Harry Potter and the Broom Closets of Brooms

In... That Bookstore

Once Harry and Dave left the store, they found themselves in a dark place. There were many mysterious people around wearing dark colors.

"This is pretty strange, huh, Dave?" Harry asked.

But Dave wasn't there.

"Dave?" Harry called out. "Dave!"

"I'm right here."

Harry turned around, but he saw nothing. Finally, he realized what it was: Dave was blending into the dark environment because of his skin color.

"I heard that!" Dave threatening me. "If I knew where you were, I'd kill you!"

Sure you would.

"Oh, you don't believe me. Wait 'til I find you. You'll be sorry!"

I'm sure you will.

"STOP MOCKING ME!"

I won't. This is pretty pointless so let's continue with the story.

"So you're invisible," Harry said, "but why aren't your clothes visible?"

"Classic Hollywood cliché?" he said.

"Good point. Let's get out of here."

They make their way to an exit, but three teenage girls were blocking the way.

"Excuse u- me, I'm trying to get through," he said.

"Why do you smell like," one of them said before taking another sniff, "black people?"

Of course, Dave being Dave, he lost his mind. He jumped kicked her causing her to fall down to the ground.

"Holy shit, there's black people around here!"

They all ran away.

"Good job, Dave," Harry said. "Now let's go!"

Just as they were two centimeters away from freedom, a booming voice was heard.

"Harry, Dave, what 'er ya doin' her'?"

It was Hagrid the giant.

"What 'er ya two doin' her'? Come wit' me so I can get ya out!"

"But the exit's right-"

"No excuses! Come on!"

He grabbed their hands, pulled them the few centimeters out of the alley, and let them go.

"That was too close," Hagrid said, breathing heavily as if he had to run to save them. "You could've been killed!"

Harry and Dave just looked at each other. After Hagrid left they went to find the Weasleys when they heard a familiar voice.

"Harry! Dave!"

It was Hermione!

"Hermione!" Harry cried as he ran over to her.

It looked like they were about to hug, but Hermione veered right passed him and crashed into Dave. They immediately began kissing each other. Harry couldn't bare to watch.

"Promise you'll never leave me again," she said in a cheesy-romantic movie sort of way.

"Only as long as you let me cheat on you if I get bored with your sex," Dave said back in the same way.

"It's a deal! But I can cheat on you, too, right?"

"As long as they're not black."

"You got it!"

Finally, Harry broke them up.

"Hermione, do you know where the Weasleys are?" he asked.

"You mean the ones who live in that stupid building ruins and have to work for many hours a day to pay for school supplies?"

"And don't forget they are smell, ugly bastards."

"Oh yeah, they're at... that bookstore."

"Okay, let's all go to... that bookstore."

They found the store in no time. The sign on the logo read... that bookstore. Dammit!

Anyway, once they went inside... that bookstore-

"Dude, you're starting to piss me off," Harry told me.

Sorry. Anyway, they found the Weasleys in no time in the back of the long line. The line was about as long as the Mississippi River from Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico. They were happy to see them.

"What happened?" Ron asked.

"Well, Dave and his weak-ass immune system landed us in another store," Harry said.

"Better my weak-ass immune system than your jackass brain," Dave shot back.

"Will at least my race doesn't have to be a fucking genius to get a job as a fucking janitor."

"You son of a bitch! No offense, Mrs. Potter."

"Whatever," she said.

Harry and Dave started beating the shit out of each other. At some point, Hermione jumped on Harry and started choking him to pry him off.

None of the Weasleys did anything to help. Not even the adults.

"Go Dave!" Ron yelled. "Kick his ass!"

Finally, a man in the front of the crowd fired a spark from his wand to settle everyone down. That's how he saw Harry.

"Harry Potter," he said to himself. "Bring him up here."

A security guard took away off of Dave and brought him up to him.

"Together, you and I make the front page," he said posing him and Harry for a photographer.

Once the picture was taken, he pushed Harry away.

"Who the hell is that?" Ron asked.

"It's Jackoph Brukindick," Hermione said.

Ron and Dave could not help but laugh silently to themselves.

Dave and Hermione were still on each other from the fight, but got up so no one would see them in that awkward position.

Harry was walking back to the others when little Stevie Wonder showed up.

"Bet you loved that, huh Potter," he taunted. "You can't even go to a bookstore without people thinking you're George Bush."

"No, they'd've shot me already," Harry defended.

"Yeah, I would've shot you too. Good point."

Finally, the others came to the rescue. Ginny stepped up.

"Leave him alone," she said.

"Well, looks like you got a girlfriend," Stevie teased.

"Hey, just because she masturbates to me doesn't mean she's my girlfriend," Harry defended.

"I don't masturbate to you!" Ginny said.

"Dude, your hand is in your pants right now."

Sure enough, she was touching herself. Suddenly, everyone in the store turned to Ginny. Mrs. Weasley ran straight up to her and slapped her.

"Ginny, that is totally inappropriate," she screeched. "I told you, if you have to do that, do it in the bathroom! We're going straight home you little pervent."

"I'm a pervent?" Ginny asked. "You're the one with seven kids!"

"Damn, she got you there," Hermione said.

"That's it! We're going home!"

She and Ginny ran out of... that bookstore.

Just then, Mr. Wonder came up to the kids.

"Well, if it isn't Harry Potter and friend," he said. "My worst enemies."

"But we just met," Harry told him.

"Exactly. Therefore you can't be trusted."

He looked at the Weasleys.

"Let's see: Red hair, overpopulation of children, second-hand materials-"

"Don't forget that we're smelly, ugly bastards," Fred said.

"Right, that too. You must be the Weasleys. Well, it was nice meeting you, I must be going, and oh, here's a book for your sister, now goodbye."

He was about to leave before Hermione spoke.

"Don't you have anything to say to me?" she asked.

"Besides the fact that you're a Muggle-born?"

Evil music started playing.

"Yes."

"...No."

A long silence.

"Well, I must be off. Come, Stevie."

The Wonders left.

"I'm sure we haven't seen the last of them," Ron stated.

"No shit, Ron, we, like, got five more books to spoof," Harry said.

"Damn. This stupid country."

Just in case you didn't know, Jackoph Brukindick is Gilderoy Lockhart. I still don't know if I should add a new character, like Dave, or not. Send your reviews!