Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. But I own a bright green pleated skirt, if that counts for anything.
Sasori, Kisame, Itachi and Zetsu were lounging around on the chairs that they had only recently acquired. Except for Zetsu, of course, who sat on the floor without being asked to, so he wouldn't have to deal with the depression that people yelling at him for getting his 'Zetsu-ness' on the chairs would result in.
Sasori yawned and stretched. "This is the life."
"What are you talking about? We're just sitting around on chairs, doing nothing. You're only happy because your butt doesn't hurt anymore. What were you doing, anyhow?" asked Kisame.
"Sitting on rocks," said Sasori, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which it was.
"Riiiiiiiight," said Kisame sceptically. He had his own ideas about why Sasori had always been complaining about his butt hurting, but he didn't really feel like getting beaten up right now. Maybe in ten minutes or after a snack or something. Anyhow, Kisame decided to change the subject. "Let's play a game!"
"Like what?" asked Itachi, trying to conceal his interest. Oh, but it was there.
"I dunno..." said Kisame. "I thought maybe you or Sasori would have an idea..."
"How about we play Connect Four!" suggested Zetsu.
Everyone ignored Zetsu completely. But he didn't mind, really, because being ignored was always better than a hearty 'No, you suck Zetsu'. After a moment silence, Kisame spoke again.
"I know! Let's play Zoo! Everyone can be an animal, and we got out of our cages and now we're terrorizing the visitors!" exclaimed Kisame.
"Okay..." said Itachi.
"Sounds kinda fun..." said Sasori.
Kisame grinned. "I'm a shark!" he exclaimed jumping on the chair he had been sitting on. "The terror of the seas! This chair is my fish tank!" He started gnashing his pointy sharp teeth. "What sound does a shark make?" he whispered to Itachi.
"They don't make sounds," answered Itachi.
"That's no fun! I'm going to pretend they roar. Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwr! Chomp!" Kisame was jumping around fiercely in his 'tank'. "Watch out, I'm going to break the tank!" He pretended to ram up against the sides of his tank. After a minute, he stopped and frowned. "Why aren't you guys playing?"
"I dunno, just watching you was pretty interesting," mused Sasori.
"You can't just watch! It's no fun playing alone!" exclaimed Kisame, hopping up and down the way that little kids do when they aren't getting their way.
"I'll play! I'll be an echidna!" said Zetsu.
"What's an echidna? You can't make up animals. You can just be a houseplant," said Kisame.
"Oh... okay..." said Zetsu. Well, at least he was allowed to play.
"Sasori, you can be a scorpion. Go get your puppet!" said Kisame. Sasori rolled his eyes and whipped out his puppet from behind his back where it had somehow been staying concealed. There was a poof of smoke and he was MAGICALLY INSIDE IT! YAY!
"This is stupid," said Sasori.
Kisame decided to ignore that comment. "Itachi, you're gonna be a weasel!" He smiled like he was proud of himself for being so smart as to think that up.
"Okay, but I'm a sleepy weasel," said Itachi, not wanting to bother to argue at the moment. "I'm going to lie here and when the zoo keeper comes to check if I've escaped I'll attack him."
"OKAY!" exclaimed Kisame, going back to jumping, ramming, and gnashing. Zetsu stayed perfectly still like a good houseplant, Sasori sat on the chair, only in his puppet now, and Itachi lay on the couch, pretending to sleep, but really watching Kisame acting like an idiot.
After ten rousing minutes of playing zoo, Deidara walked into the room, from where ever he had been before. Maybe he had been looking for Zetsu outside so he could apologize to him. ...NAH! "Um... Kisame, what are you doing... yeah?" he asked, head nodding as he watched Kisame jumping.
"We're playing zoo! I'm a shark and this is my tank! I'm trying to break out! Itachi is a sleepy weasel, he's waiting for the zoo keeper to come so he can attack him and escape! Sasori is an escaped scorpion, and Zetsu is a plant!" explained Kisame, not slowing down jumping at all. "Grrr! Raaawwwrrr! Chomp chomp chomp!"
Deidara's face brightened. "Oh! I thought you were just being weird again! Can I play? I'll be a cat... yeah!"
Kisame stopped jumping and looked at Deidara, right in the eye. "I dunno, this is a four player game. I don't think we can make an exception," said Kisame.
"What! Why are you excluding me? That's what Zetsu's for... yeah! How about I take his place, he isn't even doing anything!" said Deidara, getting a little annoyed.
"Uh, he is doing something, Deidara, he's being a plant. Besides, he was here first," replied Kisame. "You can't play, Deidara. Maybe next time." There was a small smile on Zetsu's face. Finally, someone was standing up for his right to play with everyone else!
"Yeah, Deidara, go somewhere else," said Zetsu in a small voice.
"Zetsu, don't push it," said Kisame.
"Sorry..." mumbled Zetsu.
"He's right, though, Deidara. Go away, you're interrupting our game." announced Kisame.
"Fine! I'll leave, then... yeah! I can play by myself, it isn't impossible! I'll have sooo much more fun than you're having here with the plant freak... yeah!" yelled Deidara, obviously having lot of NOT fun being shunned! He turned and stormed huffily out of the room. He sat in the hallway just outside of the living room, pouting. "I can't believe they chose Zetsu over me! I'll show them that I don't need them. I'll play zoo on my own... yeah!" Deidara got down on his hands and knees. "Meow! Mrrow! I'm a cat... yeah!" he told... umm... himself.
Deidara could still hear Kisame from the living room. "Haha! Chomp! You're missing part of your tail now, Itachi, you'd better run!"
Deidara frowned. "I'm better than that shark freak," he told himself. "Cats are better than sharks... yeah!" And with that he started cleaning himself like a cat. Only instead of licking the back of his hand and rubbing it everywhere, he just let the mouths on the palms of his hands lick him. GROSS OUT. Once he was sparkling clean he started walking to the living room. He was going to teach that Kisame a lesson.
"No one, and I mean no one, ignores me," hissed Deidara. As soon as he rounded the corner, Kisame stopped moving again. He had been chomping Zetsu.
"I thought I told you that you couldn't play, Deidara!" exclaimed a less-than happy Kisame.
Deidara ignored him. "Mrew," he mrewed, but no one was seduced, because no one understands the way I do. He walked up to Kisame, (still on his hands and knees,) and rubbed up against him in a feline fashion.
Kisame kicked him away. "Deidara, I said NO!" yelled the shark man.
Deidara hissed at Kisame. He changed tactics and rubbed up against Zetsu instead.
"Um... nice kitty..." said Zetsu, petting Deidara nervously. He didn't want to make Kisame mad, but he didn't want Deidara to hate him, either.
"Zetsu, you're a houseplant, you don't have arms! And besides! Deidara's. Not. Playing." said Kisame.
"Oh... sorry Deidara. I guess I can't pet you..." said Zetsu and he pulled his arms back into his cloak.
Deidara stopped purring as Zetsu stopped petting. He sat down like a cat would and looked up innocently. "Miaow?"
"GO AWAY DEIDARA!" screeched Kisame, thoroughly annoyed that Deidara was wrecking his game. He started pulling Deidara's hair, trying to him out of the room.
Deidara hissed. This was the perfect opening. He jumped on to Kisame and started scratching at him with his nicely manicured purple nails that all Akatsuki are required to have.
"AUUGGHH! DEIDARA, STOP IT, THAT HUUURTS!" screamed Kisame, desperately trying to wrench Deidara off of his head.
Once Deidara was certain that his grip on Kisame was going to stay, he decided to take out his secret weapon which would have Kisame crying like a baby once he used it. He took his right hand, and held it near to Kisame's face. "THIS IS FOR EXCLUDING ME!" bellowed Deidara as the mouth on Deidara's hand opened, the tongue extended and ever so gently, licked Kisame on the cheek.
Kisame's scream was heard clearly throughout the town. In fact, it was heard clearly through out the country. Then with a resounding thud, Kisame fell to the ground, unconscious. Deidara smiled and curled up, kitty style, on Kisame's unconscious body, purring. 'That'll teach him to exclude me... yeah.'