I'm alive! Sorry for such a long break. It's been a bit of stressful period for me, and now I'm working on my med school applications so updates won't be that frequent. I'll try my best though to keep this series going!
:::
Scout stared at the article of clothing between his fingers. No. Freakin'. Way. The American's eyes widened.
"Holy crap!"
:::
"Red alert, red alert!" Scout came crashing into the Lakeside common room, jumping over the back of the worn out couch and landing on the coffee table. Sniper glanced at the American over the top of his aviators, but otherwise returned to the obscure, Spanish paperback (Amor en Tiempo del Fuego) that Pyro had insisted he read. Not that Sniper knew much Spanish (other than that one time he dated an Argentinian bounty hunter) but he figured he could pretend to read while doozing off behind his sunglasses so no one would bother him.
It seemed to have been a great idea a couple of hours ago, being that only Pyro and Engineer had entered the vicinity, the former laying on the floor with color pencils and paper spread out around him, and the latter sitting on one of the stained loveseats with a newspaper in hand. Admittedly, Sniper should have accounted for the youngest mercenary of the team to show up.
"Uh, hello?" pestered Scout, standing on the table with his arms crossed as he shot the three other mercenaries a raised eyebrow. "We got a emergency!"
"Mmph?" Pyro glanced over, pausing in the middle of his lovely drawing of what could only be described as a hairless dog.
"Scout, do you always make it your duty to bother everyone when we have a ceasefire day? I'm beginning to sense a pattern," Engineer said plainly, staring at Scout from behind his goggles. He had his fingers curled around the newspaper and ready to smack the younger man out of the room if necessary. It was one of the few days they got off, and Engineer just wanted to enjoy it relaxing in peace and quiet.
"Oh, hohohohoho." Scout wagged a finger in Engineer's direction, a grin starting to form on his face. "You're gonna wanna hear about this hardhat. See, I was doin' my laundry cuz ya know, we finally have some time off and I ran out of clean underwear so-"
"Boy." Engineer frowned, starting to roll up the newspaper. Scout held out his hands.
"Wait, wait! It gets better! I was doin' my laundry, then I took my stuff out of the dryer. When I was sortin' through my stuff, I found..."
Scout reached into his uniform pants' pocket and seemed to struggle, before pulling out...
"This!" A bra. A pink, with lace and a ribbon in the center, bra.
Sniper slowly lowered his aviators, Engineer blushed, and Pyro stared.
"Now, which one of you old men is wearin' a -" Scout paused, squinting as he pulled the bra closer to read the tag. "A 36B cup?"
"Well, I'll be," mumbled Sniper, setting his book on the coffee table and sitting up. "That's strange. Maybe one of the guys had a girl over without any of us noticing?"
"Scout, put that down!" snapped Engineer, his entire face red. Scout's grin grew and he waved the bra in the air.
"Huh, why? It's yours, ain't it? I knew it, I knew you were the cross-dressin' type!"
Engineer was standing up now, but hadn't moved from the loveseat. "That's just indecent! You ain't supposed to be touchin' a lady's things, especially if she ain't even your girl."
Scout wrinkled his nose, still holding up the bra. "Wow, Engie. Way to remind me how old you really are."
"Lemmie see this," Sniper said. He got off the couch and snatched the bra from Scout. With his aviator's pushed up to his hair, he examined the pink fabric. Scout reached for it back, but Sniper turned and jumped behind a still blushing Engineer.
"Let's see here," the Australian commented, examining the tag. "Looks like it was bought at Emelia's Secret. Hm."
"And," said Scout, crossing his arms and hopping down from the coffee table. "What does that tell us? I'm bettin' it belongs to a girl Spy or Demo brought here. Both of them would pull some shit like that without bringing a girl for me too..."
"That's a pretty popular brand, especially with younger women," Sniper continued.
"Mmphw mpho mpu mmno mphat?" All eyes turned to Pyro's quiet question. The mercenary was standing near the door, crayons and paper clutched against his chest. Sniper blinked, ears reddening.
"Well, I mean, lots of sheilas in Australia got this brand! And I've had lots of girlfriends...so..." The Australian huffed, tossing the bra back to Scout. "Whatever, I don't have to explain myself to you lot."
"Yeah, who cares about why Sniper knows creepy shit. I wanna know who brought a chick over," Scout said, tucking the bra back into his pocket. "And I know just who to talk to."
:::
"Doc!"
Medic looked up from his current dissection of Demoman's liver. Usually it was Heavy on his operating table, but the Russian wanted to spend his day off learning how to play Shogi with Spy. That left the doctor with a volunteer, easily persuaded with alcohol and a less intrusive physical the following month.
Scout kicked open the infirmary door. Medic blinked from behind his glasses, bloody scalpel in his bare hand. From the operating table, Demoman took a swig of his scrumpy, the red beam from the medigun overhead focused on his open midsection.
"Doc, you won't guess - oh." Scout blinked eyes moving from Demoman to Medic. "Am I interruptin' somethin'?"
"Not at all," started the German, a smile forming on his face. "Vy don't you take a seat over zere and vait your turn?" He waved a bloody hand over at a seat against the wall, before reaching back into Demoman's gut to poke at his discolored liver.
"Actually, I'm not here for you to do weird stuff to my body," said Scout, sidling up to Medic's side and peeking into Demoman's insides with a grimace.
"Mhm," commented Medic, reaching for a syringe on the metal table at his side.
"So, you're up late a lot, right?"
"Some nights, yes."
"So you'd probably notice if someone on the team brought a civilian to base, right?"
"I suppose."
"Okay...well, have you noticed anyone bring a girl?"
"Hm..."
"Because I found THIS!"
Scout yanked the pink bra out of his pocket and held it over Demoman's body, one of the straps dipping into his bloody gut.
"Oh." Medic held up the syringe, now filled with dark blood. He knocked a fingernail against it to pop any air bubbles.
"What's with the bra, lad?" Demo asked, seemingly completely unaware that Medic had been poking around at his liver. Whether or not it was due to a local anaethestic or the alcohol, Scout couldn't guess.
"It's not mine, ya idiot. Someone brought a chick over here!"
"Eh, really?" Demoman sat up straighter in the bed, a mischevous gleam in his eyes. "And ye think it was our stiff doctor over here?"
"Ew," Scout grimaced. "Definitely not. But, I'm sure the doc knows who's been sneaking around with a girl, right?" The two looked over to see Medic had returned to his desk with Demoman's blood, and was making a slide out of it.
"Doc, ye know who brought a lass here?" Demoman called. "Also, ye gonna fix me up or what?"
"Ja, ja, just a minute..."the physician waved off, slipping the slide under the microscope at his desk. Before his glasses could touch the instrument's eyepiece, Medic found his chair being pulled back and rolled around.
"Are you not seeing this?" Scout stood in front of his teammate, waving the pink bra in the German's unamused face. Medic squinted, one hand adjusting his glasses.
"Yes...what am I supposed to be seeing exactly?"
"Uh, duh! A bra! In a base full of guys! This doesn't seem a bit strange to you?"
Medic shrugged, leaning back into his chair.
"Perhaps Spy had a lady friend over? Or you, Demoman?"
They both turned to see their Scottish teammate struggling to reach the medigun hooked up above his bed, only to lose balance and fall on the floor.
"Ah, bloody hell! Me scrumpy!" wailed Demo, one hand barely holding his bloody insides from splattering everywhere, and the other reaching for his alcohol bottle now rolling away toward Scout's foot.
"Uh, I think you should probably heal him back up," said Scout, pointing over at the fallen Scotsman. Demo was letting out obscenities under his breath, both hands now trying to hold his intestines and liver back into his open belly. Medic clucked his tongue, getting up and heading over to his patient.
"Herr Demo, did you have a lady over, hm?" asked Medic, reaching for the medigun hanging from the ceiling and pulling it over to focus on Demoman. His one-eyed teammate let out a short laugh.
"If only I were that lucky, lad. I bet ye it was Spy, that sneak. Probably brings tons of lasses over, and just now we're noticing!"
Medic flipped a switch to turn up the beam's intensity, watching as Demo's organs and skin started to heal and stitch back together.
"I say we go confront that frog then. See what he's been up to behind our backs," stated Scout, a smirk on his face as he placed the bra back into his pocket. He picked up the Scrumpy bottle at his feet and tossed it over to Demo, who had just finished pulling on his uniform shirt.
"Right idea, boyo! See ye later, Doc!" The Scotsman slapped Medic on the back before joining Scout outside the infirmary. The German watched the two leave, the door swinging close behind them. He frowned, a wrinkle forming across his brow.
:::
Loved writing Engie's reaction. At first I had him kinda be whatever about it, but then thought about it - he's like a forty something Texas dude so I'd bet he's probably a bit conservative about some stuff.
So, who do you think the bra belongs to? Medic who secretly cross dresses? One of Spy's many lovers, maybe BLU Scout Ma? Who knooows...do I even know?