V.

She was taken aback. But quickly getting up on her feet she tried to hide the relief and the slight trembling that ran through her body. "You're supposed to be on your way to Netama Prime."

"I thought you could need my help," the trill countered with a sneer on her face and the phaser rifle dangling from her shoulder, being as offhand about the situation as the experience of seven life times would give anyone the ease to be. "Besides," she added, moving closer, "I get bored travelling alone."

"For once I guess we're both glad you do," the smaller woman shrugged, closing the remaining distance between them. "How are things out there?"

She already knew the answer, of course, and Jadzia shaking her head was enough to confirm it. No one else had made it.

"How many?" she asked wearily. It had seemed like an entire army had attacked but it probably hadn't been more than a dozen.

Jadzia lowered her eyes for a moment before answering. "Three probes." She hesitated. "One team."

"What?" It couldn't be. One team? That meant one commanding officer and two field soldiers. "There were close to thirty people out there. All killed by one team?"

"It's the new probes," Jadzia stated the obvious. "They were gone when I got here but from what I can tell from the sensor readings they attacked from three sides." Her gaze travelled towards the cave entrance and what lay beyond it. "They never had a chance."

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"Are you sure?" Bashir asked one more time, just to make sure.

"Yes."

He studied Ke'sh's face for a moment but then simply nodded. "Okay." It was her body and therefore her decision. And from a medical viewpoint there was no harm in what she asked of him.

"Maybe later," Ke'sh added, not sure whether or not the doctor believed her. But the smile he gave her seemed genuine and understanding.

"Whenever you're ready."

She nodded a thank you and he briefly put his hand on hers and as if to demonstrate his support before he turned to get back to his computers. He had mentioned some reports earlier so she assumed he was going to work on them. Which was fine by her. She was definitely feeling a lot better today but she was still very weak. And she had a lot of information to process. Apparently she was not just lucky enough to end up with one of Starfleet's best medical officers but also with one of the chattiest people on the station. Every now and then he got a little carried away but she had still learned a lot. Right now she should probably try to get some rest though. All the information in the universe wouldn't do her any good if she was too exhausted to put it to use.

¤¤¤

"How's she doing?" Dax asked when she stumbled into the infirmary after her shift had ended. She hadn't had time to come by all day and actually the only thing she wanted right now was to go to her quarters and take a long and hot bath. But it would have to wait a little longer.

"Astonishingly well. I've hardly ever seen anyone recovering that quickly," Bashir reported. "If she keeps going like this I can send her home in a few days."

"Excellent," Jadzia nodded. "Then all we have to do is find out where 'home' is."

"No progress then in that matter, I assume."

"Not really. Has she remembered anything?"

Bashir shook his head. "I can't say it surprises me though. Considering her injuries I can only begin to imagine what she must have been through," he sighed and darted a glance towards the isolation section. "No wonder her mind's blocking everything out."

Dax set down on the edge of his desk and followed his gaze. Of course it was understandable. And a part of her felt bad about wanting to push their guest to remember. But she also had a job to do. And most importantly, she knew why it was so crucial for them to find out where Ke'sh was coming from and why she had been on that ship. It still didn't make her feel any better though.

"She doesn't want me to treat her scaring any further," Julian said through the silence. "I wanted to use a dermal regenerator today to remove some more of the scar tissue from her recent as well as her older injuries. But she asked me not to."

Dax frowned. "That's a bit odd. Did she say why?"

She could see Julian taking a deep breath before he answered, his gaze now resting on the monitor showing his sleeping patient. "Not really, but I think I understand her."

Bashir turned to face Jadzia and at the questioning look she gave him he elaborated. "Those scars are the only thing she has that's for sure. As odd as that sounds, but ever since she woke up here, she has no memory, and aside form that ear clip and a name we assume is hers the scars on her body are the only clue as to who she is. The only thing saying something about her identity, about what she's done or what has been done to her. So I can see why she doesn't want me to remove them."

"It would be like taking away the last thing she can hold on to," Dax completed.

"Exactly," Julian nodded. For a moment they just both stared into space but then the doctor noticed Jadzia shaking her head. "What is it?" he asked.

"I just thought…how cruel it must be," she nearly whispered, her voice sounding sad but also a bit angry. "Having been through something so traumatic your mind decides that the only way to go on is to completely shut down your memories. And then your only chance to ever get them back is the marks left by the very thing you're trying to escape." He watched her shaking her head once again. "That's just cruel."

"It is," he agreed, "but it seems her mind has done a good job in protecting her so far. Let's hope it stays that way."

Dax glanced up. "You mean let's hope she doesn't remember anything unless she's ready for it." He nodded and she felt the urge to defend herself. "You know why we have to find out who she is, Julian?"

"Yes," he explained, "but she's my patient. And that means right now my first concern is protecting her and keeping her safe. Starfleet, the Federation, and the possibility of a new power in this or any other quadrant comes second."

She sighed. A luxury she didn't have. She didn't get to choose between priorities and the fact that Benjamin had asked her personally and not just given an order only added to the responsibility she felt. Maybe she should talk to him though. She's obviously been through enough. Them finding out about that ship couldn't be more important than this woman's peace, could it?

"You can stay around and wait if you like," Julian snapped her out her thoughts. "I'm sure she'll be glad to see a familiar face when she wakes up. I have to go and check on Ensign Peters and her offspring."

"Right. How is Ensign Peters? How's the baby?"

"Oh, they're both fine," Bashir informed her, reaching for his medical bag. "But I wouldn't advise to ask about the delivery. Or the father. The subject is kind of a sore spot at the moment."

"I will keep that in mind," Dax assured and grinned a little while she watched Julian leave. The miracle of birth. She knew all about it, the pain and the pleasure that came from it. She couldn't say she knew how it was to give birth to a Goridian baby though and she was quite certain she never wanted to find out. Considering the sheer seize and shape of Goridian infants she could understand why Ensign Peters would have some temporary regrets during the delivery. She was also certain though that everything would be just fine within a day or two.

She moved to have a seat in Julian's chair. Circling around herself she wondered whether she wanted to have children again some day. Sure, Dax had been both father and mother to several children over the course of seven lives, but Jadzia at times still felt closer to being a child than to being a parent. It would be a big step. One she couldn't see happening any time soon. A lot of other things would have to happen first. Like finding a potential father to name one. A lot of things indeed. She enjoyed her freedom far too much to imagine being with just one person for the rest of her, of this host's life. There was so much out there, so many interesting characters and people…wouldn't it be incredibly limiting to just tie herself to one? But both parts of her, the older, wiser one as well as the younger, less experienced one knew that all these apprehensions would be gone within a second once she met the right person. There wouldn't be a doubt on her mind anymore, nor the question itself.

She heard something and spun around. Knowing the rest of the infirmary was empty her eyes automatically wandered to the surveillance screen showing the isolation area. Ke'sh was awake and sitting up.

"I thought we agreed that was a bad idea," Jadzia remarked as soon as she was within earshot, and Ke'sh looked up, obviously not having heard her approach. The expression on her face almost made Dax stagger back. There was so much pain there. Not really sure what to say or do she just made a helpless gesture and slowly moved closer.

"I just had to…move," Ke'sh stated, lowering her gaze and turning her head away as if to hide from her.

"Okay," Dax stated, holding her position a meter or two away from Ke'sh who obviously wanted some space. The least she could do was respecting that. "I guess if you feel good enough to sit up there's no reason why you shouldn't." Great advice, doctor, she mocked herself.

Ke'sh ran a hand over her forehead and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. Was there no one else on that damned station to play her chaperon? Why did the Trill have to be the one to watch over her? Why her of all people? It doesn't matter, she tried to calm herself. Nothing you can do about it so deal with it. But that, of course, was easier thought than done. Just turning back to face Jadzia again seemed to require more strength than she had. But in the end she managed.

Watching Ke'sh sitting with her head in her hand and obviously in pain, Dax felt a need to do something. She wasn't good at standing by and watching. Still, she stayed where she was and waited until Ke'sh turned back round.

"Should I get Julian?"

"No," Ke'sh shook her head. "It's okay. I'm fine."

"Clearly," the Trill retorted and Ke'sh felt a shudder running down her spine. How often had she heard that tone.

Unnecessary, a voice rang out in Jadzia's head and she wondered where that response had come from. "I'm sorry," she apologized, folding her hands behind her back. "If there's anything I can do-"

"I know you want me to tell you things," Ke'sh suddenly declared, in a voice so low and intense it almost caused Jadzia goose bumps. There was clearly anger resonating in it besides the pain Dax had noted earlier. "I'm not stupid. I know you want me to remember. But I can't talk to you."

Realizing what she had just said Ke'sh cursed in her mind. And of course the Trill was looking up now and studying her face, probably wondering how to interpret her words. "I can't tell you what I don't remember," Ke'sh tried to fix her slip, cursing because she had lost control. She had thought she could handle her emotions but clearly she had been wrong. "I can't give you anything that would be of any help to you." That was closer to the truth. And less of a lie. Lying to Jadzia had never been easy. But she couldn't tell her the truth, couldn't tell them where she was coming from and where the ship had come from. She had heard enough from the doctor to figure out that those where the questions everybody needed answers to and she could even understand why. But she couldn't give those answers.

Dax shifted uncomfortably, her guilty conscience afflicting her. "There are certain things we need to know, and when you remember, and when you're ready, we would appreciate if you could answer some of our questions," she admitted. "But it's not our intention to force you or pressure you in any way." She hesitated for a second. "Ad I'm sorry if I did."

Ke'sh avoided looking at her, knowing she probably wouldn't be able to bear it right now. Just tell her to leave you alone, a part of her demanded. Tell her to go away. But the well-familiar other part that didn't want the trill to leave was stronger. Again. Wondering why she was so self-destructive, Ke'sh stared down into her lap.

"I understand you don't want to talk to me," Jadzia tried to find a solution without doing more damage than she had already done. "But it's obvious you're remembering something and bottling it all up inside won't do any good." She had to be careful but she couldn't just turn around and leave. She had started this and the least she could do now was to see to that Ke'sh got help from somewhere. "I'm sure we can find someone who has no interest at stake in this and-"

"I lost someone, okay?" Ke'sh suddenly exclaimed, just to make her shut up. She couldn't stand to hear the guilt in Jadzia's voice, see how she took the blame so willingly. "Not that I can be sure," she added, realizing that she had set foot on a dangerous path, "but I think I lost someone."

"I'm sorry," Dax finally found her speech again but couldn't think of anything more to say. She felt so awful all she wanted was to leave as quickly as possible. "I'm going to send someone to check in on you in a little while," she said and when there was no reaction went to leave the isolation section.

"Wait," Ke'sh suddenly heard herself say and upon looking up saw the trill stop in her moves and hesitantly turn back around. What am I doing? What she had always done in the face of Jadzia: fallen. Fallen in love, fallen helpless, fallen into pieces and fallen without a moment's hesitation because she knew she would be caught and saved. Only she couldn't know that now. Alright. Just take a long good look at her, say something that will let her sleep tonight, and send her off. "I'll…I'll just need some time." Seeing Jadzia breathe in relief she knew her little peace offer hadn't gone unnoticed. "I'll answer your questions when I can figure out the answers."

Still with her hands on her back, Jadzia nodded and then turned around once again. She would have to talk to Benjamin. What had she been thinking? She should have argued more, convinced him that they couldn't pressure Ke'sh in this situation. He would have understood. They both knew the reasons why he had asked her to find out more about Ke'sh but they also both knew that he was a compassionate man. Of course he would have understood. You'd think after seven life times I'd figure these things out faster.