Disclaimer: Don't own YGO……..just my characters and the plot. Don't own the lyrics to 'If I Die Tomorrow' by Motley Crue either.
A/N: I'm baaaaaack! I'M SO FUCKING SORRY I HAVEN'T UPATED IN YEARS BUT I HAVE BEEN SO BUSY WITH EVERYTHING I BARELY HAD TIME FOR MY LIFE AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER! SUMMER IS HERE NOW SO I WILL UPDATE FREQUENTLY! GOMEN, GOMENM GOMEN! Anyways, this is probably going to be the second to last or third to last chapter of this fic. I know, your all heartbroken that this fic is coming to an end - and I assure you, there will be no sequel - but, all good things must come to an end sometime, lol. Actually, I think I'm giving myself too much credit here but hey. Anyways, shout-outs!
Crystal56: Me? Crazy? HELL YES! Anyways, hope this like this long-overdue chapter hangs head in shame
Sakura Trees: Not exactly tomorrow...or close...but it's here now...right?
Feebeefi: My updates aren't normallly this late...urg. But great to see a new reviewer and if you're crying now...you don't want to see the ending...
gothpoetofdarkness16: Sorry Jill...but you may not see 18, lol. This probably won't have a happy ending, to be honest. BUT PLEASE DON"T GRILL ME!
yugikid: The upate is here! And yes, Marik id fucked up, but he plays his part well. Neways, here you go!
CRAZYABOUTANIMEL Hey gave up quickly because he was in pain at her aggression... I wouldn't stick around to be bashed at, but that's just me. Neways, new chapter is here!
InsaneShadowFan: I am resisting to Kawaii powers! And yes, history repeats itself, doesn't it?
WolfOfShadow: I don't fear the stick because I don't fear pain...werid, I know. But here's the next chapter!
Dreaming Angel Spirit: Thanks...means a lot to here people say that! Anyways, I did that to Sekka cuz I can but hey, shit happens!
random Lol, thanks. And I am making it longer...see?
Haven of Darkness: Hate me if you must... I was kinda expecting people to hate me, lol.
Ok then…….on with the fic!
Like Petals From a Rose
Chapter 22
Staring Down The Barrel
The dawn broke on me, and never in my life can I remember a dawn looking so cold, so utterly alone. Despite the puffy clouds and sunlight, it looked as desolate as my drowning soul. I looked down at my naked body and muffled the angry sob that rose in my throat.
Marik was nowhere in sight so at least I didn't have to worry about him seeing that small flicker of utter weakness in my eyes and leap at the opportunity to take advantage of it. I felt sluggish from whatever drug Marik had put into me and I could barely remember the previous night, but the memories I had were bad enough.
I couldn't stand this, couldn't stand being his little whore. I would rather die then go through this humiliation again. Then the memories hit me. Yami…… the hateful words that had leapt from my mouth and into his heart. The last glimmer of hope washed away on angelic wings that I could never hope to get close to.
I wake up to find myself
After all these years
I didn't even notice I was crying until I felt the wetness on my cheeks. I stared at them in seeming amazement as they coated my fingers and cheeks, waves of pain washed over me so hard that it was almost physical, knocking me over and causing me to bury my head in the pillows.
I didn't know where Marik was and I didn't care. I hoped he was dead and out of my life forever, I hoped that he was rotting in the inferno's of hell, staring at me and seeing that he couldn't reach me anymore. I hated him beyond words, but hated myself more.
God, how I hated myself for handing myself back to him, for being as weak as I was. For being the little suffering whore curled in the blankets coated in the smell of his semen still lingering on the sheets. Then, an anger rose in me, covering the emotional pain and I tore my head from the sheets and stared into the window that showed the glowing sun.
And when all the time is gone
Still seems so unclear
Without thinking I tore the dark blanket off the bed and hung it over the window, instantly causing the room to become dimmer, giving an appearance of eternal darkness from which even the mighty sun couldn't pass. I deserved this, to be covered in my own darkness where I couldn't be touched by the purifying light.
My eyes skimmed around for any sharp object, praying that I would find something to release this pain with. I was done with tears, done with curling myself into a ball and whimpering! I found a razor that Marik used to shave in the bathroom and with the air of an expert, took it apart.
The blade hardly even glinted in the feeble light, but to me, the faint glimmer was brighter then a star. The metal against my fingertips was as soft and beautiful as silk. I watched with detached fascination as the cold metal dragged against my skin, the blood pooling right behind it, dripping down my arm.
The red fluid splashed onto the worn tile, showing up painfully vivid against the white floor.
Cuz there's no-one else
Since I found you
Just seeing my own blood seemed to put me into a frenzy and I lifted the razor again, slashing wildly at my arm. The skin opened a little, the blood pouring like a ruby fountain, hitting my bare legs, running down and making a puddle on the floor.
I stopped for a moment, breathing hard as I stared at what I had done to myself. I don't ever remember cutting myself this hard, but I didn't give a shit. Everything I had to care about was gone, and it wasn't ever coming back, I knew that.
I know it's been so hard
But you should know
My mother wasn't coming back, my father wasn't coming back, and Yami wasn't ever coming back. No-one was here for me anymore, all I had was myself, my misery, and the razor in my hand. The metal was my only friend, the only one that would listen.
No-one would care if I died now, there was no-one left to care. I would fade into the background and be forgotten, a distant memory and finally lost forever. A damned whore floating in hell's ocean and nothing more then that.
If I die tomorrow
And the minutes fade away
I had always had a certain fascination with death, ever since I was a child. Everyone thinks of it as a long, dreamless sleep, but not me. I saw it as sinking slowly and forever into a cold ocean where souls bumped into each other and continued drifting for eternity in the river of death.
Was that what God intended death to be like, what he was thinking when he created Man? Did he expect them to be such vindictive, merciless creatures? Such weak, trivial and petty little lambs? Did he think that when he gave us free will, that would continue to love and follow him? Has he realized his mistake?
I can't remember
And I've said all I can say
You're my everything
There was no real answers to that, no real way of knowing if he lamented his 'greatest creations' or if he pitied or even hated them. I wouldn't be surprised if he had forsaken us long ago, seeing what we had become, and knowing that not even his Son could save his now - we were that far gone.
My eyes started closing and I fought it off, not willing to pass out and be found by Marik. God knows what he would do to if I was unconscious. Instead, another idea was forming was in my mind. Marik always carried guns - always.
You make me feel so alive
If I die tomorrow
I knew he was going to kill me when all this was over - after he had fucked and made enough money off me. That would be his greatest pleasure - killing me. He had control of my life now. I would only stay alive as long as he permitted it, as long as he could use me like his little pleasure toy.
That is - as long as I stayed alive and let him do what he wanted. But I wouldn't. No, I wouldn't let him have his final win, wouldn't let him take his final pleasure in killing me on my knees with my head bent bowed before him.
No, I would kill myself.
There was no real reason for me to stay around anymore. Yami wasn't here to comfort me, to save me. All there was in my future was death whether I did it myself or not.
That was the only way I would win over him, is if I killed myself before he got to me. I wouldn't go out on those fucking streets again, I wouldn't be raped again, I wouldn't be in pain again, but just drifting along in the current.
It brings out the worst in me
When you're not around
If that was death, true death, then was nothing to fear for me. Even if hell was the damned inferno that everyone believed, then I would rather throw my body to the flames then let Marik win - I would throw myself into the fiery chasm of hell before Marik could send me there with only a bullet's kiss.
But I would kiss it first. Kiss it myself and surrender totally to my fate. With renewed vigor I began running around the room, looking for his gun stash. I didn't care that I was naked, what would nudity mean when I was dead? I opened and closed drawers, cursing to myself frustration.
I miss the sound of your voice
The silence seems so loud
My arm was still bleeding, the blood stopping to a slow drip that made splashes on the floor. Not that I cared anymore. Actually, I doubted that I could even be raped seeing as I just didn't care about it anymore. But in the case that I was wrong, I was going to end everything here and now.
Finally, after looking through all the drawers I turned to the bed. I looked under it, under the pillow, the sheets and finally stopped at the mattress - my last shoot. I closed for a moment, praying that I would find what I needed and lifted up the mattress.
Cuz there's no-one else
Since I found you
I know it's been so hard
But you should know
I smiled as I saw the small revolver laying almost like a gift on the base of the frame. I reached my hand out slowly, almost sensuality and picked it up, staring at as if it was the most beautiful and wonderful thing I had beheld. And in that moment, it was.
I slowly pulled out the bullet compartment and saw that it was loaded. Not that that mattered - I only needed one bullet to win my last fight. I slowly brought the gun to my mouth, placing it inside, and feeling the metallic taste against my tongue like the sweetest candy.
If I die tomorrow
And the minutes fade away
I closed my eyes for a moment, imagining what the feeling of the bullet entering my brain would be like. I doubted it would hurt, seeing as the death was almost instant. I was about to pull the trigger when I heard keys jingling. My eyes snapped open, freezing with me with fear, making it impossible to move my hands or body.
At the last possible second I found the strength to leap into the bed, throwing the sheets around me, the loaded gun still in my hands. The door opened revealing Marik whose cold and cutting eyes instantly found me. He sneered, thinking I was still helpless.
He didn't say anything, just chuckled darkly, throwing the keys onto a dresser and locking the door again before turning back to me.
"That diamond your boy-toy gave you must have cost a fortune." He commented, reaching into his coat and producing a wad of bills. "I got three grand for it."
I can't remember
And I've said all I can say
You're my everything
Anger flooded into me at that. He had taken the only shred of Yami I had and sold it for a few highs, I didn't say anything, but my grip on the gun tightened. If I wanted to, I could kill him right now. I could kill him and run as fast as I could back to Yami and tell him everything………
You make me feel so alive
If I die tomorrow
Everything inside me told me to do it, to lift up the gun and pull the trigger and free myself from his hold forever, but something inside me was holding me back. If I killed him, I would just go to jail in the end, but I would be closer to Yami then I was now. At least then he would know the truth of why I had done what I had done to him. Know why I broke his heart as cruelly as I had. I only prayed that I would have enough time to tell him everything before the police came and ripped me away from him forever.
All my life I had searched for the love and security that he had showed me. All my life I had wished for the taste of perfection that he had shown me, the trust he had given me. And here I was, so close to finding it again, if only for a instant as I was choking.
We've spent all our lives
Looking for a real sense
I've got nothing to loose
Marik turned to glare at me before looking at the window in confusion.
"What the hell have you done now you fucking insane bitch?" He asked, his face shadowed by the darkness of the room.
"I didn't want to see the light." I answered calmly. "And you should talk about insanity you fucking psychopath." He hand lashed out before I even saw it and the stinging in my cheek made me close my eyes against the pain.
"Shut your fucking mouth you little whore." He hissed, grabbing my chin and making me look at me. "And relearn your place!"
"I have no place with you." I shot back, earning another biting slap before he looked over at the window. Despite the blanket it was clear that the sun was beginning to set.
"Looks like you're going to get ready soon." He smirked. "The boys will be waiting for a little piece of ass for the night."
One thing to prove
I won't make the same mistakes
"I'm not going." I said daringly. I knew that I was probably going to be hit, but that didn't matter as long as I didn't have to make myself a whore again. He turned to glare at me, a crazed look in his eyes.
"What?" He demanded, as if challenging me to defy him.
"You heard me - or have you killed too many brain cells to understand English anymore?" He crossed the room in a flash and was on me before I could even see him. He grabbed a fistful of my hair, bringing my face levelly with his. I bit my lip, fighting against the pain in my scalp as he glared down at my helpless form.
"What did you say?" He demanded again and I tried to glare as best as I could in my situation.
"No." I hissed. A small cry of pain escaped me as his fist came out and struck me in the stomach, a boot to the ribs quickly following it.
Now I know everything will be ok
If I die tomorrow
"You listen to me you little harlot!" He yelled as he continued to kick me. "I own you, get it! You do what I tell you without complaint!" My hand under the sheet gripped the gun tighter and I made my decision. My hand flew up aiming the gun at him.
Before I could even pull the trigger his gun was facing me, my eyes staring right down the barrel.
"Do it you little bitch and I swear to God you'll be dead before you can blink." He promised, but I was sure that my face masked my lack of caring.
"Go ahead." I challenged. "I'd rather go to hell then be your whore." He smirked and kept the gun where it was, the silent threat clear. But instead of putting the gun down like he expected me to, I turned it on myself, fitting the barrel into my mouth.
Cuz there's no-one else
Since I found you
I was about to pull the trigger a second time when he lunged at me, ripping the gun out of my hands.
"NO!" I yelled as I saw my chance to escape him going out the window. He looked at the gun calmly before smirking.
"So you found it huh?" He asked, but it was more of a statement then a question. "Didn't think you'd be that smart. Well you want it so bad, fine." He opened the bullet compartment, spilling the bullets onto the floor before throwing it at me.
Tears of frustration were welling in my eyes now, but I held them back. All I wanted was to be away from him forever, was it really that hard of a fucking request?
I know it's been so hard
But you should know
He chuckled darkly at my misery before turning towards the door again, opening it and slamming it without a word. I had no doubt that he was going to go get stoned before dragging me to the streets to work as a hooker.
The minute I was sure that he was out of earshot I opened my mouth and let out the scream of frustration that had been building steadily inside. It was a strangled sound that sounded damn near inhuman and it died as quickly as it had risen.
If I die tomorrow
And the minutes fade away
The death of the sound seemed to leave me in an even more engulfing silence then before it torn from my throat, as if to mock me. My eyes drifted to my arm, coated with dried blood and turned away as if ashamed of what I had done to myself.
It seemed that just months ago I had sworn to myself that I would never do it again and here I was, right back where I started. Only this time I wasn't going to escape him, wasn't going to find some miracle source of strength in which to fight him.
I can't remember
And I've said all I can say
I had fought before and look where it got me - nowhere. Sure, I had managed a quick breath of freedom and hope, like a bird that had escaped it's cage and then was caught and thrown right back into it's metal bars.
They say that birds can quite literally die of a broken heart if they are left alone to long, but what about humans? Can humans die of the same cause, or does stubborn pride force them to continue on alone? Well, it didn't matter to me anymore.
Human or not, I was dying of a broken heart. Only, it couldn't literally kill me, only destroy my emotions and sanity. I stared down at the empty gun in my hands and my grip tightened. I had been so fucking close and I had lost.
But gun or no gun, I wasn't going to let Marik win.
Gun or no gun, I was going to find some way to kill myself before he could.
You're my everything
You make me feel so alive
If I die tomorrow
A/N:
Well, there we go! Dark and morbid chapter, but it's not over for Sekka yet. Two more chapters and then it's all coming to a close. But hey, it's being replaced with my new fic 'Tainted Wings of the Raven' It's another romance/angst that I think you'll like. Anyways, not much else to say, just review……..please?