Disclaimer: All Trek Characters belong to Paramount – I unfortunately do not own any of them, but if I did – I'd definitely have better sense of what to do with them.

A/N: Hey – It's taken me ages, I know… but I'm back and ready to roll… and I've actually managed to sort my life out – so look out for me to update again soon…

Believe in Me

These Secrets We Share

It was the sound of Taya's crying which first woke Kathryn, though the communications terminal Tom had installed in her room had been beeping for far longer. She groaned, her first thoughts were to rush to the next room, but her Starfleet training rivalled her maternal instincts, especially since these calls had been frequent these last few days. Mentally, she kicked herself for having slept through one for so long – she would have less time than she usually did to make the necessary changes.

A quick check confirmed that the source matched the calls which had frequently interrupted her troubled sleep and through practise it only took her a few second to run the Doctor's modified pre-programmed dermal regenerator (his latest pride and joy) over her face and hair, hoping that the caller would not notice the difference in her height and the odd slightly mismatched complexion of her neck and face. Just to be sure, she tightened her silky peach robe tighter around her neck to hide her negligee, and as she did that she realised her apparel would definitely give her away.

Usually, her slightly-devious planning and, as much as she hated to admit it, Starfleet training allowed her to plan ahead, certainly since she first started receiving mid-night calls, she had made a point to clear the area around the console and the background so an observant caller would not pick up the little clues that gave Kathryn Janeway's room character. In fact, this time, she wanted to convey another sense of character – with two swift movements she removed a picture of Kelly Frasier from a drawer and placed it on a chest of drawers. She gave her night gown a last look – tonight she had particularly missed Chakotay, missed the way his soft whispering and soothing words had more power to relax her than any other holodeck programme, missed his dimpled smile and hearty laugh, but most of all, she missed his touch, on the day, three years ago when she had first admitted she loved him…

Kathryn gave the porter a grateful smile as she handed him her coat. The foyer was now empty, understandably so, the dinner was meant to start a seven, but life as a Starfleet Admiral wasn't easy – and you would have thought Starfleet, aware her attendance was required at today's formal would have easer her work load, if only for a day.

He opened the large oak doors that that led down a corridor to another set of matching doors, the only difference, these bore the Starfleet logo. "Thank you," she said, as he closed the door behind her… the corridor was seemingly long and at the opposite end stood another well dressed bellboy.

Kathryn stole a glance at her reflection in the long mirror that lined the wall of the corridor. She smiled at herself, practising the award-winning smile she knew she would have to put on when they teased her about being late… Voyager's crew would be there as well… and so would he… unless he'd decided not to attend as he had all the celebratory functions in the last three months since Voyager's return. Somehow she knew he'd be there tonight, the anniversary since they'd been stranded on New Earth together.

On Voyager, they'd never spoken of New Earth, other than for a few private jokes about the monkey, but even those brought back painful memories and the primate was hardly mentioned, but somehow, every year on that day, be there Klingon, Hirogen or Borg, they'd have dinner together - oh of course, they had dinner with each other everyday, but those dinners were different, usually layered with silence despite their think coats of forced laughter – it was different because it was the day they both remembered… because they knew.

If Kathryn looked back now, what happened at that function was inevitable and truth be told, she didn't regret it – what she did regret was that Seven had to get hurt in the process… if only there had been another way… but Kathryn knew just as they had both known during those 'silent' dinners, that if things hadn't turned out the way they did, she'd have lost them forever… him and Taya.

Kathryn practised her smile on the gracious porter as well before stepping into the room. To her shock and secret delight, all eyes didn't train on her – in fact they weren't even at their tables although according to the schedule they were supposed to be on their second course.

Kathryn scanned the room and only when she found the reason for the delay did she regret her feeling of bliss – this was worse than any teasing or extra attention she could possibly receive. In the far corner of the room, most of Voyager's crew surrounded two figures. Had Kathryn been on the same level as the rest of the attendees, she would not have been able to make out the centre of attention, but to get to the main hall, you had to walk down a set of stairs and from where she stood, Kathryn had a marvellous view point of a blushing Seven of Nine, who at the end of her right hand, which was draped through Chakotay's wore a stunning, glittering diamond ring.

Kathryn gripped the railings and had she not been impaired by the momentary shock would have been out of that room in an instant. Instead, the delay caused an ever observant Tom Paris to call out her name in cheery greeting – instantaneously the lively chatter in the room died down, all eyes turned to her and back to Chakotay. She knew they knew – and she knew they all wept for her. Well, she didn't want – didn't need their sympathy! With five elegant strides, she made her way down the short flight of marble stairs, aware that suddenly, her dress felt to tight, the diamond necklace at her throat choked her and even her earrings seemed to heavy.

"Chakotay, Seven…" She smiled, aware of a sudden clenching feeling at her stomach. One hand settled there to calm her nerves, as she met Seven's gaze – oblivious to the tension around her, looking innocent and unawares… Kathryn realised that as much as she had blamed the ex-Borg over the past 4 months, her blond protégée had done nothing wrong – perhaps it was Kathryn who had trained her too well, moulded her to find an eligible guy.

"Congratulations," she said, still to Seven.

"Thank you Admiral, you too…"

Kathryn raised an eyebrow.

"On your promotion," clarified Seven. "We have been looking forward to sharing the news of our engagement with you… I knew you would be pleased, after all it is you who trained me in humanity…"

Kathryn heard a gasp in the audience… crew… she corrected herself, it was either an insulted Doctor, who felt that it was he who had given Seven the necessary guidance or Paris who had probably been watching too many 21st century soap operas in his free time.

"…Chakotay and I, were saying…"

It was only then that Kathryn realised that Seven was still talking. She studied the Borg, sure the girl was radiant, much like a young school-girl and less like a Borg severed from her collective.

"Right, Chakotay?" Finished Seven.

"Right," Chakotay spoke for the first time since she had last seen him at the debriefings. His harsh, mellow voice stirred something within her and as much as she willed herself not to look at him, shining blue eyes met dark brown ones.

Kathryn expected the instantaneous shiver to course down her spine, as it usually did when they shared their secret communications, but nothing came. Instead of the usual messages they used to send each other, she saw nothing but her reflection, and this bothered her more that she thought it would, her free hand pressed closer to her stomach. She tried to look away, but couldn't… her reflection grew stronger – if anyone thought it was a loss of that special connection they shared, they were wrong – this was more powerful that anything else… she felt as though they were the only ones in the room – he only had eyes for her.

Nonsense! Another part of her brain shouted – yelled! He's engaged for crying out loud! And that did it, although her throat was dry, she coughed out a dry "Congrats," and allowed B'Elanna to lead her away.

That seemed to break up the rest of the crowd and they all made their way to their respective pre-assigned tables. B'Elanna whispered to her that the senior staff were all assigned to the head table… but Kathryn knew what she really meant.

Dinner was alright – well even that was an over statement, but nothing dire happened. Tom instinctively knew – or perhaps B'Elanna had ordered him to keep Seven busy and B'Elanna regaled Chakotay with old memories of their time as a Maquis, even though each word reminded her of the friends she had lost. Kathryn was left with an uncomfortable Harry Kim and a sullen Doctor.

She was glad when the tables were moved away and couples moved across the floor to dance. Tom and B'Elanna, Ayala and one of the Delaney Sisters, Harry and Libby – she was even glad Chakotay and Seven were dancing, so she could stay away from them. Seven hadn't yet mastered the close; slow-dancing that the other couples shared, so at least she was spared the view of her arms draped over his neck with him whispered sweet nothings into her ear as Tom was B'Elanna.

"May I have this dance?" Tom stood in front of her, offering his hand and B'Elanna offered her consent as Kathryn checked with her.

"I don't know…"

"Oh, come on Kathryn you're twice the woman she will ever be – and you look stunning, I want to show you off – let him know what his missing."

"I…"

"Kathryn…" B'Elanna chimed in.

"Oh, alright!" She stood, but flashed 'Lanna a big smile to show that her anger her tone betrayed was only feigned. "You'd better watch out, or you might never get him back."

"Trust me, you can keep him!"

Tom pretended to look insulted as he and Kathryn swirled away to a rather upbeat number which quickly evolved into tango. "

"I recall Captain; you took dancing lessons as a kid, so I figured this wouldn't be to trying."

"You arranged this?"

"Well, you are wearing a red dress – I thought it would fit," He said as he presented her with a rose from his jacket pocket… she laughed as he dipped her.

Kathryn was aware that the crowd was clearing of the dance floor, no one really liked to tango and she knew that was Tom's idea – to make her the centre of attention.

"I know what you're doing," she said suddenly.

"And it's worked," he said, as Kathryn felt someone tap her shoulder. Instantly Tom had let go of her and she swirled to face Chakotay.

"May I cut it?" His dark voice sent shivers down her spine – and she was sure he felt it because he hadn't bothered to wait for an answer before his arms we around her.

Abruptly, even though Kathryn knew there were another two sections to go to the tango, it evolved into yet another slow dance. She tried to hide a snigger, but Chakotay caught it.

"Dancing with me is that funny, huh?"

"Oh, Chakotay," she said as her palm moved to rest on his chest, "It's just Tom and his usual pla…" She stopped, she realised, there wasn't any need for Tom's match-making anymore.

"I know Kathryn."

They danced together in silence. As much as Kathryn wanted to be angry with him, she couldn't – he had that effect on her, she felt herself relax in his arms.

"Let's go outside and talk." It was his voice which echoed her own thoughts.

They made their way to one of the doors which lined the hall, out onto a lovely Victorian veranda, overlooking the Starfleet HQ gardens.

Kathryn leant against the railing as they looked at the lights which shown from some of the offices, where Kathryn knew sat some Admirals and Captains as she usually would be doing.

She turned to look at Chakotay who seemed miles away, his stunning chiselled features, unchanged and her heart caught in her throat. She didn't want to loose him… but could she still make amends?

They seemed to be thinking the same thing, for they both spoke as one, "Do you know what…" Kathryn stopped, but Chakotay pressed on, "day today is?"

Kathryn looked away, "I thought you'd forgotten." Oh, she knew he hadn't… he never would. How? Why? Why did she know that he knew?

"What day is it Kathryn?" He asked. "Say it… I know you remember, I know you always have… I just want to know if… why you want to forget it… why you want to forget you love me… because I know you do, tell me and I'll leave you alone – I promise."

"But I don't want to forget!" The words left her mouth before she even thought them.

"I've always known you loved me Kathryn and I know you know that I do too."

"Then why did you…" Kathryn nodded towards the room, which Seven occupied.

"Because I wanted to release you, if you thought I was happy with someone else, maybe it would be easier for you to forget, does that make sense?"

She nodded. Chakotay thought she couldn't face her love – that was partly true, what with Justin and Mark, that the love she felt for him, was something she had no control over and that she felt it, but didn't really want to follow her heart – but as she tried to make sense of Chakotay's words, she began to get confused.

"Well now you know," She said as her hands, which she hadn't realised ere grasping Chakotay's elbows fell to her side. "And you can be at peace… with Seven."

"Don't you understand Kathryn – I don't want Seven!"

"But…"

"I don't feel what I feel with Seven – she was the only one who showed any interest for a while and even now that we're back on Earth I see her watching other men, but it's only loyalty that keeps her by my side."

"But you proposed… you didn't have to."

"I didn't, she did – I think she needed to something to remind herself of that loyalty."

"You said yes." Although they were arguing, Kathryn's hands were once more in Chakotay's.

"Because I thought you didn't want me."

"But I do want you!" Kathryn paused… "I'm repeating myself, aren't I?"

Chakotay nodded. "There's only one thing I think we can do to remedy that."

"Oh, is that so?" asked Kathryn, but thoughts of anything else drifted away as Chakotay's lips captured hers and his arms move gently down her back – already Kathryn felt more relaxed than she had in days.

She hated to break the kiss, but there was still one last thing she needed to know, "What now? We can't just break her heart Chakotay."

But the answer to that question filled the balcony, "Well, her heart has just been broken."

Chakotay ran after the person, "Seven wait!"

Kathryn turned back to the garden, she felt guilty… and yet so ecstatic, but one question kept nagging at her mind – what would happen now?

Chakotay had never managed to find Seven that evening and had returned to Kathryn's side, though both acted as strangers throughout the rest of the night, causing Tom to think up more ways of how to break up Chakotay's engagement to Seven.

However, news filtered to Chakotay through the Doctor that Seven wanted to break up with him and the rest of the crew guessed that something must have happened that night Seven disappeared.

Kathryn and Chakotay however, tried to put the past behind them… and until their honeymoon had succeeded.

Another beep of her console automatically sent her hand to the "receive" button.

"Commander Chakotay," Kelly Frasier addressed the inmate. "I didn't think you would be able to make two subterfuge calls in a week."

Chakotay studied his solicitor for a second – he heard a muffled sound in the background, how he had not noticed before, was beyond him, "Kathryn, you'd better tend to that baby now, or else…"

A/N: Well, lemme know – my writing skills are slightly rusty… but I personally can't wait to find out what happens next ( no AngelRider89, I DO know where this story is going… loosely… roughly… erm, coughs yeah… )

Pls review (I know we writers shouldn't really care about these review thingys, but when I do get them it makes me over the moon and I can help telling the world about how many reviews I've got – LoL) It's that little button on the bottom left.