Cosima stirs in her bunk. It was strange to say it, but the wake cycles were becoming… familiar. Even Leekie's face looking at her as he cleared her for release from the cryostasis lab was familiar. If aged and annoying. Seeing Dr. Singh instead last cycle had been a pleasant surprise, but Cosima suspects Dr. Singh is currently in cryostasis herself. But with any luck, maybe Leekie would die off sooner rather than later. He was looking increasingly old.

She hadn't even thought much of drinking the solution, except Delphine's theory that there was some kind of sedative or sleeping pill mixed in. And sure enough, she'd fallen asleep as soon as her head had hit her pillow. Cosima stretches, and then pulls back the curtain. Her personal device was on the floor. The safest place she could think to leave it. The designated pocket in her bunk was going unused for now.

"How long since we left Earth?" Cosima makes a face as she resorts to using the device. It was 100% recording data on her. She was certain now, but as to how much. Or how sophisticated it really is, no one can tell.

40 years.

"OK." Cosima breathes. She looks around, to find each curtain closed. All bunkmates accounted for. Cosima thinks.

"Delphine… Hey… Delphine." Cosima climbs up on the edge of Sol's bunk, trying to peer into Delphine's. The curtain comes free with a tug, and she sees Delphine, laying on her side. Like everyone else, Delphine wore the standard blue-grey clothing, everyone dressing the same seemed incredibly overrated and creepy. But she has to admit, Delphine is more than attractive enough to pull it off.

"Delphine…" Cosima tries again sing-songy, poking at Delphine's shoulder. Which seems to be her safest option. But Delphine doesn't even stir. She briefly considers climbing into the bunk fully before deciding against it.

Her device is chirping at her, probably to eat. And Cosima feels no reason to resist. She's greeted by rations, sugar snap peas, peppers, strawberries and cucumbers.

Cosima helps herself and knows she'll sign on to get kitchen duty over with. Maybe she'll get to make tofu with Delphine this time.

The fruit and vegetables taste good, sweet and fresh against her tongue. And Cosima tries to convince herself this is enough. Fresh food. A chance at an interesting life.

"Can I get information on Gene or Sally Niehaus?" Cosima asks knowing that it's likely integrated, to some extent, into the ship's systems.

The device doesn't respond. And Cosima knows they're too far but datastreams do go back and forth. Verifying the ship is on target.

"OK. Was the Swan Princess launched?"

Yes. The Swan Princess launched on time, 6 years after the launch of the Swan Queen.

"So that was… 34 years ago?"

The Swan Princess launched on time, approximately 6 years after the launch of the Swan Queen.

"Wait, wasn't the scheduled launch 5 years after the Swan Queen?" Cosima remembers that much. A five year difference.

Yes. The Swan Princess was launched within the acceptable window to be considered on time.

"Can I access information on the passengers? Was Scott Smith on-board the Swan Princess?" Cosima knows he isn't on this ship thanks to Delphine's curiosity and attempts at sleuthing. And that the planners want the genetics experts one-per-ship typically. And Scott had been accepted around the same time she was, the only question was who was being put on which ship and when.

Scott Smith, Molecular Genetics PhD, was on-board the Swan Princess when it launched.

"Uhh he should still be on board? Right?" It is not like there was anywhere else for Scott to go. He was as stuck on board that ship as they are on this one.

Confirmed. Scott Smith, Molecular Genetics PhD boarded the Swan Princess. He is still on board. Would you like to send a message for him to receive on arrival at Leda?

"Uh not yet. I'll… Talk to Scotty later." Cosima wonders if such a message would even be welcome?

Cosima wonders what else she can get. She doubts she can get a reason for the delay. "What about the other two follow up ships?"

All four ships heading to Leda were launched. The Swan Princess launched 6 years post Swan Queen and the second two - Helen and Pollux were launched 20 and 24 years after the launch of the Swan Queen.

"Any reason for the shorter interval?" Cosima asks but the device instead pulls up pictures of the four ships and displays them to her one at a time. The technology, particularly that of the last two ships seems improved. And their passengers total more than 1200 people altogether. A good thing, for a gene pool.

Cosima considers what this means, if it means anything at all.

"So how many years ago was the last ship launched?"

Pollux launched 24 years after the launch of the Swan Queen.

"So that was…16 years ago?" Cosima tries again. But to no effect. For whatever reason the device refuses to do mathematics, at least as far as how long ago they launched was.

"OK. So what is 40 minus 24?" Cosima tries again. Surely this stupid device can manage basic maths.

16.

"So if the Pollux launched 24 years after the Swan Queen which launched 40 years ago. How long ago was that?"

The Pollux launched 24 years after the Swan Queen. The Helen launched 20 years after the Swan Queen. The Swan Princess launched 6 years after the Swan Queen. All vessels are currently on time.

Cosima looks down at the square device. It fits into her palm, just barely. And yet. It seems more sinister than ever. Why deny the passengers basic information? That can be achieved through mathematical calculations of what it does provide?

"You are one nasty little device aren't you?" Cosima shakes her head. But now it seems the device chooses to advertise her VR entertainment options. Seemingly asking if she is up for something nasty. After a few very suggestive ads, the device changes its tone entirely.

Looking for something softer? Erotic holonovels also available.

"Ugh… No thanks." Cosima shakes her head in disgust and tosses the device back onto the table. She doesn't even want to imagine the sort of carefully curated library a ship like this would have for such things.

"What are you doing?" A soft voice calls to her. And Cosima looks up to see Delphine heading over to her, a plate and tray in her hands.

"Delphine! You were completely dead to the world when I tried to wake you."

"Yes well… I suspect pharmaceutical assistance in the length and timing of our… post cryo naps."

"I think you're right." Cosima speaks slowly. She has no doubts about that anymore. The whys, however, could remain unclear for the rest of their lives. At least until after they arrive. Maybe then she could get one of the crew to spill. Or maybe Delphine could.

"Yes… Well when I entered the bunkroom you were asleep. And I know you were thawed in the same lab. I saw you leave, shortly before I was released." Delphine gives her a small smile, and Cosima cannot resist smiling back.

"How?"

"My thermal restoration station was closest to the door." Delphine shrugs. "It was the last time as well."

"Lucky." Cosima tells her. "I couldn't see anything from where they had me. And everyone just looked like a thermal burrito when I left. Thermal restoration station sounds… kind of ridiculous."

"It does, but that is what they are called in the brochures. I was having my acupuncture needles removed when you left. I was… an hour behind you? Less I think." Delphine seems to be trying to calculate it, her brows furrowed. But there's no sense. It is not like they have any clocks besides the ones built into their devices. And Cosima isn't so sure she can trust them. Whose to say they weren't messing with those too?

"Well… good news. All four ships bound for Leda colony were launched. Swan Princess was delayed by a year, but they say that is normal. The other two launched 20 and 24 years after… so another delay. A more significant one."

"Oh?" Delphine is curious. Cosima can see it playing out on her lovely face. And it makes her like Delphine even more.

"These devices will tell me that much. But won't tell you how long it's been since you launched. Even if you can answer that question via basic math. We are 40 years post-depature."

"Hmm." Delphine regards her own device with similar suspicion. "Do you think it is trying to create some sort of… preventable bubble? Psychologically speaking?"

"Meaning?"

"Keeping us from mourning our families and friends. Slipping into despair during the voyage… instead of upon landing where they will… if you are correct, begin attempting to distract us all with the promise of sex." Delphine says it all very seriously. And Cosima wonders if there's any humour in their impending situation at all.

"I think it is a very real possibility." Cosima answers quickly. "Won't work on everyone, but the reality is… we've left everything behind and that is… by nature, traumatic. We all have collective trauma we'll work through for decades. Whether we start now or start… I don't know… months into establishing the colony. But humans like to distract themselves from pain. Sex… works for a lot of people."

Delphine looks at her seriously, and then bites her lip. A gesture Cosima is beginning to find very attractive. "Are you serious about having a memorial for your parents?"

"Totally serious." Cosima tells her quickly. "Do you want to join me? We can throw in your parents' names too."

"They are dead now." Delphine acknowledges the fact that the planners clearly want to slip everyone's mind to avoid total despair.

"Yes. And your brother is…in his late 60s?" Cosima makes a guess and watches Delphine nod.

"Yes." Delphine calculates. "He is a father, likely a grandfather… and I am… Here. Frozen in time."

Cosima nods, wondering what that might be like. A sibling left behind to age while she didn't. "Do you wonder what happened to him?"

"Yes." Delphine tells her quickly. "I do. And… I'll never know."

"You can assume he's happy, and he wonders what happened to you too."

"I doubt that." Delphine laughs. "He probably assumes I am a frozen space popsicle and will go have some crazy adventurous life after he is long dead. And…he might be right."

"Did he say anything to you before you left?"

"He suggested I name my firstborn child after him." Delphine makes a face. "And told me good luck keeping everybody alive on an alien planet. He thinks it will be more challenging than I imagine. He may be right."

"Well… will you?"

"The first? Non. The second? I will try my best."

"Good enough." Cosima leans in playfully. "What is your brother's name?"

"Sébastien."

"Hmmm… not feeling it?" Cosima cannot resist teasing.

"Non. I… I do not want to name my child after my brother." Delphine laughs. "I also assume the child's father would want a say."

"Probably but you'd do all the work. He'd ejaculate." Cosima points out. "Reproduction is very low effort for men. High effort and biological investment for women." Cosima cannot resist toying with the idea of having Delphine as her own partner. Whether or not it is actually possible.

"Still… One should let a father have a say." Delphine argues. "It is a…joint venture. Or it is supposed to be."

"Not as much as a mother in my opinion." Cosima shrugs. "I am not saying a mother should name her baby something the dad hates. But between her favourite and his off a list they both agree to? She should definitely get final say for biological effort alone."

"Perhaps. But it sounds unfair…I mean, making a baby takes two people."

"It's unfair you grow a human for more than 40 weeks in your uterus and then birth it , and the guy just has an orgasm nine months prior and claims he made the baby."

"Cosima… the unfairness of reproduction aside…. Would you have us all use artificial wombs? There are experiments running on earth right now… but few because…overpopulated." Delphine throws it out. "We cannot use them in the colony, of course. But it is feasible. Theoretically."

"No. I think those resources are best used for premature babies, what they were designed for." Cosima speaks openly. "The idea of people using them by choice has huge disadvantages. No chemical brain preparation for motherhood, no biological communication between mother and infant, no lactation, no microbiome colonization…."

Delphine looks at her thoughtfully. "Do you hate men, Cosima?"

"Some of them, yes." Cosima responds quickly. "But not all of them. I mean, some men I like, on a case by case you're-a-decent-human basis. I'm not indifferent either, I just… don't desire them. So I am not going to cater to their whims or protect their fragile egos. Why should I?"

Delphine nods quietly in response, and she's pushed too far. Cosima thinks. Far too far. "Well… Egos aside… We all have to try to get along."

"Do we?" Cosima counters.

"In this colony, I believe so… there will only be 380 of us… and then, the crew who will be… between their mid-50s and mid-70s on arrival for the most part. They will… retire. After helping with settlement efforts."

"Great, we'll have to deal with an old cranky Leekie who will think he earned his retirement by getting here."

"I thought you didn't hate men?" Delphine points out.

"Oh I hate him. Telling me that another woman called the cryo-prep drink like semen mixed with jello right before I had to drink it? Implying I'll be lonely… No doubt he has access to my complete file." Cosima trails off. "But it says bisexual. Unless this device is really spying on me and has updated it."

"He said it to me too. Right before I drank it. It may just be how he treats younger women. Or he wants to shock us to see how we react." Delphine shudders a little. "He is an annoying man. Quite full of himself."

"Gross." Cosima nods. "Really gross."

"He…. implied I was a nymphomaniac for not being able to abstain the few weeks before launch." Delphine adds in a quiet voice. "It may be merely for shock value. You never know."

"A nymphomaniac?" Cosima snorts with laughters. "I think that might be an overreaction to sex with an ex right before launch."

"Yes, well… that is what he put on my file." Delphine rolls her eyes.

"Wow…" Cosima shakes her head, and decides to let it go. Delphine likely doesn't want to bring up the weeks spent in the main medical lab.

They clear their plates and once again, sign up for kitchen duty. The electronic signs prompt them to do so when exiting. And this is rule Cosima would rather play by, for now. She wants to see what happens this time. If this time the AI will let her and Delphine work together.

"Do you think they'll separate us again?"

"You mean separate me." Delphine points out. "I was the one separated from my bunkmates, for reasons unknown."

"I don't think it was about you , Delphine."

Delphine lowers her voice, and Cosima knows then. Delphine understands. "Do you think it was a coincidence?"

Cosima tosses back. "We signed up at the same time. Just like we did this time."

"Well, we will sign up for another kitchen shift in another week. And we will see how often the system separates us after signing up together. This… can be tested. Though, they should want us to develop social bonds. We will need them."

"Yeah. Totally. Obvs." Cosima agrees unthinkingly. And that is something they will all need. She goes quiet for a moment. She has to admit, at least to herself, that she wants more than a social bond with Delphine. And it's not merely that Delphine is attractive, it's more than that.

"You won't be lonely, Cosima." Delphine assures her. A hand briefly brushing her own. And Cosima believes it. "So what do you want to do for your parents' memorial?"

"Well… it involves getting into one of the sections with a view of space."

"I… I think I know how to do that." Delphine speaks slowly.

"Are you sure about this?" Cosima asks next to what looks like a person-sized panel. It has a door handle on it, and a plaque with two words. Observation Lounge. Why it was located in a small corridor behind most of the bunkrooms wasn't certain. Poor design? Discouragement? Were they concerned how people would act if they could see space?

"I am absolutely certain." Delphine nods. Her fingers quickly work the handle, there's no pressure release anyway.

She glances in, and automatically lights turn on. She looks down at her device, and wonders if it has anything to say on the subject. There's a ladder built into a tube. Ascending upwards and Cosima has serious qualms with whoever designed this.

Please climb carefully to the Observation Lounge.

"Why would they even locate it up two ladders?" Cosima grumbles, hands flying up as she notices a second ladder above the first. It has to be a good 6 metres of climbing.

"I believe you can also access it from the lift." Delphine tells Cosima, even as she is climbing up. "But why not get some exercise. Plus, this way, we aren't flagged for accessing it."

"Why would we be flagged?" Cosima speaks openly, unable to stop watching Delphine climb. Even in the plain, soft gray fabric clothes they were all provided. Delphine looks good. Maybe there was something to be said for all making them look the same. It was vaguely militaristic. All passengers dressed the same. No status symbols. Few people bothered with jewellery. Her nose ring is an exception, Cosima thinks.

"It's a shared space." Delphine huffs out in front of her.

Cosima looks up at Delphine disappearing into the tube. She follows, doubting she pulls this off as well. "What does that mean?" The rungs are lined and easy enough to climb. But this seems ridiculous.

"It is between the male and female habitats." Delphine answers loudly, her voice echoes in the tube. But at least Cosima can hear her.

"Habitats?"

"What would you have me call them, Cosima?" Delphine reaches the top of the second ladder, and pulls what seems to be another handle. "You have to step sideways off of the ladder. You'll see when you get here."

Cosima sees Delphine disappear above her, and follows suit. She reaches the end of the second ladder and glances to her side. The doorway, and a small ledge. She can do this, Cosima thinks, and while uncomfortable it isn't impossible.

"Come on." Delphine's hand is held through the door, so Cosima takes it. And finds she likes how Delphine's hand feels on her own. Even briefly. Maybe the chemistry could be there. Cosima thinks as she steps into the lounge. Above the hatch there's a venus symbol. And Cosima figures it could be worse. They have to designate the entrance and exit somehow.

"So?"

Cosima glances around. It is a huge open space. Maybe the largest space to date. Huge floor to ceiling plexiglass windows show vistas of stars, moving. She can even see the rotating sections of the ship. There appears to be a stage, as well as what looks like a dance floor. Small couches litter the outside of much of the space, but there is also standing room. A few computer terminals are near the center and she suspects she can walk around this room. It is entirely circular. Smaller than the habitat rings but still large enough to accomodate a mass of people. Likely the entire complement of the ship.

"It is beautiful." Cosima lets out a breath. "Why… Why do they not let us have windows in the habitat?"

"Heating costs. Anxiety. Some people react very badly to being in the abyss of space. It's in the brochures." Delphine responds. "All windows in the passenger habitats are here."

"And it looks like… a function room." Cosima finds herself stating the obvious. This was clearly a space for socializing.

"It is… I am sure it will be heavily used when we arrive. Speeches and what not. Introductions."

"And the male habitat?" Cosima walks around and sure enough on the far side of the circular centre there's another identical hatch, the mars symbol above it, and the lift. Which is apparently for all users.

"There." Delphine points. "We won't be able to open it. It will be sealed. We are allowed here though."

"I wouldn't want to." Cosima shakes her head. "They've been deprived of female company for…" She tries cracking a joke, but knows it falls flat.

"They're all frozen, Cosima. No one is awake down there. It probably isn't even pressurized or fully oxygenated in there."

"Good point." Cosima nods. "No finding yourself a new boyfriend now."

"Cosima…" Delphine shakes her head. "I do not intend to partner with the first man who propositions me upon arrival."

"Do the crew use this space too?"

"Yes. They can." Delphine nods. "That's how I knew about it. I think… if you want to do your memorial… Here is the right place."

"OK." Cosima agrees, trying to shift the mood out of grief. "So… Do I need to get up on the stage? Or is this a private affair?"

"Cosima…" Delphine shakes her head and leads her over to a large window with standing room only. "Say your goodbyes here. If you need to."

"To Gene Niehaus and Sally Niehaus… Mom and Dad." Cosima starts off feeling wistful thinking of her parents. Their faces come easily to mind, but she has photobooks. Plenty of them in her crate. Her parents had made sure. A family tree as well, for her future descendants' genealogical research.

"What would you say to them?"

"You were… really great parents. Loving. Supportive. I will always treasure my childhood on the boat…"

"Boat?"

"My parents were like… professors and they loved sailing. Good thing with the shrinking land mass. We had a houseboat. I was practically raised on it. I think they had me on it before I was five months old."

"What did they teach?"

"Botany and phycology… My dad did a lot of research on algae use, and cultivation. Some of his work went into making the rations we eat here. So… he gets paid well for that. My parents will… I am sure they were OK. Probably pretty sad to never know what happened to me though."

"So they worked on the boat."

"Yes." Cosima thinks. "My earliest memories are helping them on the boat, or sleeping with them."

"Was your childhood happy, Cosima?"

"I mean, we had times that were harder… Like getting enough food. And we traveled up and down the coast as needed. But mostly yes. My parents made sure my needs got met. They were loving parents. Challenged me to think for myself. To question everything." Cosima says calmly. "And when I had high test scores, they wanted me to go to university, and I qualified so I did."

"When were you last on the boat?"

"A week before I left. I slept in the guest room. I spent a few days there with them. It was our goodbye." Cosima remembers it easily. Her mother had cried, and it had been very very hard.

"And now?"

"Now is for me… So… Wherever you are mom and dad… I hope you were at peace when you died. And I hope that you know… that I am OK. And you were loved, and not forgotten." It feels silly. Trite even. But she says it anyway.

"Do you believe in an afterlife?"

"Maybe. Energy cannot be created or destroyed, just transformed." Cosima shrugs. She kind of likes the idea of her parents in some kind of afterlife. And maybe, maybe that is how she'll picture them. At peace and together.

"Maman et Papa…" Delphine starts. "We had our goodbyes, and I know… you are long dead, probably. I hope you were both at peace. And that life brought you much joy. I will…not forget where I came from. Or how much you loved me."

"This is pretty ridiculous." Cosima watches Delphine finish quietly. "Not you… Me. The whole idea. Like… funerals are 100% for the living, but I feel pretty silly right now."

"Actually, I think all the passengers should be encouraged to do this. Let's…. Mourn now so we can get on with the work of it when we arrive."

"The planners disagree."

Delphine considers quietly, and Cosima wonders if she is finding the words or if it is just difficult to express frustration at the people who selected you for all this. Very possibly saving your life.

"Then they are wrong." Delphine speaks finally.

"Why?"

"Because we have to be allowed to be human." Delphine states calmly. "We have to be allowed to grieve and be sad over what we left behind. We all must do it eventually."

"Yes. But maybe not now."

"So… What now?"

"I think… We should go play a silly VR game. And then… bring a picnic lunch back up here."

"What?"

"There have to be containers and bags somewhere in the habitat." Cosima tilts her head trying to tempt Delphine.

"I mean, there are… in the kitchen. But I do not think they are for passenger use."

"Come on…" Cosima urges her. And to her pleasant surprise, Delphine agrees.

"OK."

"Mmm… Do you think they have any wine on-board."

"Cosima!"

"What?"

"There… is some alcohol in crew quarters. It's permitted."

"But no alcohol for the passengers?"

"Apparently not. Do you really want to get drunk in the observation lounge?" Delphine raises an eyebrow at her, and Cosima laughs.

"It's not easy to get Delphine…"

"I think it can wait to celebrate our arrival."

"Probably in this very room." Cosima waves an arm around playfully.

"Oh probably. There's a sound system too.. Look." Delphine points at a series of speakers set around the room.

"It is really beautiful though." Cosima sighs looking again through the window. "Like… I wish there were windows like this all over."

"It… makes me feel… very small." Delphine speaks as she follows Cosima's gaze.

"Why?"

"Because of the sheer… enormity of space. It's… glaring emptiness. There are stars, and planets… and places we'll never know… Perhaps alien life. But the crew jokes about that often. They… see things, they cannot explain outside." Delphine looks out again, and Cosima cannot resist. She places her hand into Delphine's, leaning her head into her shoulder.

To her great surprise, Delphine doesn't move or resist. She gives her hand a squeeze.

"Like alien spacecraft?" Cosima clarifies quickly. "You believe in that?"

"I think so. But if they exist… they see us as ants… nothing has happened to this ship yet." Delphine sighs. "We are insignificant, if we stay out of the way I suppose."

"Mmm… I don't think any life is insignificant." Cosima muses. "And whatever happens to us… will have just as much meaning as if we'd stayed on Earth. And probably more food."

Delphine leans into her and lets out a small sigh. "Physical contact… I… missed it."

"You had a lot of rather… intense physical contact right before you left." Cosima cannot resist teasing.

"Yes. But that feels like… three months ago? At least. And it wasn't any good." Delphine murmurs back, eyes fixed out the window.

"Well… I mean… I could fix that for you." Cosima offers teasingly. "We can call our picnic a date… sneak back up here the two of us and see how things go."

"Cosima…"

Cosima pulls back a little, her hand is released from Delphine's. And maybe she's totally off-base. But maybe not. And it's worth a shot. Especially with someone like Delphine. "Yes?"

"You are a lesbian." Delphine states very quickly, looking down at her mouth and back up again. Even as she leans in, processing what was just offered.

"Yes. So?"

"I … am not."

"But you like me." Cosima points out.

"Well yes, of course I like you." Delphine pauses. "Tu me plais."

She kisses her, Cosima cannot resist another moment. She leans in and brushes her lips against Delphine's. Delphine's lips move under her own, making contact.

And Cosima kisses as softly as she dares. Knowing that this kiss is really just an invitation. An idea that she is putting out between them. And it's soft, and tender, and perfect as Delphine's lips part softly under her own. As Delphine tentatively kisses her back.

"So…" Cosima drawls as she pulls back reluctantly from soft lips.

Delphine seems lost for words, her hazel eyes drawing to Cosima's lips again. "I…I… Don't…know."

"Well… I mean, you don't have to decide this minute. But… the option is there." Cosima shrugs. Trying to appear casual about it all. Trying to deny how quickly her heart is beating. Trying to deny exactly how much she already feels for Delphine.

The first nine days pass without mention of the kiss, nothing really happens.

Cosima spends more time with Sol than she initially planned. Socializes more broadly, tries not to be alone with Delphine. But Delphine seems inclined to pretend it hadn't happened. And so Cosima opts to not bring it up. And nothing happens. Every day is the same, reading or VR games. Eating. Exercise. Socializing. Cosima begins to wish that the wake cycles were shorter. That they wouldn't have to be up and around quite so long before being giving physicals and popped back into suspended animation for another 10+ years.

They're not alone together again until they do kitchen duty, this time together. And are stuck in the kitchen for the better part of five hours making a ridiculous amount of tofu from all the soybeans. Nola is nowhere to be seen this time, and Priya had joined them. Their bunkroom had worked together but it is the two of them stuck there hours after the others have finished. The midwives were off playing some ridiculous VR game, likely volleyball or tennis. Something that would get them some much needed exercise.

"I swear, they're having us make enough for the men too." Cosima makes a face. "Like the system is cracked. Giving us the most time consuming job." She's made tofu before, a few times, and it was nicer with Delphine than with others anyway. Even if things were a bit awkward lately.

"Cosima… No… I think this is all for us. We are… up and around for almost a month." Delphine speaks as she's pouring the last of the tofu into moulds.

"I mean, we haven't really talked too much since…"

"The observation lounge." Delphine quips quickly. Delphine nods, understanding that maybe it was time to air it out.

"Should I… apologize for being forward? Or… is it something else?"

Delphine's face, which has been largely forced into a neutral expression most of the time, shifts.

"Cosima…. I…. I don't need you to apologize . You…made an offer. Perhaps a well-meaning one. Perhaps… it was selfish… But we are all… lonely. Or… just seeking connection. I am not mad, I just… I do not know what…"

Cosima interrupts, deciding to move this forward to the apology stage. "I mean, I liked it. And…I really do like you. But I also know we are on a really long trip here and likely to have to put up with each other in some respect, even if just professionally, on arrival."

"Yes. And… you are the best friend I have made on this ship. You… you're important to me. " Delphine tells her softly. "And you get me… and..."

"And you want to save our friendship and that means no nookie. Got it. Sorry. Won't happen again." Cosima gestures out her apology, dreads swinging with her motions. She takes the hint, and figures that is Delphine's answer. A kind no, but a no. And maybe she'll find someone else. Maybe there's someone in the other group of female passengers? Maybe the crew? The youngest ones might be in their mid 40s on arrival. That wasn't such a terrible gap, Cosima thinks to herself. That could work.

"Nookie?" Delphine looks up. Her eyebrows furrow adorably, and Cosima feels herself soften in response.

"Sex."

"Cosima…" Delphine warns with a laugh. Her head shakes and her curly hair moves with it. And her laugh is worth hearing, Cosima thinks. Even with the sting of rejection.

"It's just slang. I thought it was nicer to say than like… fucking. Why? What do you call it?"

"Euh… Either sex or…making love. Usually. In French calling it anything but making love is… vulgar ." Delphine wrinkles her nose.

"I see… Well no worries. I am not going to jump on you unless you want me to."

This stuns Delphine into a brief silence. "I appreciate that."

"So it's settled. We're friends.. Friends who will eventually crack whatever is drugging us to sleep and save the colony with our crazy science. I look forward to it." Cosima quips, trying to backtrack and lighten the mood. She has to salvage this, and quickly.

"Crazy science." Delphine echoes with a laugh. "On an alien world, it might be crazy science. We… do not know how anything will work. We may need an entirely new periodic table."

"And we'll help with that. I mean, we have botanists and chemists, and biologists too… the whole science team. Even if it's small. Plus the crew, even if they're old they will be able to work for a few years. I hope."

"Yes." Delphine nods. "Cosima…"

"What?" Cosima finishes putting the last of the moulds into the industrial sized fridge and feels like this task has been utterly ridiculous.

"I can't stop thinking about that kiss."

"Oh…" Cosima is surprised to find Delphine's hands on her, as she guides her in for another kiss. And Cosima admits. This could be skin hunger. This could be anything. But when she feels Delphine's tongue flutter out and touch her lips she cannot be bothered to care. She opens her mouth and lets Delphine probe with her tongue.

She lets out a little moan, but it doesn't stop Delphine in her painstakingly slow exploration of her mouth.

"Oh." Delphine lets out her own little moan when they part reluctantly. And the devices are chirping something about cleaning up but Cosima cannot care. Does not care. She kisses Delphine again, slowly massaging her lips with her own. Teasing her, tempting her.

She pulls Delphine to her, and hops up onto the counter. She holds Delphine gently by the hand, and looks at her carefully. Is this OK? Is Delphine into this?

"Cosima…" Delphine's voice is low, and inviting and Cosima pulls her back in. She kisses Delphine senseless. Delphine's hands cling to her hips, and she wraps her legs around her. Maybe she is the one with skin hunger, Cosima muses as she breaks away to kiss Delphine's neck. To let her own hands roam, cautiously over soft grey fabric. She is quickly becoming aroused, and isn't quite sure how far this can go here.

Eventually the chirping proves too annoying as it increases in volume and Delphine lets her go.

"We… must clean up…" Delphine pushes her back with swollen lips and dark eyes. She glances down at Cosima's lips, but she moves away. Resuming work. At least for now.

"Yeah." Cosima agrees, nodding. She takes a few deep breaths and then hops off of the counter. She wipes down the counters while Delphine washes out the few dishes.

It's not until they are walking back to their bunkroom that Delphine slips her hand into hers.

"So…?" Cosima asks hopefully.

Delphine looks at her quizzically. "So?"

"Is this… a thing now? Are we… anything? Are we just… passing time?" Cosima wants to know. Wants to set her expectations appropriately. She cannot get ahead of herself. Cannot count on anything. Not yet.

"I told you. Tu me plais ." Delphine tells her as if it is obvious.

"And that means?"

"You…please me." Delphine translates. "But that might be a little …literal. I like you, Cosima."

"Direct translations often are." Cosima thinks aloud. And decides that for now it doesn't matter.

They meet up with Sol and Eden, who are playing a strange virtual strategy game. Their avatars ascending levels and battling demons, cast in 3D in the centre of a dark circular room.

"Can we make it four player?" Cosima asks.

"Not once the game has begun." Eden tells her impatiently between turns. But Delphine is quiet. Sitting in the semi-darkness. And maybe nothing has really changed.

Delphine plays the next round with her, and Cosima lets herself be competitive. Lets herself beat them all in a long drawn out strategy where she is the last player standing. And then the lights slowly come back on.

"You know," Sol starts out conversationally. "I think Cosima here just played us."

"I think you have played before, chérie." Delphine is in agreement.

The endearment surprises her. "Yeah I have… but… it's been a long while." Cosima brushes it off. "Anyone want another round?"

Delphine raises her hand while Sol and Eden shake their heads. Neither of them was up for it. But maybe some VR alone with Delphine would be great. She could find one of the rooms made for walking. They could choose a romantic program. Or at least something with good ambience. After all, the VR rooms locked sufficiently. And they were…roomy. Though no furniture. Except the tiny private rooms for…personal use. And programs there are limited to VR porn and erotic holonovels.

"What do you want to play?" Cosima asks Delphine. And she's interested in how Delphine will respond. What will happen to them now? What exactly are they? If anything.

Her device begins chirping at her, to exercise of all things. Cosima thinks she's managed it most days. Maybe climbing up to the observation lounge would count. Dancing, which she's done most days in a VR room should count. It seems the device disagrees and clocks only dedicated gym time.

"Cosima, have you been skipping your daily cardio?" Eden leans in to look at her screen. "You really shouldn't do that. You need to pass the physical, and you don't want bone density loss."

Bone density loss was a reality of space travel, Cosima recalls. But the required exercise, the artificial gravity, the supplements in their food were all supposed to help. To reduce the loss to its bare minimum. And they were assured it would be rectified over the course of their lifepans on the surface. At least, for the passengers.

"I do it… Most days." Cosima shakes it off, but Delphine fixes her with an expression and begins walking to the gym. Expecting her to follow.

"I will go too." Delphine offers. Her own device chirps something different. And Delphine ignores it. Following along.

"Why are you coming with me?" Cosima

"Because my device thinks I need a shower and a nap." Delphine grumbles. "And I would rather be with you than listen to it."

"Even if I am just like… riding an elliptical for 25 minutes?" Cosima titles her head.

"So we'll exercise together, hit the showers… eat. Then go to bed."

"Bed…?" Cosima lets the word slip out teasingly.

"That… is not what I meant." Delphine corrects herself. "I… Not yet. It is too soon for me." They reach the gym and the doors open for them, revealing a set of well-maintained exercise machines and weights.

"I mean, technically speaking, we met… 36 years ago." Cosima points out. "The pace is positively glacial."

"Because we literally spent 98%+ of that in suspended animation?" Delphine ensures the doors close behind them. But the gym is currently empty. Too empty, Cosima thinks.

"Exactly." Cosima smiles teasingly, and leans in.

Delphine starts to close the gap, a soft kiss is laid against her mouth. It's almost shy. And it sends a clear message.

"Like we don't have to."

"Don't have to go to bed… with the way we were kissing earlier?" Delphine seems sceptical, and Cosima wonders why for a moment or two. Before realizing it must just been a pattern Delphine has followed before. Having to follow-through.

"Hey… you'd have to want it too." Cosima reminds Delphine. "And maybe next time, you will."

"Next wake cycle? Cosima we still have another nine days left in this one. Minimum. Before they start calling us in for our physicals."

"Exactly." Cosima saunters over to the machines. "But now I am going to have to get a whole different kind of cardio."

"I'll join you." Delphine sizes up the various machines, and begins exercising. And, Cosima thinks then that the devices cannot really take away free will. Just make it more annoying to exercise it.

It's a pattern of sorts, Cosima thinks days later. The lack of privacy means her opportunities to kiss Delphine senseless are a little limited. But they spend a lot of their days together. VR games, reading, trying to access more interesting data via the provided computer terminals to no effect.

She tries not to look when Delphine changes between provided bland garments. And ensures they do not shower at the same time. Cosima thinks that is probably best all considering.

"Always together." Sol shakes her head at them with a smile when they appear at breakfast, side by side as per usual.

Despite curiosity on the matter, Cosima hasn't really witnessed any women pairing up. At least not romantically. Friendships were certainly forming. Sol and Celia remained quite close, and she saw others meeting and building the social networks they were supposed to be. As for the rest, she expected the sheer fact that they would depend on each other for survival will bond them all. At least somewhat.

Celia eats strawberries while looking at the two of them quizzically. "You're up late."

"I overslept." Cosima says honestly. Leaving out the reason is that she'd locked her device into her locker before going to bed. Delphine, seeing her, had done much the same. It had resulted in more sleep. An experiment that paid off.

Eden looks between them. "You know Delphine, Cosima here wanted your bunk when she thought you were dying."

"You wanted my bunk?" Delphine raises one eyebrow at her.

"Yeah I just… would have preferred top bunk. Really happy you lived though."

Delphine merely laughs and Cosima lets it go.

Sol smiles at them. "Do you two want to join us for a game?"

"Non. I think… I want to go up to the observation lounge." Delphine speaks honestly. "It is beautiful up there. Quiet."

"Oh… We should all go!" Celia volunteers. And Cosima feels a part of her heart sink.

It is fun, Cosima admits. And they run around the observation lounge. All shouting at what they witness. A weird flash outside is hypothesized to be an alien vessel and Sol cracks jokes about it until Delphine reiterates all that is known about possible alien life.

"It is beautiful up here!" Celia remarks. "Thank you."

"It is worth the climb." Cosima agrees, looking at Delphine. Wanting her alone. But things are good. Cosima thinks. And perhaps, what she needs is a plan.

When the devices summon them for dinner she hesitates, hanging back. And so Delphine does too. The midwives leave, hungry for their next meal. Especially knowing who prepared it.

"Cosima? What is it?"

"I want to be alone with you."

"Alone…so…" Delphine reaches for her hand, pulling her in closely. Delphine kisses her and Cosima wraps her arms around her. Letting Delphine haul her in.

"J'adore t'embrasser." Delphine breathes at her between kisses, pushing her back into the corner beside the bunks. Cosima goes willingly.

"Ohh… Delphine…" Cosima lets herself moan, just a little. And she clings to her. The gray fabric of their clothes is soft. It slides under her hands.

Delphine's reaction to her little moan. A whimper as she clings, is enough to have blood rushing. Cosima cannot help it. She thinks about it. What it might feel to take everything off. To lay in Delphine's arms stroking each other. To taste Delphine. To have her coming undone in her arms, or under her mouth. But who knows how Delphine would even take the suggestion of that .

She kisses more deeply, letting her tongue slowly stroke Delphine's. Her hands caress through fabric and Cosima wonders if it will be this easy. If Delphine will just be eager for her. If this longing will be resolved.

"Oh…" Delphine moans and her hips rock forward into her.

"Yes…Please." Cosima mumbles, she reaches for the fabric of Delphine's shirt. But as soon as she lifts the fabric to reveal skin, Delphine stops.

"What is it? Are we not alone enough? The bunks have curtains." Cosima points out. It's not perfect privacy, but it should be enough. She suspects this will not take very long, as worked up as they are.

"I am… not sure what to do with this." Delphine waves her hands around, and Cosima grins. They aren't very different. They fit. There's hope. There's absolutely hope.

"You mean the part where I want to have sex with you?" Cosima giggles unphased. She might as well be upfront about it.

"Well… yes." Delphine looks up, hazel eyes probing hers. "It's… very different for me. It's just… nothing I have ever… considered. I've never been with a woman before."

"There's no rush. There's always the next wake cycle." Cosima shrugs. "I am a patient woman. What's another 14 years?"

"You are cheeky and impulsive." Delphine teases her leaning her body against Cosima's. She kisses her again, slow and lingering.

"Yes. I am also that." Cosima sighs, enjoying the kiss for what it is. Enjoying what she can of their connection. She believes that now, that there's something beyond skin hunger. She loses herself in the kiss, and eventually Delphine withdraws again, looking increasingly aroused.

"Are you…OK? Like… Do you want me…to do something… for you?" Cosima offers this quietly. "I don't have to leave you…wanting here."

"But you cannot… you can't want…that." Delphine looks at her as if the 'problem' is obvious.

"Cannot want what? Your pleasure? I think you've missed part of the definition of lesbian ." Cosima teases, hopefully.

"But you wouldn't… you can't have intercourse with me…so…" Delphine bites her lip. "It wouldn't be fair."

"Who says I can't want to be inside of you?" Cosima lowers her voice. "Delphine… I do want to be inside of you."

Delphine is looking at her, still holding her tightly around the waist when Priya walks back in.

"Oh!" Priya regards the two of them in surprise. "I… I knew you were close. I didn't think you were quite that close."

"Yeah." Cosima nods. "Priya… Can you be… somewhere else right now?" Cosima thinks of appealing to Priya's empathy. If Priya had the chance to be alone with Micah, she'd certainly give it to her.

"I didn't realize you were both… homosexual… Bisexual?" Priya seems calm enough. "I forgot my device on my bunk."

And sure enough, Cosima sees it, tucked into the plastic pocket designed for its storage while the user is sleeping. She suspects it also charges the devices wirelessly. All without inconveniencing the user.

"Well…" Delphine starts off cautiously. "Cosima is a lesbian… And I…am not really… I don't know anymore."

"I guess that about sums it up." Cosima shrugs. Delphine's doubts… or explorations make sense. And she is happy to help her work through them. Preferably very physically rather shortly.

"Is this a situational sexuality thing or… just a sex thing?" Priya asks observing how close they are. How flushed they are. And Cosima is concerned. How will Delphine react to this.

"It is… not a sex thing. We haven't actually…yet." Delphine says simply. "It…I think… It is a connection thing."

And there's no better answer, Cosima thinks. Delphine is falling for her too. And she cannot contain the stupid smile that spreads across her face.

"Oh." Priya shrugs. "I didn't think… this would happen. The wake cycles are so short…. I think you're the only two doing…this."

"Do you mean, kissing?" Cosima throws back. She doesn't mind Priya, but she isn't going to let her push her around.

"You know 150 years ago sexual fluidity was more accepted." Delphine points out. "People were allowed to just be sexual. I don't think people have changed. I think... I think it is much more social. Biases. Assumptions. We... follow along with our social programming. Especially if we do... enjoy sex and relationships with men."

"Labels come and go." Priya agrees. "I mean… it doesn't really matter. It is a long trip. Everyone needs... companionship. I resent being separated from Micah. "

"It is." Delphine agrees, finally releasing her. "I think… I think we should eat."

"Before all the food is gone." Cosima agrees. This can wait. For now.