Chapter 18: Secret Passageways

Christine urged the carriage faster in her mind as she could see the Opera House outside her window. She had taken extra care in her appearance this evening. Her heart ached with the idea of deceiving Raoul but she had to. There was so much he didn't know and much that Erik needed to know.

She hugged her cloak over her face and briskly walked towards the opera house. Suddenly, a hand wrapped around her and whisked her behind a wall. She would have screamed if she had not smelled Erik's familiar cologne. His arm wrapped seductively around her head and clamped over her mouth unnecessarily. She calmly lifted his hand off and turned to face him.

"Your tricks are old to me Erik. You could try a more natural approach." She smiled at him and he returned with a boyish grin.

"Ah but you forget, Countess, I am not like everyone else. Despite appearances, this is just another mask Christine." Christine smiled sheepishly and took his arm. "Well let's go, you brought me down. Erik led her down the familiar pathway that somehow lacked its previous romantic air. Everything was as it seemed, dark and drafty. The floor was moist under their feet and they could hear the lake nearing.

The old boat was still there, the mob had burned it, but the boat was sturdy enough for the two of them to paddle to the opposite shore. Christine's eyes glistened at the sight of Erik's destroyed and abandoned world. Strangely he kept walking; unfamiliar, she felt compelled to rely on him as she had once before. He lead her through a dark tunnel which escaped her memory. The darkness enlarged her eyes until finally lit candles gleamed in the distance. A door appeared and they went through it into an undisturbed room. Christine gasped in recognition.

They had not destroyed this room, nor had Erik. Christine looked around
nostalgically at her old room, the room where she had slept the first night. The beautiful mahogany bed stood in the corner gathering dust and the armoire, she suspected, still contained the dozens of dresses Erik had painstakingly picked out for her. She stroked the night table near her to observe the trail of dust on her fingertips.

Erik seemed embarrassed, "I…I could not bring myself to destroy this room. Even after all we had been through, it did not seem… I could not do it." He shifted in place and looked down at his shoes; Christine once again saw the man she fell in love with all that time ago. Christine walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him in an embrace. He, no longer afraid, returned her gesture by wrapping his arms around her.

So much had happened between them, and Christine felt Erik sigh in content blowing hotly into her hair. She closed her eyes and tried to ignore how right their embrace felt. All of her feelings swirled to her surface and she silently begged them away. For so many years she had struggled not to care for Erik because of the many impossibilities… and Raoul. With nothing but Raoul blocking her heart she felt weak.

Erik endured his own struggle as he tried not to let his feelings take hold of him. In an agnizing blaze, he pushed her away, fighting for his freedom of her. When would it end? He stumbled backwards, "Oh Christine… I cannot… I cannot do this. Being here just… it just isn't fair to anyone. I really have things I must say but…" his fingers danced at his sides seeking a keyboard to relieve themselves, "What on earth is wrong with us?"

She smiled helplessly, "I don't know, I have tried so hard to get you out of my heart, you, your music, your soul. As much as I hated quitting music…" she felt her voice rising in frustration, "I was glad! I was glad because then I would not be forever reminded of you. You're always in my head, Erik! I cannot get you out, I cannot forget you! And it's killing me! I cannot be mentally faithful to my husband whom I love and want to love with all of my heart! I…" she lost her momentum. "Oh Erik, I just wish it wasn't so hard."

Christine sat on the bed and exhaled. Erik did not know what to say. Never, in all the time he had known her had she spoken with such a concise and emotional timbre. She did feel something for him, as he had always hoped, but life was never as easy to rely on love. This he knew with ever ounce of his being. He sat next to her and held her hand supportively.

"Christine, you know I've always loved you. But when you left me, it broke my
heart and I tried to forget you but it isn't that simple. You left part of your soul with me and it's that part that has helped me live a normal life and forget…" he shuddered, "that other person whom you knew all that time ago. I will always love you, I cannot accept any other reality. But, for your sake I will resist that love, if you want me too." His eyes bore into her soul, this man whom she had dented with her childishness. The sadness was still there in those perfectly proportioned eyes. Erik was still there.

Impulsively, she took a chance and quickly kissed him, a quick jolt and then nothing. Erik leaned in a returned with a slower kiss that thrilled her. Christine felt a lump rise in her throat, the emotion overtook her quickly and she began to cry. Erik stood up as she weeped into her hands. He angrily ran his hands through his hair and then sat to comfort her,

"I'm so sorry Christine, please don't cry."

"No," she replied, "no, I'm crying because I love you too, but I can never leave Raoul but you don't know how much I… I want you right now. I just don't know what to do."

"You have to make a choice."

She whimpered, "I can't…"

"Well then let me help you make your decision." With that he kissed her again and she did not resist. Her arms clung to her neck as if she was afraid to let him go. Soon they were on the bed caressing, kissing, and absorbing the passion of love they felt. Christine had never made love like this and was completely swept off her feet. Was this what she had been missing all this time? Was this what it would have been if she had not left his bedside the first time? She wept each time she thought of making love to him the first time and running off.

After they had made love, they sighed in contentment. Christine turned to Erik,

"It was not like that last time."

Erik smiled roguishly, "No my dear, I have had more experience since last time, to your satisfaction I hope." He teased her and grinned. Christine giggled and snuggled into his warm body. Erik seemed to drift off to sleep but Christine stayed awake. Even now, content as she was there was more, how could she tell him? How could she tell Erik he had a daughter?