Okay, I decided to use "Sentence, yeah" instead of "Sentence... yeah" for Deidara. PLACE YOUR VOTE. Also, I lost my list of ideas earlier! I was so distraught. Especially because some piece of paper had gone through the wash earlier (I knew this because the little pieces of which were clinging to my black clothing). So about a week later my mom found my list and I rejoiced. It is safe upstairs now, I think. It should be in my folder... but... I'll check, later. I NEED TO DEVELOP KISAME'S CHARACTER MORE.
-Chapter might not be betaed, I can't honestly remember. Tell me if there are zillions of mistakes and I'll go hunt down the betaed version.
-Someone volunteer to be my timer. It entails telling me to update after, lets say... every 10 days. Otherwise I forget.
Disclaimer: I TOTALLY OWN A NARUTO KEYCHAIN NOW. But not the rights to the series.
For the most part, when the Akatsuki weren't out on reconnaissance missions, they liked to stay home and relax. A visible exception to this was Sasori. While he did enjoy relaxing, what he enjoyed even more was a good convention. Any sort, really, he wasn't too picky. In fact, recently he had gone to a chamber pot convention. It was quite the experience. But right now there were no conventions in town that he was aware of.
Sasori lay spread out on a couch, just waiting for the mail to come. The useless fliers that everyone despised were his love-- they often gave him knowledge of obscure conventions. So you can only imagine how excited he was when the doorbell rang. He heard Deidara and Kisame barreling down to the door to answer it, and it was confirmed that it was indeed the mail man when he heard Deidara screech, "ZETSU, MAIL MAN'S HERE, YEAH!"
He waited patiently on the couch, waiting for Deidara or Kisame to come in looking for Zetsu to force him to eat the poor postal worker. He wasn't about to ruin his mysterious air by running to find them and begging them to tell him that there was something for him. No, he was far above that. Luckily, he didn't have to wait long, and Kisame and Deidara came sneaking around the corner secret agent style, looking for the plant man who must have been avoiding them.
Deidara pushed Kisame forward, whispering "Go, go, go, yeah!" in a hurried voice. Kisame tumbled forward, then tried to turn it into a somersault and ended up banging into the coffee table. Deidara somersaulted, too, and ended up next to Kisame.
"Okay, Kisame, we have to find Zetsu quick. I had a good idea for a prank, and I want to try it out on Sasori, so we have to set it up before he gets back from where ever he is, yeah," said Deidara. Kisame nodded.
Okay, so they hadn't noticed he was in the room. Some S-Ranked criminals they were.
"Why Sasori, though?" asked Kisame, his voice sounding unsure.
"Because we need to get Zetsu to lure him into it, so we can't do it on Zetsu, yeah. We could have done it to Zetsu, except we need someone to lure the person, and Zetsu doesn't trust us and there's no way Itachi or Sasori would help us, yeah."
"Oh."
Deidara pushed Kisame again, and Kisame started rolling to the other side of the room, close to where the hallway was. Deidara started to follow, and Sasori decided that it was now or never. He cleared his throat loudly, causing Deidara to stop in mid roll.
"Was there any mail for me?" asked Sasori.
"Um... that depends... did you hear about our plan, yeah...?"
"What do you mean 'our'? It was all his idea, Sasori! Don't hurt me!" pleaded Kisame.
"Yeah..." said Sasori. "Whatever... is there any mail for me?"
"Um... if I say yes will you forgive me, yeah?" asked Deidara.
"Probably not," stated Sasori.
"Oh. Will you give us a ten second head start to get away, yeah?" tried Deidara.
"Sure," said Sasori. "If there's mail for me."
Kisame moved forwards cautiously, and handed Sasori a wad of junk mail. Sasori looked through them all with super human speed, and stopped, wide-eyed, on the last one. Kisame and Deidara took his momentary pause as an opportunity to get the hell out of there. Sasori could have cared less about their escape, his whole world was momentarily revolving around one thing and one thing only.
Suna's 27th Annual Puppet Convention.
The next thing he knew he had grabbed the scrolls in which some of his better puppets were sealed and was out the door without a single word to anyone. Except for Itachi, because Itachi was the one who he told all of his deepest darkest secrets. Like how he always cheated at cards and how his favourite colour was pink.
Being such a talented S-Ranked Criminal and all, it was no problem getting to Suna in excellent time. It didn't hurt that that guy driving the semi gave him a lift, either. Too bad Sasori didn't appreciate his sexual advances! So, one large oil truck explosion later, he was at the convention.
Inside, Sasori was in heaven. Puppets everywhere! Plays being performed! Live people being made into pup-- wait, no, there was none of that. He pranced around like only puppeteers know how, and decided that he should buy himself a booth and show off his awesome puppets! The only problem was he was lacking in money. So he sidled up to a person selling face paint and started trying to sweet talk him out of his booth.
"Hey, handsome, what'cha selling there?" asked Sasori, leaning on the counter of the booth and fluttering his eyelashes seductively.
"Kabuki face paint and other assorted goods," stated the man stiffly.
"Well, what do you say we--"
"Look, mister, are you going to buy something?" cut in Mr. Kabuki face paint and other assorted goods salesman.
Sasori ran his hand through his hair. "And what if what I want isn't your products?"
"Look, I don't swing that way. Your advances are flattering but totally unwanted unless you're going to buy something."
"Don't assume," said Sasori in his angry voice. He pulled out his wand and yelled "AVADA KADAVRA!" and the man dropped dead.
...Actually, that didn't happen. He actually did some sort of jutsu. But the result was the same, the guy was now dead. He tossed the body over into some puppet-repairing stall.
Sasori lay his head on the table and stroked it gently, while murmuring, "It's okay now, that stupid man is gone, we can be together now..."
After a few minutes of fawning over the booth and whispering sweet nothings to it, he started setting up his puppets. He shoved the dead man's merchandise on the floor, the glasses shattering and leaving stains of all colours on the ground from their contents. He was in the middle of spray painting a large black scorpion on the booth wall when people started wandering up to look at his puppets.
"Such detail!"
"Marvelous!"
"Oh, look at that one! It looks just like the third Kazekage!"
"Where did you get these, young man?"
Sasori straightened up proudly. "I made them!" he announced.
"What skill!" cried one lady. "It rivals that of the infamous Sasori of the Red Sand!"
Everyone went silent and glared at the woman.
"Do not say that! That Sasori bastard is a traitor! It is an insult to be compared to such a cur!" yelled an old man with a bald spot size the size of Texas.
"Oh, no, no, don't worry, I'm actually quite fond of Sasori. He's very good looking," said Sasori nonchalantly.
Cue about thirty incredulous stares.
"Oh yes," continued Sasori. "He's a good friend of mine. We share secrets all the time. We're definitely best friends. And, boy, what I wouldn't do to get in his pants. But, oh, he can be so shy sometimes, blushes at the slightest little touch... I won't stop trying though, he's just too sizzling hot to pass on."
"Um... okay. Well, very nice puppets. Time to go see other booths. Bye," said the old man in a hurried voice. Everyone left, leaving Sasori to stand alone in his booth, tending to his puppets.
"Um, excuse me, does this booth sell Kabuki paint?"
Sasori looked up. "That depends," he said. The person in front of him was a Suna Ninja, and had elaborate purple lines running across his face. He was dressed all in black, and had something bound up in off-white cloth strapped to his back. Lastly, he had a kitty-ear hat. In short, he was Kankurou.
"On what?" asked Kankurou, slightly perturbed. He could have sworn that the stall that sold the paint had been here...
"If you have a puppet I can see," stated Sasori.
Kankurou rolled his eyes, and took out Karasu. He shoved it in Sasori's direction. "It's name is--"
"KARASU!" screeched Sasori. "Oh, I've missed you! Has Mr. Kitty-Ears been taking care of you? Oh! He has? Good!" Sasori then started babbling something to the puppet that sounded like "Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? You are!"
"Um... You know of my puppet, then?" asked Kankurou, slightly put off by the strange man in the flowing cloak babying his puppet.
"Of course I do, Mr. Kitty-Ears! I made Karasu!" exclaimed Sasori.
"My name is Kankurou, not 'Mr. Kitty-Ears'," said Kankurou, sounding annoyed. "And Sasori of the Red Sand made this puppet, as well as my other ones. And you," he said, giving Sasori a hard look, "do not look to be the Sasori. Too frail looking."
"Well, Kankurou, I'll have you know that I am a great puppet master! I happen to be very good at cards and mini golf, too. You shouldn't doubt me. Karasu doesn't doubt me! Do you, Karasu?"
"Karasu is a PUPPET!" yelled Kankurou, snatching Karasu away from the too obviously crazy man.
Sasori gasped. "He doesn't mean it, Karasu, Kanky is just being a silly head!" said Sasori, trying to comfort the puppet that was currently in Kankurou's grasp.
"Look, I don't know who you are or how you get of pretending that you're Sasori, but you should probably stop before someone is stupid enough to believe you and comes to collect the bounty on his head."
"This whole convention sucks," said Sasori sadly. "No one knows or believes that I am who I am," Sasori started putting his puppets away. "You look just like your father, you know, Kankurou. Did he ever manage to become Kazekage?" He jumped over the booth ledge and landed beside Kankurou, patting Karasu's head.
"...Yeah..." said Kankurou, backing up slightly.
"Oh. That's good to hear. He was pretty useless, actually, I'm surprised he managed to get good enough to get the title. Though saying that you're the Kazekage isn't exactly something to be proud of, they have pretty low standards... Oh well. I guess I'll be going then," said Sasori. He started walking to the door, and Kankurou's eyes followed him as he went. Then they just happened to stray for a moment, and what should they land on?
A wanted poster complete with a full colour picture of Sasori!
"Holy crap..." muttered Kankurou. He sent forth Karasu, who tangled his arms around Sasori. "Stop!" yelled Kankurou.
"Oh, Karasu, you wanted one last hug before I left, you poor dear," crooned Sasori, returning Karasu's 'hug'.
"You!" panted Kankurou. "You are Sasori! You're the Sasori!"
"Of course! Didn't I say that already?" asked Sasori. "Could you put Karasu away? Saying goodbye is too hard for him..."
"No! I have to keep you here until re-enforcement comes!"
"Oh. In that case..." There was a quick movement of Sasori's hands and Karasu fell to the floor in multiple pieces, Kankurou's chakra strings severed. "I'm sure you'll be able to put poor little Karasu back together. I had thought that knowing I was the Sasori you'd try a little harder."
"Um... Yeah..." Kankurou's mind was working furiously. "I was just testing you. To see if you were really Sasori?" said Kankurou, hoping that the explanation would be excepted.
"Oh!" said Sasori, smiling. "In that case, do you want to hang out? Because this place isn't as fun as I thought it would be, and maybe it's be more exciting if I was with someone!"
"...Sure... uh... how about we go up there?" asked Kankurou, pointing to a staircase, leading to who knows where.
"OKAY!" exclaimed Sasori, running up the stairs. "Last one there is a rotting corpse!"
"...Right." said Kankurou. He pulled out a walkie-talkie. "This is Kankurou, I'm at Suna's 27th Annual Puppet Convention. Sasori of the Red Sand is here, I have him upstairs in the loft. Send backup. Over." With that he ran up the stairs after Sasori.
Sasori was lounging on the couch of the small loft, reserved for the Kazekage. Since Kankurou happened to be the Kazekage's brother, he had been allowed to use it with Gaara's permission.
"You're the rotten corpse," announced Sasori.
"I certainly am..." said Kankurou, standing awkwardly by the door.
"Come, sit down..."
"Um... You're taking up the whole couch."
"Don't let that stop you."
Kankurou walked over to Sasori and sat down on the couch with him, god knows how he fit, chanting in his head, 'I'm doing this for Suna, I'm going this for Suna, I'm doing this for Suna...'
"What's wrong, sexy?" asked Sasori, wrapping his arms around Kankurou's waist.
"GAH! I CAN'T TAKE THIS!" yelled Kankurou, jumping up from the couch. "I don't care if I'm supposed to keep you here until re-enforcement arrives! Get out!"
Sasori pouted. "Fine then." With that the got up to leave. "NOBODY LIKES ME!" he screeched. "I'M HATED MORE THAN ZETSU!"
Kankurou watched Sasori zoom down the stairs. "Geez, what a freak."
Sasori, meanwhile, was in a corner, crying his little eyes out.
"Sasori?"
"Go away!" Sasori said, not looking up.
"Sasori, get up," repeated the voice.
"No, Itachi! I'm too busy being distraught!" sniffed Sasori. "Woe!"
"What happened?" asked Itachi, looming over Sasori in a way that would frighten anyone else.
"Oh! This boy... I thought... but... he didn't... The signs! The signs were all present! I thought that he... would..." Sasori burst out into a new set of tears.
"It's okay Sasori, I'm sure you were too good for him, anyhow," chided Itachi.
"But, Itachi! My fragile little heart! WOE!"
"Sasori, shut up. You get shot down so much you should be used to it."
Sasori frowned. "Don't say that in public! That's a secret!" he hissed. "I'll never get over this, I tell you! Mark my words!"
"Okay, but it's time to go now." said Itachi, pulling Sasori to his feet.
"Why? I just got here though!"
"Because they've already sent for back up, and said back up is right behind us," explained Itachi. "I just had a manicure. I don't want to soil my nails."
"Oh... okay," sighed Sasori, slouching towards the door in Itachi's wake, Itachi having put everyone under some high-quality genjutsu.
"Hey, I know what will cheer you up!" said Itachi, nudging Sasori in the ribs.
"What?"
"A hooker!"
"Um... no thanks, Itachi."
"Oh. You want me to beat up Deidara or Kisame while you watch, then?"
Sasori perked up immediately. "Okay!"
And so the two best friends walked home together, cloaks flapping in the wind, talking merrily about the pain they would inflict and sharing new secrets.