What do you mean I'm the Headmaster?

Aurelian Fudge sat down in his chair and wondered why the gods never favoured him. He had planned to live a calm life off of his father's money now that he was minister, but oh no..Dad and his precious Lucy had to bring him into their machinations.

Three years, roughly, that's the only rest he got after Hogwarts before his father one day came into his room. He happily proclaimed that the board of governors at Hogwarts had voted Aurelian Fudge, him, in as Headmaster. Aurelian himself thought that they must be really dumb, or easily manipulated, if that's actually true. Probably the latter.

'Lian' himself didn't believe him, until he was led into the headmaster's office and told to wait for McGonagall to explain his duties to him. Honestly, it should still be a joke.

Though, he could understand why he sat in that seat. His father and Lucy were always complaining about having little to no influence at Hogwarts, and they probably saw him as the easiest way to rectify that. Surely they could have sent in that toad-faced woman Lian often saw coming out of his father's office though. They must have been close enough.

Oh well, 'let's make the most of it' was all Aurelian could say. As long as he doesn't get fired before they find a better candidate, he'd get a portrait on the wall. That was nice.

But as Aurelian looked towards the other portraits which all glared at him, he started thinking it might not be the greatest experience for his portrait self.

A knock could be heard at the door and a second later, Professor McGonagall entered. She looked rather exasperated and annoyed but he knew her as a very fair and just professor, surely she wouldn't take this out on him. She sighed.

"I'm sorry you've been put in this position. I will do what I can to help you, you won't have to lift your finger a lot during this short period until Albus is back."

Aurelian smiled at the woman he held quite a bit of respect for and got up from his seat. He walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you. I know dad just wants to punish you by getting me in here, but I'm not planning on just being a piece on his board. I'll try my best, I'll gladly accept your help with that."

Seeing the sincerity in his eyes she looked very relieved and sported a smile of her own.

"I'm glad to see you didn't end up as a copy of your father. From what I remember, you weren't really like some of your friends. I remember that boy who simply didn't apply himself in the back of the room."

There was a bit of cheekiness in her voice which he wasn't used to, but it still felt slightly accusatory. He let out a nervous chuckle and nodded his head as he got back to his seat and looked around.

"Yeah, I always planned on just getting by. My father becoming minister, and him granting himself an Order of Merlin, was supposed to give the family a hereditary seat on the Wizengamot. I planned to just live on the money that grants me to be honest. Studying was never my priority."

She nodded in acceptance and understanding.

"Well, considering you'll be spending quite a bit of time at Hogwarts, you might as well make use of it. Slytherins are all about making the best out of a situation aren't they? Resourcefulness and all that."

He looked at her confusedly but she gestured to what was all around him. Books from every continent in every subject. From the most common first year books to rare books with only 10 copies ever made. Aurelian stood up and took a closer look at what he had to work with.

"You probably won't be very busy since there aren't many tasks you'll be allowed to perform. You might as well spend this time doing something, right?"

He didn't look all that convinced.

"I don't know. It's just not my thing. Besides, it's not like I'll be here for long. I was just an average student with 6 newts, none of which were outstanding. After a while they'll come to their senses and realise what dad is doing. I'll be out of here before you know it."

She chuckled as if knowing something he didn't, but let him have it.

"Suit yourself, but let's get started on the tour. I'm guessing you don't need a tour of the school, but perhaps a few places only open to staff and I'll show you the proper procedures. Alright?"

With that, he was introduced to the new additions to the Hogwarts staff. One particular staff member stood out. What was Dumbledore thinking when he hired Lockhart? The guy was clearly a fraud, Aurelian had met him before at parties and he was honestly a terrible person. Having him near children was a liability, especially teaching them. But Lian didn't let it bother him too much. Neither of them would be there for long after all. Hopefully the curse would handle Lockhart as soon as possible.

With the tour done he settled down. The next day he was introduced to the school with a very mixed reception. A lot of the people there knew who he was already, since they went to school while he was there. He was in for a rather uncomfortable time at the castle, he knew it.

*** One month later ***

After a week, Aurelian had taken McGonagall's advice. He had been reading some of the rarer books. Most were in other languages but seeing as he was taught French, Japanese, Portuguese and a bit of Arabic, because his father wanted him to become a diplomat, he could get by with almost every book in there. He was honestly quite surprised to see how different the world was compared to what he knew. In Africa they rarely used wands at all. In eastern Asia they used a lot of runic variants on talismans. In South America they had a lot more focus on rituals. The old ways of North America was by far the most interesting, as soon as he was out of here he'd love to visit the old tribes who claimed they could listen to magic herself. They claimed to be able to truly become one with her and communicate in her language.

After three weeks of reading, he hadn't really learnt any spells since they weren't his goal. His goal was to be entertained. Reading about things people in Britain had no idea was even possible was very intriguing to a man who had lived there in a bubble for all of his life.

Reading wasn't all he had done though. He had gotten into the issues the school had. He really didn't understand how Dumbledore ran this place. Maybe his father was partly right, Dumbledore had too many things on his plate. One of the most surprising things was that the boy who lived was a scrawny kid, who was bullied by most of the student body.

But that wasn't really the topic of his thoughts at this very moment. He had just received an emergency call from McGonagall that there had been another attack. When he arrived, the blood on the wall spoke for itself.

"Her skeleton will lie in the chamber forever"

The mood was terrible, obviously, and few teachers had much to say. They quickly concluded that it was the young Ginny Weasley who had been taken into the chamber. But Snape, in as sarcastic a voice possible, had to get a word in of course.

"Well then Lockhart, why don't you handle this? You've said that you know where the entrance is all along. I take it we'll hear that you dealt with it before the morning?"

The guy was obviously shell-shocked. He could barely handle a trip to the toilet, let alone a trip to the legendary Chamber of Secrets. After a few more comments from the staff he ran off. Lian chose this moment to step forward.

"Tomorrow, I will get a team of curse-breakers here. I understand that Dumbledore doesn't want outside interference, and the school can't afford it, but I'll put it out of my own pocket if necessary. We must make sure it is safe for my replacement. Are you all fine with that?"

Everyone was surprised at what they heard. Aurelian Fudge had not been one to speak up. Not as a student nor as a Headmaster. The authority in his voice surprised them all and left them without any rebuke. He took off towards his office.

"I'll see you all in the morning. Let's see what I can do. McGonagall, send for the girl's family will you? We'll meet with them in an hour."

Sitting in his office knowing that one of the students under his protection was most likely dead, caused his eyes to draw towards the alcohol cabinet. Before he stood up to go over there though, two students barged into his office. He had to learn how Dumbledore did the whole thing where he knew who came for a visit.

He quickly recognised who they were. With a solemn voice, he spoke to the two distraught boys.

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley, I apologise for what has happened. I will do everything I can to make it right. I can promise you that."

The two boys shared a look and then started talking at the same time. Boy were they loud, Aurelian barely caught what the topic was, but soon his emotions burst forward. This was just too out there!

"What do you mean there's a basilisk in the girls' bathroom!? Come off it Potter!"

The boy in particular wasn't very happy with his rebuke but his friend explained it once more and insisted they were serious.

"Please! You have to believe us, my sister could die down there. Please Headmaster! Please!"

Against his better judgement, he followed along. The red-haired one had just lost his sister to the 'heir' after all, he should at least amuse them. No need to tell McGonagall though. He'll soon be back in the office, meeting with the girl's family. Surely they wouldn't take it poorly that he amused their son's delusions?

But then he heard that sacred tongue. So the rumours were true, the boy who lived could speak with snakes. Lian was almost too busy appreciating the language to notice that right in front of him, a hole that wasn't there before suddenly showed up.

"You two were serious? I have to go get McGonagall!"

But the two stopped him with their wands raised. It was Harry who explained their action with urgency in his tone.

"There's no time! You're our Headmaster, you must be good for something!"

He sighed and looked at the two naive boys.

"I think you'll find that I'm not. But tell you what? I'll send for help while we go down there. Hopefully they'll arrive before it's too late."

He waved his wand to conjure a piece of parchment. Another wave to conjure ink. A third wave to splash the ink on the paper in the exact form of his usual scribbles called handwriting. With a fourth wave the parchment folded itself into a plane and flew off.

The boys stood in wonder at what they saw, they probably only knew about 10-15 spells currently and quickly realised that Aurelian could overpower them in a second. Their thoughts were interrupted by him stepping over towards the hole.

"I'll jump first to make sure it's safe."

He waved over all of them.

"That should make sure you'll land safely, but wait for my call. Okay?"

At their nod, he jumped down. He didn't really know why he did this, but if it was a student down there who had done all this then he had a great chance of at least holding them off until help arrived. Perhaps the little girl's fate wasn't sealed yet. Aurelian wondered why he cared this much but before he reached a conclusion, he reached the bottom. It was filled with small skeletons from rats and other vermin, but otherwise rather safe. With the help of arresto momentum he has even landed with light feet.

"It's safe, you can come down here."

A moment later they both landed down there.

"Now. I brought you along in case there is another passageway which requires parseltongue. When I tell you to stay back, you stay back. Are we clear?"

They were about to object but he put more authority in his voice and repeated.

"Are. We. Clear?"

After both children nodded, all three of them walked along the odd damp dark place. It was soon confirmed that there was a basilisk down there as they saw the skin from one. This caused two thoughts to repeat in Aurelian's head. He wondered once more why he was doing this, and he also reminded himself not to let the boys get anywhere near that creature. In the back of his head he tried to remember what he could about Basilisks but before he could recollect much, they were met with a round door.

It was magnificent. Judging from its decay it had once been even more wonderful as well. The snakes sculpted out of stone were incredibly detailed and almost looked alive. The markings were hard to decipher but the overall style was very old, probably medieval. It was obvious that Harry was required once more.

"Say something to open the door. But once you do, I want you two to hide. Who knows what's hidden behind."

He conjured Ron a pair of glasses with regular glass in them, and a pair for himself.

"Avoid its gaze at all costs, but these might at least save your life..now, Harry, if you will."

As soon as Harry spoke, the two sculpted snakes started slithering and opening the door to what Aurelian assumed was the chamber. The two boys hid around the corner, as instructed, and he stepped through the gateway.

Inside he saw sculptures of massive snakes all around. He hoped none of those came to life or he'd be dead real quick.

At the back of the room was a massive statue of a person he recognised well. Salazar Slytherin. His face was a lot more ape-like than the small drawings he had seen of him before but it was probably the most accurate seeing as this one was most likely made while he was alive.

In front of the statue lay a small red-haired girl, which he quickly recognised to be Ginny Weasley, and above her stood a handsome unknown young man. He looked young enough to be a student, but Aurelian didn't recognise him at all. He raised his wand at the boy.

"Who are you? Step back from the girl!"

The boy, who was probably somewhere around 17 years old, laughed. It was not a laugh filled with emotion though. Lian doubted he had ever heard such a soulless laughter before in his life.

"And so the puppet Headmaster arrives. I thought you'd be on the first ride out of here."

The boy raised his wand to meet Aurelian's.

"Children are fascinating aren't they?"

Lian was surprised at his choice of topic. But let him go on while he slowly moved closer to the boy he assumed was the attacker.

"She was just a little jealous, and that's all it took for her to trust an unknown magical artefact. She poured her soul into that diary, poured her soul into me."

Lian fired a stunner at the boy who seemed momentarily distracted but it flew right through him, as if he was a ghost or something.

The boy smirked.

"Don't interrupt me. I'm over here explaining how a foolish little girl will bring the greatest wizard to ever live back to life."

At that, Aurelian let out a hearty laugh.

"You? The greatest wizard to ever live? Then how come I've never heard about you?"

The boy looked angry at the notion that someone was laughing at his ability. The fact that it was this failure of a Headmaster made him even more furious.

"My name is Tom Marvolo Riddle, and-"

He started spelling it in the air but Lian waved it off with a light breeze.

"I don't care. Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore is the greatest wizard of modern time. The fact that he himself would NEVER proclaim himself as that, is just a bonus to show HIS character."

This caused the boy, now known as Tommy, to boil over. He started firing spell after spell towards Lian in fast succession. He could barely keep up.

"A Fudge of all people has NO RIGHT to speak about the ability of others. I remember the Fudge in my class. Really held up to his name. Sticky, fat and useless. That's all he ever was. And I'll make sure you're nothing more than a sticky goo when I'm done with you."

Lian had no clue what he was talking about but an image of his fat grandpa came into his head. But before he could throw that image away, he heard the most beautiful song he could imagine. Both of them looked up to see the fiery red figure of Fawkes fly in with a hat.

He dropped the hat in front of Aurelian and went on to fly circles above them. Tommy laughed and took a step back.

"I guess it is time for me to call my companion as well."

And then he spoke parseltongue as well. Aurelian was under the notion that this was supposed to be very rare in Britain but he had now met two people in very short succession.

The statue of Salazar opened its mouth and out slithered the largest snake he had ever seen by a country-mile. As soon as he caught himself, he looked away. Somehow he must now defeat both this Tom and a freaking 60 feet long basilisk, that was honestly way too girthy for a snake.

Then he remembered a spell he and his mates used back in the day, and prayed to the dear gods that they were kind enough to let it work on a basilisk.

"Cockolio!"

He shouted it out with all of his power and from his wand spouted five large roosters. Before Tommy could kill them, he threw another spell at them so they would make their sound as loud as possible. As soon as they saw the snake they crowed for their lives.

Instantly, the loudest sound Lian had ever heard shouted out. The basilisk was screaming out in pain and writhing around. He quickly realised that he had to save the girl. He felt it was worth the risk so he opened his eyes to find the girl almost get smashed by the basilisk.

Purely by instinct, he apparated over to her and banished her out through the door which was still open. He put a cushioning charm on her and hoped the boys would take care of her while he died here.

Right before it died, the basilisk caught sight of Lian and struck a final time. Luckily for Lian he had time to dodge a bit, but sadly that's all the luck the gods had in store for him. His arm got caught and a tooth pierced all the way through it. The basilisk gave it another twitch and chomped down over his shoulder. It poured in its venom for a quarter of a second before Lian got away but that was enough. The snake was dead, but so would he be in just a few seconds.

In desperation he shouted out to Harry and Ron.

"Close the door and run. Forget me, take her and RUN NOW!"

Tommy let them get away, he was far too busy gloating over Lian's dying body. From the second hole spread tar black lines getting closer to his heart. If it reached, he knew he was dead.

"Losing your life trying to save a girl and ending up having her die anyway. How pitiful."

Tommy kept smiling in that sinister way only associated with absolute psychopaths.

"What are you talking about Tommy boy?"

He twitched at the nickname but went on to explain.

"Her soul will still feed me through the book. It's a shame about the snake but my life comes first after all."

Then the phoenix flew down. Aurelian didn't really understand what its purpose was, but he supposed he could at least feel better hearing its song before his life ended. He stroked its head but then it suddenly struck its beak into his chest, piercing his skin while doing so. Then it tilted its head to the side and started crying. First three drops into the wound it caused, and finally five more into each bite from the basilisk.

That's when it struck him. Phoenix tears are world-renowned for their healing capabilities! He saw the wounds close right in front of him and the former tar black marks under his skin stopped and faded into a light grey.

He could move again, and that book was right within his grasp. He picked it up and threw it against the wall. A second later he threw the fiercest spell he possibly could at it. He knew he couldn't control it, but he was surrounded by stones and sewer water so who cares!?

"Fiendfyre!"

The fire was blazing, it had its own life and Lian didn't even try to control it. He let it live its own life and disconnected it from his wand as soon as he could.

Tommy started screaming out of pure pain. His soul was burning and he felt every bit of it. Lian smiled and as soon as he saw that the boy was gone, he sat up. Only to notice the hat that was brought in earlier, now had a sword poking out of it. A SWORD! What was he supposed to do with that!?

Aurelian Fudge started laughing, for all he had. He laughed at the situation. He laughed at the absurdity of fighting a 60 feet basilisk with a simple sword. It was then he heard the door open again, and he soon saw Harry sticking his head in.

"Headmaster…are you alright?"

His eyes became as wide as saucers when he saw the basilisk just a couple of feet away from his Headmaster, and that brought even more laughter to Lian.

"Come over here Harry, I have an idea."

Slowly, and reluctantly, he got closer. He looked questioningly at two roosters running around in panic mode.

"I used a rooster conjuring spell earlier."

Harry raised his eyebrow at that. And Lian tried to reign in his laughter to answer.

"What?"

"Do you really need a specific spell for Roosters?"

Lian started laughing hysterically again. He might be going mad.

"Why of course you do! How else would you play Conjure a Cock in the girls' dressing room?"

He sported a mock aghast expression.

"Don't tell me..you actually-"

Harry shouted out in response, all red in his face.

"No! I would never I-"

But Lian started laughing again and soon he was trying to get up on his feet.

"Help me up, will you?"

Harry nodded, it seemed that the basilisk's head had fallen on top of Lian's leg momentarily after it died and cracked some bones.

Lian got to his feet and grabbed the sword. Then he walked over to the basilisk with Harry's help and opened its jaw. He pierced the top of it from the inside and then he threw the sword to the side, sliding down along the side of the basilisk's head. He pointed his wand at the roosters, though just the living ones, and vanished them.

"Let me tell the story of what happened here Harry, alright? You owe me that much right?"

Harry nodded fervently so Lian gave him a weak smile.

"That's nice. Now go get help because-"

And that's when his vision grew blurry. The next few moments were honestly very hard to decipher. Harry ran off and then he came back with a few others. With his blurry vision and fuzzy mind, Aurelian couldn't recognize who arrived but he was soon levitated away with Fawkes sitting on top of him. He managed to stroke the feathers on top of the bird's hair a couple of times as he was transported to who knows where.

Soon everything was white and about five potions were forced down his throat. That's when his mind and vision started coming back. He blinked a couple of times only to notice he was in the hospital wing and absolutely surrounded by people. A large group of which were all red-haired, and he could only guess those were the Weasleys. Then there were the professors on one side. Most were looking at him with relief. Lockhart was not there though. Then in front of him was his father and a few ministry men he assumed were all aurors called in for the occasion.

"I'm guessing you want to know what happened?"