Hey everyone. Merry Christmas to all that celebrate! I decided to submit this since it cheered me up (it's been a not so great day for me), and I hope you all find some joy in it to. Thank you for all those wonderful reviews, I appreciate all of you who take the time to read my story.
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"These are your scripts! You will learn them, love them, marry them!" Soldier barked, slapping the last packet of pages in front of Heavy, who just shot him a raised eyebrow before focusing on the italicized A Christmas Carol: Abridged. The patriot marched back to his seat around the conference table beside Spy, who had his fingers laced in front of his face, elbows on the desk, and for some reason, wearing a beret on top of his mask. Slouched a bit, so his laced hands settled just below his eyes, the Frenchman gave the surrounding mercenaries a serious look. It was the day after Scout's hasty announcement, which gave the group a total of six days to prepare for the play. It wasn't much, given the fact that they still had battles during the day. That is, until the seventh day, making a trip up to Boston which normally took six hours but Sniper and Engineer swore they could do in four. Spy withheld a sigh at the circumstances he was forced to work in.
"Since I am the only one who has ever actually seen a play-" Medic made a motion to speak, "-in English, I am going to direct," Spy explained, finally unlacing his hands and picking up his own copy of the script. Scout's mother had overnight'd copies, along with a floor plan of the stage and prop list, as well as a package of candy canes to keep spirits up. It all seemed fairly simple, the play extremely abridged for the short attention span of children, and Scout's mother noting that the props listed were being made by the PTA to alleviate the stress on the mercenaries at such a short notice (and by PTA, she meant the grumbling husbands of the women on the board who found themselves meeting at a bar to paint and drink while wondering how they got roped into this entire fiasco).
"Uh," started up Engineer, glancing over at Scout next to him who loudly chewed on his fifth candy cane since the meeting started, "so are we gonna have to audition?"
"I want to play the most patriotic, freedom fighting American this story has to offer," asserted Soldier, flipping through his copy of the script. No one bothered to mention to him that the story took place in England.
"Non, that will take too long," started Spy, ignoring Soldier's request. "I have assigned roles based on the amount of people we have and your individual talents and skills. This is your role sheet." With that, Spy slammed a sticky note with hastily written script on it to the board behind him. Immediately, the mercenaries clamored out of their seats, squeezing behind Spy to find their name.
"Tiny Tim? Why can't I be normal Tim?" questioned Scout, nearly spitting candy cane fragments at those around him. Soldier shoved him out of the way, and pushed his helmet up to get a good look at the sticky note. Over his shoulder peered Demoman, one eye wide as he scanned the list.
"Aye, we're ghosts lad!" cheered Demo, nudging Soldier as they straightened up. Soldier frowned, rubbing his chin.
"Ghost of Christmas Past? What past? My past?" Soldier tensed, looking terrified. Engineer offered him a clap on the back, making his way to the front of the group.
"Don't worry too much pal." He squinted at the list, before smiling when he saw his name next to Bob Cratchit. As far as Engineer could remember, Cratchit didn't play too big a role, and it didn't involve anything crazy.
"Engie read rest of names, da?" asked Heavy, patiently standing at the end of the huddle around the too tiny post-it. The Texan nodded, gloved finger trailing down the list.
"Okay, well ignoring Scout, Demo, and Solly, we've got...Pyro as Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come, Heavy as Fred, Medic as Jacob Marley, and...Sniper as Scrooge," finished the hardhat, turning slowly to look over at Sniper. The Australian blinked, feeling both Medic's and Engineer's pitying looks.
"Wot? Why are you giving me that look?"
"Ahahahahaha!" Scout laughed, nearly falling to the floor as candy cane sprayed out of his mouth. "You're Scrooge. What a joke!" Sniper turned red, wondering exactly what was so funny about the part Spy assigned him. Demo slug an arm around the Aussie's shoulders.
"Don't worry lad, ye'll do great!" tried the Scotsman, but Sniper found he could not quite believe the weary smile that followed.
"Wot the bloody hell do you mean?" Demoman blinked, and his smile softened when he realized Sniper had no idea who Scrooge was.
"Well. Yer the main character, boyo!"
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"Are we all feeling a bit better now?" Spy glanced around at his actors with a shit-eating smirk. The large group was settled back into their seats after a short dinner break (in which Sniper spent the entire time moving between complaining, and shoveling Pyro's potroast into his mouth).
"No," grumbled the aforementioned Australian, akubra lowered over his face. "Why did you give me the lead role. Why not Soldier? Or Demo?" Spy dismissed him with a hand wave.
"I would have done it without any whiny complaining," offered Soldier.
"Because one is clinically unstable, and the other will most likely be drunk the entire time," defended Spy. "At least their roles will fit better given these traits."
"He's probably right," shrugged Demo, trying his best not to look to happy at getting a less strenuous role.
"And," continued Spy, "we all know you've had some practice before as an actor." This earned a few subdued laughs from around the table, the loudest from Scout, as they all recalled the Australian's slip up last night. Sniper sank into his seat.
"Right," affirmed Spy with a smirk, returning his attention to the rest of the group. "Given the background of this play, we will need costumes, which your mother has not provided us with. For that, Scout, puts you in charge of wardrobe."
"What!" exclaimed the youngest mercenary, no longer laughing as he gave the Frenchman a wide-eyed look, half-eaten candy cane in hand. "No way. I can't sew that many outfits in that short a time."
"Pyro will assist you since he has no speaking role," added Spy. Scout didn't look any less annoyed, and shot Pyro a glance. The red-suited mercenary waved. Scout grumbled under his breath, sinking into his seat.
"Okay," sighed Spy, "Let's begin this read through-"
"Heavy has question," spoke up the large Russian from two seats down. "What is story about?" Spy blinked, realizing that not everyone in the group even knew the story of A Christmas Carol. The director coughed.
"Right. Who doesn't know a thing about the play we're doing?" Heavy rose his hand, followed by Soldier, and a hesitant Sniper. Spy resisted the urge to sigh again. He gestured at Medic next to him.
"Briefly explain the plot, doctor?"
"Er. Vell. It's about a man name Scrooge. Who's very unhappy. And then Christmas makes him happy, ze end!" Everyone stared at Medic's hasty summary. Spy slowly turned to look at Medic, who shot him a nervous smile.
"You have read or seen A Christmas Carol, correct?" the Frenchman asked. Medic nodded quickly.
"Ja, ja. It's just been a vhile..." Spy was giving him a look he didn't quite appreciate and Medic immediately frowned. "Vat do you expect? I'm not even Christian."
Spy sighed, slapping a hand over his face. He hoped he chose the right part for Medic, even if it was only because next to Sniper, he was the most resistant to doing the play.
"Look, chumps," broke in Scout. "It's about an old dude name Scrooge who's like angry, and old, and hates Christmas. So his dead partner visits him on Christmas Eve and is like, 'look, ya gotta get your shit togetha' you're bein' a bastard.' Then three ghosts visit Scrooge and basically make him realize that Christmas is awesome so he should send his assistant a turkey, donate to some people, and not be an asshole." Scout let out a breath after his quick summary.
"Old?" Sniper audibly withdrew a breath in terror.
"How does dead partner visit if he is dead?" questioned Heavy, frowning with furrowed eyebrows.
"Is he a wizard?" spoke up Soldier with a grin at the possibility. Spy slammed his palms on the table.
"All your questions will be answered once we read through the play! I will narrate and Pyro will read for any character that has no actor. Let us begin!"
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Sorry this chapter is so short but I'm trying to set up the stage (haha see what I did there?) It's going to get wackier, I promise. I just love merc interaction and tend to go overboard with all their ridiculous conversations and commentary. I hope you all liked the roles I chose - it was pretty difficult, but I think I picked well (wasn't planning on making Spy the director and narrator, but he totally just stole those spots hah).