Ceasefire Days

by sawruhr

"God, no. He could not deal with Soldier having one of his strange, possibly insane, moments. Especially not with someone like Scout, who only knew how to escalate situations to a level of craziness that even Pyro was not equipped to handle alone." A series of oneshots about stuff RED team does that doesn't involve killing.

33. RED Test Group

I literally had no ideas so just went with something easy. Can't believe I wrote something like this, but I hope it's entertaining.

:::

MissPauling created the group RED Test Group.

RED_Engineer was added to RED Test Group.

RED_Pyro was added to RED Test Group.

RED_Sniper was added to RED Test Group.

RED_Soldier was added to RED Test Group.

RED_Medic was added to RED Test Group.

RED_Demo was added to RED Test Group.

RED_Spy was added to RED Test Group.

RED_Scout was added to RED Test Group.

RED_Heavy was added to RED Test Group.

MissPauling: Hey everyone. This is the group chat I said I would add you all to. Please try to use this device to talk to one another as much as possible. The devices you're testing will be gathering data, and recording everything. The only thing you need to do is chat. I will come back next week.

MissPauling left RED Test Group.

RED_Engineer: Hey fellas, ya'll all seeing this?

RED_Engineer: After you type what you want to say, press the button in the bottom corner.

RED_Scout: is miss pauling still here?

RED_Engineer: That's how you send a message.

RED_Spy: You can see it says she left. Are you having problems reading?

RED_Scout: screw you

RED_Demo: i think im learning how to use this

RED_Engineer: This is so compact too. It would be amazing to try these on the field.

RED_Sniper: yeah, it's not like we have another faster way of communicating

RED_Medic: hklwe

RED_Sniper: that was sarcasm

RED_Medic: aoiewjfe;a

RED_Engineer: You okay, doc?

RED_Scout: haha thats what happens when your old

RED_Heavy: Hello comrades.

RED_Medic: argklae

RED_Pyro: =)

RED_Scout: what the hell is that

RED_Engineer: Glad you joined us, Pyro!

RED_Sniper: looks like some code

RED_Engineer: Looks like we have everyone. Oh, Soldier?

RED_Engineer: Soldier, are you able to read what we're doing?

RED_Demo: what does that mean pyro?

RED_Pyro: =(

RED_Heavy: Taking long time to type. Buttons too small.

RED_Demo: i don't think you need to type all letters

RED_Medic: aogrlae

RED_Demo: you can use u for you

RED_Scout: i already figured it out. ur all 2 slow

RED_Pyro: =|

RED_Medic: ekalgrl

RED_Heavy: doc ok?

RED_Soldier: HELLO

RED_Demo: where have u been?

RED_Sniper: and why are you using all capital letters?

RED_Engineer: I had to go by and help him. He was talking into it instead of typing.

RED_Scout: hahahahahahahahaha

RED_Scout: wat a dumbass

RED_Soldier: I AM NOW ABLE TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU ALL

RED_Sniper: why capital letters?

RED_Demo: soldier r u having trouble again?

RED_Pyro: (^_^)

RED_Soldier: WHAT IS THAT

Red_Medic: akjrlg

RED_Engineer: Maybe I need to check on the doc too. Will be right back.

RED_Engineer is away.

RED_Heavy: how do tht

RED_Scout: idk

RED_Soldier: I LIKE USING THIS

RED_Sniper: idk? what does that mean?

RED_Spy is away.

RED_Scout: i dont kno

RED_Spy is online.

RED_Sniper: then why did you type it?

RED_Demo: how did you do that spy?

RED_Soldier: BUT I DO NOT THINK IT IS GOOD FOR BATTLE

RED_Spy is offline.

RED_Engineer is online.

RED_Engineer: Archimedes stole the doc's device. It was much more difficult to catch him then I imagined.

RED_Medic: Danke

RED_Medic: What are we talking about?

RED_Demo: spy went offline but we dont know how

RED_Scout: lets talk shit bout him

RED_Pyro: =(

RED_Heavy: help pls

RED_Engineer: To change your status, pick the button near the center of the device. Look.

RED_Engineer is offline.

RED_Engineer is online.

RED_Engineer: I used the Invisible status.

RED_Spy is online.

RED_Spy: You ruined the fun, Laborer.

RED_Scout: wtf

RED_Soldier: WHAT IS WTF?

RED_Engineer: Sorry, haha.

RED_Scout: go away spy

RED_Engineer: The instructions say a lot more things.

RED_Spy is away.

RED_Demo: there r instructions?

RED_Scout: engie can u kick spy outta the group?

RED_Engineer: Only Miss Pauling has administrative privileges in the group.

RED_Spy is online.

RED_Spy lights a cigarette and blows smoke in Scout's face.

RED_Scout: wtf

RED_Scout: y

RED_Sniper: hahahahaha

RED_Soldier: I AM LAUGHING OUT LOUD

RED_Demo: i lost the instructions. can u help engie?

RED_Heavy: yes pls

RED_Spy sits comfortably in a plush chair and judges everyone.

RED_Pyro: (T_T)

RED_Engineer: You have to type \ and then after that slash, put what your action.

RED_Engineer ignores Spy.

RED_Scout beats the hell outta spy.

RED_Spy dodges Scout and then goes to call his mother.

RED_Scout: wtf stop

RED_Demo gives all ye lads sum scrumpy.

RED_Scout breaks the phone and beats spy 2 death so he is rly dead and cant call his ma.

RED_Heavy is hungry.

RED_Spy is unharmed because Scout is just dreaming.

RED_Pyro makes Heavy a sandwich.

RED_Heavy: thx

RED_Heavy eats sandwich.

RED_ Scout is NOT dreamin and spy is dead fr.

RED_Soldier WOULD ALSO LIKE SANDWICH.

RED_Spy was using the deadringer.

RED_Medic is in the infirmary and wants you all to remember that the door is always open.

RED_Pyro makes Soldier a sandwich.

RED_Soldier: IT TASTES VERY GOOD

RED_Engineer: You can also change your name is you use the button in the top right. It will bring up a menu with that option.

RED_Engineer changes name to ThePracticalFella.

ThePracticalFella: Can't do spaces though.

RED_Demo changes name to bigscrumpyenergy.

RED_Scout changes name to topoftheteam.

topoftheteam is ignorin spy

RED_Pyro: ='(

RED_Heavy changes name to Heavy.

RED_Spy changes name to Handsome_Rogue.

RED_Sniper: I went to get coffee and you all wrote a novel?

RED_Soldier changes name to AMERICANPATRIOT.

RED_Sniper: soldier why are you still using capital letters?

bigscrumpyenergy: y didnt u change status to away?

RED_Sniper: who are you?

bigscrumpyenergy: demo. i changed my name

ThePracticalFella: Sniper go read the chat to learn how.

Heavy is w Sasha.

Heavy: i like dis

AMERICANPATRIOT KICKS ALL NON AMERICANS OUT OF GROUP

RED_Sniper kicks Soldier out of the group.

AMERICANPATRIOT: WHOS SOLDIER?

RED_Pyro: (-_-)

bigscrumpyenergy: I agree with sniper haha

Handsome_Rogue: Unfortunately Miss Pauling also wanted us to suffer through this.

ThePracticalFella: Well, I think this is great. Not as good as the typical way we communicate on the field, but now we can talk when we're all at different places in the base.

RED_Pyro: =D 3

topoftheteam: y wud i wanna talk 2 ya clowns

RED_Sniper: it's better than you yelling and running around

AMERICANPATRIOT: YES WE CAN WARN EACH OTHER WHEN WE ARE UNDER ATTACK

bigscrumpyenergy: or mibbe when something good is on tv

topoftheteam: tf is mibbe

bigscrumpyenergy: what the hell is tf

RED_Medic: Maybe we can make a glossary of abbreviations so we can all understand

topoftheteam: tf is abbreviations

Heavy: pls explain

ThePracticalFella: Medic means like a list of words we can all shorten and understand.

RED_Pyro: (^_^)

AMERICANPATRIOT: WHAT LANGUAGE IS THAT?

RED_Pyro: (-_-;)

topoftheteam: ofc we cant understand em

topoftheteam: wat a surprise

Heavy: ofc?

topoftheteam: of course

AMERICANPATRIOT: OF COURSE WHAT?

RED_Sniper: we might as well be in the same room since im just as annoyed on here

topoftheteam: wat a surprise

topoftheteam: dat was sarcasm

Handsome_Rogue: We would have never guessed.

topoftheteam continues to ignore spy.

Handsome_Rogue dates Scout's mother.

topoftheteam: wth?

RED_Sniper: hah

topoftheteam: btw dat means wat da hell

topoftheteam: nd dat means by da way

RED_Medic: It's like he made up his own language. Fascinating.

topoftheteam: was dat sarcasm?

RED_Medic: No

ThePracticalFella: Okay, let's start on that list. So far we have "btw" and "wth".

bigscrumpyenergy: brb

bigscrumpyenergy: as in ill b right back, goin 2 get drink

bigscrumpyenergy: haha

bigscrumpyenergy is away.

topoftheteam: lame

BLU_Spy joined RED Test Group.

topoftheteam: wth?

AMERICANPATRIOT: INTRUDER

ThePracticalFella: How the hell did you join this group?

RED_Pyro: (o_o)

Handsome_Rogue: What brings my BLU counterpart here?

ThePracticalFella: Who pulled the alarm?

RED_Medic: Soldier. I saw him run by the infirmary.

ThePracticalFella is away.

RED_Sniper: cant have any peace even on a ceasefire day

topoftheteam: y r u here

topoftheteam: im gonna tell ms pauling if u dont leave

BLU_Spy: lol

Heavy: lol?

BLU_Spy left RED Test Group.

topoftheteam: hah that scared him

RED_Sniper: ofc

topoftheteam: screw u sniper

:::

ThePracticalFella is online.

RED_Pyro is online.

RED_Pyro: =)

ThePracticalFella: Hey Pyro! Didn't think you would be up this late.

RED_Pyro: (^_^)

ThePracticalFella: I figure it's just you and me tonight…

RED_Medic is online.

RED_Medic: Hello!

RED_Pyro: =D !

ThePracticalFella: Hey Doc. Not surprised you would be up this late. What are you working on?

RED_Medic: Organizing my infirmary. Something got in and caused a mess

ThePracticalFella: Yeah, Scout tends to do that.

RED_Medic: Nein. This was someTHING

RED_Pyro: =(

ThePracticalFella: Not sure what you're getting at.

RED_Medic: I saw the crumbs Pyro

RED_Pyro: (^_^;)

ThePracticalFella: Crumbs?

RED_Medic: Keep Pan out of the infirmary Pyro. I'm going to leave Archimedes out of his cage more often

ThePracticalFella: Pan?

RED_Pyro: (T_T)

RED_Medic: Oh I forgot only I know about that. Okay then, good night

RED_Medic is offline.

ThePracticalFella: What was he talking about?

RED_Pyro: ='(

RED_Pyro is offline.

ThePracticalFella: ...

:::

topoftheteam is online.

topoftheteam: yo any1 in town rn?

topoftheteam: yo

topoftheteam: respond

topoftheteam: i see sum of u online

topoftheteam: yo

topoftheteam: WHOS IN TOWN?

topoftheteam: i need sum stuff

topoftheteam: yo

RED_Sniper: stop messaging so much. Obviously no one is there since no one is responding

RED_Sniper: jackass

topoftheteam: wher u at sniper i just wanna talk

RED_Sniper: at your mother's house. Blu spy is here too

topoftheteam: WTF

topoftheteam is at snipers house nd his ma says she regrets havin him.

RED_Sniper: I think you're talking to my dad

bigscrumpyenergy: lad

topoftheteam: u in town demo?

bigscrumpyenergy: nah, just watchin tv w pyro

RED_Pyro: (^_^)

Heavy: in town

topoftheteam: y did it take u so long 2 reply?

Heavy: did not want talk

topoftheteam: bet ur on a date wit da doc

Heavy: da

bigscrumpyenergy: what?

RED_Sniper: ?

RED_Pyro: =o

RED_Medic: We are at the new museum

topoftheteam: WAT?

Heavy: engie 2

bigscrumpyenergy: what?

RED_Sniper: he means they're all hanging out

RED_Sniper: wankers

topoftheteam: dats way they want us 2 think

ThePracticalFella: This is why we never tell you where we are.

topoftheteam: ok but look

topoftheteam: i need a favor

RED_Sniper is offline.

Heavy is offline.

ThePracticalFella is offline.

RED_Medic is offline.

RED_Pyro is offline.

bigscrumpyenergy is offline.

:::

I HAD to put out something, didn't I? Will maybe do one more short chapter of this while I think of some ideas..