Gemma thought she was getting better with her biotic training and therapy sessions. Now back on Earth full time as the Alliance and other species helped rebuild from what little was left of their small blue planet. She was scared, scared of what she might remember. Small bits came back to her, she remembered fighting Reapers, killing her enemies with her biotics, but nothing about those she fought alongside with.
She kept the ring close to her chest, not knowing what finger to put it on if it was something more than just a friendly gift. She was scared it was more than that and she couldn't remember who it was.
Most nights she would wake Miranda up from next door in their small complex as she screamed of the fights she had with Reapers. She was so tired and couldn't sleep, her biotics lashed out at her as well. They acted as if they hated her.
It wasn't until her therapist diagnosed her with her panic disorder that it started to make sense. Her past battles had come back to haunt her and she mentally couldn't take it. Her therapist was confident the panic disorder would become easier to control once her memory returns. That's if it ever did return.
Hackett had stopped by a couple of times with news on the location of the Normandy; it was due to land in Vancouver Alliance station within the next hour. Gemma was sitting in front of her window, looking up at the clear blue sky.
"Gemma?" Miranda calls as she knocks on the door and pushes it open. Gemma turns in her chair to look at her. "You able to get some sleep?" Miranda had ordered Gemma to sleep in the hopes she would look a bit better when the ship landed. Gemma was permitted by Hackett to be the first to meet those who came off the ship, followed by the medics to quickly grab Thane and Shepard.
"No, is the Normandy here yet?" she asks as she rubs her eyes and straightens her Alliance shirt out.
"Not yet, Kaidan last sent word they were just passing Luna and should land in the next thirty minutes." Gemma raised a brow at her.
"Kaidan? What about Shepard?" Miranda looked at her, she thought Gemma knew about Kaidan being in control of the ship with Shepard out of action.
"Kaidan Alenko? He's an Alliance Major and second human Spectre." Gemma smiled, she now remembered that name.
"I remember him," she mutters. Miranda almost jumped forward, hoping her memory had finally returned. It was short-lived with Gemma followed with, "he was on Horizon before that Collector attack."
"Hmm, yes he was. He's acting Captain of the ship with Shepard not fit for duty." Gemma smiled as she walked towards the door.
"I remember him being very handsome," she giggled. Miranda smiles at her, only if Gemma knew she was meant to marry this man. She hoped seeing Kaidan again would bring some memories back, any would be better than none.
"This is SSV Normandy, requesting clearance to land at docking station B-72?" Joker calls over the comms. All the crew was waiting at the helm, ready to get straight off the ship and see their loved ones again. News of the Normandy returning had been heard by all that had comms, it was a sight to behold with the number of people in Vancouver waiting to see the ship that saved the galaxy finally return home.
"Clearance granted, Normandy. Welcome home," the Alliance officer replied. Joker had to work extra carefully to get the ship down on the docks. It's not designed to be planetside, but with the amount of work the ship needed, they had no choice. "Major Alenko, Admiral Steven Hackett had requested Lieutenant Gemma River board the ship to meet her crew."
Kaidan almost choked on his breath. He couldn't deal with seeing her, he was so scared she'd either ignore him or remember and fear him for some reason. James saw he struggled to reply, "confirmed, we are happy to see her," he replied for Kaidan.
"Thanks," Kaidan mumbles. He feels his palms quickly turn warm and sweaty as Joker lines the ship up and the clamps latch on. Garrus, Javik, Liara and Tali all stood with him, waiting to see the signs of life after weeks of space travel.
"Clamps in place," Edi's robotic voice announces. Joker sighs, he hated hearing that voice. The whole crew turned as the sound of the docking tunnel clamped to the doors, they opened to at first an empty tunnel.
"Where is she?" Tali asks. Kaidan moved to the front of them all, at the same time Miranda came around the corner. He narrows his eyes, then quickly opens them wide as he sees Gemma behind her shoulder. It was her, she was alive. She looked more tired and worn, but it was her same brown eyes, small figure and long hair that she always tide back since she would constantly blow it from her face.
"Kaidan, good to see you alive. You look... good," Miranda says with her thick Australian accent, almost a way to break the thick ice. Kaidan looks at her, smiling slightly as he looks back at Gemma, he only hoped she remembered something.
But she doesn't, she just smiles and holds her hand out to him. "It's good to see you again, Major Alenko. I remember seeing you on Horizon just before that Collector attack." Everyone looked at them both, a pin could be heard dropping as the silence stretched them both.
Kaidan finally shakes her hand in return and offers his best, welcoming smile. "It's good to see you again, Gemma. I know you lost your memory... I hope with time, it returns," he calmly says. Gemma smiles again, pulling her hand away and placing both her hands behind her back. Kaidan's breath almost hitches when he sees the ring on the chain he'd given her. She still wore it.
"That is a nice ring," Tali points out. Kaidan snaps his head to her. Gemma looks down at it, smiling before holding it between her fingers.
"Thanks. Miranda said it was a gift from someone on this ship, I wanted to know who it was," she says looking at each of them. Kaidan clenched his fists. He really couldn't do this, he sighs and stalks back to his quarters, this was too painful.
"Kaidan," Garrus grunts, but he is ignored and Kaidan walks towards the lift. Gemma watches him leave, feeling the sadness radiate off him.
"Is he okay?" she asks, worried. Liara smiles, hooking her arm into Gemma to pull her into the ship.
"Yes, he is just stressed. It's a lot to take in doing Shepard's job. I know you don't remember all of us, how about I introduce you to everyone?" Gemma smiles and nods as Liara takes her on a tour of the ship and introduces her to the crew as they pass them.
The Alliance medics finally board the ship, taking Thane into surgery to do a blood transfusion. Kolyat was on hand to help in any way he could. He nearly broke down when he saw his father, not wasting a moment to follow the hoards of medics into the hospital. Shepard was wheeled out more discreetly, the press wanted to speak to her and play twenty questions with her. Hackett had ordered her into immediate treatment for her cybernetics and legs.
"They will need you for this," Chakwas informs Miranda as Shepard is wheeled past them both. Shepard said a quick hello to Miranda, but she was practically flying through the docking tunnel into the station.
"I know, I just want to see Kaidan first. How is he dealing with all this?" Chakwas sighs slightly, shaking her head as she looks down at the floor.
"He isn't dealing at all. He is constantly working out, you can see that paid off. He is depressed and mentioned nightmares that then lead to his migraines." Miranda nods as she takes each word in.
"He's an L2, correct?" Chakwas nods. "I hope the implant isn't causing his symptoms to be worse."
"I doubt it, I was able to get some scans from his implants, they seem fine. His biotics do however react to his anger and sadness." Miranda could understand that. She had almost perfect biotics, but sometimes they reacted when she lashed out.
"Let me talk to him," she says as she goes towards the lift. She hoped she might be able to shed some light on Kaidan's situation and help him at least cope until Gemma started to remember.
Kaidan laid on the bed, his eyes closed tight as his forearm laid over them. He hears the door hiss open. "Leave me be, Garrus," he grumbles. He finally looks up when he hears the sound of high heels walking across the metal floor.
"Sorry, Garrus is with Shepard," Miranda says as she walks down the stairs and sits on the edge of the couch. Kaidan sits up, wiping his eyes clean. "How are you doing?"
He scoffs and laughs all in one. "What do you think? I just had to introduce myself to my own fiance," he nearly yells. Miranda saw the faint blue in his eyes as his voice raised.
"She will remember you soon, Kaidan. It has been hard for her as well, she constantly asks about the ring." Kaidan stands up, pacing the room.
"How come you haven't told her?" Miranda raises a brow at him.
"It's not my place to say anything, she needs to hear it from you. You need to know something, though." She stands up to stop him from pacing for just a moment. "She's been seeing a therapist and had training for her biotics, they are out of control right now and almost react without her knowledge most of the time. The therapist diagnosed her with panic disorder."
"Dammit," Kaidan mumbles as she scratches the back of his head. "How bad?"
"Mostly nightmares and screaming in the night," she answers. Kaidan was about to speak when there was a knock at his door.
"Come in," he says loud enough for the doors to hiss open. Gemma is led in by Liara and Traynor.
"And this is the Captain's quarters," Traynor says. "Shepard would usually be in here, but the Major has claimed it for now," she says with a smile. Gemma looks at the fish, almost fascinated by them.
"They are so pretty," she whispers as she puts her hand carefully on the tank. Kaidan looks at Miranda before moving to join Gemma at her side. "Oh hello," she smiles, turning to look at him.
"They are very pretty fish. Shepard also has a hamster up there," he points at the shelving units by the cabinets of collectable figures.
"Those are so cool," she says as she walks towards the desk to look at each figure. She hitches her breath when she sees the Reaper one. "Wow, a Reaper statue."
Liara stood by the railing of the stairs. "She would pretend they were real and use that Normandy one to destroy it, it brought a lot of joy in those hard times." Gemma smiles, then looks closely at the Destiny Ascension one.
"I have seen one of these before?" Kaidan nods to her question. "That must have been a sight."
"It was, you were shocked when you first saw it," he replies. Gemma smiles again, she feels content here, a sense of being at home.
"What was I like here?" Kaidan takes a moment to find the answer, he smiles and looks at the cabinet to his left.
"You loved to make jokes, goof around with the crew. You would train with Vega, usually kicking his ass with her biotics. You trained so much to be where you are now and saved so many of us when it got tight during a firefight. You were loved by us all, Gemma," he finally looks back at her. She had tears in her eyes. "Don't cry," he whispers as he unconsciously wipes the tear away. Gemma gasps and backs away from him.
"I don't know you like that, Major," she sternly says. Kaidan can only stand rigid as he feels his heartbreak into a million pieces. She doesn't remember him. Gemma looks at Miranda before rushing out of the room.
"Kaidan?" Liara whispers as she places a hand on his shoulder. Kaidan's biotics rages off him, pushing her back.
"Get out," he mumbles. They all stood still, looking at each other before he turned, his eyes blazing blue. "GET OUT!" he orders. They all quickly file out of the room, he locks the door before unleashing the pent up anger. His biotics raged towards the desk as it crumpled up into pieces.
Once his biotics calmed down, Kaidan dropped to his knees then slumped into the wall. He was heartbroken, his life felt for nothing at that moment. He wrapped his arms around his knees and buried his head from the world, when would life finally give him a break.
Gemma had only had three nights of full sleep before the nightmares came back again. She woke up screaming again as her biotics radiated the room with dark blue. Miranda rushes in, sitting on the side of the bed and helping her with the breathing exercises they'd tried.
"Breath," she says sternly. It works as her breathing levels out and biotics die off. Miranda removes her hands from Gemma's shoulders. "Was it about the Reapers again?"
"No, the Major. I kept having a voice saying he was my future and then... he died," she explains as she wipes the tears away.
"Did it help you remember anything?" Gemma shakes her head, holding the duvet in her fists.
"Miranda, was Kaidan something more than just my crewmate?" Miranda takes too long to answer. Gemma's eyes open wide, "oh god. He was... and I can't fucking remember him," she cries.
"You will," Miranda said with a soothing voice. She hated seeing Gemma so lost, she had flashbacks to how she was once like this before joining Cerberus. She was so lost when it was just her and her sister fighting to stay alive after they ran from their father. She only had one person to turn to and that was the Illusive Man, the only person who would help her.
"I need to remember," she cries. She wanted to remember her old life, it was too painful to try to move on with so much of her life forgotten.