closets of Brooms

The Worst House in the World

Harry and Dave were sleeping peacefully in their caged room when a humming noise could heard outside. Harry was the first to wake up. He looked out of the window to see that a small Ford car was parked in mid-air next to the window. Ron poked his head out of the window.

"Ron?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, I'll take three cheeseburgers and one small fry," he said.

"No, Ron, it's me, Harry."

"Oh, yeah."

"What are you doing here?"

"We're rescuing you."

"But I don't want to go back to school. You and Hermione betrayed me."

"Hermione!"

Dave was all packed and ready to go. Harry stared at him.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I wanna see Hermione," Dave answered. "Hurry up let's go."

"But the cage is on the window."

"We'll get it off," George and Fred Weasley, Ron's older brothers, said.

They hooked a grapple onto the cage and their bumper. They then drove forward. Instead of the cage coming off, the bumper flew off and slammed into it, creating a huge dent. One big enough to climb out of.

Suddenly, Uncle Vernon could be heard.

Dave jumped in the cars with his stuff. Harry followed. That's when Uncle Vernon burst into the room and jumped to grab him. Unfortunately, he fell out of the window and on to assorted garden tools. The car drove off into the night.

"That was close," Harry said. "Thanks a lot you guys."

"Hey, no problem, bud," Ron said.

Dave was stiffing the air with a disgusted look on his face.

"What smells like shit?" he asked.

The Weasleys looked at each other.

"Well," Fred started, "we wanted to come straight here and back. We didn't want to make any pit stops, so we improvised."

He pulled out a sandwich bag full of poop. Harry and Dave twitched to the back.

In was early morning by the time they reached the Weasleys' house. It was actually the ruins of the Twins Towers, London edition.

"Nobody would even think of living here," George said with pride in his voice.

Ron on the other hand looked embarrassed.

After they parked by the house, they all stuck into the house so their mother wouldn't hear them. Unknown to them, she was already up.

"Where the hell have you boys been!"

She was angry. (No shit.)

The boys noticed some white powder around her lips.

"What's that stuff on your mouth, mum?" Ron asked.

"Oh, that's..." she tried to come up with a lie, knowing that was cocaine on her face. "Don't change the subject. You go off into the Muggle world and then think you can get away with it?"

"No," Ron said.

"Of course you did," she snapped. "Harry, come on and have some breakfast."

Dave cleared his throat.

"You too, Dave."

"See," he gloated. "She knows my name."

As they ate breakfast, Ginny, the youngest and only daughter, ran downstairs.

"Mummy, have you seen my clothe-"

She looked at the kitchen. All the boys were staring at her. She screamed.

Why? She thought she and her mother were the only ones in the house. Therefore, she was naked.

The boys screamed also. Except for Dave, who had taken a picture. Ron had used a telescope for a better look. George and Fred had sunglasses on to hide the shame. Harry just stared speechless.

"Nice breast," he said.

For a split second she stopped screaming and said, "Thanks," then started screaming again.

She ran out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

"That adds more to my collection," Dave said, cheerfully, as he put his camera away.

Just then, Arthur Weasley, the father, came home. Mrs. Weasley went to the door to greet him.

"You're late, honey," she said unenthusiastically.

"Me and the boys had some drinks at this strip club," he said. "The next thing I know, this naked lady is sleeping next to me."

"Oh, that's wonderful, hon," she said, again without any enthusiasm. "Harry Potter came this morning."

"The Harry Potter! I'm a mess! He wouldn't except it."

"I'm right here, Mr. Weasley-"

"Not now, Harry, I'm almost done talking. Anyway, where is he?"

He saw Harry behind him.

"Holy shit, it's Harry Potter!"

Suddenly, the hoot of an owl could be heard. A barn owl came crashing onto the table. It had twenty poisonous needles on its back.

"There goes anyone," Mrs. Weasley said, throwing the dead owl away in a container that had a lot of other dead owls in it.

"Who's up next?" she called to the owls, who were all shivering with fear, in a cage.

"Oh, Molly, it's the boys' school supply list, including Harry and Dave's."

"Damn, man, how did he know we were here?" Dave asked. "Is he spying on us?"

Unknown to everyone in the kitchen, there was a camera placed in a corner of the ceiling.

In Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore was watching.

"Fuck, he's onto me!" he exclaimed.

Back in the Weasleys' house, everyone looked over their lists.

"Well, this looks like a trip to Diagon Alley," Mrs. Weasley said, triumphantly.

Triumphic music began to play, and everyone looked around to see where it was coming from.

I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as possible. Thanks!