It Hurts More When I Don't See You

Rachel stood outside, her hand hanging mid air to ring the bell, and her expressions mirroring Ji Ah's.

Ji Ah looked away in exasperation. Rachel was the last person, she had wanted to meet here like this.

Young Do came to stand beside her, also looking rather annoyed at Rachel's sight.

"What is this?" Rachel sneered at Young Do.

"You don't need to know." Young Do said tersely, tucking his hands in his pockets again.

Rachel chuckled in disbelief, before turning to Ji Ah and raking her up and down with a withering gaze. "You are even worse than I thought."

Ji Ah felt her face burn with humiliation and anger. Rachel walked off, but Ji Ah threw a wrathful look at Young Do. He had his lips pressed together.

She hurried out of the room, fuming internally.

She hated him!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ji Ah stood at a sidewalk outside the Zeus hotel, trying to prepare herself mentally to take a cab, but in vain. Eventually, she gave up and decided to walk some more today. Maybe, she could try taking a cab from Mr Seo's house to her apartment.

As she walked tiredly on the sidewalk, she came face to face with Kim Tan.

"Why were you in Choi Young Do's hotel room?"

Ji Ah's face burned with embarrassment again. That scumbag told Kim Tan!

"He said, he would take back the lawsuit against Moon Joon Young if I ate noodles with him."

Kim Tan gave a mirthless chuckle. "And you believed him?"

"I didn't." She frowned. "But I already have a lot to feel guilty about and I didn't want one more thing."

Kim Tan's features softened. He looked away from her for a moment, before his eyes flickered back to lock with hers.

"You don't need to feel guilty about anything... Nor do we need to avoid each other."

Ji Ah's frown deepened, because she disagreed with both things inwardly.

"In fact, I don't want to avoid you." He said a bit loudly, standing up straighter and giving her a small friendly smile.

"Kim Tan." She said weakly, as if trying to stop him from doing something wrong.

"I don't want us to be awkward with each other." He continued, unfazed. "Or avoid each other."

"Doesn't it hurt to see me?" She blurted out the question, but regretted it instantly. "I am sorry!"

Kim Tan's gaze darkened. "It does." He spoke quietly after a moment, ignoring her apology. "But it hurts more when I don't see you."

Ji Ah's lips parted. She felt a pull at her heart. Now, she wanted to avoid him even more.

"So let's see each other outside school too. Let's eat together and talk about each other." He gave her a wry smile.

Ji Ah nervously hoped that he didn't mean what she thought he meant by seeing each other outside school too.

"Kim Tan--" She began cautiously, but he startled her, by taking off her hair clip abruptly.

"What are you doing?" She gasped, and brushed back the strands which had come loose upon escaping the clip.

"I don't like this hair clip." He squinted at her plain black clip, while a faint playful smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

Ji Ah furrowed her brows, widening her eyes at him in bewilderment. And she had called Choi Young Do volatile!

"I will get you a new one." He told her, slipping her hair clip into his jean's pocket

"No-no!" She stammered, feeling flustered. "There is no need for that!"

"There is!" He insisted stubbornly, thrusting his hands into his pockets too. "I don't like this one."

"Kim Tan!"

"See you at school, then." He gave her a charming smile, before turning back in the direction he had come from.

Her shoulders felt heavy and she sighed. Why everyone was hell bent on agitating her?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ji Ah ended up taking a cab.

She thought maybe this time it would be better, because she was travelling in a vehicle after a long time.

Nevertheless, she could still feel an anxiety attack --or was it a panic attack?-- building up. The space inside the car felt too cramped, and her chest felt too empty.

Ji Ah placed a terribly shaking hand on her chest, as she sucked in breaths, but her lungs seemed to have stopped working. She was inhaling air, yet she couldn't breath.

I can do it. She told herself, but she couldn't do it.

Her eyes watered and she felt dizzy. Just then, some car beside them made a abrupt stop with a horrible screeching sound.

Ji Ah screamed, scaring the living delights out of the poor driver.

"Stop the car!" She panted at the him, tears leaking out of her eyes. He didn't need to be told, for he had already slowed down.

Ji Ah threw open the door and scrambled out. Everything swayed and she fell. It was even worse now.

Some man approached her, helping her up, causing black spots to appear in her vision. He asked her something, but his voice sounded distant. She was still struggling to breath. The man led her somewhere and sat her down.

"Breath in deeply." He told her. Ji Ah took a deep breath.

"Exhale slowly now."

Ji Ah exhaled slowly, and kept repeating till her wild heart calmed down.

The square faced, broad chested man was dressed in a professional black and white suit, that reminded her of thugs hired by rich villains in dramas.

But turned out he was a friend of her Samchon and he had recognised her. Mr Seo had told her that nearly no one knew about Cha Ji Ah's existence, so how did he knew?

Ji Ah was wary of him when he offered to walk her to her Samchon's home. She politely declined the offer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ji Ah eyed the books on the shelf, trying to look nonchalant, while Mr Seo stared at her from behind the table, waiting for her begin explaining on her own.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

Ji Ah finally looked at him. "Ofcourse."

"You look pale." He commented. "And your hands are shaking."

Ji Ah balled are hands into fists, and placed them in her lap.

"I took a cab actually. Because I was tired." She told him.

Just then Mr Seo's butler entered the study room, and set down a tray of water and orange juice on the table. Ji Ah grabbed the water glass and gulped it down.

"Why were you drunk last night?" He eventually asked.

Ji Ah placed the glass on the table. Mr Seo's butler had already left the study.

"I..I accidentally drank too much beer." She stammered out.

"But why did you drink?"

Ji Ah looked down at her hands in her lap, picking at her nails.

"I am sorry." She apologised.

Mr Seo stood up, and tucked his hands in his pockets. He moved around the table to stand in front of her. Ji Ah also stood up, feeling apprehensive. His extremely sharp features always made him look even more intimidating.

Mr Seo's gaze seemed somewhat gentle, but his tone was stern. "I am not asking you to apologise. I am asking you why did you drink?"

Ji Ah averted her gaze. He was totally angry, she was certain now. "I am sorry, Ahjussi." She apologised again.

Mr Seo pulled out his hands out of his trouser pockets abruptly, and Ji Ah flinched, drawing away. She raised a hand over her face defensively out of instincts, fearing that he may hit her.

Mr Seo's body went rigid.

His hand was frozen near the chair, and Ji Ah realised, with deep embarrassment, that he was pulling the chair to sit down beside her. He was not going to hit her.

She straightened up immediately, brushing back her hair and blinking several times, before looking him in the eyes. A prominent frown was etched across his face.

"Sit down." He said tonelessly.

Ji Ah did as he said, turning her chair to face him, and he also took sat down in the chair beside her.

"I wasn't going to hit you." He said in a soft manner, leaning forward in his chair.

"I am sorry."

"Stop apologising." He chided her gently.

Ji Ah's initial reaction was to apologise again, but she stopped herself, and nodded uneasily.

"You need to see a proper therapist." He said, and Ji Ah knew instantly where he was going. "Not just for your nightmares, but all your mental health issues. I have someone trustworthy, whom you can confide into truthfully."

"Ahjussi..." Ji Ah began tentatively, not really knowing how to put her thoughts into words for him. "Not now. I..I just have a lot on my mind lately. When I have cleared my mind a bit, then I will tell you myself and go see a therapist. I promise." She gave a small smile at the end.

Mr Seo looked like he was about to argue, but then thought better of it.

"Did you eat?" He asked.

"Sorry?"

"Did you have something for lunch?"

"Oh," Ji Ah was caught of guard by the question. "I had noodles." She lied.

Mr Seo seemed to believe her, as he nodded and leaned back.

Before leaving, Ji Ah briefly mentioned the man who had claimed to be Mr Seo's friend to her, and to her relief, Mr Seo recognized the appearance description Ji Ah provided him. He was indeed Mr Seo's friend, and apparently knew Cha Ji Ah.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As soon as Ji Ah was out of the room, Nam Gil moved back to his original seat behind the desk, and picked up his cellphone to dial Ahn Dan Te's number.

"Make someone get a proper profile of Hae Na Ri's father. I want to know what kind of person he is."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ji Ah decided she would spend her sunday out. There was a theme park here somewhere, and she wanted to visit it, today. Just enough of sulking! She would improve her mental health on her own, and wouldn't need a therapist.

Beaming with a sudden burst of positivity, she stepped out of her apartment, but faltered when the chill rose goosebumps on her arms. She tightened the coat around herself. This cold was never going to leave her alone. It seemed specially cold today, though Ji Ah was not going to cancel her plans.

She had barely gone far when her phone vibrated: Mr Seo's text.

"m I too coldd?

Ji Ah frowned at her cellphone screen in confusion.

Another text popped. "Am I?"

"Am I toooo controling?"

"I am not ditant."

"I am q stalker. Bit I am a good staker."

"Its not ma fault."

He continued to spam her inbox with nonsense texts. Was he, by any chance, drunk? Ji Ah thought with mild horror.

She dialed his number, and he picked up after two rings. "Ahjussi, are you ok?"

"Doo you want to drinkk with mee?" He slurred. Ji Ah removed the phone from her ear, and stared at it. He seemed very drunk.

She placed the cellphone back to her ear. "Ahjussi, I am underage, I can't."

"Ah.. I forgot." He said. "Do you think I am cold?"

"Sorry?"

"Or tooo controllingg?" He added.

Ji Ah scratched her head worriedly. It was very unlike him. He was a really calm and composed person usually. What could have happened for him to drink in daylight and behave like this?

"Everyone lovesss gifts. Then why doesn't shee?"

"Ahjussi, I will call you back after a while." She said before ending the call hurriedly, and dialing Ahn Dan Te's number.

He picked up after four rings. "What?" He grunted in his usual constantly irritated with life and everyone and everything manner.

"Ahjussi, Seo Ahjussi doesn't seem well. He is drunk and --"

"So what do I do?" He cut her off impatiently.

"You should go and check on him!" Ji Ah said crossly.

"It is sunday, not a working day. What is he doing right now, is none of my business."

"How can you be so--"

He didn't let her finish, and cut her off once again. "If you are so worried about your Samchon, then go see him yourself."

Ji Ah flamed up. "Okay! I will go see my Samchon on my own and tell him what a jerk he has for a secretary--"

The call disconnected.

Ji Ah scowled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello! Thank you guest 123. I think that's a good idea. I will put it up on wattpad too under the same username.

~Fawns