Disclaimer: Don't own the fucking show or the lyric's to 'From The Inside' by Linkin Park.
A/N: Heehee, I'm back! Sorry for teh late update but I'm strating to develop something like a life that's brutally dragging me away from my computer...Anyways…… not much to say except that I told you this was going to happen so don't kill me! Besides……. It's an angst fic, right? # nervous laugher # Ok….ya…… shout-outs:
Crystal56: Sorry, wishes aren't always granted...lol. But I hope you like the way this fic turns out anyways - I was planning this ending from the beginning so ya...Neways, enjoy the fic.
Sakura Trees: lol, I forget things to so don't worry. And no, it wasn't chicken. Anyways, hope you like this chapter!
loathed wolf spirit: Awwwwww, luv ya too! Anyways, thanks for all the reviews and I hope you like this chapter!
WolfOfShadow: I am not afraid of your stick, seeing as yes, I was intending this ending from the first chapter I wrote so don't say that I didn't warn you either! Anyways, hope you like this chapter, lol.
Blue Savage: Hmmmmmm, lots of feelings I see. Actually, this fic is ending soon, but don't worry, I'm already planning on another agnst/romance to take it's place alomst immeditatly after so don't worry. Anyways, just try to guess the end of this fic #grin#
Haven of Darkness: LMFAO that is the funniest review I've ever gotten, lol. Anyways,sorryyou're so mad, and here's the wpdate so no-one has to die...right? Neways, enjoy the chapter.
GothPoetofDarkness15: Lol,. I used to rip the heads off my barbies! And you know how to curse in three different languages...wow, I'm impressed, lol. Anyways, enjoy the fic!
CRAZYABOUTANIME: The suspense has ended! Anyways, I won't tell you if this fic involves death or not, you'll just have to figure it out! But I"m not telling you, lol. Anyways enjoy the chap!
Sarah : Hello! I love seeing new reviewers! Thanks for the encouragement
Ok then……..on with the fic
Like Petals From A Rose
Chapter 21
Farewell to Dreams
I watched silently, brokenly as the sun began to sink behind the horizon. How I wished I could follow it and disappear from the reality of my wretched existence - wished I could just fade away and become forgotten within his memory.
More time passed until finally the door opened, revealing Marik who, by the glassy look to his eyes, was stoned. No surprises there - I had seen this to many times to care anymore.
"Come on, bitch." He demanded, reaching out for me. I instantly recoiled, making him furrow his brow in anger and grab me by the arm - forcing me up. "You're little boy-toy will be waiting……and Sekka….." He lifted his gun, loading it. "You know what I'll do to him if you try to make him play 'knight in shining armor'."
"Why don't you shoot me and save yourself the fucking trouble." I shot back, only half-hoping that he would do it. Instead, he smirked, placing the gun in his jacket.
"I don't grant wishes." He hissed, and I flipped my arms to hide the scars on the bottoms of them. Again, I was ashamed of the numerous scars that littered my body. But what right did he have to make comments about them? He had caused them after all!
I shuddered as I remembered the first time I had caught him cheating on me, the first time I cut myself. Little did I know then that it would become a near inescapable addiction that would follow me for years.
"Hurry up!" He commanded, shoving me through the door. I could do nothing but obey him, and I hated myself beyond words for it. I wished I had the strength to fight, but it seemed that fear had sucked my former strength clean out of my body.
I fought him the whole way to the car and said nothing to him as he drove to the Night Owl. He dropped me off behind the building, again threatening me that he would be watching. I no doubt that he would. I stood alone for a moment as everything replayed in my head.
It took a moment before I could regain my composure and walk with my held high to break Yami's heart. He was standing outside the doors, glancing around for me. I came up behind him, a serious look on my face as I prayed that I could do this without breaking down.
I don't know who to trust
No surprise
Everyone feels so far away from me
But it seemed as if he was standing in another world although he was mere feet away from me. He was in a world where the future was clear and bright - a world I could enter if I just had the strength. I don't think I've ever hated myself more then I did then.
"Hey." He said, turning towards me. "What's up?"
"Not much." I answered coolly, mentally relaying the things that I would say to him - things that would break his heart and bridge an ocean between me and my only hope. He instantly picked up on my signals and cocked his head to one side.
"Is everything alright?" How caring he was - how sweet he believed me to be, how loving and pure. Slowly I shook my head.
"No." I answered, taking a breath before forcing the words out of my mouth. "Nothing - I want you to leave!"
Heavy thoughts sift through dust
And the lies
His eyes widened in shock as he tried to register what I was saying.
"What?"
"I said I want you to leave." I answered, wishing that he wouldn't make this hard for me - my heart was already shattering in my chest as it was. "Go to college or university or wherever the hell you want - but you're not taking me with you!" The hurt in his eyes almost reduced me to tears, but I knew that it was either do or die - for both of us.
"What are you saying, Sekka?" He asked, confusion and worry written all over his face. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Trying not to break
But i'm so tired of this deceit
Every time i try to make myself
Get back up on my feet
Burning hatred seethed through me as I watched his pain - hatred for both myself and Marik. Marik for his return, myself for my weakness.
"Are you trying to be this stupid, or does it come naturally?" I shot. "Read my lips - fuck off!"
"I don't understand!"
"There's nothing to understand!" I retorted. "I want you gone, get it? Gone!"
"But, why?" Because you're in danger I thought, but wouldn't dare let the words out of my mouth.
"Because…" I answered coldly. "Were done."
All i ever think about is this
All the tiring time between
And how
Trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me
"But I thought-"
"Forget what you thought, or what you think you know about what we so-called 'had' going for us." The words flew out of my mouth like poison, slowly killing me as I watched his heart breaking. Slowly, I felt my walls returning, stronger then before, and nothing was going to tear them down.
"But you said-"
"I was lying! Sweet God, you're so fucking nieve!" His face changed into pure agony. "Did you think that I loved you? That you had saved me? The only thing you can save is your fucking pity."
Take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
Cause I swear for the last time
I won't trust myself with you
I turned away, trying to get away from him before I completely crumbled. Tears were already pricking the corners of my eyes, just waiting to be unleashed and betray me. I walked as fast I could, praying that he wouldn't follow. I should known that they weren't going to be answered.
"Sekka stop!" He shouted, running and grabbing me lightly by the arm. "What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing." I hissed. "Or at least, it would be nothing if you would leave me the hell alone."
"I sensed it on the phone earlier, and I know something's wrong." He said, ignoring my biting comments. "Just tell me what's wrong, Sekka. You can tell me - I love you." Those words leaving his mouth made a whole new wave of unwanted emotion engulf me. I was actually hoping that the weigh of my own pain would drown me and I would die in his arms.
"Oh knock it off!" I shouted. "Dear God, how desperate are you? Ever stop to consider that you're what's wrong?"
Tension is building inside
Steadily
Everyone feels so far away from me
Heavy thoughts forcing their way
Out of me
His eyes softened in pain and I could almost see him slipping away from me. If I wanted to, I could throw my hand out and stop him from drowning……… if it wasn't for the dark, clawed hand on my shoulder, I could save him - and myself.
"Fine." He hissed, anger finally taking over as he shoved my own hand back at me. "Have it your way." He turned and for a moment, I thought that he was finally leaving my eyes until he turned around, a whole new fire burning in his ruby eyes.
"What?" I demanded coldly, rolling my eyes as if he was annoying me when, in reality, I was screaming inside my own head and heart that I loved him and always will. I wish I could somehow tell him that without opening my mouth - my only prayer was that he feel what was deep inside my heart.
Trying not to break
But I'm so tired of this deceit
Every time I try to make myself
Get back up on my feet
"You know, I trusted you." He hissed. "I loved you! When my parents were shooting you down, I stood up for you and you know what? They were right………you used me."
The last words fell on me like a ton of emotional bricks, shattering the last hope in my heart that we could go back to the way we were. The tears damn near flowed right then and there, and it took every last once of will that they didn't.
I stayed quite, sensing that he wasn't done yet.
"And, congratulations, Sekka - you fooled me." He said, his eyes fixing on me with such disappointment that it stunned me, immobilized me. "You fooled me." He whispered again and turned away. This time, I knew it would be forever.
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring time between
And how
Trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me
I forced myself to remain standing until he got in his car and drove away. The minute his headlights disappeared, I fell to my knees, the tears that had been fighting for dominance finally unleashing themselves in a solid stream.
The gravel dug into my knees, but I relished the pain. It was something that let me know I was real - let me know that I was still breathing. The tears poured hot and sure over my cheeks, soaking my hands and dripping onto the pavement.
Take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
Cause I swear for the last time
I won't trust myself with you
He's gone I repeated those words over and over in my mind, praying that they would get to that point where the words were so overused that they didn't mean anything anymore, but each time I repeated it, it sent new waves of pain through my soul.
Maybe that's why I kept repeating it, because I deserved every ounce of pain that I was feeling, and then some. I had driven him away - broke his heart and now, I would pay the price for the rest of my life, which I prayed wasn't long because I knew that I wouldn't be able to stand this pain.
I won't waste myself with you
I won't waste myself on you
Waste myself on you
You
It felt as if everything I had felt with him, learned with him, shared with him - that it had all been a dream in which I had woken up and faced reality. And now that I knew what reality was, I was trying desperately to hold onto a piece of that dream, a piece of that love and perfection.
But it was slipping through my fingers, leaving me feeling empty, devoid, numb. It wasn't until now that I realized my exhaustion and lack of strength. It seemed that maintaining the cold, hateful facade had drained me of whatever energy I had left within me.
I'll Take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
But I didn't lament it, I cherished the physical and emotional exhaustion, praying that it would allow me to open the door of dreams without a fight.
Maybe Marik will take pity on me, I thought, maybe he would see how exhausted I was and not make me make myself a whore again. Then I snorted darkly through my tears. Hell would sooner freeze over then he would consider anyone but himself.
The car came by and he opened the door.
"Get in!" He commanded, and I had no choice put to slowly drag my ass into the back seat where I curled into myself and let the flow of tears continue. I had no strength to fight them, no strength to stop the tide of emotion that washed over me.
What did surprise me was when he drove home instead of to some corner. He opened the door and lead me back inside. I didn't bother putting up a fight - I would only lose in the state I was in. He pushed me through the door and smirked as he shoved me onto the bed.
"Don't." I whispered, to exhausted to do much else.
Cause I swear for the last time
I won't trust myself with you
He just smirked and pulled out a small bag of power, mixing it with some water on a spoon.
"I figured since it was your first night back, I'd give you a break." He replied, heating the fluid up with a lighter. "Besides, I want the first piece of you before I throw you to the dogs." The words brought new anger into me, but it was short lived as numbness over took it.
I watched as the fluid bubbled and as he drew it into a needle, but I didn't know that it was intended for me until he reached for my arm.
"NO!" I screamed, jumping back. "You're not doing this to me again! I haven't done it in three years, I won't let you do this again!" My hysterical screams continued until he hit me to shut me up, and by the time he had managed to pin my arm down, the end of the needle entering my veins.
"There you go." He muttered, smirking. "This should make you easier to handle." It took a minute before I could feel it traveling in my body and I screamed at the familiar burning sensation until I was lulled into a state of surreal calm.
Take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
I didn't know what he had put into me, and I couldn't even fight as he tore off my clothes and entered me just as hard, rough and ruthless as I remembered it. And all I could do was stare blankly at the ceiling as he used me - again.
Again, I was reduced to being his little whore, and again, there was fuck all I had the power to do. My senses soared past human level and I swore that I could hear things that there was no way I should be able to.
The buzzing of a fly in the neighbors yard, children playing with tin cans across town, a dog running free in the city. And I swear that I could feel the salty heat of a lone tear as it traveled down my cheek - heard it as it left my face and splashed onto the pillowcase, slowly being absorbed by the hungry material.
Cause I swear for the last time
I won't trust myself with you
A./N:
Um……… ok…….ya, I'm going to make my escape now, while I still can, lol. I'm warning you, this fic is slowly coming to a close - I'm predicting about maybe four more chapters at the most. But, it's not over yet, so you can still enjoy my sadistic torture of my beloved character………. Wow……..I'm nuts, lol. Anyways, not much else to say except please leave a review and tell me what you think - or yell at me, it's your choice!