VIII.

Ke'sh could tell that Jadzia had one of her wisecrack remarks on the tip of her tongue, but the words never left the trill's mouth. Instead her features suddenly contorted, her eyes widening and staring in disbelief as her body tremored under the impact of the phaser fire that hit her repeatedly. Short but high-powered and punctual discharges that seemed to perforate her body in a thousand places.

Ke'sh screamed and reached out in a futile gesture, then found herself on the ground without knowing how she got there. But it didn't matter. Her right arm still stretched out in front of her she followed it with her eyes, discovering Jadzia lying on the ground as well now, at the same spot she had been standing only an instant ago with a smile on her face and peace all around her. Her body still in tremors the trill's head hopped up and down for a while before it finally rolled to the side and allowed their eyes to find each other again. Parts of them both understood instantly.

════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

Sisko was pacing. Bashir couldn't remember having seen him do that before. Standing next to the situation table and watching the Captain he felt a bit like pacing himself. If only nothing happened to Jadzia…

The arrival of the turbo lift snapped him out of his thoughts and a moment later Kira and Odo entered Ops.

"Constable," Sisko barked. "Report."

"After being relieved, the Lt. Commander paid a visit to our 'guest' in her quarters. Several witnesses saw them leave the habitat ring together and proceed to the promenade. From there they took a turbo lift to the shuttle bay where Lt. Commander Dax tampered with a control panel to get access to the Rio Grande and disable the station's tractor beam."

"Any signs that our 'guest' forced her to do so?"

"At least not according to the witnesses," Odo stated in his usual, professional manner. "Nobody saw a weapon." To be honest he couldn't imagine the Lt. Commander had acted without a legitimate or proper reason, but he couldn't let his sentiment influence his investigation.

"That doesn't mean anything," Kira cut in. "If I wanted to escape from the station I certainly wouldn't walk around pointing a phaser at anyone either. It would only draw attention to me and by the time I reached the shuttle bay a security team would be waiting for me."

"Point taken, Major," Sisko announced.

"I think we all agree Dax wouldn't have done this unless she'd been threatened," Bashir took a stand for the trill. He just couldn't see why Ke'sh would arm herself and take a hostage.

Sisko seemed to have similar thoughts. "Any idea why your patient would be so keen on leaving us?"

"None. Apart from the memory loss and despite a considerable trauma she seemed psychologically stable and recovering well from her physical injuries."

For a moment it was silent as each of them seemed to ponder the situation.

"Do we know anything about the transmission Dax received before she left Ops?" Kira asked.

"I've tracked down its origin," Sisko replied. "Apparently Dax was contacted by an old friend from Risa."

"Risa?" Julian repeated, hearing a bell ring somewhere in the far back of his mind.

"A man named Phylos. I haven't been able to speak to him yet but I have every intention to. It seems he was an old friend of Curzon Dax. I hope he can shed some light on this."

"One of my security teams is still searching our guest's quarters," Odo took over again, "and I'm questioning anyone she could have approached in order to obtain a weapon. I'll inform you about any progress."

Sisko nodded before turning to Kira. "Major, I want you to check all incoming and outgoing transmissions from the last three days she could have accessed. With any luck she contacted someone wherever she's planning on going."

"Aye, Sir."

"Mr. O'Brien, I want you to contact any vessel in the sector and let them know we're looking for one of our runabouts. Ask them to inform us if they detect or encounter it but tell them not to interfere. If there is a hostage situation we don't want to exacerbate it."

"If?" Bashir exclaimed. What did Sisko mean, if? How else could it be?

"Doctor," Sisko turned to his first medical officer, understanding his agitation. "I want you to review all the data on your patient one more time. Maybe you overlooked something you didn't think was relevant. If we want to help Dax it would be good to know who we're dealing with."

"Understood."

"Let's get to it," Sisko prompted, glancing at each one of them. "Dismissed."

¤¤¤

On board the Rio Grande an audio signal from the sensor array cut through the silence.

"I'm detecting a vessel," Ke'sh announced curtly. "A Bajoran freighter. I'm sure they won't mind giving you a ride home." She reached for the com control to open a channel when her entire console suddenly flickered and then went dark. Looking up and around she could only watch as the ship's systems went offline one by one.

"What's happening?" she exclaimed, and turned around just in time to see the Trill entering a last sequence of commands. "Get away from the console!"

Dax entered the last encryption code and her own console went dark as well. Backing away from it as ordered, she calmly leaned back into her chair while behind her Ke'sh was trying to regain access to the computer. She soon gave up though, and at the sound of a fist slamming onto the fittings and a frustrated swearing Dax slowly swivelled her chair around.

"Reroute the controls back to my console," Ke'sh demanded in a piercing voice, angry because she couldn't believe she had let this happen. Why hadn't she taken any precautions? I should have confined her or at least kept an eye on her. She should have seen this coming. Instead she had let herself be lured to trust the Trill wouldn't deceive her, let herself be manipulated by questions about Jadzia's death. Making mistakes like that she didn't deserve any better than to be conned.

"Reactivate the consoles," she repeated warningly, reaching for the phaser she had exchanged for her own makeshift weapon earlier and pointing it at the Trill.

Dax just raised a brow. "Or what?"

Clenching her fist around the phaser, Ke'sh glared at her. "What makes you so sure I won't shoot you? You may look just like her and sound just like her but you aren't. Besides, this fancy Starfleet weapon of yours allows me to fire without necessarily killing you."

"All true," Dax admitted, to her own surprise not the least bit intimidated. "But I still remind you far too much of her and I don't think you'd be able to hurt me. Besides, if you don't regain control of the shuttle we'll be drifting in space, and I can assure you someone will come looking for us. Starfleet doesn't like it when their shuttles get stolen and their officers kidnapped."

Realizing the Trill was right on all counts Ke'sh gritted her teeth but then lowered the phaser. She wouldn't be able to discharge it. And as for the shuttle: they had life support but that was it, and she knew she wouldn't be able to get the other systems online again without the Trill's help. It seemed she had disabled the consoles and secured them with encryption codes Ke'sh knew she had no chance of breaking. "What do you want?" she capitulated, her anger still lending an edge to her voice.

"Talk," Dax replied, an almost pleading expression on her face. "I just want you to talk to me."

"About what?"

"About why you're doing this. I already told you, no one is going to-"

"I don't care about anyone asking questions or preserving the time lines," she was cut off. "I just don't want to go back."

Dax studied Ke'sh's face, the pain in her eyes, the grief deeply embedded in her features. "What happened on that ship?" she asked, letting her own eyes graze over scarred skin and wounded flesh. "Who did this to you and why?"

Ke'sh let her gaze stray, nervously glancing at the dead displays and peering out into the darkness. There could already be ships out there trying to find them.

"Fine," she hissed. "I'll tell you what you want to know but not unless you put a whole lot more of a distance between us and that station of yours." The Trill only hesitated for a second, looking at her as if to estimate how sincere she was. Then she swung her chair around and with a few quick commands released the pilot controls. Staring at her back Ke'sh considered trying to overpower her. She wouldn't need the phaser, wouldn't have to hurt her. And the element of surprise would tip the scales in her favor. But it was a futile thought, of course. She was in no condition to attack anyone.

"Setting a course," Dax announced. "Warp four."

Ke'sh felt the slight thrust as they increased velocity and Jadzia turned back around, looking at her as if to say I kept my side of the bargain.

"Things are different in my world," Ke'sh began, turning away and letting her gaze stray aimlessly once again. "There's a war going on. Has been going on for ages."

"Between who?"

"Hard to say. Apparently it started with the Kentani trying to expand their territory. They succeeded for a few centuries but they didn't know when to stop. So eventually other worlds started to fight back, building alliances, retaking systems, occupying planets. Expanding beyond their previous borders themselves, and breaking coalitions to attack each other. There's no one who's not fighting against someone. Those who refused ceased to exist."

Dax swallowed. It wasn't hard to understand why Ke'sh, why anyone wouldn't want to return to that particular timeline.

"There's no Dominion, hardly any Cardassians left, and your Federation," Ke'sh continued, "is a mere shadow of what it must be here. I'm no historian but from what I remember it had its moments before it was forced to shrink back to its original size. I think today it comprises Earth and a few more minor planets in the system."

Dax wondered which powers were dominating the Alpha quadrant then but she wasn't sure she really wanted to know.

"I've checked the station's database," Ke'sh remarked snidely. "Risa as you know it - I've never been to that place. It doesn't exist. The planet I grew up on is the last place anybody would want to be. Its cities are destroyed, its waters poisoned, its inhabitants plagued by diseases. Most of us die during infancy, hardly anyone ever turns older than 40. The non-Risian part of my genetic make-up protected me though." She couldn't but laugh at the irony. "I could live to be a hundred years."

"That non-Risian part," the scientist in Dax inquired curiously, "What species is that?"

Ke'sh revealed a bitter smile. "Kentani," she stated truthfully. "My father was Kentani. After overstretching their empire, his people were defeated and forced to retreat to where they came from. There are only a few colonies left now, in what you would call the Gamma quadrant."

"What do you call it?"

"We don't make these distinctions. That worm hole you cherish like a treasure is only one of many. Where I come from we've used them for centuries. There's nothing special about them."

The scientist in Dax was all ears. More worm holes? It would explain how a woman on Risa, born long before the Bajoran worm hole had been discovered, got to have DNA components identical with those from a species from the Gamma quadrant.

"I'd say there was something special about your last trip though. Somehow you ended up in a different timeline," she pointed out. "You were passing through the worm hole when it happened, right?"

Ke'sh hesitated. "Why? You want to figure out what went wrong? Maybe find a way how it can be reversed?" She had been suspicious all along. Of course the Trill was only trying to gather information.

Dax shook her head. "I'm a scientist. Of course I want to figure out what went wrong."

"Don't expect me to help you then," Ke'sh hissed. "I have no intention to go back and I won't let you find a way to make me."

Dax sighed. It's like trying to reason with a Klingon that negotiating is better than fighting. "I understand you don't-"

"You understand nothing," Ke'sh cut her off, slamming her fist onto the nearest console. "You died," she screamed before lowering her voice to an awing whisper. "Four months ago, and I've been on board of ships like the one you saw ever since. Being interrogated, being tortured, and then sold on to the next one when they finally believed that there was really nothing I hadn't already told them. You understand? You can't even begin to understand. You sit here in your spotless uniform or in your comfortable quarters on that station, and I'm sure you've had some rough times but excuse me for doubting you've been through anything even remotely close to what I've been through. So don't tell me you understand. Because you don't." Her respiration rapid, her pulse racing, she paused for a moment, glaring at the Trill who finally seemed to have lost her composure. "I'm sorry," she added, her voice dripping with sarcasm, "but I'm afraid I can't afford the luxury to be concerned about the integrity of timelines." Time certainly didn't care about her integrity. Otherwise she wouldn't have been born into that abyss of a universe. "From my perspective," she decided to be perfectly clear, "I escaped hell, and I'm not going back. I rather die here than live there."

¤¤¤

Dax opened her mouth to say something. Surely there had to be a response somewhere inside of her. Something she could reply, object, explain. But in the end she remained silent. She wanted to believe that it was because she had decided to give Ke'sh some breathing space, but the reality was that she couldn't think of anything. There was a feeling that she should protest, defend herself, clarify that no one would want to send anyone back under such circumstances. Reassure that they would find a way to resolve the situation. But no coherent words or even thoughts came to her mind.

Watching the Trill close her mouth and lower her gaze, Ke'sh felt herself calming down. The anger that had been so powerful before seemed to be retreating. It wouldn't vanish completely, she knew that much, it had been with her far too long. It had kept her alive and strong when nothing else had stood by her. Anger and her were good friends. Inseparable, as a matter of fact.

She only realized she had cast her eyes down as well when she sensed a movement, and glancing up she saw the Trill had rotated her chair around once more, her fingers already flying over the console again. A moment later displays and controls all around them came back to live when the primary and secondary systems went back online.

Turning back to her own console Ke'sh caught sight of the sensor readings. The Bajoran freighter. It had almost moved out of communications range but she would still be able to reach them. Suddenly she felt so tired.

"Where do you want to go?" Dax asked after a while, penetrating the silence that had settled over the shuttle without looking up. She felt comfortable not making eye contact.

Sitting with her back to the Trill again Ke'sh let her gaze travel to the navigation controls in front of her. She leaned forward and pulled up the starmap she had been tempted to study back at the station, every time she had accessed the computer. The Kalandra sector. In the end she had just never found the courage even when she wanted herself to believe it had been for other reasons. Precautions. For example. She wished that was true.

With shaky fingers she magnified a particular grid and drew a sharp breath as the planet revealed itself in the graphic animation. There seemed nothing special about it but to her it looked marvellous.

"One of our trips once brought us in close vicinity to Jadzia's home world. So I asked her to show it to me." She felt the dryness in the throat and swallowed. "But she said there was nothing worth looking at."

Dax darted a glance over her shoulder, immediately recognizing the slowly revolving ball that had changed just like her over the course of 300 years but was still her home.

"I guess she was right," Ke'sh continued. "It must have been beautiful once but then the war came."

Dax hesitated but eventually turned around, placing her hands on her knee caps for a moment before shifting them to rest in her lap. She couldn't tell why this, of all things, was making her so uncomfortable.

"We actually fantasized about this. About how, if history had played out differently, the universe would be a different place." Closing her eyes, Ke'sh could almost feel Jadzia's skin against her own, the warm touch of her chest or shoulder under her head, the comfort of her voice whispering close to her ear. "We would lie awake and she would picture what her home world looked like, describe the places she'd take me to." White pain seared through her at the vivid memory. "She even knew where we would set up a place for us. At a beautiful beach, deserted and a bit rough, just like us, but beautiful and home."

Dax shuddered. She wasn't sure what was more unsettling: the thought of a parallel, other self of her suddenly turning so vivid, the notion of guilt or horror at obviously having been so much luckier, or the sudden impulse to rectify something she somehow had a responsibility towards now. Her mind staggered back at the latter. Responsibility? How? And what was she supposed to do?

For a long time it was silent as both of them seemed to be lost in memories and thoughts.

"There are beaches on Trill," Dax was the first to speak again then, "And I don't think anybody will be looking for you there."

Ke'sh let her fingers graze the display of the planet they had only imagined up until today. She had never thought she'd actually get to see it. That it could actually exist somewhere. But I'd be seeing it alone, she realized and pulled her hand back as if the plasma screen had burnt her. She wished they could have found this sooner. In time. Before… What was it good for now?

Dax saw the renewed pain in Ke'sh's face and wished she had something better to say than that going to Trill was safe. That no one had any reason to suspect she could be heading there, that no one would come after her. That no one would harm her or try to send her back to that gruesome place, that hell in Ke'sh's own words, that she had escaped.

She turned to set a course. "At least we've been heading in the right direction," she shrugged, trying to lighten the mood. "You can be there in less than 36 hours at maximum warp. If you drop me off on the next planet I could say-"

"Come with me," Ke'sh cut her off, her voice silent and faint but still of a piercing intensity. "Please."

Dax was taken aback.

"I know you're not her. But…" Turning her head around Ke'sh seemed to look at her now, but the brown eyes never met hers. "Please."

Confused by the unexpected request Dax tried to sort through her different reactions. There were quite a few. A part of her felt obliged to say yes. Another one remembered her obligations as a Starfleet officer. A curious voice wondered in general if it would count as a form of re-association if someone was to get involved with a former lover from an alternative timeline. Nonsense, a second voice drowned out the first one, sounding a lot like Lela. That's not the issue here. Right. But seeing the pain in Ke'sh's expression she just wanted to say yes. If there was any chance to make her feel better, anything she could do… Better? Really? yet another part of her objected. Maybe Curzon. Helping her to pretend you're still alive will make her feel better? Definitely Curzon. She'd recognize that smugness anywhere. I am alive, Jadzia countered, and what's so wrong about it? The absurdity of her inner quarrels started to give her a headache. She usually wasn't that aware of the disputes anymore. What's wrong about it? Curzon replied in his best lecturing manner, There's nothing wrong about leaving reality every now and then to find refuge in a fantasy. But are you sure she would want to leave that refuge again?

Dax shook her head, pushing her former host to the back of her mind. Never mind him, Audrid took his place. Just listen to your own instinct. Finally a useful advice. Realizing Ke'sh's eyes were finally on a level with hers Dax nodded. Okay. She'd come with her.

¤¤¤

The senior staff was assembled once again to bring each other up to speed on the progress of their investigations. The senior staff minus Dax.

Sisko had started by repeating what he had learnt from his conversation with Phylos.

"I've already asked the doctor to check if his former patient and the deceased woman on Risa could indeed be identical."

"The computer couldn't match my patient's DNA profile to any species in its database before," Bashir explained, getting up and walking to the nearest computer display to pull up the medical file. "But now that I know what I'm looking for, I can isolate the part of the genetic make-up that is Risian." He magnified one of the graphs showing a cluster of genetic components. Then he pointed to a second cluster, displayed in a different color. "I have no idea what the other part is though."

"Excuse me, doctor," Kira interrupted, glancing from Bashir to Sisko. "I thought you said that woman on Risa was dead."

"According to her husband, her doctor, and the authorities she is," Sisko confirmed.

"Then, what are we looking for?"

Bashir pulled up another part of the medical file. "I had the computer draft an image of what Ke'sh or whatever her name is must have looked like prior to any injury." A picture appeared on the screen, showing their former guest without any scars or wounds.

"And I had the authorities on Risa providing us with a picture of Jentala," Sisko continued, stepping next to the doctor and entering a few commands into the console as well. The screen split in half and another picture appeared.

"The woman to the left is obviously in better health," Bashir pointed out, "but if you ignore superficial differences, hair length, weight, and body ornaments…" He pressed a few keys and stepped back.

"They could be twins," Kira was the first to comment.

"Or clones," Odo suggested.

"I'll need a DNA sample to be sure, but both scenarios are possible."

"Thank you, doctor," Sisko dismissed his medical officer and Julian went to retake his seat. "I've already asked for a DNA sample and it's being sent to us as we speak." He stepped behind his own chair at the head of the table. "Constable, anything new in regard to our guest's quarters?"

"There were hardly any personal items," Odo reported, "but we found evidence that the replicator had been used several times. She tried to erase the logs but Chief O'Brien and myself managed to restore them." He glanced across the table and O'Brien cleared his throat.

"She seems to have replicated some tools and technical equipment, nothing against protocols."

"But we found none of those items in her quarters," Odo filled in.

"Any idea what happened to them?" Sisko inquired.

"She seems to have recycled almost all of them," O'Brien explained, "except for a few single components. It didn't make sense at first, but then I heard from Julian that some medical instruments had gone missing after she paid her last visit to the infirmary, and Lieutenant Bredel reported that a phase remodulator had disappeared from his toolbox."

"After carrying out some repairs in the same corridor our guest had her quarters in," Odo supplemented once again.

"I'm no expert," O'Brien continued, "but my guess is she found a way to put all those components together and build some sort of small range phaser weapon. Probably only good for a few charges but a deadly weapon nevertheless."

Bashir leaned back in relief. "So there was a weapon." Not that there was ever any doubt about it.

"Yes, doctor," Sisko agreed. "And now we know for sure." He turned to Kira. "Anything in the transmission logs, Major?"

"Nothing," Kira shook her head. "She didn't receive or send any transmission but I tried to check her access logs instead. They've been deleted. I'm trying to restore them and see what she's been looking at."

"Good work, Major. Let the Chief help you with that."

"Aye, Sir," O'Brien replied and Kira nodded to signal the same.

"Dismissed."