Disclaimer: I don't own YGO, or the lyrics to 'Away' by Breaking Benjamin either. Really good song, go download it!
A/N: Well, hello again everyone! Ok, some of you are getting tired of the circle game, and it's understandable, and lucky for you, it's about to end! This chapter should be the last of it……. I hope. I dunno, my fics run away with me sometimes. Also, some of you mentioned about Sekka thinking that she's going to kill Yami, I'll explain it because some of you are taking it the wrong way. I don't mean it as she will literally kill him, but what she means is that she'll kill him emotionally. Just thought I'd clear that up. Anyways, shout-outs:
loathed wolf spirit: Oh well, shit happens ne? Anyways, just review this chapter when you get a chance. Love ya!'
peachi goddess: Hey again! Anyways, is Marik comes back and sees Yami and Sekka together well ya.............. shit would hit the fan. I won't tell you if that happens though, lol I'm evil. Neways, enjoy the chappie!
Crystal56: Was this a quick enough update? I hope so, lol. Super angst? Not really, if you want angst go read deceptiveinnocence 's fic called Fallen Angel: Cry For Redemption. I mena, thatfic even scares me......................so ya. Anways, ttly.
WolfOfShadow: Hey, I like pizza to lol! Thanks for the grammer. Anyways, purple monkey dishwasher.......... hmm, I'll run that by my friend who likes to event shit that goes boom............. # anime sweatdrop # ya......... she almostdemolished my microwave......... anyways, enjoy the fic!
Silver Magiccraft: Yep so close.............. lol I'm evil! Anyways, this is pretty much the last of it, and I have a feeling that your going to like this chapter............... well I hope you do, lol! And read the author note for information on the dying thing.............. your a little confused on it, no offense.
Cymoril Avalon: Happy ending.............. hell no! Ok, well maybe, I dunno, all depends if I feel mean, lol. Anyways, I never really thought of the lyrics............. but it does make sense hmm.......... I'll change that eventually.... # coughcough# never # coughcough# Anyways, I love that song 2............ Ok, I'm rambling. Hope you like the chapter.
serpent-vampfreak: Well, here's the update for ya! And ya, do be careful........ I wouldn't want you to ge through with a accidental suicide. Cute? Are you calling chapters cute?Dude, what the fuck are you on, lol. Anyways, enjoy the chapter!
Alright, with all that said, on with the fic!
Like Petals From A Rose
Chapter Ten
Reflections Of The Heart
The night was cold, and I didn't sleep in fear of the four men that raped me coming back. It was stupid I knew, that could find me in this alley, far away from the one that they themselves had abused me in, but still, fear kept me awake.
I was glad really, it gave me time to think about everything in my life that had abruptly turned right the fuck upside down. One simple name summed it all up: Yami.
Yes, I blamed him for this, maybe even hated him for this, but I needed him more. That time, in my apartment when he had caught me, held me……….. I liked it. It felt right, and as much as I hated it myself, I wanted more of it.
But I would hurt him in the end, I was sure of that. I had hurt everyone I had ever come in contact with…… my mother, my father, my friend, myself. He would merely be another causality on my list of people I had fucked over, and I didn't want such a fate for him.
I wanted to keep him safe from myself, even if it meant that I had to sacrifice the one person I felt could help me.
Dawn was beginning to break on the horizon, the dim light only starting to illuminate the world. I was tired, and hungry, but I didn't think about it, instead I forced myself to watch the sun rise.
I hadn't done it in so long.
Me and my mother used to do it sometimes, when I was younger. I had always be in love with the blending of the color and the hues that were never quite the same.
Before, I would have hid the breathtaking sight from my eyes, not willing to admit that I missed my mother, and that, somewhere in my heart, deep at the bottom of all the pain and hate she put my through, I loved her and needed her.
But it was far too late to go knocking on her doorstep now. She wouldn't want me, not after all the shit I put her through. It was sad, and I never wished that I could start my life over more then I did right now.
Slowly I stood up, the early sunlight filling my eyes. It seemed ironic to me that on the day I realize just how far I've fallen is the day I watch the sunlight. I laughed at this, what the writers called a mirthless laugh.
It wasn't caused by humor, but pain, and longing for a redemption that I could never reach. I sighed and began walking towards the school, I still needed to go to my classes, even if I hated it.
I was scared too, of seeing him again, having to face him after what went on yesterday, but at the same time, I prayed that he would be there and I could tell him for the last time that if he wanted to save himself, that he would have to forget me, everything about me.
The walk was long, and cold, and I was nearly dead by the time I reached the school. I made it to class on time for what seemed like the first time in years.
English.
I actually didn't mind this class, at least Yami wasn't in it. But he would be in my next class………
I forced myself to push that thought out of my mind, but atlas, it couldn't remain buried forever. Especially when I took my seat in the back of class, hoping against hope that he would leave me alone. Surprisingly, he took his seat at lease two rows away from me.
I looked up at the same time that he looked at me, and I met his gaze. This time I didn't look away, but forced myself to stare into the ruby gaze, meeting it with fierce pride. He looked away first and as much as I was happy, it broke my heart at the same time.
Why was it that I always died for the ones I loved and they didn't even know it?
I had to get out of here before class ended and he could catch me. The class was quite, and I timidly raised my hand.
"Yes Miss. Tate?"
"Can I go to the bathroom?" The teacher nodded and I grabbed my things and bolted out of class before the teacher could ask me why I was taking my things. He probably didn't even care, given my rep of tearing things to fucking pieces.
I ducked into the bathroom, leaning against the wall and forcing down the tears that threatened to well up in my eyes, exposing my weakness to the uncaring world.
After so many times of not understanding my own tears, I just had to completely understand what hurt me the most. I was leaving him, shunning him from getting any closer to the morbid truth. I opened my eyes again, my reflection catching my gaze.
Cold am I
I'm beside myself
Because there's no one else
And I just had to ask myself who was this girl staring back at me with the hollowed eyes, the shadowed features, long brown hair that could cover my face to prevent my emotions showing to the world. But he had seen those emotions, those scars………..
I looked away from the mirror just as the door opened, two girls walking in. They didn't say anything to me, but I could tell by the disgust on their features that I was unwanted. I said nothing to them, but stepped into the hall, hoping to be lost among the crowd of teens.
My locker wasn't far away, but I didn't dare go near it, instead I headed out the nearest door and into the sunlight. He wouldn't look for me out here, he wouldn't expect me in be in the grace of light. I leaned against the building and sighed, closing my eyes to the sun.
Have I grown
So blind?
Only god could save you
If you knew your way to the light
People passed me, their whispers muffled by their hands, but I didn't give a fuck anymore. Let them think what they want, who I am to correct what they think I am when I don't even know myself?
I pulled out a cigarette and lit it, taking a puff and exhaling slowly, willing the smoke to calm my nerves.
"You know that's bad for you." I nearly a foot in the air, his voice surprising me. I looked over, catching crimson gaze before looking away.
"How'd you find me?" I said in a low voice, taking another puff and leaning against the wall.
"Believe or not, your actually not that hard to find." He replied before reaching over, taking my cigarette and stepping on it. "You'll give yourself if you keep that up."
"Might not be so bad." I muttered before looking away. "Why are you here?"
So fly away
And leave it behind
Just stay awake
There's nowhere to hide
"Why do you think?" At this I ran my hands through my dark hair in frustration.
"Look, I told you to stay the fuck away from me." I said in a deadly voice, masking all my hurt with anger. If I could get him to hate me, then maybe I could keep him safe. "I don't need pity."
"That won't work on me, Sekka." He said firmly. "You won't get me to hate you by being cruel." I hung my head.
"When what will?" My voice was small, and pitiful, and I hated it.
"Nothing." He replied.
I see you
Cause you won't get out of my way
"What the fuck will it take before you finally get it through that fucking thick skull of yours!" I exclaimed in exasperation. "Leave me alone!"
"Sekka-"
I hear you
Cause you won't quit screaming my name
"No, don't 'Sekka' me, ok? Yes leave me the fuck alone! Get out of here and let me die in peace!" I was shouting now, not caring that people where staring at us with shock, and I could here their thoughts 'what the fuck is Yami doing with that trash-bag slut'.
I feel you
Cause you won't stop touching my skin
"Do you honestly think that I'll walk away, and watch you kill yourself slowly from a distance?" He retorted. "You and I both know that it's gone past that. I'm involved now, I'm not just going to walk out on you now."
"Then get uninvolved! Fuck, just forget this! You have better things to do then waste time on people like me." I couldn't express my pain into words to hear myself say these words, to see the flickering doubt in his eyes, to see his heart breaking while he tried desperately to keep it together.
I need you
Their coming to take you away
"There you go again." He muttered. " 'people like me', Sekka, your human same of the rest of us."
"Not really." I shoot back. "I'm just a plaything for men when they want a fuck. Is everyone else like that?"
"Your were."
"And still am!" I shouted back. "As long as I have this-" I pulled down the shoulder of my top, exposing the scarred initials that had been cut into my skin. "- I'm still just a whore." Why was I doing this? I could be with him if only I could take back everything that had happened today, but I couldn't. I couldn't lose everything I had built to keep him safe.
But if this was so right, then why the hell did I feel like I was being ripped in two?
Frail and dry
I could lose it all
But I cannot recall
It's all wrong
"So this what you want?" He asked softly, and it killed me to see his sad eyes as he said this. "You want to continue suffering pointlessly?" Inside, every part of me was screaming no, but I forced the opposite out of my mouth.
"Yes." I answered. "It's what I want."I forced my voice not to break on me, willing my body not to lose this facade. "I want you to forget me." I turned and began walking away slowly, my insides being ripped out with every step.
Don't cry
Clear away this hate
And we can start to make it alright
"You know what they say." He said slowly. "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. It's a pity that such a beautiful creature should die because it's pride refuses to accept what's right in front of it." His words made me stop for a moment, and I turned back to look at him for what I hoped and feared would be the last time.
"But perhaps the horse will die for it's rider who is starving for meat." And with that I turned back and walked away from him, the only person who could help me.
So fly away
And leave it behind
Return someday
With red in your eyes
Whispers followed me, and I was sure that they followed him, but I ignored them. There were nothing to me, besides, what I was feeling inside was worst then any word or jeer they could throw at me.
I see you
Cause you won't get out of my way
I felt as if the last part of life that he had given to me was dying a slow and painful death. I had pushed him away, and I knew that this had been the last time he would come looking for me, and even though I knew it was for him, it was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life.
I hear you
Cause you won't quit screaming my name
I had never known love without sex, for me, love was merely a cover for lust. I had never felt love in the sense that he had shown to me. He had held me and cared for me without even mentioning sex at all. What he showed me was purely from the heart.
I feel you
Cause you won't stop touching my skin
I couldn't hold them back anymore and I leaned against the wall where no-one could see me, the tears rolling down my cheeks.
Yes, I admit it now - I loved him. Loved him more then anything in the past, and here I was, killing us both for his greater good.
I need you
Their coming to take you away
Images ran through my mind, like a film bent on throwing what I was losing in my face.
"Sekka, I know it's you, you don't have to hide."
"Didn't I tell you to stay the fuck away from me?"
"I can't do that. Not while your out selling your heart."
"That hurt didn't it ? Are you surprised Sekka? Looks like your not an object after all. All this talk about your heart and your body, stop talking about yourself like your merchandise!"
Yami……………
I see you
Cause you won't get out of my way
"I was in the cafeteria when you had blood pooling from under your arm. You cutting yourself is a call for help, an SOS whether you realize it or not, and if no-one else is going to answer it, if they won't care, I will
"I'm not pitying you, that's not what you need."
"Then what do I need?"
"Love."
"Yami, tell me the truth, why are you helping me?"
"Because a bird with broken wings ceases to fly."
I hear you
Cause you won't quit screaming my name
Yami………….
"Then what is my job? And don't say to leave you, because that's not what I'm going to do."
"You have to I'll only hurt you."
"Then hurt me, and maybe then you wouldn't have to hurt yourself."
God……….. I love him.
My eyes snapped open, realization dawning on me like a sledge hammer I turned to look back at his figure opening his car door.
Without knowing what I was doing, but going on instinct, I started to run towards him. This was right, this is what I needed to do, I needed to stay with him, now more then ever.
"Wait!"
He turned to face me, just as I reached him, throwing myself into his protective arms that caught me on instinct.
"I can't do it." I whispered into his shoulder, the tears wetting the clothing. "I can't push you away. I tried, but I couldn't. I love you." I held on to him tightly, as if I was afraid that if I let go of him he would slip away from me.
I feel you
Cause you won't stop touching my skin
"I love you too." He whispered back, and I pulled away from him to give him a quick peck on the lips, which inevitably deepened. It was the first time I had been kissed like this, the tingling sensation running through my body and into my legs, making them weak.
We pulled apart and I stared into his eyes, this time letting myself be sucked into them, letting myself be drawn to him the way that I was sure it was supposed to be.
"Let's get out of this hellhole." He said, and I nodded jumping into the passengers seat as he started the engine.
I didn't know where we were going, and frankly I didn't care. I was with him, loving him and being loved by him, and that was all that really mattered at the moment.
I had never truly believed that fate could be kind to people, I had always assumed that fate was out to destroy, harm, and kill.
But I know now that fate can give you gifts - gifts that sometimes you don't know what they are until your about to lose them.
It's only when you hit the bottom of the abyss that you realize how far you've really fallen, and there's nothing left to do but climb and try to find higher ground.
Many attempt, and many fail, but I know that, for the first time in my life, I've succeeded.
I need you
Their coming to take you away
A/N:
I know that sounded like a ending, but it wasn't don't worry! I'm sure you guys are all think 'finally!' and yes, good things are on the way, and things should be easy sailing from here……….. until I decided to throw the boat into the rocks, lol, and I'll try to have the next chapter up by Monday at the latest. Anyways, I worked really hard on forming the plot in this chapter, and I would really appreciate your guys feedback on it! Well, ja for now!