Title: Mine

Summary: Mac has a stalker… (Harm/Mac Romance, Drama).

Part Twenty

Harm

Tuesday, March 12, 2002

"Commander Rabb?"

A young doctor is walking toward me, and Admiral Chegwidden and I both rise from our hard plastic chairs. I hold out my hand, and he reaches out to shake it. "I'm Commander Rabb," I say. "How is she?"

"I'm Dr. Leith," he says, offering us a kind smile. "She's doing well. We're not too concerned about her head injury. She doesn't seem to have any cognitive issues, but we want to keep her overnight for observation." I'm impressed he can talk to me without referring to the clipboard under his arm, and I nod. "She is dehydrated, so we have her hooked up to IV fluids to help that along."

I nod again and rub my damp palms over my jeans. "When can I see her?"

"You can go on in now." Admiral Chegwidden and I both step toward her room, but the doctor holds out his hand. "Only one of you."

We both nod, and Admiral Chegwidden takes a step back. "I'll wait out here."

Dr. Leith walks away, and I watch him leave and then turn to my boss. "You don't have to stay, sir. I'm sure you have plenty of things to do."

He shrugs and gestures to his chair. "I can stay. I'll at least stay until the detective gets here in case he has any more questions." He points to her door and raises an eyebrow. "Go on, then." I want to see her. I need to see her. But I find myself frozen, and I stay where I'm standing. He reaches out and puts a hand on my arm. "Harm? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I say. "I'm fine."

He's quiet for a moment and then shakes his head. "You don't seem fine. What's wrong?"

I close my eyes and remember how she looked when we walked into that house. "There was so much blood," I say quietly.

"There was," he acknowledges.

I close my eyes and think of the blood on the side of her head, in her hair, and all over her blouse. I open my eyes and take a deep breath. "How close do you think she came to dying?"

He sighs and shakes his head. "I don't know, Harm." I swallow hard, and he points at the door again. "She didn't die, though. She's alive, and she's right behind that door." I'm still frozen in place, and he stands and physically turns me toward the door. "And she needs you - she's asking for you."

He's right; she's asking for me. I take a deep breath and close the distance between where I'm standing and her room. I knock gently on the door and then push it open. She's lying in the hospital bed in a generic gown, and the way she smiles when I step into the room makes my heart beat a little faster. I love this woman. I love her so much – more than I've ever loved anyone, and when I think about how close I came to losing her, I feel on the verge of a panic attack.

"Hey," I say softly and push the door shut behind me.

"Hey," she says. I don't come any closer, and she raises an eyebrow. "You can come closer." I move a little closer and perch on the edge of the bed. She reaches for one of my hands and twines our fingers together. "I'm not going to break, Harm."

I shake my head, bring our hands to my lips, and kiss her wrist. "But I might," I say. I try to force back some of the emotions threatening to overwhelm me, but it's futile, and a tear slides down my cheek. She reaches up with her free hand and brushes it away.

"I'm okay," she says softly, but her calmness does nothing to reassure me. I realize quickly that I'm not equipped for any of this. I don't know how to help her. I can't comfort her because I'm a complete wreck. And I don't know if I'm strong enough to be in a relationship like this. If something had happened to her, it would have broken me, and I don't know how someone can live like that. And it's not just the random psychopath I'm worried about. She's a Marine in a sometimes-risky job. What if something happens while on assignment? What if there's a fire in her building? What if she dies in a car accident on 495? Before I can say or do anything, there's a knock on her door, and Detective Bigi and his partner, Detective Baker, ease inside.

"How are you feeling, Colonel?"

She shrugs and drops her hand from my face. "I feel okay," she says. "I have a major headache, but I've honestly felt worse." Bigi nods, reaches into a bag and hands her a plastic bag. She takes it, studies it for a moment, then looks up at him and frowns. "Where were these?"

"He had them," he says. "He took them from your uniform top. I'm guessing he feared you'd use them as a weapon."

She looks around the room, and her eyes land on the brown paper bag that holds her blood-splattered uniform. "I didn't even realize they were gone."

He nods and glances at his partner. "We assume he took them off you while you were unconscious." Mac shrugs and sets the bag of medals and ribbons on the nightstand.

"He must have," she says quietly.

I can't help but wonder how many other ways he may have touched her while she was unconscious, and I force myself to look away.

Bigi's partner steps forward, and she perches on the edge of one of the chairs. "Colonel MacKenzie, I'd like to speak to you alone if that's okay."

Mac frowns and glances at me. "We can talk in front of Harm." She squeezes my hand and then turns back to her. "I'm going to tell him everything anyway."

"Colonel," the detective starts, but Mac shakes her head, and her hand tightens on mine.

"Just say it," she snaps.

Detective Baker sighs, and her eyes dart to me before focusing on Mac. "You reported that you were unconscious for about ten hours, so we'd like to do a rape kit."

I look away as the color drains from Mac's face, and she shakes her head. "No."

"Colonel MacKenzie," Detective Baker starts, but she's quickly cut off.

"No," Mac says, more vehemently this time. "He didn't rape me."

"You don't know that," she says gently. "That's a huge block of time you have no memory of."

"I do know that," she says. "I know my body, and I know I wasn't raped."

My head starts to spin, and I know I need to get out of this room. The buzz from the alcohol is long gone, and I feel like the hangover is starting to kick in. I stand and steady myself on the railing of the bed. She looks up at me and frowns. "Are you okay?"

I nod. "Yeah, just feeling a little lightheaded."

Bigi looks at me, sympathy all over his face. "Let's get some air and some water, Commander. These two can talk."

Mac looks like she wants to argue, but I lean in and kiss her forehead. "I'll be right back," I promise, and she sighs and slowly nods. I notice Detective Baker sliding her chair closer as Bigi opens the door and ushers me outside.

"You don't need to hear that," he says gently.

Admiral Chegwidden stands as we approach, but I ignore him and turn to the detective. "Do you think he raped her?" The admiral winces, and Bigi shrugs.

"I don't know," he says. "Westin denies it. He claims he never touched her. But we know that's a lie since he wasn't wearing pants when you two arrived, and the Colonel told us that he was straddling her and trying to remove her clothes." I can't force back the nausea anymore, and I bend over and begin to retch.

Chegwidden hurries across the room and returns with a small trashcan and all but pushes me into a chair. I bend over the trashcan and empty the contents of my stomach. Both men are quiet for a moment, and then I hear one of them thank a nurse and hand me a paper towel.

"Thanks," I mumble.

Detective Bigi leans closer and puts a hand on my shoulder. "Those photos you destroyed weren't the only ones he had," he says softly. "He had more like that. And I don't know if he actually raped her. And we don't need to know – we have a strong enough case. But she needs to know. For her own physical well being, and so a professional will know what to help her get through."

I assume Mac relents and consents to the exam because two nurses hurry in not long after, and I'm told to remain outside. I head to the gift shop to buy a toothbrush and toothpaste, but that only takes a few minutes, and then I'm back to waiting. And thinking.

I know everyone thinks I'm brave and heroic, but I feel like the ultimate coward right now. I don't know if I'm brave enough for this. I don't know if I'm brave enough to love someone this much, knowing I could lose her at any time.

"Stop thinking whatever you're thinking."

I look over at my boss and frown. He's reclined as much as possible in one of the chairs, with his head tilted back and his eyes closed. I actually thought he had fallen asleep. "Excuse me?"

He opens his eyes and looks at me. "Stop thinking whatever it is you're thinking," he repeats.

"I'm not thinking anything."

He rolls his eyes and sits up straighter. "Yes, you are. And if you act on those thoughts, you will regret it for the rest of your life."

I want to deny it, but I can't. "I don't know if I'm cut out for this," I say.

"Cut out for what?"

I gesture to the door of her room. "For feeling this strongly about another person." I think about my dad and Diane, and I swallow hard. "I've lost people I've loved before. I lost my dad, which sparked a lifelong obsession with finding him, no matter the cost to myself or anyone else. I lost Diane – Lieutenant Schonke," I clarify, "and I was willing to murder someone to avenge her." I look at the room and think about Mac and the blood again. "If I lost her, I would lose myself."

Chegwidden sighs and shakes his head. "Son, if you end things with her because you're afraid you'll lose even more. Breaking up with her doesn't mean a switch will be flicked, and you'll magically stop loving her. But it does mean that you'll have to watch her hurt, and then you'll watch her eventually meet someone who isn't afraid. And at some point, you'll go your separate ways because that's just life in the Navy. But you'll run into her years down the road, maybe at little AJ's high school graduation. And she'll be there with her husband and have photos of their children. And you'll realize then how much you truly lost."

I feel like he's speaking from experience, and I stay quiet. He stands and grabs his coat. "I'm going to run to the office for a little while and check in with Sturgis." He puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes it. "I've spent the better part of the last twenty-four hours with you, and it's obvious how much you love her. Don't do something stupid that you'll regret - and I promise you, you will regret it – for the rest of your life."

He walks away, and I lean back in my chair and close my eyes.

December 25, 2002

I would have never pictured Sarah MacKenzie as a cuddler, but when we woke up together that first morning, I realized there was a lot about her I didn't know. I didn't know she was a cuddler, and I didn't know how warm her body was. I didn't know that trailing my fingers over her bare arm would make her shiver – even though she was still asleep, and I didn't know that would make her burrow even deeper into my side. And I didn't know that her warm body pressed against mine and her sleepy eyes looking up at me would fill me with a contentment that I had never known.

"Hey," she says.

"Hi." My grin was instantaneous, and I pulled her on top of me and kissed her. She pulled back after a moment and pushed against my chest until she sat up and straddled my thighs. She ran a hand over my prominent morning erection, and her eyes were immediately more alert. "Hi," I repeat, my smile widening, and I run my hands up her sides, my thumbs caressing her breasts.

She takes one of my hands in hers, moves it down her body, and closes her eyes when I tease her folds and slide a finger inside her. She's wet already, and I exhale sharply and pull my hand back. I wrap it around my cock and watch as she lifts just a bit, and our eyes lock as I push inside her.

"So good," she gasps and braces her hands against my chest as she begins to rock her hips, and I slowly thrust.

It doesn't take long before I can feel myself teetering on the edge of a cliff, and I slide my hand between our bodies, press against her clit, and begin to rub. She moans loudly, our movements become more frenzied, and we fall off the cliff together.

She waits until her breathing has evened out and then rolls off me. "Can we wake up like this every morning?"

"Absolutely," I say and kiss the top of her head. I've already decided I'm powerless to deny this woman anything, especially something I desperately want.

"It'll mean getting up earlier for work," she says teasingly and laughs as I pinch her lightly at the subtle dig at my punctuality.

"Worth it," I say, and I kiss her again.

Present Day

I wake with a start and immediately wish I could go back to the dream – back to that memory. I don't think I've ever been as happy as I was then. Then, and in the weeks after. The weeks before this asshole forced himself into our lives. We were happy and in love – even though we hadn't said the words yet - and I was excited about the future for the first time in my life.

He took that from us. He took our happiness and our peace, and I don't know how to get over it. Or how to get it back.

I hear a door open and look up to see the nurses and the female detective leaving her room, plastic evidence bags in their hands. The detective looks at me and nods, and I take a breath and stand. I knock lightly on her door and open it once she's given permission.

"Hey."

She forces a smile but doesn't say anything. I sit on the edge of the bed and reach for her hand. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she says quietly. She looks at me and presses her lips together for a moment. "Are you?" I start to nod, but she shakes her head. "Don't lie to me, Harm."

"I'm not," I say. "Considering everything that's happened, I'm fine."

She doesn't say anything but looks at our joined hands. When she meets my gaze again, her eyes have a determination that wasn't there before. "Are you going to look at me differently now?"

"What?" I'm confused, and she tries to free her hand, but I don't let go.

"The rape kit," she says. "The idea of sexual assault. Will it make you look at me differently? Do you see me as damaged goods now?"

I shake my head. "No," I say. "God, no. Mac…" I trail off as I try to turn my jumbled thoughts into coherent sentences.

"You almost passed out," she says.

I sigh and close my eyes. "I almost passed out because whiskey and bad coffee are all I've put in my system over the past twenty-four hours. And…" I take a breath and squeeze her hand. "It's bad enough seeing the bruise on your temple and the blood in your hair. Knowing he could have done more is hard to stomach." I lean closer and lower my forehead to hers for just a moment. "But it doesn't change the way I see you." Her eyes are heavy and sad and my heart aches. "It doesn't make me love you any less." She stays quiet and I take a breath and address the elephant in the room. "Did he?"

She licks her lips and shakes her head. "They don't think so. There were no fluids or signs of… force." I wince and she leans back and closes her eyes.

She's been calm since we found her, but now she seems brittle and on edge, and I'm desperate to go back to our beginning – when we were both happy and when she was safe. "I love you," I say and reach up to cup her face. And I do. God, I do. I love this woman more than anything else in this world, and I would do anything for her. And I know I could never, ever willingly walk away from her.

"I love you, too." She looks at me, and I feel like she's working up the courage to say something, and I lean forward and gently kiss her.

"I was so afraid, Mac. I was terrified every single second since you called to tell Chegwidden about your uncle."

"I know," she says softly. "I have something to tell you, though. Something I feel guilty about - I wasn't afraid. Not really." I frown and she takes a breath and slowly exhales. "I knew you'd find me, Harm. I never doubted that for a moment."

I nod slowly. "I would have," I say. "I wouldn't have rested until I did."

"I know."

I reach up and brush my fingers over her cheek again and gently pull her close, pressing gentle kisses to her temple, her forehead, her jaw, and then her lips. "I love you," I say again. "I love you. And I'm here. I'm always here – no matter what."

End Part 20