The heady scent of the gym burns in FN-2187's nose.
"Good. That's good, kid. Don't let your arms flail when you strike. You don't want any movement to be wasted. Save as much energy as you can, always."
FN-2187 wrinkles his nose, sweat dripping down the side of his head. Easier said than done. The punching bag in front of him is still swaying from his last few hits. Cody doesn't seem to pity him in the slightest, watching his form with all the intensity and concentration of a shriek-hawk. The Commander turns slightly, looking at the clone next to him.
"What do you think, Colt?"
"Not bad," Colt says. "His form is solid. Kandosii, vod'ika."
FN-2187 is still just barely learning Mando'a, but he recognizes those words. Well done, little brother. Something warm and pleasant flickers through his insides.
"Thanks," he mutters hesitantly, shifting his weight a little. He wants to ask, but maybe this isn't the right time—
"Vor'e," Cody says gently. "Thank you. Vor'e."
FN-2187 ducks his head. Sometimes it's like the clones can read him like an open book.
"Vorey," he says, wincing as the unfamiliar word leaves his mouth devoid of the subtle grace it has on Cody's lips. The corner of Colt's mouth twitches upwards.
"Vor'e," he corrects carefully. He glaces at Cody. "I feel like I'm on Kamino again, with all the little adike."
"Adike are children," Cody explains with a hint of humor in his voice before FN-2187 can ask. "Or, when Colt says it, cadets. Speaking of." Cody raises his gaze up to the ceiling. "You can come watch, you know. K'olar. No need to hide."
FN-2187 hears a chorus of guilty whispering, and then a few nervous giggles. He blinks in surprise when a group of ghosts drops through the ceiling, drifting through the air like they're on an invisible ramp. These ghosts are different from every other that FN-2187 has seen. They're children. The tiny little clones barely come up to FN-2187's waist.
FN-2187 feels a jolt of horror, because—because the fact that they're here means that they died like this, tiny and soft and without the warrior's guise that the rest of the vode carry on their shoulders. His stomach turns uneasily. How had they died so young…?
Then again, perhaps it's better not to know.
"Sorry, Commander," someone says. FN-2187 peers through the translucent clone cadets to see an old clone, wrinkled and hunched over with age, standing in the midst of them. "We didn't want to disturb anyone."
"You're not disturbing anyone, Ninety-nine," Cody says kindly. "If they want to watch, they're welcome to."
The cadets jostle each other in excitement at that. Some of them are turning wide, wary eyes on FN-2187, and others are perfectly content to stare at the two higher ranking clones, starstruck.
"Su cuy'gar, vod," the old clone greets suddenly, hobbling his way closer to FN-2187 and smiling warmly. "They call me Ninety-nine. It's good to meet you."
"That's—that's a number, though," FN-2187 says, slightly confused. The clones make such a big deal out of names. Ninety-nine smiles.
"Yeah, but it's also my name," he supplies. "Do you have one yet?"
FN-2187 shuffles his feet under Ninety-nine's patient gaze.
"No," he admits. "Nothing feels right. I've thought about it, but…"
"That's alright," Ninety-nine soothes. "There's no rush."
A cadet, practically wriggling with excitement, scoots his way closer to FN-2187. FN-2187 freezes with uncertainty as the cadet stares up at him with wide eyes.
"Wrecker told me you can see us," he says. "Even though you're not aliit."
"He's mandokarla, vod'ika," Cody interjects before FN-2187 can remember what aliit means—he remembers the word, but not its meaning. "That makes him aliit. And yes, he can see us."
"Really?" the cadet says breathlessly, staring at FN-2187 like he's expecting fireworks to fly out of FN-2187's ears. FN-2187 can't resist a grin.
"Elek," he says, because he knows that one for sure. The cadets let out delighted gasps at the confirmation.
"So what do we call you?" another cadet wonders from where he's pressed to Ninety-nine's side. FN-2187 has his serial number on the tip of his tongue, but before it can come out he pauses, because… it doesn't seem right. Ninety-nine picks up on his hesitation.
"Ori'vod is fine for now, Ace," he says. FN-2187 swallows. Older brother. The cadet nods.
"Okay! Ori'vod, can we watch you train?"
FN-2187 blinks at him.
"Y-yeah, sure," he says, and smiles when the cadets let out a cheer. Cody and Colt seem amused.
"Cadets, we're going to get back to our lesson now," Colt calls out—it's a commanding tone, but one much softer than usual. "You may sit down on the sidelines if you'd like to watch." The cadets scramble eagerly to obey with a cheerful 'yessir!' that is far from in-sync. Ninety-nine follows them with a soft smile on his face, nodding encouragingly at FN-2187 as he passes.
"Right then," Cody says, stepping closer once the cadets are out of the way. "Now that your form on that kick has improved, we're going to move on to counters. Colt and I will demonstrate, and you'll have to settle for imitation for now."
Colt grins as he moves to the mat to stand across from Cody, bouncing on the balls of his feet.
"Havoc and I were spying on that utreekov who'll be in charge of your training," he announces proudly. "We can imitate his technique, and you'll know exactly how to stop him. They're not easy counters, but I think you can get the hang of it, right vod?"
"Yeah," FN-2187 replies, feeling an uncommon stroke of confidence with the cadets shouting commentary in the background. "Show me."
FN-2187 is on a sanitation shift again, muscles aching from his most recent training session and enjoying light duty for a few moments, mopping floors while squads of stormtroopers occasionally rush past. A handful of clones are around him as usual—it's a bunch of Torrent Company, and easy banter flows through the air. He's come to value his time working sanitation. It's a job that has to get done, and the stormtrooper squads always rotate on who's in charge. He had hated it originally, but now it's one of the few times he can pay more attention to the clones than his work, and it helps him notice little things that he wouldn't otherwise.
There's an empty space in between Hardcase and Jesse that FN-2187 has never seen filled. It's glaring sometimes—especially when all of Torrent Company are together. They move like they're missing a third wheel, constantly looking over their shoulders for someone who isn't there. None of the other clones do anything like that.
FN-2187 is slowly learning to be too curious for his own good.
It's in one of the gaps in-between passing stormtrooper squads that FN-2187 finally rouses up enough courage to turn and stare at Fives, who is roughhousing around with Echo while Tup giggles next to them and Dogma tries to hide his smile. Jesse and Hardcase are seated on the floor, the space between them obvious.
"Tion'ad…?" FN-2187 starts, and then hesitates, because his curiosity had moved faster than his mouth, and he suddenly isn't sure if this is a question that he's permitted to ask. The more he thinks about it, the more worried he is that this will be a sensitive subject.
"Me'bana, kid?" Fives asks.
FN-2187 frowns, struggling to translate the word. What's happening, Fives is asking.
"What are you trying to say?" Fives tries again, misinterpreting FN-2187's continued hesitation for a lack of vocabulary. Jesse clicks his tongue.
"No you don't, Fives," he says. "He's gotta try with what he knows first before we can give him the answer. It's the only way he'll learn." He looks at FN-2187 kindly. "Just try, vod'ika. You can mix Mando'a with Basic if you have to, but use all of what you've learned before we help you."
FN-2187 meets his gaze and then looks away a bit guiltily.
"I just… never mind," he says. "It's not important."
The clones exchange disbelieving looks. Hardcase grins.
"You're not a very good liar. That's good, you fit right in!"
Tup scowls at Hardcase before waving his hand to call FN-2187's attention.
"Come on, you can do it!" he encourages. "It was hard for me to learn, too, but the only way you'll figure it out is if you talk. That's the fastest way to learn any language. Except maybe Shyriiwook."
They still think he was just going to ask about Mando'a. FN-2187 taps his fingers over the handle of his mop nervously and glances up and Jesse and Hardcase again.
"I just… have a question," he says quietly. "But I'm not sure if I should ask it."
Fives spreads his arms wide.
"We're open books," he declares. "Anything I know, you'll know."
"I'm not sure that's a good thing," Dogma mutters. Fives makes a rude hand gesture at him.
"Ask away. It's alright," Jesse invites, voice steady. FN-2187 nods slowly.
"I just… is someone missing? Sometimes you look for someone who isn't there."
Jesse freezes. FN-2187 instantly knows he's made a mistake. The clones stare at him in startled surprise, and FN-2187 drops his gaze to the floor.
"I… ni ceta," he forces out. "I thought—I didn't—"
"No, it's… it's fine," Hardcase says gruffly. "You deserve to know, I guess. Not that it's a secret…" He trails off, as if unsure of how to continue, and there is a long moment of silence.
"We're missing a man."
FN-2187 turns as the voice sounds from behind him, straightening almost automatically when Captain Rex nods at him in quiet greeting. Torrent Company doesn't come to attention like they usually would—instead, they slump, bowing their heads at the Captain's solemn statement.
"What do you mean?" he asks, eyes going wide. Rex frowns, walking around FN-2187 to put himself into the space in between Jesse and Hardcase, settling himself slowly onto the floor. Jesse twitches, brow furrowing for a moment before he turns his face away, jaw clenched.
"Jesse," Rex says slowly. Jesse closes his eyes as Rex puts a hand on his shoulder. FN-2187 shifts uncomfortably—he feels like he's infringing on something private. "It's not your fault."
"Just like trying to kill you wasn't my fault either," Jesse bites out bitterly, and Fives makes a hurt sound from where he's standing stock-still next to Echo.
"It kriffing wasn't, Jesse—"
"Kix told me, Fives!" Jesse snarls suddenly, jerking his shoulder away from Rex's touch. "Kix told me that he was looking into things, he told me and I could have stopped it but I was too much of a hut'uun to do anything, if I had done just a bit of research I could have taken it out and—!"
"Ne'johaa!" Echo hisses, sharp and angry. "Jesse, you can't just blame yourself!" Echo's form flickers strangely, and for a moment FN-2187 sees metal implants on the sides of his skull. "Any of us could have investigated further, but we didn't and you aren't the only one at fault!"
Jesse laughs, but it's harsh and grating, like he doesn't believe them. Dogma flinches at the sound.
"Enough," Rex orders firmly. "We aren't doing this now." Echo takes a step back at the warning, and the tension in Jesse's shoulders fades.
FN-2187 doesn't have a single clue what they're talking about, but he can infer enough to know that it's something big. He wonders if he even wants to know.
"Every vod ever made since the beginning of our production has been accounted for in this strange state," Rex tells FN-2187 quietly. "Except one. His name was Kix."
"Is Kix," Tup whispers, and Rex nods at him.
"His name is Kix," the Captain amends. "He's our medic. But he isn't here. We can't find him."
FN-2187 tilts his head, glancing nervously at Jesse. Rex places his hand on Jesse's shoulder again and meets FN-2187's gaze.
"You're alright, kid. Ask whatever you want."
"So… he survived?" FN-2187 questions tentatively. "If he's not a ghost…"
"We don't know," Rex responds. "It's unlikely that he's alive. We… age faster than normal humans, and it's been a long time. But if he's dead, he should be here. He's the only exception."
"Did anyone see him die?" FN-2187 asks, because the clones are so close, so protective of their aliit, that he can't imagine that no one knows what happened to him. Rex shakes his head.
"Kix disappeared just before the end of the war," he answers. "No one knows what happened to him."
FN-2187 frowns at that, trying to make sense of it all—Jesse's guilt, the talk of investigation, Kix's disappearance—
"Trooper!"
The voice that interrupts the tense moment is not a clone's voice. FN-2187 jerks around, coming to attention automatically and heart leaping fearfully in his chest when he sees the black uniform of a commanding officer. The clones leap to their feet.
"Sir!" The mop slips from his fingers and clatters onto the floor as he goes to attention.
"Are you deficient, soldier? How long have you been staring at that wall? You aren't here to stand around and look pretty!"
Panic claws at FN-2187's throat. He doesn't know what to say but if he doesn't respond the officer might get even more suspicious.
"Sir! I-I'm sorry, I just got distracted for a moment. It won't happen again, sir." It's hard to keep his voice steady, but somehow he manages it after the initial stutter. He catches a glimpse of blue out of the corner of his eye as Rex comes closer.
"Udesii, vod. Steady," the Captain says in a low voice. It helps. FN-2187 moves his hand in a clumsy but subtle affirmative at his side.
"It had better not, trooper," the Officer sneers. "Laziness will not be tolerated in the First Order."
"No, sir," FN-2187 agrees, swallowing nervously, and the Officer snorts.
"As you were, then. Get the job done," he orders. FN-2187 nods jerkily and bends to retrieve the mop from the floor. By the time he straightens the Officer is already stalking away, and FN-2187 nearly staggers in relief.
Force.
This is exactly what he had wanted to avoid. Being selected for special training doesn't make him immune to reconditioning, if the higher ups demand it.
"Burk'yc," Dogma blurts out suddenly, voice high. "Alor'ad, mhi linibar eyaytir—"
"Ni suvarir," Rex tells him calmly. Dogma shakes his head. He's trembling.
"Alor'ad, this—they'll send him to reconditioning, gedet'ye, he can't—he won't be the same, sir, there has to be a way to get him out before—!"
"Dogma, vod, udesii!" Hardcase says, wrapping a hand around Dogma's shoulders. "That's not gonna happen!" Dogma shudders in his grasp, translucent form flickering violently, and FN-2187 has so many questions but now is not the time to ask. Captain Rex turns to Hardcase.
"Get him out of here," he instructs. Hardcase nods and tugs Dogma towards the wall. Dogma lets him, eyes blank, and Echo swears as they disappear from sight.
"I'm going with them," he says, and Tup follows, face pale. Once they're gone, FN-2187 realizes that he still hasn't mopped anything and scrubs half-heartedly at the floor in the silence that falls.
Rex, Jesse, and Fives let him work for a few minutes. Eventually, Fives sighs heavily.
"He deserves answers, Rex. You gonna tell him?"
"Only if he wants to know," Rex answers, and FN-2187 takes a deep breath.
"What's wrong with Dogma?"
"They reconditioned him," Fives answers, a scowl on his lips. "He killed an enemy, but the price was his own mind. When he showed up here as a ghost we had to remind him of who he was. He's worried that it'll happen to you if we aren't careful. The First Order does it differently, but that doesn't change the fact that it's brainwashing, plain and simple."
FN-2187 flinches at his words, turning to look at Jesse. Jesse hasn't moved since Dogma left, refusing to meet anyone's gaze.
"Jesse said he tried to kill Rex."
Jesse grits his teeth. Rex nods.
"He did. But he didn't succeed, and it wasn't his fault."
FN-2187 frowns.
"Why? And what does that have to do with Kix?"
Fives sucks in a breath. Jesse's gaze snaps back up. Rex's expression darkens.
"That, vod'ika, is a story that will take longer to tell than it will take you to mop this floor."
"So tell me tonight," FN-2187 says boldly, because he wants answers, and Rex nods. Jesse growls and storms towards the wall, passing through it and out of sight. Fives goes after him with a flick of his fingers that's too fast for FN-2187 to interpret, but Rex nods in silent approval.
Later, when the lights have gone out in his sleeping quarters and the rest of the stormtroopers are once again asleep, Rex sits down on the edge of FN-2187's bunk and tells him a story of corruption and slavery and tragedy. He tells FN-2187 about the chips, about Fives' death and Kix's disappearance, about Order 66, about death and darkness and betrayal.
He tells FN-2187 how the Clone Wars had ended.
FN-2187 listens. He listens and waits and watches as Rex's voice shakes when he describes the fall of the Republic, as his shoulders tremble when he talks of friends long dead.
FN-2187 wishes in that moment that he could reach out and touch him, provide him the same comfort that he sees the Captain providing to the rest of the vode, but he knows that his hands will go right through Rex's body, so he doesn't try.
He can't pretend as if he understands the pain and the heartbreak and the sheer scale of loss. Instead, he offers Rex a tiny, grateful smile when Rex finally finishes, and says the first thing that pops into his head.
"Thanks, ori'vod." The title feels natural to say, flowing off of his tongue with just as much ease as 'vod'ika' flows from theirs. "I'm… sorry." He has nothing more to say. He has his answers, and they aren't pretty ones.
Rex returns the smile, though the Captain's is worn and tinted with sadness.
"Kih'parjai, vod'ika," he responds, gathering himself. "Wer'cuy. Means, it happened a long time ago."
"I don't think that makes it hurt any less," FN-2187 tells him quietly, and Rex's composure wavers for a moment.
"No, it doesn't," he admits. "But we'll be alright, kid. You're helping us more than you know. There's hope in the GAR again, thanks to you. We've got another shot to help the galaxy, and we're not going to squander that chance."
FN-2187 looks at Captain Rex and believes him. The clones are dead, but they're going to change the galaxy.
And FN-2187, despite his flaws and fears and position as a member of the First Order, is going to help them, because he wants to, and he doesn't need any more reason than that.
A/N: Mando'a:
Kandosii- well done
Vor'e- thanks
Adike-children
K'olar- come here
Su cuy'gar- Mando'a greeting
aliit- clan/family
mandokarla- having the 'right stuff', showing guts and spirit, the state of being the epitome of Mando virtue
Elek- yes
Utreekov- mandalorian insult
Tion'ad- who
Me'bana- what's happening (What's up, what's wrong)
ni ceta- I'm sorry
hut'uun-coward
Ne'johaa- shut up
Udesii- calm
Burk'yc- Dangerous
Alor'ad, mhi linibar eyaytir- Captain, we need to escape
Ni suvarir- I understand (I know, I'm aware)
Gedet'ye- please
Kih'parjai- it's nothing
Wer'cuy- it happened a long time ago
(I'm still crying about the clone wars finale so this is what you get)
Have patience with this fic! I'm sorry it takes me so long to update it! Thanks for sticking with me, though! 3
Having never involved Mando'a with a fic before this, let me know if it's too much, or if I can involve it in a better way. I'm literally just taking stuff off of , so I really don't actually know what I'm doing but eh. It looks cool, so idk.
Love you all, thank you for your support!