I'm Too Sexy

Author's Note: This is a complete crack song fic. I was suffering from a severe case of lack of sleep during summer orientation. I think I freaked out my roommate by enacting a couple of bits. And by the fact that I kept on singing the freaking song. Well, enjoy (hopefully), and review if you wish.

Disclaimer: Characters are not mine and neither is the song. I am not receiving money for this.

Pulsating lights slid over the mass of tables, each one of them filled to capacity. In the foremost table closest to the stage was Konoha's favorite konoichi foursome. Ino was bickering with Sakura about something or other; Hinata was twiddling her thumbs nervously as she kept a close eye on the two squabblers; and Tenten was flipping a kunai expertly in her hand, bored with the extraordinary lack of entertainment.

"Tenten-chan, why do you think our teammates invited us over here?" Hinata's soft voice asked.

"I don't know," Tenten confessed. "Lee was over enthusiastic, but Neji was so insistent about it."

"Neji-nii-san wanted you to come too?" Hinata asked in awe.

Before the weapons mistress could answer, the light dimmed and the stage began to glow luminously. A lone figure stood before the audience, the spot light on him.

"Is that!" Tenten demanded, sitting up straighter.

"It can't be!" Hinata exclaimed in disbelief.

"It is!" Ino yelled exidedly.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura shrieked with a fangirlish squee.

"I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love, love's going to leave me…" he whispered into his microphone.

As the music started up, several more figures joined Uchiha Sasuke. Cheers erupted from the audience.

"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt!" Lee yelled exuberantly into his mic as he paraded around the stage.

"SO SEXY IT HURTS!" he roared and ripped the top of his green spandex leotard. There were several shrieks of delight from the crowd. The years of raining with Gai and his love for the springtime of youth certainly paid off.

"Take it all off!" a voice cried from the audience. Several more calls of agreement rent through the air.

"Oh, please no," Tenten whispered, horrified. As Lee was complying with the request, Shino suddenly appeared and covered Lee's body with bugs. Lee shrieked and ran backstage.

"I'm too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan, New York, and Japan," Shino said into his monotonic, yet rhythmic, voice.

"Kami-sama, he should wear his jacket open all the time! Have you been peeking through it this whole time, Hinata?" asked Ino while she appreciatively eyed Shino's well-defined muscles. Hinata blushed but said nothing.

"This is so troublesome," Shikamaru grumbled as he was pushed into the spotlight.

"Wow…" Sakura breathed. "You're a lucky girl, Piggy!"

"Shuddup!" Ino snapped, but she too was staring at the shadow master's chest that was clearly visible through his net top.

"And I'm too sexy for y our party, too sexy for your part, no way I'm disco dancing," Shikamaru said reluctantly. He shuffled out of the way quickly. "So troublesome!"

"I'm a model, you know what I mean!"

Tenten quickly covered her face as heavy bursts of blood sprayed everywhere out of her nose.

"OH MY GOD!" Ino and Sakura gasped, thunderstruck.

"Ne-Neji-nii-san!" Hinata stuttered.

"And I do my little turn on the catwalk, yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah, I do my little turn on the catwalk!" Neji sang in his deep, sexy voice as he spun around gracefully.

Tenten catcalled loudly through her nosebleed and twitched in annoyance as she heard the shrill, raunchy jeers coming from the other patrons.

"I'm too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car," Sasuke whispered in all his shirtless glory.

Sakura fainted.

"Stay up Forehead Girl, you wanna watch the whole thing," Ino said loudly, prodding her best friend into consciousness.

"Too sexy by far," Sasuke murmured, winking at Sakura.

The pink haired konoichi's squeal of, "Sasuke-kun!" was drowned out by Konoha's #1 loudest ninja, Uzumaki Naruto.

"Sasuke-teme, I want to sing too!" he bawled loudly.

"Hn, shut up, dobe," Sasuke snapped as he swatted the orange jumpsuit clad boy aside.

"Damn you!" Naruto howled as he charged towards his teammate.

Only to run into Chouji.

"And I'm too sexy for my hat, too sexy for my hat, what do you think about that?" Chouji asked as he took off his forehead protector and shook everything an Akamichi was blessed with.

"Whooo, go fatty!" Ino cheered, banging her glass on the table, spilling her drink everywhere.

Chouji glared at his blonde teammate, but before he could chuck his forehead protector at her or roll over her with his jutsu, he was shoved aside by an animated Neji.

"I'm a model, you know what I mean! And I do my little turn on the catwalk, yeah, on the catwalk!" He sang into his mic as he turned his back to the audience.

"Yeah, I shake my little toosh on the catwalk!" And he shook his ass on stage, the whole group of Neji-fangirls rose up as one squealing, "Neji-sama!"

Tenten snapped. No one messed with her Neji. Especially when her Neji was booty dancing.

"Shoshoryu!"

Ten seconds later, the weapons mistress had the whole mass of fangirls twitching unconsciously on the ground. She huffed irritably as she sat back down in her chair.

Sasuke smirked at Neji as he went back-to-back with the Byakugan master.

"I'm too sexy for my, too sexy for my, too sexy for my…" Sasuke whispered before disappearing again. Naruto charged out again, to where the Sharingan user was.

"Cause I'm a model, you know what I mean!" Neji sang as he pushed Naruto away. Unruffled, he flipped his long raven colored hair back like he was on Baywatch and struck a pose. Not a creepy Gai/Lee pose, an oh-so-sexy-Neji-is-the-best pose. (A/N: You can tell I really like Neji, neh?) He began to walk towards the konoichi table.

"And I do my little turn on the catwalk," he murmured in a voice dripping in sex. "Yeah, on the catwalk…" He looked down at Tenten as he stepped up to her.

"YEAH, I SHAKE MY LITTLE TOOSH ON THE CATWALK!" he roared suddenly and gave her a very arousing lap dance. Ino and Sakura whooped and cheered while Hinata blushed and looked away, laughing breathlessly.

"This is way too ironic…" Kiba grumbled as he stepped on stage. Hinata's breath caught in her throat as he wasn't wearing his usual grey jacket.

"Who knew that Dog Boy was so FINE!" Ino demanded. Sakura shrugged, still looking for Sasuke. Tenten was far too busy bumping and grinding with Neji to motice Kiba.

"I'm too sexy for my cat, too sexy for my cat," he sang. Akamaru howled mournfully. "Poor pussy, poor pussy cat!" Kiba finished.

"I love you, Akamaru!" Akamaru barked happily.

"I'm too sexy for my love," Sasuke whispered as he reappeared on the stage just in front of Sakura. "Too sexy for my love, love's going to leave me!"

"I'll never leave you!" Sakura screamed before glomping Sasuke.

An orange blur skidded across the stage and wrenched Sasuke's microphone away from its owner.

"And I'm too sexy for this song!" he yelled in triumph.

"Na-Naruto-kun!" Hinata gasped happily, a pink blush tinting her cheeks. She started mashing her fingers together.

Then the music cut off.

"HEY, I WASN'T DONE!"