VI.

The smaller woman turned away, walked over to the dead officer and bent down to remove the computer from his arm. Its system had shut down and demanded an access code. She tossed it to the trill. "Maybe we can learn something about these new probes. If this is the only team in the area they had to have a way of controlling them."

"I'll take a look when we're on the ship."

A brief nod was the only response Jadzia got and a concerned look appeared on her face. "Ke'sh," she said softly and squatted down as well. "It's not your fault."

"Of course not," Ke'sh replied calmly. "But you told me this was bound to happen."

Jadzia nodded. "Yes, I did." But that wasn't the point now. Their eyes still locked, she reached out to run a hand over Ke'sh's forehead, down her temple and along the side of her head all the way to her neck. "But someone will find a way to take them out. Someone always does. And I'll do what I can to help find this one's."

"I know you will," Ke'sh whispered, closing her eyes to linger in the trill's touch, if only just for an instant. There was nothing that could make her feel this complete.

"I'm really glad I came in time," Jadzia added and when the woman in front of her opened her eyes again there was suddenly such warmth in them she forgot their surroundings, forgot the killing field outside, the dead soldiers next to them, the ship waiting for them to leave this damned planet. For a lack of words, she simply leaned forward and placed a kiss on her lover's mouth. Forehead resting against forehead they stayed like that for a moment, squatting on the ground, holding one another, close to each other. Then Ke'sh got up on her feet again, holding out a hand to pull up Jadzia as well.

════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

Of course Sisko had understood. After Dax had told him what had happened he had advised her to simply proceed the way she felt was right. Whether that meant backing off completely or still watching out for their guest, he trusted her to do the right thing. She hoped his faith was justified.

When she stopped by the infirmary the next day Julian told her he had moved Ke'sh out of the isolation and into the general area and that she was responding well to getting in contact with other patients.

"She's not a big talker but otherwise her reaction is completely normal. She seems to have accepted her amnesia and started dealing with it."

"Dealing with it?" Dax asked. "Has she told you about last night?"

"Oh, yes. And it's quite common as well, actually. Patients with traumatic amnesia often start remembering fragments they can't really put together. It's like they know there's something about to resurface but they can't really get a hold of it. It's confusing and frustrating but it's a good sign."

She wondered if Ke'sh had mentioned the details of their conversation but she didn't want to bring it up.

"Physically she's getting stronger every day," Bashir continued. "I'm going to talk to Captain Sisko about it later but I think she's ready to leave the infirmary in a few days."

"That's great," Dax remarked and the doctor smiled. Yes, it is. He had done a fine job with this patient. From critical to released within a couple of days. Not bad. Not bad at all.

The door to the infirmary opened and a young Lieutenant came limping in. Julian excused himself and went to take care of his newest patient while Jadzia turned to have a peek into the next room.

She discovered Ke'sh lying not too far from a Bolian Starfleet officer with food poisoning and couldn't help but grin. I wonder if those two will get a chance to discuss soup. For the moment there didn't seem to be any communication going on though. Ke'sh was lying on her bed and staring into space and judging by the expression on her face she didn't have particularly happy thoughts. Dax sighed. She really wished there was something anyone could do.

She noticed a nurse approaching Ke'sh and putting a hand on her forearm the same moment she addressed her. She couldn't hear what was being said but something else caught her attention. She had expected Ke'sh to flinch or shy away from the nurse's touch, the same way she always did. But there was nothing now. Julian didn't exaggerate. She seemed to be dealing a lot better.

Then let's not jeopardize it, a voice inside her advised and she was inclined to leave. But exactly that second Ke'sh caught sight of her, and she didn't want to give her the impression that she was avoiding her. Or at least not unless she knew for sure that's what Ke'sh wanted. Silently trying to prepare herself for whatever might come she approached her.

"I wasn't sure whether you'd want to see me," she said truthfully, hoping Ke'sh would appreciate the honesty. A little late, but better than never.

"I'm sorry if I…was rude," Ke'sh managed to say, sounding a bit too strained though in her own judgement. "You and the doctor saved my life. I didn't even thank you."

"There's no need to say thank you or sorry," the trill countered but Ke'sh shook her head. She disagreed. She had to disagree. She had lost it last night. Being alone with Jadzia in a moment of weakness she had lost focus and it was sheer luck she hadn't said anything that could endanger her.

"You brought me here," she continued with her performance, although a part of it was genuine. "You treated me, you took care of me. And all you're asking for in return is for me to…" She shrugged. "Remember. I guess that's not too much to ask." Under different circumstances it wouldn't be.

"We don't expect anything in return," Dax was eager to set the record straight. It would certainly help us but… "Just get better and everything else we'll take from there."

"Sounds like a plan."

¤¤¤

A few days later Julian indeed released Ke'sh from the infirmary although under the strict stipulation that she was to come by for a daily check-up and contact him immediately if her condition changed. He had also arranged for her to get some quarters. No one really knew how long she would stay with them but without an idea where to go it seemed like Deep Space Nine was her best option for the moment.

Not to mention theirs, Ke'sh thought. She had just taken her first stroll on the promenade without Doctor Bashir as her chaperon. It was almost cute how he was afraid of exposing her to more than she could handle and she couldn't help but think that if she really was a patient with amnesia she couldn't have found a better doctor to take care of her. Fortunately though, she didn't have amnesia.

Yeah, fortunately. If only those images would stop flashing her mind every time she closed her eyes. If only she'd stop seeing Jadzia everywhere even when the Trill wasn't around - which she hadn't been quite as often these last few days. However, she felt she was dealing a little better with it. With her. She still did everything she could to avoid close physical proximity but she could bear to look at her, talk to her, and every now and then even forget for a few seconds why that wasn't self-evident. But if things went according to plan she soon wouldn't have to deal at all. So no reason to make herself at home here. She would be gone before people stopped believing into her amnesia, and before a certain trill realized something was going on.

Stepping in front of the bathroom mirror in her new quarters she knew there was one thing though she had to do right now. Something that had waited far too long and couldn't wait another day.

¤¤¤

Bashir tugged at his uniform and straightened up before requesting entrance. He felt a bit uncomfortable. He didn't want to spy on Ke'sh or for her to think he did, but nobody had seen her all day, and infirmary or not, she was still his patient and he had a responsibility.

"Come in."

The door slid aside and he entered, prepared to ask how she was doing. The sight of her standing in the middle of the room, her head shaved, her scars untreated, and the light emphasizing the paleness of her skin made him forget any words that had been on the tip of his tongue.

She had gotten up from the chair by the computer console as soon as he had announced his presence and taking a few quick steps she had moved closer towards the door while answering it. There had been a smile in his face when he had entered and for a moment she had been tempted to smile as well. But seeing his expression change an instant later she remembered. The ritual. Judging by his reaction it wasn't a common procedure here.

"That's…an interesting hairdo," he uttered, trying to conceal his shock. He hadn't thought it possible but she looked even more hurt now, even more fragile and vulnerable. She ran a hand over her almost bare head.

"I had to change something." After searching the computers for hours she was fairly confident that nobody would realize what ritual she had performed and where it came from, but even if there still was a risk, she didn't have a choice whether or not to take it. There was no leeway in this. At least staying in her quarters limited the risk of someone getting the right idea even further, although she hadn't planned on that. She had simply lost track of time while studying the available data on the quadrant, the sector, and the station.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing," the doctor announced when he had recovered from his initial shock.

"I'm good," she gave a brief reply. She just wanted to get rid off him.

"I'm glad to hear that," Julian replied, forcing a smile on his face. Something about this irritated him. And it wasn't just the sight of her bald head. "I was wondering if you need anything?"

"Not that I could think of," she inclined and he nodded.

"Then maybe you want to have something to eat? I could show you some nice places on the promenade if you care for some company," he offered but again Ke'sh declined.

"I'm not hungry," she stated, obviously anticipating his next comment. "But I promise I will eat something later."

"Well," he sighed, realizing that it was his cue to leave, "let me know if there's anything else I can do."

"I will," she assured and he left. Standing outside her quarters in the corridor he tried to determine what it was that bothered him but he couldn't put his finger on it. A bit frustrated he decided to go to Quarks.

¤¤¤

"Julian," he heard Jadzia call for him a few minutes later. Sharing a table with Kira she was waving him over.

"Doctor," the Major nodded a greeting and he did the same before taking a seat.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," Jadzia noticed. "Is anything wrong?"

"No ghost," Bashir explained, "but something…a bit disturbing."

"What is it?" Kira asked.

"Ke'sh," he stated truthfully. "First she asked me not to treat her scars and now she's shaved her head. I'm just not sure if that's a good sign or a bad one."

Kira replied something but Dax didn't listen anymore. Julian's remark had triggered something and even though she still couldn't see the entire picture the pieces started to come together.

"Dax?" Kira repeated the trill's name. She seemed millions of light years away.

"I'm sorry, Nerys. I just remembered I forgot a project in the science lab I wanted to check on. If you'd excuse me," she lied and got up from her chair. "Julian."

Ten minutes later she reached her quarters where she immediately initiated a subspace transmission. Another couple of minutes later she was sitting at her console and staring at the black screen. She would have to wait until Phylos got back to her. Hopefully within a day or two. In the meantime all she could do was wait. Unless… But that wasn't really an option.

¤¤¤

"Boring?" Sisko heard Kira's voice and the disappointment in it. "Jola is one of Bajor's greatest poets and you find him boring?"

"I'm sure he's great and I didn't mean to be disrespectful," Dax assured defensively. "It's just…does he write about anything other than the prophets?"

Sisko grinned. He had had a similar discussion with the Major only he had been a bit more diplomatic.

"Jola was a blind orphan from the Denaba province who was touched by the love of the prophets," Kira explained incredulously.

"Indeed," Sisko supplemented. "They spoke to him in a vision and told him that if they had wanted him not to have a voice they would have taken his tongue and not his eyes. So he left the village he'd spent his entire life in and travelled all of Bajor to raise his voice and speak of the love of the prophets."

"A very impressive biography," Dax agreed, "but I can't help finding his poems…just a little dull."

"Dull?" Kira raised her voice and Sisko held his breathe in anticipation. The com signal however averted the imminent dispute.

"Lt. Commander Dax. You have an incoming transmission."

Turning back to her console Jadzia checked the origin of the transmission. Risa. She frowned.

"What is it, old man?" Sisko asked while Kira was still standing across the main console, not sure whether they would get to continue their debate about Joral or not.

"It's an old friend," she explained hesitant. "Could I use your office?"

Understanding that it had to be a personal matter, Sisko nodded. "Go ahead."

"Thank you, Benjamin."

With a smile Dax walked past the Captain and disappeared into his office. When the doors had closed behind her she sat down at his desk and opened the channel.

"Phylos."

"Dax," the Risian replied with a warm smile. His father had been a friend of Curzon. "I now have some answers for you."

Taking a deep breath, Jadzia prepared herself for whatever it was Phylos was about to tell her. A part of her of course hoped that she had been right, but there was also still this feeling that she couldn't shake and that had bothered her the entire time. A feeling that there was something not right. That she wouldn't like what she'd find. And that it would have been better for all of them if that ship had never come through the worm hole. She couldn't explain it and she couldn't get to the bottom of it, but it was as if she could sense something dark and imminent that had arrived with that ship and even though the ship was gone something else was still there. Sometimes she thought it was just the fear of another one or more ships coming, the fear of suddenly facing another superior and ruthless enemy. Because whoever had been on board and wherever they had come from, considering what had been done to Ke'sh she didn't think she would want to meet them.

¤¤¤

Standing at the situation table Sisko glanced towards his office. He wondered whom Dax was talking to. An old friend. Not a very helpful hint considering the long list of possibilities even if you only counted Curzon's and Jadzia's friends. Those of previous hosts probably weren't alive anymore unless they were joined trills themselves. He realized he hadn't met a lot of other trills. Both Curzon and Jadzia seemed to avoid their kind as much as they could. But they must have friends at home. Jadzia had mentioned once that she wasn't very social before she became joined and rather shy as a young girl, but still there had to be some people she considered friends. He would ask her some time.

On cue the doors to his office opened.

"Everything alright, old man?"

"Yes," the trill answered as she came walking towards him but he could see something was bothering her.

"Are you sure?"

Jadzia hesitated. The right thing to do was to tell Benjamin. In fact there was no good or any reason not to tell him. But she didn't. Not yet.

"I will tell you all about it later, Benjamin. But there's something I need to do first."

"Alright," Benjamin replied, always the good friend. She hesitated, feeling like she was deceiving him. But only for a second. She just had to do this alone first.

"Asking for permission to leave my post," she requested and saw how Sisko suppressed a smile at her formality. He didn't succeed though, his eyes giving him away, as usually.

"Permission granted. Dismissed, old man."

She quickly moved past him and got into the turbo lift. Watching her disappearing towards one of the lower decks in the habitat Sisko wondered what that transmission had been about. He'd really love to know. But if Dax wanted to tell him later, she'd tell him later.