Trigger Warning: Mention and use of drugs in this chapter.

"Siha?" his voice speaks, slowly and clearly. The heart monitor then blared a warning of an increased heart rate. Thane instantly sat up, feeling his heart almost exploding in his chest. He gasped a breath as the cover fell from the bed.

Doctors and nurses rush in, pulling Gemma out of the room as she and Thane try to fight to hold each other. "No, please," she begged. But the door was slammed in her face. Kolyat wasn't allowed in either. "I... I don't know what happened," she cries.

Kaidan and Liara had rushed over, hearing the commotion from the hall. "Gemma?" Kaidan shouts as he looks between them all. "What happened?" Liara rushes to her side, letting Gemma cry into her shoulder.

"I don't know. He... I remember him," she cries. Kaidan looked at her, pulling her from Liara to give a steady hand on her shoulder.

"You remember Thane? What else do you remember?" Gemma looked at him, shaking her head as Kaidan became agitated. "Gemma tell me, what else do you remember?"

"Nothing!" she shouts, pushing him away and aggressively wiping her tears away. "I don't remember you, Kaidan. I am sorry, but I can't love someone I don't remember," she cries as she backs away from him. Kolyat had disappeared, not wanting to witness this argument.

Liara stood between them both, holding her hands up to calm them both down. "I won't force you, Gemma. I just want you back," Kaidan says as he looks down at the floor. Gemma pulls the chain from her neck, looking down at it in her palm.

"This isn't right," she mutters. Kaidan looks up, slowly shaking his head as he looks at the ring in her hand. "I can't do this to you. I don't remember you and I might never, you have to move on." Kaidan steps forward, but she backs away. Then she throws the chain into his chest and runs down the hall.

"Gemma!" Liara shouts, but she's gone. The door slammed behind her. "Kaidan?" Liara quickly looks at him. He is picking the ring up, watching his tears fall in his hand as he holds it.

"Well, that's that then," he mumbles. Liara holds her hand out to him, but he turns away from her and walks away. He knew this would be hard, but the hope they could get back on track was something he told himself a lot. It turns out he was wrong. He needed to speak to his mum, but with comms still out. The civilian ships are still a few days out from arriving back to Earth after leaving to safety from the Crucible blast.

He heads to the gym, needing to rid himself of this anger and sadness that had quickly formed to his depression returning. Since coming back, it wasn't so bad, he could at least see Gemma was alive and well.

Gemma ran to her quarters, the tears fell from her cheeks as she did. She was so lost in herself and she wasn't sure what to do. The Alliance had her locked away from the public and the only ones she could see was her own crew that she couldn't remember besides Thane. Who could only assume she just killed him, trying to save him. She hated herself.

Her life wouldn't be the same without her memories, it was too much to bear. She missed her mum as well, but being in the same situation as Kaidan's mum. Lynn wouldn't be here for a while. The Alliance wanted to give her medals, promotions and thousands of thanks, but she didn't want that. It wasn't how she remembered her life going.

She gets off her single bed and walks across the small room to her chest of drawers, opening it and digging to the bottom of her folded clothes. Finding the bottle of Fluoxetine the doctor had prescribed her weeks before to help with her panic disorder. She never got on with the drugs, finding they relaxed her too much.

She opens the cap, tipping three in her hand. Her body wouldn't have the same reaction as someone without biotics when taking this amount of drugs. She tries to talk herself out of it, but her hand flings itself towards her mouth where she downs the medication and drinks the bottle of whiskey she had hidden in the same drawer. This couldn't be her new life, it was just for a moment of peace from the panic and missing an old life she couldn't remember.

Shepard's surgery was done, she'd been given the all-clear from the doctors and could start physical therapy soon enough. Garrus was waiting for her as the doctor finished up his tests and finally left the room. "That was so long-winded," Shepard jokes as she stretches her now fixed broken arm. Her legs were still on the mend, but she could feel them again and wiggle her toes.

"It's all to get you better," Garrus reminds her. "I am worried for Kaidan," he adds. Shepard looks up at him, Garrus sits on the end of her bed.

"Why? I thought he was settling in okay? I get the struggles he's having with Gemma, though." Garrus shakes his head. leaning his only arm over her legs to get more comfortable on the small hospital bed.

"Liara said she witnessed them both arguing, then Gemma took off her ring and threw it at Kaidan before running off. She felt bad that she couldn't love him without the memory of him." Shepard scratches her head.

"Dammit, this isn't good. Where did Kaidan go?" Garrus offered her a lopsided look with his mandibles, Shepard nods. "The gym..." Where else would have Kaidan gone? "We need to help them both somehow."

"It won't be easy. Hackett already has meetings starting next week set up for you and the other species representatives. The Council is eager to see you again." Shepard groaned into her hands.

"Great, just what I've been looking forward to," she drawls. "Could we just leave and travel as you promised?"

Garrus chuckles at her, stroking his talon along her legs. "We will when we can, Shepard. We need to sort you out first and I've got an appointment about a prosthetic arm," he says with glee. He was excited about the chance to have two arms again.

"Fine," she groans with a pout. They both laugh and hug each other, it was nice to them both to finally have some calm after the war.

The room spans for her. Gemma laid on her bed, her light in the ceiling did some twirls in her eyes. She couldn't see straight at that point. The drugs had hit her hard and her biotics, panic and worries all felt numb, she felt normal.

Her body twitched at times, but she was content and happy for the first time in weeks. The medication really did work, when she took the amount more than what the doctor had advised for her. She sat up when she heard a knock at her door.

"Gemma?" Liara's voice was heard on the other side. "Could I come in?" Gemma grunts and lays back down.

"No, leave me alone," she shouts. She wanted that calm back again, but Liara had interrupted it. She was now agitated.

"Please, Gemma. We want to help you, I might be able to help you remember." Gemma stood up, walking to her drawer to grab her mediation. There was another knock, "Gemma?"

Gemma took two more tablets before her whole body glared a warning of blue which Liara would see through the cracks. "Just fuck off!" she screams. There was only silence from the other side. Gemma finally sighs her relief, laying back down and letting the drugs kick back in to bring calm over her.

This wasn't healthy and deep down she knew that. It was too easy to give in when something so small could make her relaxed and happy just for a few moments.

It was nearing an addiction.

Kaidan punched the hanging target for the twentieth time before finally stopping. His knuckles are now bleeding from not using the gloves. He felt lost and alone, he hadn't spoken to much of the crew since landing back on Earth. It was too hard for him to just act as if all was okay.

To him it wasn't okay, he was hurting. He was depressed. Kaidan groaned at his aching muscles, it was close to being the size of Vega at this point in his endless training, but it no longer brought him joy.

He sighs, running a hand through his hair to push the sweat back. He had to sort his life out, he was alive for christ's sake after months of fighting. He had to get back into his work, but never would he give up on having something with Gemma. He loved her too much to let go just because she got upset. He'd find a way to make her remember.