AN: So, keep in mind here, this story is not supposed to be taken seriously. Like, at all. I mean, please go ahead and read, comment, and critique. But just know, I'm not aiming to be the next (insert name of popular contemporary comedy writer) or anything like that. Anyway, enjoy. Or try to, at least.

-48:32:28

Great Fox

Zoness Orbit

"Light, please."

Peppy reached his right arm out to the side with a large cigar held betwixt his fingers. R.O.B., seated to his left, met his arm with his own. He produced from within his golden digits a lighter and clippers to carry out Peppy's request. Fox wasn't really a big fan of the Space Dynamics 'stogie upgrade' calling it a "waste of money." But it at very least got more use than the ping pong table in the meeting area. They used that thing like twice when they first got it with it now relegated to being used as a big green table after the team figured out they all kind of sucked at the game.

Peppy brought the cigar to his mouth, taking a few puffs. He leaned back in his chair as he watched the swirling greenish-yellow atmosphere of Zoness through the bridge windows. The team had come to affectionately nickname the planet the "Big Booger" and would often use its orbit as a place to park the Great Fox while waiting for new business to come in.

Outside of the ever-present low electrical hum of the ship and some soft Boomer rock playing lightly on the jukebox, the bridge was relatively quiet. Peppy closed his eyes to relax in his sort of old man zen state, however, he could not shake the feeling of an uncomfortable presence watching him from the side.

"Can I help you?" He asked, somewhat annoyed, without opening up his eyes.

"Yeah," Answered a clearly annoyed Falco. "You can help the both of us out by putting that thing out."

Peppy, at this point having resigned to giving up the idea that he would be able to have any peace while the bird was around, wearily leaned forward in his seat and peered around R.O.B. to look at Falco in the next seat over on the right.

"Come on, Falco, I don't see why you have to throw such a hissy fit every time I try and have one of these things," Peppy said, motioning with his cigar.

"Ok, well first off, I'm not 'throwing a hissy fit' I'm showing genuine concern for the health and safety of myself and my fellow crewmates, because, well, I'm just that kinda guy," Falco said with a less-than-humble shrug. "Second, I've told you multiple times before, that shit does nothing but spread cancer type stuff. I'm no doctor, but I guarantee you that won't be doing anything positive for your lungs. Hell, at this point you may be a lost cause, but I'm not about to let myself end up like, uh… what's that one singer's name again? You know that one who does the song about the starships or whatever you used to listen to back in the Stone Age?"

Peppy sighed tiredly. "Dixie Malinois?"

"Yeah! Dixie Malinois, that's the one! Anyway, you already know what happened to her. Smoked every day of her life for 32 years and BOOM! Suddenly she's gotta get a hole put in her windpipe 'cus of throat cancer. Whole singing career down the drain. Now she sounds like R.O.B. when he's running low on power, the poor broad. Besides, all that smoke makes this place smell like a cheap Papetoonian strip club"

Peppy, gathering everything within himself to not roll his eyes, responded, "Look Falco, there's nothing cheap about these cigars, ok? These aren't your run of the mill Corneria City smoke shop twelve-buck-schmuck stogies. These are genuine Corruña Cigars from the plains of Fortuna. Check it out." Peppy leaned over to grab the cigar box from under his seat. "This tobacco has been grown and harvested by hand by the same family over the last 82 years. See, they even include a picture and bio of the person who picked the tobacco for your exact cigars in every box."

He picked up a small piece of paper from within the box and handed it to Falco. The pheasant took it apprehensively with knit brows. On it was a picture of a reptile woman who looked not a day over 95 with a "I place a curse on you and your entire family" sort of expression on her face and a pair of hedge trimmers clenched tightly in one hand. "Ignace Sinclair," Falco read from the paper. "Main tobacco picker and processor of Streppardi Cigars for the past 42 years. Her favorite activities include crocheting, gardening, and, uh… axe throwing?"

He handed the picture back to Peppy. "Look man, you can enjoy your golf and prog rock and cigars picked with old lady hands and whatever other weird old man shit you're into, but just keep it far away from me, alright?"

"Fine. Would it please your majesty if I turned the fan on at least?"

"...Sure."

Peppy leaned forward to push a small button among the vast cluster of instruments making up the bridge control panel. A light whirring noise started up as the smoke around Falco, Peppy, and R.O.B. was quickly sucked away into a small vent in the dash.

"Better?"

"Much, thank you," Falco said as he leaned back into his chair.

Peppy did the same, leaving the bridge back in the same quiet state it was before the whole cigar debacle had started in the first place. The two sat there for a time until Falco became too uncomfortable with the extended pause. Feeling as if he had been a bit too asshole-ish earlier (yes, I recognize this isn't a real word), he decided to break the prolonged silence with a change in topic.

"You know, I hate to be nosy and all," Falco lied through his …beak? Teeth? Does he have teeth? "But I overheard from Krystal she may have met someone out there recently?"

"Ugh," Peppy groaned, "Yeah, she's been seeing some guy on Fichina for a little bit now. Never met him, but she seems to be pretty happy with him."

"Another Astrophysicist?"

"Ha! Nope, he's a Drama professor. I guess they met at a performance she went to a few months back and they just really hit it off."

"You know you don't exactly sound too thrilled about the guy. Not fond of Lucy being with a theater nerd or something like that?

Peppy sighed slightly. "Nah, I honestly don't care about that sort of thing at all. As long as he treats her right and she's happy, I'm happy. I think it just comes down to the fact that I'm her dad and, well, I just worry about her. Especially since Viv died and all, I just can't help it. Yeah, she's incredibly smart and tough, but she can get hurt too, just like anyone else."

"Eh, I think you're just worrying too much, old man. Besides, that dweeb's gotta be a psychopath if he ever decides to leave Lucy. She's a catch and a half, even if I can't ever understand half the shit she talks about. Honestly I'm surprised he even had a chance with her in the first place, but I guess sometimes you just see dudes somehow batting way outside of their league. I mean, hey, just look at Fox and Kry-"

A coy voice interrupted Falco from just behind his chair. "What about Fox?"

"Space Furry Jesus Christ!" Falco jumped, turning around in his seat to see Krystal standing behind him.

"Hello, Krystal," R.O.B. spoke up for the first time since lighting Peppy's cigar.

"Evening, boys," she responded.

"You trying to give me a heart attack!?" Falco grumbled while readjusting himself in his chair in the wake of the blue woman jumpscare. "How long have you been sitting there for anyway?"

"Think she was there since at least when we started talking about Lucy," Peppy responded nonchalantly.

"And you didn't think to say anything or even acknowledge that fact at all?"

Peppy only shrugged in response.

Falco then turned his attention back to the fox who had now situated herself to his right. "So I guess they never taught you about eavesdropping back on Cerinia or something? Too busy prancin' around in a loincloth pokin' mushrooms with sticks or some shit?"

"Eavesdropping?" Kystral looked incredulous. "Falco, were you and Peppy not just having an entire conversation based on something I had said to Slippy earlier? Also, you may wanna cool it with the tribal references to Cerinia. Might trigger some of the audience"

"...Fair point. Speaking of which, where is the little green man?"

"He's in the briefing room with Fox. Actually, that's why I came down here. Fox wants to do an all-hands meeting right now. I guess Slippy has some new intel for a possible job coming up here in a couple days."

"Better actually be something promising this time," Falco said, propelling himself out of his chair with both his arms. "Last time we went with one of Slip's ideas I almost ended up smeared across three miles of MacBethian asphalt."

"Well, let's at least hear him out. I mean how bad can it be?"

Falco scoffed in response. "Welp, you've doomed us."

Fox watched Slippy as he frantically typed away at his keyboard, making sure everything was ready to go for his impending presentation. He always went all out with these, using things like graphs and fancy visuals and little animations to try and convince the crew of a job. It was a lot different from Falco's method of just standing up and giving an impromptu speech, with Fox usually falling somewhere in between both the others' methods.

80% of Star Fox's income usually came in the form of job contracts, most of which were commissioned by the Cornerian government and the rest from private companies or certain high-profile individuals. However, in instances where business was slow, it would be up to members of the team to come up with other creative ideas to cover their overhead expenses. Generally, these would be fulfilling open contracts such as bounties or occasionally pursuing forms of counter-piracy by robbing already-stolen goods from outlaw groups. Under certain Cornerian legislature, it was completely legal to re-secure these goods via this method and many mercenary groups would take advantage of this to return pirated items while being able to keep a certain percentage of the take for their services. Additionally, if the time since the goods had been stolen had passed the statute of limitations, or if the company or individual who was pirated failed to make a claim on said items, the entire haul could be legally kept by anyone willing to liberate them.

The rest of Star Fox's strange mismatched crew eventually filtered in from the hallway leading to the bridge. The center of the room was taken up by a holo projector with two curved couches forming a half circle around one side of it. Krystal took her seat next to Fox on one while Peppy and R.O.B. sat down on its adjacent partner. Falco elected to be needlessly brooding and edgy and sat himself atop the decommissioned ping pong table in the back behind the rest of the crew.

"Alright, let's get this show on the road, Slip. Gotta get back to my busy schedule of doing literally anything else," he said, plopping himself down on the green surface.

"Geez Falco, could you give me just one sec? I'm almost done here, just putting a few finishing touches on this last slide."

"Hey, Slippy, you know I appreciate the effort you put into these as much as the next guy, but if you can't get every detail in there it's cool. I'm mostly just interested to see the idea you brought to the table," Fox said in a bit less forward of a bid to get the toad to hurry up.

"Alright, just one more second. Aaaaaaaand that should be about good. Didn't quite get everything I wanted in there, but it'll just have to be good enough for right now," Slippy said, popping out of his seat to take his position next to the holo projector for the presentation. "Falco, would you mind handing me the remote?"

Falco picked up a small device sitting next to him on the table and tossed it to Slippy. "Whatever this is, I hope it's better than your last plan. I'm not sure if you remember, but I almost ended up as a smear ac-"

"Across three miles of MacBethian asphalt," Slippy interrupted as he caught the remote, fumbling it a few times before securing it in his right hand. "Yeah, I remember, don't worry. And hey, in my defense, I really wasn't expecting one pirate with a shotgun in a big rig to be able to take all of us on single-handedly like that."

"Ok, come on Slip, don't keep us all in anticipation here," Peppy interjected.

"Alrighty then, here we go." Slippy clicked on the holo projector with his remote, pulling up his presentation.

The first 'slide' was simply the words "Slippy's Job Proposal" with the day's date in a large block font. "Thanks everyone for taking the time tonight out of your busy schedules to make it to this presentation, I'll go ahead and get right to the point. What would you say is the biggest major obstacle that has prevented us from getting work lately?"

Fox raised his hand. "The lack of some sort of major evil entity that threatens the sanctity of the entire system, I suppose?"

"Uh, sure! Yeah, we can roll with that answer. So, basically what you're trying to say is that the generally peaceful recent nature of the system has led to a decrease in demand for our services, right? And that would be absolutely correct. But I think our biggest issue is that we're not…" Slippy clicked the remote. "Thinking outside the box!" A corny stock animation of a man jumping out of a box played on the holo projector. A slight groan followed from some members of the audience. This was going to be a long night.

"Here we are continually waiting for work to come to us. For a bounty to get posted by Corneria, or a posting on a pirate crew to come up. But we need to be able to adapt and change as a troupe to whatever situation we may be in. Let's face the facts, we're living in an ALW world now. I think it's time for us to enter into a new sector of the market. Something up and coming that we can be the first to get in on without having to wait for the government or a third party to proposition us. So, before I continue any further, let me ask, are any of you familiar with…. Cryptocurrency?"

Slippy clicked to the next part of the presentation. Multiple images of different crypto logos like SploogeCoin and SpunkBank appeared on the projection.

He was answered by mostly glazed-over expressions. The closest thing he got to a verbal response was Fox giving a deadpan, "...Wut?"

"Well you see, Fox, crypto currency, or 'crypto' for short, is a form of monetar-"

"No, no. I know what crypto is, Slip, I'm more curious as to what the hell it has to do with your proposal."

"Ah. Well, I'm glad you asked! See, for the past few years, crypto has been rising in popularity, mostly due to the fact it isn't government-regulated like credits. Especially after the multiple recent doomsday level threats that has plagued the system, showing Corneria's possible instability, more and more people have been buying into the idea. And the most recent big new thing in crypto has been these."

Slippy clicked to the next slide, again revealing a set of odd images. Most of them seemed like strange amateur art done by an A.I. Many had a similar base of a maniacal primate with minor garish differences like a pair of gold sunglasses or a crown.

"Wait a second…" Krystal spoke up with a worried voice. "Are these all…. modeled after Andross?"

"Yes, I admittedly don't really know why. Maybe the people who made them are just trying to be edgy or something? Anyway, these images are all essentially digital assets that are bought, sold, and backed up with crypto currency, and are more commonly referred to as Cyber Unexchangeable Marks, or the acronym C.U.M."

"Slippy, that spells cum," Fox blurted out without even really thinking about it.

The toad blushed. "Um, yeah, it does I guess, but most people just use the acro-"

"Who the hell decided to name it cum?" Falco said, speaking for the first time since the presentation had started.

"I-I don't really know its just the name-"

"Like are these people really expecting to be taken seriously when they go around saying stuff, like, 'Ay bro, check out this sick new C.U.M. I just minted on the blockchain. Shit's straight fire.' 'Damn, did you see all the C.U.M. Johnny copped last week? My mans is practically drowning in it.'"

Krystal turned around in her seat to face the bird. "Come on, Falco. Just give Slippy's presentation on C.U.M. a shot, ok? He worked really hard on it."

"Alright, alright. Go ahead Slip, what did you wanna tell us about your C.U.M.?"

"Hey, I'm not the one who named it C.U.M." Slippy said a bit louder than he intended, clearly getting flustered at this point.

"Okay, okay." Fox said, putting his hands up. "I think we can all agree that this is a rather… unfortunate acronym. But let's just let Slippy finish up the proposal for now, and we can talk about all of the intricate details of who named it and why after he's done, alright?"

The rest of the crew nodded in agreement as Fox motioned towards Slippy to finish his speech. The toad, who now looked like he had just re-lived some Lylat Wars flashback, took a second to compose himself before he continued. Fox could almost swear he heard CCR playing lightly in the background.

"Right, um, so anyway, these… C.U.M.s are the new hot ticket with tech bros. They've been talking about them all over the place online for the past few months. But it just so happens that a lot of them have also been going missing recently. Imagine, you spend all this money in crypto on some ugly picture and then it just gets stolen right out from under you, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. It's not considered actual theft by the Cornerian government since it's neither backed up by real credits nor an actual physical item, rather they're all bought and sold with crypto. It's the perfect crime."

Peppy raised his hand with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Yes, Peppy?"

"Now, I may not be hip to all this newfangled jargon and such, but can't anyone just 'steal' a picture from the internet? Like by taking a… whatchamacallit? A picture of the screen."

"A screenshot? Yeah, in theory you can just save any picture by that means, but you can't actually own it."

"But, if you have it saved on your computer, don't you then basically own it as well?"

"Uh," Slippy scratched the back of his head while looking at the ground, "Sorta. But in this case there's a certificate… or something that says you actually own it."

"Huh. Well I don't really get it I guess, but go on."

"Honestly Peppy, I don't fully understand the logic either," the toad said shrugging. "But the bottom line is that people spend a lot on these for some ungodly reason, and they're getting stolen. But by doing a little bit of research, I think I've figured out what's been happening to most of them."

Slippy clicked the button once again, revealing the next slide. This one showed a single blown up image of a masked individual. They seemed to be some sort of Felid, but it couldn't be said with certainty, given the face covering. The mask itself was of a fairly simple design: Just a solid white base with two black holes for eyes, a couple of dots where the nose would be, and a single red diamond in the middle of the forehead.

"By tracing the origins of all the scam websites, links, and emails that these 'C.U.M. bros fell victim to, I was able to connect the vast majority to this single hacker, Robin."

"Wait," Fox piped up excitedly. "You were able to find out his name? Was there any other information you got on him? We could probably find this guy pretty easily, it sounds like."

"Well… not exactly. See, Robin is just an alias. The only form of identification I could find of them was this profile picture and the username 'The_Robin_Cox,' both of which they've used on various crypto forums and shady websites here and there. In reality, we know little to nothing about who they are or where they're based."

Peppy once again raised his hand.

"Slippy, this is real interestin' n' all, if not confusing as all get-out, but I'm still curious as to how the hell this information is supposed to get us any richer. What good is this info you collected on this guy if we have no way of even findin' 'em?"

"Well," Slippy returned, expecting this question, "It just so happens that there is a secret auction being held this Friday night in which Robin will be selling off all the stolen C.U.M. He's worried about being hacked and doxxed if he does it online, so it's planned to be held at an actual physical location."

"And so what? You want us to go down there and steal what is essentially a bunch of digital Beanie Babies from some crypto dweeb?" Fox said with an unconvinced look.

"Essentially… yes. But hear me out! Because this isn't actual Corneria controlled capital, rather it's all backed up with crypto, the government itself won't intervene. Plus, we would essentially just be stealing back already stolen goods, like we usually do with pirates, so none of this would be considered illegal. All we'd have to do is stroll in, flash our blasters, shake down The_Robin_Cox for all the C.U.M. they have, and collect. There's no way these Redditors would put up any actual resistance without being behind a keyboard. Then we'd just have to re-sell the C.U.M. back to their original owners or to whatever other idiots might be interested in case they don't want them back. This has gotta be one of the easiest job opportunities we've got this whole year. So, what do you say?"

Slippy looked eagerly at the rest of the crew, most of whom did not seem to share his same level of enthusiasm. Falco in particular had a dismissive scowl on his face as he leaned back on the ping pong table.

"Ehhhh, I don't know Slip. You know this Friday is supposed to be Casino Night, right? I'm kinda trying to continue last week's hot streak and clean Peppy out of his retirement fund."

The toad smiled at the less-than-subtle namedrop. "Actually, Falco, I'm glad you mentioned that. It just so happens that Robin picked the perfect location for their big auction." Slippy clicked the remote once again, revealing the next slide. This one showed a 3D image of a large ornate building in the Neoclassical Beaux-Arts style. Two large towers split the facade into separate wings with a squared dome at the center and a large clock in the middle. "In case you didn't already know, this is the famed Casino Della Fregatura, one of the few original Cornerian buildings left undisturbed by war or invasions, mostly due to its location outside the main city limits."

This new piece of information changed Falco's attitude instantly. "Woah!" He said, popping to attention from his slouch on the ping pong table. "Ain't that the place where the biggest, richest douchebags in the system go to blow money on blackjack and hookers? Or like, whatever the fancy version of hookers are. Escorts, I think?"

"Uhm, yeah, I guess that's an apt enough description of the place, albeit a bit crass. But hey! I like the enthusiasm."

Krystal was the next to voice her concerns, tilting her head to the side with a raised eyebrow. "So, Slippy, how exactly do you propose we get in and out without being noticed. I mean, you do realize we've saved the system from certain doom before… thrice. I'd be willing to bet we couldn't just stroll in there without a few people noticing."

"Well, luckily our hacker friend is in a similar boat to us. They also want to keep complete anonymity for their auction, or else the whole point of having it in person is moot. The reason the event was planned for this exact night is that it coincides with the yearly masquerade festival. That and I think they just have a thing for masks. Either way, I think as long as we keep our faces covered, we should be fine without attracting too much attention to ourselves."

"Slip's got a point." Fox interjected. "Sure, we're famous in our own right, but it's not like we're movie stars or politicians or something. Outside of a few interviews here and there, most of the regular populace probably haven't even heard our voices. If we all go in separately and aren't seen with each other, I think we could probably pull it off. Besides, most of us are more or less common species in the system. I think the only one we'd have to worry about would be you, Krys, with the whole, uh, blue thing and all."

Krystal turned to her partner with crossed arms and a slight devilish smirk. "Oh yeah? What's the matter with being blue?" She teased.

"Yeah, whatcha got against blue?" Falco added, peering from around Krystal to look at the now internally panicking Fox.

"I uh, n-nothing! Nothing's wrong with blue! I mean hey, it actually looks good on you." He said to his wife in an attempt to save himself.

"The fuck's that supposed to mean!?" Falco piped in from behind at the jab.

Choosing to ignore the bird, he continued. "It's just there's not exactly a bunch of blue foxes walking around this part of the system, you know? Sure, fur dye is a thing, so maybe we could get away with it if we're careful, but at very least you might want to make sure and cover up your ol' leg swirlies or any of your other more identifiable features."

"I know, I know, I'm just teasing you." Krystal smiled as she playfully tugged on Fox's ear "I can probably just find a dye that matches my natural color to cover up any of my tattoos. Shouldn't be an issue. Besides, I'm sure the plot armor will get us through most of it anyway."

"Alright, great." Fox clapped his hands together and stood up to address the rest of the crew. "I guess unless there's any more questions, it's time to take this to a vote. Now, Slippy, obviously we already know you're a yes on this one, so I'll go ahead and give the floor to Peppy next. What say you, old man?"

"Welp, maybe it's just because I'm old fashioned, but I just feel this whole thing is way over my head. Trying to re-acquire and then sell something that isn't even a real, physical asset just doesn't make any sense to me. Especially if it requires doing it in a highly-populated place that's probably swarming with security. Yep, think this one's gotta be a no for me."

"Ok, that puts us at one vote each. Falco, I'll let you go next. Whaddya think, bud?"

"Are you kiddin' me? Going to the friggin' Casino Della Fregatura to go pull off a heist on a bunch of crypto dweebs? Hell yeah I'm down! That's like some James Bond type shit right there."

"Cool, that leaves us at two to one. Krystal, you're up."

She looked uneasy, opening her mouth to say something before closing it again to think out her words. Finally she spoke, "I… think that this sounds like a good opportunity. Slippy put a lot of time and effort into tracking this down, and I honestly think there will be very little, if any, resistance to put up with. In all regards, yeah, this is absolutely a no-brainer. For the time and effort we're expecting to put into this, I'm sure the return will be more than worth it."

Slippy winced, anticipating what was coming next.

"That being said… This just doesn't feel right. I can't explain what it is, but I feel a separate, more malevolent presence being there. Something completely unexpected that we couldn't account for. And, I'm sorry Slippy, because I know you really want us to support you on this, but I'm going to have to say no."

It was apparent that the toad was disappointed, but he still smiled kindly at Krystal. "That's ok! I know you're just looking out for us. After all, it's not like we can really argue with your judgment."

A two-two split vote. Exactly what Fox was hoping wouldn't happen. In theory, as leader of the team, Fox could make any decision, regardless what the opinions of anyone else was. However, he much preferred opening the discussion to the rest of the crew to gain their insights. They each brought a unique perspective to the floor that often proved invaluable when planning for jobs. Besides, he trusted them, and they trusted him. The last thing he would ever want to do is force them all into something they didn't feel comfortable with. There was only one time he had ever voted against and overruled the entire rest of the team, being when he decided to kick Krystal out of Star Fox, and he still regretted it to this day. That's right, this is a post-Command fic. Yeah, I consider it canon, so what? Cry about it. Baby.

Anyway, point is, this shit didn't happen too often. Occasionally one member would disagree with the rest, but having a dead split like this was rare at best, and Fox hated it. As the rest of the team looked on, waiting for their captain's decision, he closed his eyes and let his head hang back, inhaling deeply through his nose, thinking about the situation in front of him. To Slippy's point, going against Krystal's judgment was probably a mistake. Telepaths tend to know what they're talking about. Of course, she also wasn't completely infallible and tended to err on the side of caution, which wasn't always the best play, depending on the situation. Fox opened his eyes to the ceiling above him. He could see exposed wiring here and there among amateur patch jobs and dimmed lights that needed replacing. A dark burn mark stood out to him from where a rogue plasma bolt from Slippy's "super juicer" beta test had struck the ceiling, narrowly avoiding Peppy's head.

"Ok, I've made my decision. Looks like this week we're having a change of scenery for Casino night, guys. Let's make this quick and easy."

Falco clapped his hands together with excitement, hopping off the table while Slippy did a quick little fist pump.

Fox turned to face the other members of the crew. "Krys and Peppy, I'm sorry, but honestly, we just really need the money right now. The ship is more than due for repairs and general maintenance and we're starting to run low on our usual provisions. I mean, believe me, I have my own reservations about this one, but if we don't try it out, we're guaranteed to get nothing, and who knows when the next job will come in? I figure we might as well give it a shot. Well, that and the illusion of free will. Is that ok with you?"

"'Course, Fox!" Peppy responded. "Sure, I still don't really get the whole idea of this job, but give me something to do that I understand, and I'm your man."

Krystal chuckled at the rabbit's words. "I won't lie, Fox. I still have my reservations about this one. But I absolutely understand. I trust you, and I know you trust me. No matter what happens, we'll all have each other's backs and I'm sure we'll make it through just fine. Just maaaaybe not how we expect it," she said playfully. "Besides, at least I'll finally get an excuse to try out that cute cocktail dress you got me for New Year's."

Fox went ahead and let that image float around in his head for a second before responding. "Great! Glad we're all on the same page then. Let's get a few things straight so we know what we need to get setup before we start the job. As far as I can tell there shouldn't be very much in the way of opposition for this shindig. Mostly just Robin and whatever other dorks show up for their little auction. And outside of a fake katana and some bad B.O. I'm not really expecting them to present any sort of real threat. Obviously, the casino's security is gonna be the main worry here. With the amount of money moving in and out of that place daily, I expect things to be pretty tight around there. That being said, most of their attention will be on their own money and operation which we have no plan in interfering with. As long as we're careful, we should be able to simply avoid most of them, but we should still be prepared just in-case. We're going to go into this armed with strictly non-lethal weaponry. Specifically close-quarter stuff. Falco, you know if we got anything small?"

The bird perked up at the mention of weaponry, eyebrows slightly raised in interest. "Like, how small we talkin' here?"

"Like small enough to fit in a prison wallet, small. Not that I'm planning on utilizing that option, but you get the idea."

Falco rubbed the bottom of his beak in thought. "Hmmm, well I know we have some micro blasters that we can just set to stun. Those should be able to fit fine into a holster that we could wear under our suit coats without anyone noticing. I know they do make these things now where you can stick them on your hand and stun people by touching them. They're virtually unnoticeable if you aren't looking out for them. Unfortunately, we don't got any of those though, so we'd have to buy some beforehand."

"I like the sound of that. Do you know if Katt's around right now? She might be able to hook us up with some."

"Actually, yeah. Pretty sure she just got into Corneria a couple of days ago. Just got done working a job for that bitch Brandy, so she's probably pretty loaded right now. Should be able to snag some of those for us if I ask nicely."

"Oh hey, I remember Brandy! God, what an absolute bitch." Fox muttered under his breath. Anyway, that would be great. Think there's any way we could get those tomorrow?" Fox asked meekly. "I mean, unfortunately we don't have a lot of time on this since the auction is in two days. Oh, also could you ask for a full layout of the casino's interior?"

Falco sighed. "I can ask, but I can't promise she'll be up for it on such short notice. Guess I'll just have to turn on the old Falco Lombardi charm," he said, brushing his weird wing hand through the feathers on his head.

"'Aight, cool." Fox continued, ignorning the display. "Other big thing we have to worry about is our way in and out of there. Obviously we can't just be pulling up in Awrings. Gotta have something inconspicuous enough that it won't attract any attention, but still versatile. I was thinking maybe we could just borrow Bill's van. He still owes me one from when I smuggled that piece of electrum quartz in from MacBeth for his rock collection."

"Or we could always just rent one," Peppy said, shrugging. "It's not like we'd need it for very long, just the one day."

Fox scrunched the left side of his face as he tilted his head dismissively. "Yeeaaaaahh, I mean, that's an option too, but if we can save a few bucks by just using Bill's I feel like we may as well. I know you can get 'em from pretty cheap at Home Depot, but I don't think a big orange and green "RENT ME" sign on the outside is very inconspicuous. Besides, the tires are usually bald on those things from the hoodrats who rent them to do donuts in the parking lot."

"Yeesh, you're cheap, man." Falco scoffed. "Also, I'm pretty sure 'hoodrat' is an offensive term now to rodent people or something, but that's neither here nor there."

"Look, I'm not cheap, alright? I just… don't enjoy spending money. But like, who does, really?" Fox responded, defensively.

"Fox, you literally bring coupons every time we go to McDonald's. Like, come on man, it's McDonald's. It's embarrassing."

"Well I'm sorry that it's like ten credits for a goddamn Filet-O-Fish combo now. I'm not happy about it either. Anyway, end of discussion. Krystal and I will go down there tomorrow with you to Corneria. We'll meet up with Bill, you meet up with Katt. We'll kill two birds with one stone."

"Ok, I know for a fact that that one's offensive."

Once again choosing to ignore the pheasant, Fox turned to Slippy.

"Slip, I need you on intel. Do you think there's any way you could tap into the casino's security system? Giving us the ability to access certain areas without a pass key along with keeping any cameras from seeing us would be fairly invaluable."

The toad contemplated the question for a second before responding. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I could do that. Only problem is, I would need to be able to get into the main security room to do so. Once I'm in there I could tap into their system remotely and then just monitor everything from the van. But it's just getting in there that's the problem."

"Hmm… Maybe we could get you in there with a disguise. If you're dressed up like the rest of security and you have an official enough looking badge, you could probably slip in and out of there in the short time you need, right?"

"Yeah, that'll probably work!" Slippy said excitedly. "I just hope I can plug into the system without anyone noticing. Worst case scenario, I have the perfect idea for causing a distraction."

"And what exactly would that be?" Fox asked cautiously. He knew Slippy was gifted with a brilliant mind, but sometimes his ideas proved to be a bit too ambitious for his own good. The image of the toad's ill-fated plasma juicer almost taking off Peppy's dome came to mind once again.

"Well," Slippy smiled deviously, "I just so happen to be in possession of some Psilocybe Cubensis, or as you may better recognize them, Golden Teacher magic mushrooms."

"Woah, Slippy, aren't those illegal?" Fox asked, surprised at the fact that the usually innocent and cautious toad was in possession of psychedelic narcotics.

"So, technically, no. The buy, sell, and consumption of them as a drug is, in-fact, illegal. However, there are plenty of organizations that will sell the spores online which you are free to grow in your home, as long as you use them for strictly scientific purposes. Which is exactly what I use them for! I don't know what it is, but I find mycology to just be so fascinating! Anyway, while I've never used them for illicit acts, it wouldn't be impossible to slip a small, safe, pre-measured amount into the drink of an unsuspecting security guard. They'd have a bit of a trip, be well-distracted for any amount of time I need to be in there for, and it would all wear off in a few hours with no ill effects to their health."

Fox sighed, knowing he was likely about to make a bad decision. "Against my better judgment, sure. We'll go with your idea, Slip. Just make sure you're extra careful. I don't want you getting caught, or worse, somehow drugging yourself."

Slippy scoffed. "Please Fox, I may have had my moments in the past, but I'm pretty sure I'm mentally fit enough to not somehow drug myself."

"Well, that sure sounds foreboding…. Anyway, Falco, I'm gonna add a few more things for your shopping list for Katt, in that case. See if she can get a Casino Della Fregatura security outfit and badge in Slippy's size. Thanks."

The only response he received from the annoyed bird was a singular "Bruh."

"And with that, I think we're done here! See you guys tomorrow morning."