"The only impossible journey is the one you never begin" -Tony Robbins.

"You've had all this time, and you mean to tell me that you don't have a costume for the Halloween party," Casey shouted.

Olivia blew a stream of air into her bangs, "I've had a lot on my mind these last few weeks. Give me a break."

"This is unacceptable, Benson, the party is tomorrow night! I need to put you into something."

Olivia waved a dismissive hand, "Casey, I'll figure it out."

Casey held up a Wonder Woman costume, "Well, what about this?"

The scanty cloth costume offered little coverage in more areas than one. If Olivia were spending a night in a room full of cops and lawyers, she'd prefer not to have to check her breasts every five seconds. That's what she did last year.

"I was falling out of that same costume last year. You wear it instead."

"I already have my costume. I'm not last minute like you," Casey held up a variety of costumes, "Sexy Nun?"

"No," Olivia shot down.

Casey shifted the hangers in her hand, "Sexy nurse?"

Olivia rolled her eyes, "No."

Casey put the options back on the rack, "I've got it. Sexy Schoolgirl," The short plaid pleated skirt danced on the hanger with the white cropped short sleeve shirt to accompany it.

"Casey, I'm going to a Halloween party, not shooting a porno. You remember I work for the sex police now, right? No sexy anything if I can help it."

"Well, you got the stuff might as well flaunt it," she sighed, returning the get-up to its rack, "What's the rest of the crew going as?"

"Munch is Doc Brown from Back to The Future. Fin said something about a vampire because he already had the cape, and Elliot is just as late as I am with this."

"Ask him to dress up with you," Casey suggested.

Olivia snickered, "What? So we match? What are we going to be, cops?"

"Sexy cops," Casey corrected.

"You're incorrigible," Olivia said flatly, continuing her search for a costume.

"Look, I gotta get back to the office. I expect you to show up in something Halloween worthy by tomorrow night," Casey threatened, "You bringing your mystery Marine to the party?"

"He's ahh...busy with work and all. Besides, I'm sure a room with cops is the last place he wants to be. I'll see you tomorrow night, Casey."

"Call Stabler, Missy!" Casey called, walking out of the store.

"Bye!"

Though Casey was trying to get her into outfits that could be considered lingerie, she was right. She and Elliot certainly had enough brainpower to concoct a costume appropriately suitable for one night of fun. Olivia dialed his number and held it to her ear, waiting for his charming voice to pick up on the other end of the line.

"Stabler."

"You know you should really look at your caller ID before you pick up the phone, Stabler."

"I almost missed your call, and my phone was on the seat. Everything okay?"

"Fine. Casey just drilled into me about the Policeman's Halloween party tomorrow night. I don't have a costume."

"What you wore last night would be just fine."

"El, I was naked….with you."

"Adam and Eve isn't a bad idea," Elliot laughed.

Olivia whined into the phone, "You are just as bad as Casey."

"Why? What did she want you to be?" Elliot asked.

"Sexy Nun, Sexy nurse, Sexy school girl—"

Elliot halted and further options, "I'm not seeing a problem here, Liv."

"You are such a guy."

"Yeah, well, I have the equipment to prove it."

"That you do," She laughed into the phone, "I was aiming for something a little classier that won't get me arrested, Elliot."

"So, what were you thinking? A couples costume?" Elliot suggested.

Olivia sighed, "For the sake of the function, a partner's costume."

"Umhmm, yeah. Alright," he chuckled, "I'm headed over the bridge now. I'll meet you at your place."

"Sounds like a plan. I love you."

"I love you too. I'll be there soon."
On her way out of the Halloween shop, she spots a small red jug on a shelf display. She picks up the bottle of fake blood and places it on the counter for the cashier to ring up. She had an idea.

Elliot used his spare key to enter the apartment. He was expecting to see a panic-ridden Olivia tearing apart her closet in search of something to wear for tomorrow's party. Events like these always stressed her out. Hell, she came close to a coronary at Prom. He drops his gym bag full of more clothes to bring over and scans the living room until he hears rustling in her kitchen. The tile floor was covered in newspaper. A half-empty bottle of fake blood lay next to her with some craft scissors, and an unopened box of Marlboro red cigarettes sat on her counter.

"How long was I gone for?" he laughed to himself.

"I had an idea."

"I see that," he laughs into his kiss for her, "You pick up a smoking habit while I was gone?"

She clapped her hands together in excitement. A light spattering of blood splashed onto her chest."How do you feel about being partners in crime for the duration of the evening?"

Elliot squats down onto the floor infront of her and smirks, "I like where this is going," he encourages her to continue.

"Well, Clyde Barrow, would you like to accompany Bonnie Parker to this tragedy of a dance?"

"Happily."

"You guys look fantastic!" Casey screeched, dressed as a sanctity-clad Batwoman.

Munch huffed, "I wish I could go back in time and call out while I still had a chance," he adjusted the puffy white wig on his head.

In the corner, Olivia was applying ruby lipstick using her computer monitor, "John, you can only fake having anthrax so many times," she lectured.

Munch scoffed, "Not nearly enough."

"Can we hurry this up!" Fin yelled, "I want these fuckin' things outta my face when we get there."

"Looks good, Fin," Olivia complimented, "What did you use?"

"Some shit in a tube that comes out pink," Fin explained, "I don't know, Munch said it would be good so the fangs would stick."

Realization struck Elliot, "Munch...Did you give him denture cream?" Elliot turned to Fin and laughed, "Good luck getting those off, Fin."

Fin towed at the fangs, but they wouldn't budge, "You son of a bitch."

"Who do you think is gonna spike the punch this year?" Munch asked.

Cragen, dressed in 70's bellbottom jeans and a tye-dye t-shirt, put his hands in his pockets, "For the sake of your shields, I suggest none of you."

The venue was decked out head to toe in spooky garb. Realistic cob-webs, bubbling caldrons burning all hues of yellow and green, and miniature coffins containing glow-in-the-dark skeletons. It was impressive, to say the least, a much better turnout than other years prior. Before being let into the party, waitstaff served the officers' horderves on metal trays.

Olivia wandered to the other side of the room, nursing a flute of champagne. She saw members of her old squad and one person, in particular, she could have gone the rest of her life without seeing.

"Olivia Benson, as I live and breathe," the timbre of his voice made her want to scream.

"Hi Brian," she smiled thinly. He was dressed in a spiderman costume with the mask in his hand.

"You look incredible," he beamed broadly.

This was the first Halloween where she felt comfortable in her costume. No leotards riding up her ass, so spillage of breasts, and no wardrobe malfunctions of any kind. That was last year. Olivia wore a short sleeve cream sweater with so many snags. She was sure she'd never wear it again. At least now, it had another purpose. Parts of her black skirt and sweater were frayed, and the final touches were a baret and a pair of t-strap heels.

All of which was smothered in fake blood for an added touch.

"Thank you," she spoke softly, "How's your new partner?"

"He's not you."

She squeezed her eyes shut, "Brian."

"I wanna see you again," he reached for her hand, but she jumped away.

"Brian, I'm seeing someone, alright?"

He sprang back a step and mocked dejectedly, "You work fast, I see."

"It's been over a year," Olivia stressed, "I just wanted one night. It was never supposed to turn into something more."

"You seeing someone on the force?" he jutted his chin in Elliot's direction, "You seem to be gettin' real cozy with Hot-Head over there."

Olivia's body tensed, "He's my partner, Cassidy."

"That didn't stop what we had."

"What you and I had was one night," she corrected.

Brian began to fume, "He's staring at you like a steak dinner, Olivia."

"He's protective, and I'm the only detective in the unit who happens to be a woman. All of them are protective of me. Including my Captain."

"The Olivia I knew never wanted anyone to look out for her…."

"Maybe I'm not the same Olivia anymore then..."

"If you're screwing another brother in blue, just—"

She couldn't stand to be near him anymore.

"We're done with this conversation," Olivia all but shouted. The doors were opening, and people were making their way into the ballroom, "Enjoy the party."

Olivia strutted back over to Elliot, frazzled. She just wanted to get into the party and have a nice night with her team.

"You all but jumped down Cassidy's throat," he laughed.

Olivia rolled her eyes, "I'm not jumping down anything."

He linked arms with her, "Kid's got it bad for you, Liv."

"Don't I know it," She huffed, "How do you know Brian?"

"He was in my academy class," Elliot spoke freely, "Cassidy was also the greenest rookie on the beat back then, but Munch could tell you that."

"He didn't, but that doesn't matter now," Olivia shivered, "Brian isn't the one watching my six. You are," she said matter a factly.

"That's right," he grinned, tightening his grip on her hand, "Shall we, Bonnie?" he gestured through the smoke-filled doors.

"We shall, Clyde."

The buffet-style dinner was served within the half-hour, the deejay was serving up some good music, and from across the room, Brian Cassidy was serving looks at Olivia. She tried her best not to look his way, but the presence that someone was watching her was intense, almost overwhelming. After twisting away yet another time, she huffed again, and Elliot noticed.

"Cassidy bothering you?"

"No, he just….looking at me," The frustration was evident across her face.

"Want me to say something?"

"No," she rapidly delivered, sipping her drink, "I just want to make it through the night."

He nodded, "Well, if you do, I got your six," he grinned, playing with the cocktail straw from his drink, "You think Cragan will have anything to say if I ask my partner to dance?"

Across the dance floor, Captain Cragan was occupied in a conversation with the commissioner and chief of police. With a whole bottle of Perrier in hand, it was positive he wouldn't be leaving the round table anytime soon.

"I doubt it," she smiled.

She took Elliot by the arm and led them both to the dance floor surrounded by their peers. Casey and Fin were already immersed in the Halloween-themed tunes. The creative energy was booming, and the pair were having fun letting loose with their coworkers and fellow officers. Maybe the endless flow of alcohol made it easy, but none of them had much to drink except for Munch, who wasn't feeling much of anything. The song transitioned to Meat Loaf's 'Rock 'N' Roll Dreams Come Through,' and it had them all singing at the top of their lungs. By all reckonings, it was a twisted masterpiece oh so fitting for the occasion.

Olivia and Elliot were in a world of their own, utterly unfazed by the changing colors of the lights above or the fact that people were moving to the edges of the dance floor to witness what simply looked like magic.

"Are you having fun!" Casey shouted to Olivia over the music.

"I am now," she giggled.

Olivia was always on display on mic night at Flannigan's. But this was different. The crowd encompassing them didn't phase her one bit, it was Elliot that she was worried about, yet he was the one drawing her into the heart of the floor.

Fluidity, that's what they were—pulling away only to come back to one another in swing dance. Had Olivia known better, she'd think Elliot trained beside Patrick Swayze in the school of dance. But he didn't. He just felt the music the whole way through, bringing her closer to him at the end before the song transitioned to the next. He dipped her, leaving a lasting impression on the faces of those around them. They laughed together, realizing just how lost in the music they got.

Olivia cocked her brow, "You've been holding out on me, Stabler."

"You ain't seen nothin' yet, Benson," he grinned.

They returned to their table for a much-needed drink of water. Their coworkers followed behind, sweaty and ditching parts of their costumes once their bottoms hit the seats. One look, and they all agreed.

It was time to go home.

The magic of Halloween simmered, and it was early in the hour of November the first. Elliot was left in his slacks and white tank top with scissored bullet holes, and Olivia ditched her heels at the front door. She sat on his sink, washing the fake blood from his face and neck with a face cloth.

"I told you this stuff would come off," Olivia smirked.

"Yeah, well, judging by the fangs Fin's sporting, he might have them off by Christmas," Elliot laughed. "Ho-Ho-Horror," Olivia giggled.

Olivia's eyes trailed down his chest, he'd been dressed in the white shirt almost the whole evening, and she now was noticing how exceptionally rippled he was underneath it. It made her blush.

"See something you like?" he simpered, kissing her nose lightly.

"Always," she laughed at him.

"You had a good idea yesterday, and I might even wear the costume again next year."

"I bet that I can make it look better," she challenged.

"And what would that be? Using real blood this time?" he joked.

"No, I was thinking that maybe it would look better off of you," she tugged at the lipping of his shirt, "What do you say, El?"

"Happy Halloween to us," he kissed her hard, "The bathroom?"

"We can clean up when we're done," she smiled against his lips.

"You do have the best ideas."

They were disrupted when the doorbell rang.

Elliot murmured, "It's after midnight. Who the fuck is at my door?" As he approached the door, he could hear muffled snickering and a few cuss words on his porch. When he opened it, Doc Brown and a Vampire were trading candy between pillowcases.

Munch laughed, "Trick or Treat."

Elliot had to admit. The sight was amusing. Two fully grown detectives bickering like children over dollar store candy was funny. But it was late. Halloween was over, and rather than go toe-to-toe at a bowl of chocolate. He'd like to devour the woman in his company tonight.

"Shouldn't you be getting back to the senior citizen's home for bingo, John?"

Munch dove into a small snack-pack of Oreos, "Your insults do not affect me, Stabler."

"What are you two doing here?" Elliot asked, annoyed.

Munch shuffled his candy bag, "Ransacking the candy bowls your neighbors left out. Got a good stash going so far. Care to contribute?"

Elliot was trying to make sense of the sequence of the last thirty seconds, "You drove your asses out to Queens….for some skittles and snickers?"

"Well, that, but Fin had something else in mind," Munch stepped aside and let Fin take over.

"Tell me, Stabler. You like wearing Benson's lipgloss?"

"What?" Elliot tried to playoff.

"Well, tell me, future boy, you wear size seven heels when we're not around?" Munch gestured to the pair of black t-strap shoes in the entryway.

Behind the wall shielding her from the door, Olivia overheard the interrogation going on. The jig was up, Fin knew. There was no sense in hiding their relationship from him anymore. It just wasn't worth the conflict and fallout unless Munch took the DeLorean into the future to prove otherwise.

Olivia padded to the door. She had since changed into a pair of leggings and one of Elliot's clean shirts from the laundry after their failed romp in his bathroom.

Olivia crossed her arms over her chest, "Hey, guys."

"Great Scott! There she is," Munch chuckled, "I sense that we interrupted something of magnitude."

Elliot gritted, "You did."

Olivia sighed, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear, "El, just let them in," she softened. "Gonna have to have to explain it sooner or later. Save them a trip. I'll put on the coffee."

Fin smiled, "Your girlfriend has wonderful hospitality."

Elliot rolled his eyes, "Take a seat. You'll be here a while."

Elliot and Olivia cozied themselves on one end on the sectional while Munch and Fin sat with significant space between them. Between their venture into the kitchen and sitting down, Elliot grabbed a photo album off the bookcase in the living room, just in case.

"You gonna say something, or are you just going to stare, Fin?" Olivia proposed.

Fin sat up from his relaxed position on the sofa, "Look, I'm cool about this and all, I'm just a little confused….Baby girl, your story…."

"Was the truth," she quipped, "I've known Elliot most of my life."

"So what, Stabler, you pull on her pig-tails one day, and boom, you're in love?"

Elliot squinted off into space in a grin, "Not exactly."

1979

Detention. The worst words to ever leave Mrs. Waterwick's mouth by anyone's standards.

Olivia Benson walked into the empty sixth-grade classroom with fresh tears, carrying a copy of The Outsiders to read to herself. Across the room, sitting at an open desk, Elliot Stabler was drumming on his notebook, waiting for Waterwick to leave the room and spend the rest of detention in the teacher's lounge. When Waterwick did get up and collect her teaching materials, Elliot waited until the tempo of her shoes wasn't audible to hop seats.

"What are you in for?" he called to the girl a row over from him.

Olivia didn't respond initially. She was too in-depth reading her book.

"What are you in for?" he asked again. This time she picked her head up and looked at the boy in front of her.

"We're not supposed to be talking," she whispered.

"Yeah, and Mrs. Waterwickedness isn't supposed to leave us alone. Spill. What are you in for?"

Annoyed, she set her book down, "Why are you talking to me right now?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "Got no one else to talk to, so you're it, Benton."

"It's Benson," she corrected.

"Look, the time will pass much quicker if you just open your mouth and speak," he suggested, "I promise I won't bite. Much."

Knowing she wasn't getting her way out of talking to him, she admitted, "I fell asleep at my desk."

Elliot scoffed, "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"What? It's the truth."

"You fell asleep at your desk, and she gave you after-school detention…."

"Yes, what part is confusing to you?" She wanted nothing more but to leave the room, "What did you do?"

"Punched Nicky Phillips in the face," he chuckled.

She made a displeased face, "Why?" Olivia asked.

Elliot shrugged, "He deserved it."

"No one deserves to be punched in the face," she explained.

"Well, he did."

Olivia rolls her eyes and turns back to engrossing herself in the novel, "You're incorrigible."

"Incorrigible?" Elliot squinted, "Did you just insult me?"

Dropping her book again, she looked at him dead in the eyes, "It means that the person is not able to be corrected. If you open a book every once in a while, you'd know."

"What are you reading?" Elliot inquired, now standing in front of her desk.

"The Outsiders."

"What's it about?"

"Two rivaling groups, some boys who don't know how to play nice, and death."

The disgusting face was now on him, "Your mom lets you read crap like that?"

"She's an English professor at Hudson. We don't watch a lot of TV."

He shook his head, "I never understood why people like to read, not even for a second."

"It's a nice getaway when you don't feel like paying attention to what's happening in the world around you. People aren't that kind around here, in case you haven't noticed."

He dropped into the chair next to her, "Can you read it to me?"

"My book?"

"Yeah, got nothin' else to do." Elliot saw the hesitation in her eyes, "Please."

Olivia sighed, "Where do you want me to start?"

"Well, the beginning would be nice," He laughed.

Olivia abandoned her marked page and found the first chapter, "When I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had only two things on my mind: Paul Newman and a ride home..."

The hour spent in detention rushed by swifter than either of them could have conceived. Elliot clung to every word Olivia so eloquently delivered. He liked her intelligence, something he didn't have in himself. Just before their hour was up, Elliot hopped back into his original seat from the start to avoid suspicion. Olivia gathered her belongings and started to make her way out the doorway, but Elliot was on her heels.

"Benson," he called out.

"What?"

He licked his lips, "You read to me for an hour, and I don't know your first name."

"It's Olivia. I read to you for an hour, and I don't know your name at all."

"Elliot. Elliot Stabler."

Present

"You were a punk kid," Fin deduced.

"The biggest."

"So what happened after that? Sparks flew? Dove's cried?" Munch asked.

"El asked me to read him the rest before I went home, and I thought it was a joke."

Fin and Munch turned to Elliot, "Well?"

"She read me the rest, and I walked her home. After that, we got close. I never saw that detention room again."

Fin chuckled, "Well, that explains why Benson's a walking encyclopedia. She got a head start before any of us had a chance," he looked at Olivia, "So your story, the guy that got ya outcha mom's place, that was Stabler?"
Olivia nodded, "Her binges were legendary, Fin. Not something I'd subject anyone to."

"And thats why Stabler is so god damn protective over you."

"Guilty," Elliot kissed Olivia's cheek.

Fin threw his arms up, "How could two people be this involved, and I don't have the damndest clue about it. I had to find out by eavesdropping."

Munch unwrapped a piece of candy, "The government does the same thing, you know. They call it wiretapping."

Fin stole the candy back, noticing it was from his pillowcase, "Not my point, asshole."

"Cragen doesn't know a thing." Elliot started, "Not about our relationship, the past, or the present. We're trying to keep it that way. For now."

"Well, what does he think you are?" Fin asked.

"Partners. Who met the day before. Not much else." Olivia sighed in disappointment.

"Well, it's time for these tricksters to go home and turn back into pumpkins," Munch declared, throwing his knapsack of goods over his shoulder.

"One more thing," Fin said, "Stand up, Stabler."

At Fin's command, Elliot stood up from the couch and came eye-to-eye with Fin.

"You hurt baby girl in any way, shape, or form, and I'll kill you. No one will find the body."

Elliot smiled, but Fin wasn't amused, "I'm serious, Stabler. I'll can your ass."

Elliot patted Fin's cape-covered shoulder, "I appreciate the big brother talk and all, but Liv might beat you to it."

Fin walked back, almost through the door, "You need help hiding the body Liv you call me, day or night. I know people."

Olivia laughed, "That won't be necessary, but thank you."

The door slammed behind their friends. Olivia padded back to Elliot and snuggled herself in his arms, kissing him with ferocity, "Now. Where were we?"

The band of detectives were all pacing the squad room, still trying to figure out how Olejandra and Lillian were connected.

Elliot started, "They don't belong to the same gym…."

"Two different grocery stores on opposite sides of town…." Olivia added.

"Olejandra has a kid, Lillian doesn't…." Fin gruffed at the chalkboard.

"Lillian works in the school system. Olejandra was an artist…." Munch chimed in.

Olivia rolled the worn piece of chalk between her fingers, "Olejandra was strangled with a toggle wire, and Lillian was strangled by someone," she turned to Elliot, "Melinda get any prints?"

"No prints, just residue from latex gloves."

They stood at the board in a row, baffled at the lack of evidence. Two women were dead, and this guy was still out there. The killer was taunting them, leaving cryptic messages and vowing to kill again.

The phone on Elliot's desk rang, "Stabler," he answered.

"Elliot, it's Melinda. Can you meet me in the morgue, please?"

The tone of Melinda's voice made him feel uneasy. Over the phone, he could imagine her pacing the morgue's sterile environment with the landline cord wrapped in her hand.

"Doc, is everything alright?"

She exhaled shakily, "I need you to get down to the morgue as soon as possible. It's urgent."

"Why, what's wrong?"

"Just get here, take somebody with you."

Before Elliot could say another word or ask another question, she hung up.

"Did Melinda find something?" Olivia asked, hopeful it might help with their case.

"I...I don't know. She didn't sound alright. She told me to take somebody with me to the morgue."

"I'll go with you."

Elliot nodded and reached for his jacket. Whatever Melinda had to tell him, it couldn't be good.

When Olivia and Elliot walked into the morgue, they collectively agreed that the energy was off. At least more than it usually was.

Melinda Warner was gripping the ends of the surgical steel table, and her back was to them. She had lost all of her usual, tanned glow and looked like she'd seen a ghost.

"Melinda, what's going on?" Elliot asked.

She turned around and took a deep breath, "A body came in about an hour ago. I opened the bag and…" she took another breath to steady herself, "I can't be sure."

"What do you mean you can't be sure? Do you know who the victim is?"

"I think I do," she closed her eyes tightly, "I need you to make an ID for me."

Elliot swallowed, and his heart began to race rapidly.

Melinda curled back the blue hospital sheet painfully slow, there was a second of hesitation, but she pulled the sheet as far as the victim's shoulders.

Elliot has seen plenty of dead bodies in his day. Battered women, shaken children, and the demise of the elderly at their very end. But no amount of military skills or on-the-job training could have ever prepared him for who Melinda just unveiled to him. Elliot's throat went dry, and his mind went into complete disarrangement.

The source of his inadequacy and self-doubt was lying lifeless and still on Melinda's slab.

"Kathy," Elliot sucked in an uneasy breath, "How did it happen?" he whispered.

Melinda swallowed, "A car accident. Blunt force trauma to the head and chest."

"How long?" He whispered again.

"Death was almost instant. She didn't suffer. I need to run a name in the system…."

"Kathleen Malone." He stared blankly, "Unless she still uses Stabler."

"Thank you."

Elliot slipped out of the room quickly and down the hall to the men's room. Olivia thought it was best that she'd leave him alone for a while before she tried to talk to him.

Melinda turned to Olivia, "It's Elliot's ex-wife."

It was the only explanation Melinda had to offer, but the only one Olivia needed.

"I heard a lot about her. Never thought I'd run into her this way." She spoke softly, trying to remain as neutral as she possibly could.

Melinda typed Kathy's name into the database and out popped a match. Melinda immediately began scrolling through her employment status, her medical history, and other notes made in the file.

"I found some scar tissue on her body that was congruent with one of two things: a C-section or a hysterectomy," She stopped at a particular point in the digital chart, "Now I know which one."

Elliot stormed back into the room with a look on his face that said it all.

He didn't know what to do with himself.

"What's going on?"

"Kathy had a hysterectomy. The scar isn't recent either."

It was Elliot's turn to turn a ghastly shade of pale. He shook his head in disbelief, "You need spousal consent for something like that. I would never sign off on it."

"Though I disagree with the law, you're right. You do need spousal consent for a surgery like this," Melinda paused, her tone becoming heavy and grave again, "Except when she had it, she wasn't married. The scar is almost invisible now because it's so old. It matches what I found in her medical history. I almost missed it on my initial exam."

Tears began to brim in Elliot's eyes, "How long ago?"

"Over ten years," Melinda sighed, "It says in her chart that Kathy was a carrier for the BRCA genes. The BRCA genes put a woman at a higher risk of having Breast and Ovarian Cancer. Most women will opt for a double mastectomy and the removal of the ovaries to prevent cancer. Her mother died of an advanced form of ovarian cancer when she was twelve. I also found artificial estrogen, which she took to maintain hormone balance and female characteristics, without it she…."

Elliot's mandible tightened, "She lied to me."

Tears came to Olivia's eyes now too. She was watching him fall apart right in front of her.

"She made me think I was crazy," he gritted his teeth, "All these years….I wasted my life on something that wasn't going to happen."

He disappeared through the door again, but Olivia knew he wasn't coming back a second time.

"In life and death, this woman tears him apart," Melinda wavered, covering Kathy's body up once again, "I almost didn't recognize her. She was a blonde the last I saw her."

Olivia stood in the morgue, racking her thoughts and questions into some order that made sense, but only one came out, "How do I help him, Melinda?"

"Love him with everything you have. Don't let her ruin any more of his life."

Olivia looked at Melinda, confused. Love?

"I may look at corpses all day, Olivia, but I do look up every once in a while. I'm not blind."

Olivia nodded and gave a quick smile to her before leaving once again to find her partner.

The ride back to the precinct was quiet, the radio was off, and Elliot glared out the passenger window the whole time. When they got back to the squad room, Elliot made a direct path for the cribs—avoiding the rest of the team members. Olivia made her direct path for the Captain's office.

"Where's Stabler?" Cragan asked, annoyed.

"In the cribs," she gulped, "Kathy showed up."

"I thought he was done with her," Cragen questioned.

"Sir, she's in the morgue."

"Identifying a victim?" Cragen asked.

"She's the victim. Car Accident earlier this morning."

Donald Cragen dropped the paperwork he was thumbing through. He pinched the bridge of his nose, looking like he was on the verge of a significant migraine.

"How's he holding up?" He spoke lightly.

Olivia shook her head, "Not great." She admitted.

"That's expected."

Olivia shut her eyes right before coming forward with more, "Kathy had a preventive hysterectomy when she was eighteen. She couldn't bear his children even if they tried."

Cragen rose from his desk and stood in front of his newest detective, "Are you alright?" He asked.

Olivia brushed the impending tears back with her hand, smudging a bit of her mascara, "It's not my ex-wife in the morgue, Captain."

"Drop the formalities for a second, Olivia, just talk to me."

"She never told him. About any of it while they were married. I'm trying to keep him from going off the deep end."

"That's what partners are for. Elliot's a good man, despite the anger and aggression. He'd be a good father one day. A protective one."

"You have kids, sir?" Olivia asked.

"My wife and I were never blessed with the privilege."

Olivia nodded, absorbing the information, "He was so good to her. How could she do this to him?"

"What's done is done. Get Elliot out of here, take the day with him, go get something to eat, and make sure he takes care of himself."

"Sir, we're in the middle of a case—"

"And it will still be here when you come in tomorrow. That's an order."

"Yes, sir," she turned on her heels about to walk out the door when he continued.

"Thank you for coming to me with this. I know it couldn't be easy."

"It wasn't."

When Olivia came out of the Captain's office, Elliot was back at his desk.

"Captain is sending you home," she spoke softly into his ear.

Elliot's eyes were puffy, "Liv…."

"Just take it, I'm coming too."

Elliot nodded and shut off his computer monitor, "I have to call her sister and her dad…and…."

"El, it's okay," she smoothed her hands over his shoulders, "We'll take care of it."

The drive back to Queens was silent too. The radio was still off, and she could hear Elliot's brooding again in the passenger seat. She couldn't blame him whatsoever. Today was horrific for both of them. Olivia was trying to push the image of a child with Kathy and his features into the wastebasket of her mind because it would never happen even if they were still married.

Chinese was delivered, and they both changed into comfier clothing. Elliot pushed around the lo mein in the white take-out container until he felt too sick to look at it. When he set it down on the coffee table, Olivia did the same with hers. She plodded across the sofa and curled herself up beside Elliot, who took her into his arms without a fight.

Elliot and Olivia spoke not a word for a few minutes. Elliot just appreciated holding onto her and feeling her affection. He buried himself into her neck, where he planted a tender kiss. That alone put a block in Olivia's throat.

"Thank you," he murmured into her hair, "I didn't want you to see me like that…" he trailed off.

"What are partners for?" Olivia smiled sadly, "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

Elliot nodded, "When she and I met, I told her that I wanted a family. I wanted the kids and the house in the suburbs….We moved here, and I thought I could be happy. We signed a prenuptial agreement because we were so young. In hindsight, it was the smartest decision I've ever made," his voice wavered again, "I wanted to be a good father. I wanted to prove that I'm not Joe Stabler in the nature versus nurture debate. I wanted to prove that I can love someone of my own blood and be everything my father wasn't..."

"And you never got the chance…." Olivia finished for him.

Elliot's nose burned, "I shouldn't feel this way. I don't love her anymore…."

"Somewhere deep inside that heart of yours, you did, and that's okay."

His tears began to fall, "It's so screwed up, Liv. It's a fucking mess."

"El, I'd be more worried if you didn't feel anything."

Elliot shook his head adamantly, "I don't want to feel any way about this. I was better off thinking she existed out there, with someone who cared."

"You wish you never saw the body? Olivia asked gently.

"Yes," he shouted, a little too loud, "I could have gone the rest of my life without ever seeing her again. She's not my wife anymore. We don't have children together, and now I know why!"

"What's done is done," she said, remembering her Captain's words, "You can't change what happened, El. She made a choice long before she met you, and maybe she thought it was the right one."

Kathy chose the sacredness of her health over children. Though Olivia couldn't make the same choice herself, she understood why Kathy did it.

"Everybody needs someone," Olivia repeated, "I want to be your someone."

For the first time since the news of Kathy's death had broken, Elliot cracked a short smile.

"Baby, you already are."

A/N: I am SO SORRY about being MIA for a week. Between school, family drama, and the change of the seasons, I haven't had much time or motivation to write what I wanted to. I gave a little extra in this chapter to hopefully make someone's heart happy. Last authors note I told you that we have some very special guests arriving in upcoming chapters, and while that is true, I didn't necessarily say they would be alive. Oops! More coming in a few days when I screw my head back on right. I posted this story on AO3 last night, and I might even post it to Wattpad if I feel like it. Follow me on Twitter with the same name! Follow, Fav, and Review! xoxo