Disclaimer: So...do I own Naruto? .:Kakashi raises his hand:.

Kakashi: Yes!

Shin-Hana: Noo. Sasuke owns him!

Kakashi: Oh...

Shin-Hana: Okay. So I think there will just be 9 or 10 chappies. Or less. I gotta start writing other ones! Or typing...I'm so lazy...T.T

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"Owww! The fuck?" Naruto yelled with total confusion.

"Meh?" Itachi mumbled sheepishly.

"The hell is this? .:waves a note:. I think your brother found out where you're staying!" panicked Naruto.

"What's the note say? And don't worry. I'll set up traps."

"It says:

Dear my sweet Naruto and bastard brother,

I hope you like the surprise!"

.:note goes boom in their faces:.

"That's...short."

"Yup"

"You got a plan to kill Sasuke?" Naruto asked with slim hope.

"Oh yeah! I've did some research a few days ago; I will combine my three top plans! Can you ask Lee to recite that damn thing of "The Spring of Youth"? And record it!" Itachi ordered.

"If I die doing this, I'll haunt you first! Then your brother!"

"I'll take care of the other parts. You know where Kakashi and Jiraiya are?" Itachi puzzled while scratching his head.

"Jiraiya should be at some hot springs and Kakashi should be at the adult bookstores."

"Common, common, common Kakashi-san! Common, follow the bookie! Common Kakashi-san! You can do it! Good boy Kakashi! Now listen very carefully!" laughed Itachi.

Kakashi was rubbing his face against the latest Icha Icha Paradise book. So Itachi pulled the book away from the man, then paid for it (Kakashi didn't pay yet), and he lured Kakashi out the door like a dog.

"Okay, so what do you want? I was going to spend my time reading it over and over!" Kakashi pouted but failed due to the mask that covers half of his face.

"I'm getting, well; I and Naruto are getting revenge on that bastard Sasuke." Itachi explained while the two went to last hot springs in the village.

".:drool:. Aww. Common, take it off! .:drools:." Jiraiya...drooled.

"Umm. Jiraiya? Want to help me, Itachi, and Naruto humiliate Sasuke-bastard? Kakashi poked.

".:drools some more:. Maybe later. I'm busy doing research! .:drools:."

"I didn't want to do this but, I must if I gotta!" Itachi sighed.

Itachi pulled out a fishing rod and put a picture of some random girl in a bikini on the hook. He then waved the picture in front of Jiraiya's face.

"Woo! Hot chick! Come here baby!" Jiraiya blushed wildly.

"Hot chick! Where! Mine!" Kakashi smiled a rapist smile.

Itachi walked behind the two as he guided then back to his and Naruto's apartment with the picture attached to the fishing rod.

.:bang:.

"Fuck! Hot chick! Where'd you go?" Jiraiya and Kakashi searched.

"Get in and sit!" Itachi almost yelled.

The two sat while Itachi went to get them tea. Itachi came back and Kakashi and Jiraiya blushing and drooling all over Kakashi's new Icha Icha Paradise volume. Even though Jiraiya's the writer.

"Kami-sama! Do I have to use Oiroke no jutsu! Why me!" Itachi almost cried.

"Oh Jiraiya! You're so god at writing porn," Kakashi complemented.

"OIROKE NO JUTSU! (Sexy no jutsu)"

"Whoa!" Kakashi and Jiraiya wolf whistled!

.:grab:.

.:BANG:.

"Ahhhh! Hey! Don't touch me! Just listen! No touch!" panicked Itachi the now "sexy girl".

.:open:.

"What the hell? Itachi? Why are you...a girl? Kakashi? Ero-sennin?" Naruto puzzled.

Itachi was running like crazy! While Kakashi and Jiraiya ran after him. Itachi tripped over a shoe and fell face first, quickly, he released the jutsu. Only to have Kakashi and Jiraiya stumbled on top of him and started snuggling Itachi. "Wah? Hahahahaha! .:cries:. Oh Kami-sama! Hahahahaha!" Naruto laughed so hard that he fell and started to cry like a sissy.

"Get off of me or DIE you PERVERTED BASTARDS! Hey, Jiraiya! Don't grab my ass!" Itachi fumed.

"Huh? Where'd the hot chick go?" Jiraiya searched.

"I used the oiroke no jutsu! So Kakashi, get off of me and let me explain. Naruto! Stop laughing! It's not funny!" Itachi ordered.

Oh, gomen na san Itachi-san." Kakashi apologized while getting off the former Akatsuki member.

.:click:.

"What the hell? Who turned the lights off?" muttered Jiraiya.

"Listen, you two have been chosen by us to help us with a mission. A plan more of" Itachi said in a deep threatening voice.

"Yeah! You both hate Sasuke-bastard, right?" Naruto questioned menacingly.

"Yup!" Jiraiya agreed.

"Not really. He's a really good student in learning...," Kakashi got cut off Itachi. "What do you mean by 'not really'? .:holding a handle less-kunai at Kakashi's throat:. Well?" threatened the man.

"I-I mean, I hate him! Y-Yeah." Kakashi corrected himself.

"Good, .:click:. let's get started then!" Naruto and Itachi smiled devilishly.

"Ahha! I'm not blind no more!" Jiraiya shouted. (A/N: He thought he was blind when the lights went out after a few minutes. o.O)

.:twitch:.

"Our first plan is to make Sasuke a bored as hell! And crazy!" Itachi started.

"I say we torture him! Slowly!" added Jiraiya!

"And never let it end!" laughed Kakashi!

"Already taken care of!" Itachi smiled.

"We shall begin at ten-thirty p.m. sharp!" Naruto commanded.

"So, what do we do in the mean time?" Kakashi pondered.

"I don't know.' Jiraiya replied.

"How 'bout cats cradle?" Itachi suggested.

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Shin-Hana: It is confirmed! There will only be 9 chappies to this fanfic. Sad but true. I'm working on it as we speak or read in this case. The cats cradle thing was from this comic I read on the internet. Kakashi was doing cats cradle. "Naruto comics" google it. Very funny. Hmm. I feel proud yet sad. Proud because I'm almost done. Sad because this was suppose to a b-day gift for my friend, and it took 2-3 months to write. T.T Gomen na san! I feel crummy.

Itachi: Don't feel sad!

Sakura: START TYPING UP THE NEXT CHAPPIES! YOU LAZY BUM!

.:Itachi and Shin-Hana are scared shitless, and ran away:.

Sakura: ...lazy bum...