I completely love you guys! I want to thank Tommy4eva angel422 and Duddley111! You guys are unbelieveable and I love you reviews! This chapter focuses on Tommy again, and I used the lyrics to What Hurts the Most, which is a song I never thought I would like. But I do. No, actually, I love it. lol, ok I'm all done :o)

Disclaimer: I really do not own anything, Ipromise that I haven't been telling people that I own Instant Star. Really.

What hurts

The alarm clock's harsh blaze struck midnight in front of his eyes. The spell his dreams had cast was slowly fading away, letting the misery leak through his bones again. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, knowing he wouldn't be able to fall asleep again. The burn that shot from his pupils to the back of his head seared dully in light of his breaking heart. He felt like every moment took him farther away from her memory. Farther away from her love. Farther away from any possibilities of that's love renewal. He sighed resoundingly, knowing that after she had haunted his dreams so peacefully, so void of his current melancholy, nothing could rouse him from daylight's numb pain. He closed his eyes only to feel his pain sear more maliciously, arching from the back of his mind to the deep wells in his heart.

The most

He groaned, looking out the window to see a once peaceful tree whip against the harsh wind's gusts. It blew until branches snapped and continued to puff with more might but without satisfaction. It blew its breath harder against the weakening tree as its crunched leaves whirled into a pool of frazzled fury. His eyes drifted closed again, as he tried to recapture the blissful serenity he found so unexpectedly in his dreams. But he was merely met with the familiar sting of tears he couldn't keep from shedding while the regret and longing welded in the pit of his stomach and rose through the unfeeling crevices of his body until they reached his heart.

Was being

The love his heart once found had been meek and was now a scarcely known feeling left in him. He had kept it hidden but his viciously dark secrets dug it up and taunted his love. The jeered and mocked in dismay at the shards of hope his love contained. It puffed its mighty misery and willed against the small strength of his love. It's resolve shook slightly from his core, tempting him to give into his pain, but his love held. It held and within the deeps sores of his loss Tommy felt a shining glimmer of something that wasn't pain. Something that gave him the strength to think of the unspoken love they had shared.

So close

He didn't know if he had broken her beyond repair. He didn't know if he had broken himself beyond repair. He didn't know that if he ever went back that she would want him again. If she could love him again. He didn't know he if he could live without the love that had snuck past the wall he posted long ago. He missed her. But his shard of love gave him hope that it wouldn't be forever between them. That they could love and last in spite of all the hurt between them.

I would trade

The winter rain patted against the roof loudly, waking Tommy from his lightly unconscious state. He stared at the stucco ceiling, connecting dots that melded together to form her smile in their wake. Tommy had wrapped a foot underneath his opposite leg long ago and the painful tingle alerted him that it was sleeping. He caressed the normally unwanted pain, but then flung his leg out forcefully. He felt nothing but pain. All the time. Sometimes it melded sharply with his regret to make an offensive cocktail, an ugly concoction that the lament of his heart served to him daily.

All the words

The steady downpour mesmerized him, unable to comprehend its consistency and will to continually patter. He got up and made his way to the fond of the bay window, leaning his heating body against the cooling rain-spattered glass. The beat of his mourning heart desperately searched for something to cling to and Tommy felt it pound along with the rumble of the shaking thunder. Distant tears and cries of sorrow shivered from across the house and met Tommy with resonant force. He heard her call for her maman while he wished he could only bring her back. For both of them.

Left unspoken

He pressed his hand against the pain, watching the drops from outside roll past his fingers and droop beneath his palm. He pushed his forehead closer to the glass, slightly above his hands, and watched the rain shimmer slowly from above his gaze.

In front of his gaze.

Hastening pace.

Beneath his gaze.

Rushing roll.

Beyond his gaze.

He thought of Jude again. She had come to him, beyond his realm of attention.

She had slowly crept near him.

Her hastening pace.

Nearer still.

Rushing roll.

She had stolen his heart.

Not seeing

Before she separated with the inevitable distance, with in his heart firmly in her grasp, he rushed beyond her view. He left. He missed her. He pounded one fist against the glass. He pounded another with a thudding force. He pressed his head further into the glass, wanting the break the solid barrier between his body and the dinning rain. When the glass resisted against his unremitting push, he cracked his body away from the window and walked outside. His gaze fluttered past little Marie-Daphné securely within Lorraine's loving and capable arms as he unlocked the door.

That loving you

He stopped a moment, with his fingers clasped around the scuffed knob in his hands. He didn't belong here. He couldn't let himself be permanently attached. He couldn't let his head be one place while his heart was another. He couldn't let his head be with the newest addition of his family while his heart was with Jude. He could give Marie part of him, but Jude had torn a firm hold on the rest of him. He missed her. Tommy walked across the doormat and put himself in the freezing grasp of the sheets of rain.

Was all

Tommy sat still, feeling the rain patter again his shoulders harshly. His only protection from it's steady beat down was his flimsy tee shirt. The drops started to burn his skin as he looked to the sky and saw thousands of small droplets make their descent, only to meet a fate of the cruel and unforgiving finality of the hard ground. He felt like a crazy man, standing out in the rain with the fire that blazed inside would readily welcome him, just as he had welcomed her in his arms so many times. He opened his calloused palm and watched it engulf the diminutive drops of soft water.

I was trying to do

He missed the softness of her hair and the brilliance in her eyes. He missed the way she laughed all the time. He missed the smile that played along her lips when they shared secret moments. He missed her. He thought of the way his harsh hands and roamed over her soft skin. In Darius' office. In the rain. He remembered that after they had come too close to the edge of a precipice he wasn't ready to stare down, he ran away. He pulled away from her and put up an unbearable distance. A distance that killed him before. A distance that was killing him now.

But never knowing

He thrashed his hand through the gusting air and let his head fall dismally. He missed her. He wondered what she was doing. He wondered what he had been thinking when he left. He hated himself for leaving her with questions in her eyes and sadness in her questions. He hated himself for leaving her with the hidden answers that maybe could have made things better. For leaving with answers that may not have left her so broken. For never giving answers that might not have left him so broken.

What could have been.

Ok, I couldn't resist. I'm addicted to author's notes lol. I hope you guys liked the chapter, tell me! Review, can you tell I'm addicted. And insane. :o)