A/N: I must start by saying thank you to those people who took the time to read the story and send me great reviews...yes, I know, the chapter before was a huge cliffhanger that left big question marks on the fate on all five main characters in this story, and I'll bet that you're all wondering what happened to them...well, you're about to see in this twelfth chapter, which, I admit, was a bit difficult to write...
But before that, I want to say that I have solved a mystery of my own. Once again, I must mention the title, since some of you may have noticed a change in the summary, as it now has more words. If you check it out, the song, entitled "Same Auld Lang Syne," has a lyric (the last one, in fact) that is the title of this story! This one line was in fact the inspiration for this story's title, the reason that I have added that disclaimer. I regret this mistake of mine, and I apologize for not putting that in sooner.
Another disclaimer before I forget: the song featured in this chapter, "Behind Blue Eyes," is not owned by me, it belongs to Limp Bizkit. The song is in bold italics.
Here's the next chapter for you...and as a warning, this might be a little depressing to some readers.
Chapter 12 - The Eyes of a Ghost
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man,
To be the sad man,
Behind blue eyes...
It turned out to be a lot harder than he had thought.
And no one knows what it's like
To be hated...
Another close call came to Danny, when it involved getting Jazz and Sam into the hospital. When he arrived at the hospital, it wasn't taken very lightly, especially as a ghost holding two unconscious and badly injured girls. Although many people from the staff remembered him from saving the bus that almost careened off the cliff some weeks ago, there were also some people there that still believed he was evil.
To be fated
To telling only lies...
He had a hell of a time at the hospital lying to the staff that he was not the one responsible for these girls' injuries. He had a story and a plan figured out, saying that they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and he was doing their families a favor by checking them in. The hospital accepted them eventually, with a little reluctance, however. Not just for the fact that it was a ghost bringing them in, but also due to the fact that it appeared that he was crying...
After he checked them inside and the hospital informed the girls' parents, Danny flew out of the area and spent the one of the most painful ten minutes of his life away from them. The next phase was that he had to pretend he had just heard about Sam and Jazz's fate as Danny Fenton. It was nerve-wracking, having to do that, especially in the rain.
"Stupid rain," he thought, as the cold weather threatened him once again.
Why was it raining?
Out of all holidays, it had to rain on Christmas...he did not like that turn of events.
He felt as if the rain were taunting him...telling him that he had screwed everything up...and that it was his punishment...
...and that it was all his fault...
Shoving the thought out of his head, fearing that Spectra could be around to absorb that misery, he decided that enough was enough...the hospital had to know the truth...
An unpleasant feeling ran through him as he decided to fly back and wait inside of the hospital wing to check back on the two girls as Danny Fenton.
But upon his "arrival," he suddenly felt sicker...
His parents were there.
Along with Sam's.
They weren't supposed to find out...they were supposed to be out of town...he started panicking as the hospital explained that it was Danny Phantom that checked them into the hospital. Naturally, both sets parents did not take the news very lightly.
"What do you mean that ghost checked our daughter into the hospital?" echoed the Mansons' voices in Danny's head.
"And what do you mean that the same kid also checked in our Jazz?" chimed in Jack and Maddie, matching the same tones as the Mansons.
When the desk clerk tried explaining that the ghost kid had talked to them first, both sets of parents still had no clue what the clerk was talking about. The hospital now realized that the story was now a fake, due to the fact that both sets of parents had no idea that they were injured in the first place.
Now the hospital was after him as a suspect, because as far as they were concerned, no one had any clue what exactly happened to these two girls and why they were this way. Danny realized he was now in deeper trouble with the law, as he now saw that his plans had miserably failed...
He felt he was screwed even further when both sets of grieving parents turned around and realized he was standing there...
But my dreams, they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be...
Maddie immediately ran up to her son and scolded him immediately.
"Danny! Where were you when all this started? WHY WEREN'T YOU WATCHING YOUR SISTER? You should have been taking care of your sister!"
He could not answer...it would give it all away...he could only shake his head.
Then the Mansons came by. "WHAT DID YOU DO? DANNY, WHAT IS GOING ON?"
Danny's emotions grew more prominent as tears welled up in his eyes and he shook his head, signifying he had no clear answer. "I don't know," he had said.
"Don't you know anything?" asked Sam's mother. "You're her best friend! Shouldn't you know?"
"I had no idea what happened...she wasn't around me..." he said, forcing out another lie.
Before anyone knew what was happening, Sam's dad then pushed by his wife and yelled at him.
"DANNY! WHY IS MY DAUGHTER HALF-DEAD, AND YOU, OF ALL PEOPLE, HAVE NO IDEA WHY?"
The teenage boy broke down again at his mercy, saying over and over again, "I don't know...I'm sorry, I swear, I have no idea..."
Jack came in Danny's defense, as he positioned himself in the way and started yelling back at him. "DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK TO MY SON THAT WAY AGAIN!"
Jack towered over him as he squared up against Mr. Manson...he started cowering.
And it would have stayed that way if Mrs. Manson didn't interfere...
"This is your son's fault that this happened to our daughter!" she screamed.
And this was followed by an entrance by Maddie to defend Jack. "How do YOU know that Danny did this? He's just a kid!"
"A kid who was a bad influence on our daughter!" screamed Mr. Manson. "You ghost hunters messed up our daughter's life, and now she's hurt! We should have kept that restraining order on him!"
"You're just overprotective!" screamed Maddie. "And WE can't be blamed for this! You can't blame someone for something they did not do! Danny would NEVER do a thing like this!"
And all four adults started argued in the hospital lobby at each others' throats...just as security came in to try and settle the dispute by leading all four outside.
Danny, caught in the middle of everything, had to break away from it...it was all too painful to listen to...
I have hours, only lonely...
Now his parents were involved, and things were a lot worse. It was him in his own world...alone, with his miseries...
Running into a hallway, he took his anger out on yet another wall by punching it repeatedly. The skin on his hand was breaking, as it started to bleed...but he didn't even feel it. His woes were already taking over the creeping pain in his whole body...physical pain didn't seem to affect him, as he started to break down again crying...
He didn't notice the person behind him.
"Geez, and they say that we act childish sometimes..."
Danny spun around.
"TUCKER!" he cried. "Oh, my God!"
A friend...one he needed desperately right now, was standing right in front of him...
All right, so Tucker had crutches...but either way, the fact he was there made no difference at all. He ran up to him immediately, hugged him, and proceeded to cry on Tucker's shoulder, almost knocking him off balance.
"Tucker..." he sobbed, "you're all right..."
"OK, this is an awkward day," said Tucker, patting him back. "First some random stranger finds me on the street and takes me here, the hospital finds out that nothing's broken and it's only a sprain, and now my best friend is crying on my shoulder..."
Danny didn't care...he was just to see someone that wasn't yelling at the top of his or her lungs involving him...
Tucker immediately got the message as he consoled his friend. "I know man...I know...parents...they could never understand..."
He pat Danny's shoulder.
"Jazz..." said Danny, letting his voice trail off, as tears formed up again and started falling. "...tried to help...and Sam..." It was all he could say.
"I'm sorry..." said Tucker. "I'm so sorry, Danny...there was nothing I could do..."
He half-ghost suddenly pulled away from his friend as some of the sorrow in his voice was replaced by anger.
"I TOLD YOU TWO TO STAY AWAY!" he screamed. "WHY DID YOU COME AFTER ME?" His chest heaved up and down, as if he was going to explode. "WHY?"
Now it was Tucker's turn to ask for mercy.
"I swear, Danny, I tried to keep my promise to you!" said the African-American. "But it all happened so fast that I didn't even know what to do!"
"What is so hard about telling you to STAY?" yelled Danny.
"After you left, Jazz found out that Valerie was after you, so she ran to help you...I couldn't stop her by yelling, so I was forced to run after her, Danny, I was forced! I swear! But when I almost caught up with her, I fell down. Jazz tended to me for a bit, but then she kept running after you."
"But that's just you...when does Sam come into the picture?"
"I'm getting there...I thought that I could never catch up, because I couldn't even stand...but then Sam comes running up...I had no idea that she followed me in the first place! I thought she was keeping her word...but she ran up to me...and I told her about Jazz..."
Danny's voice became sotto as the story became clearer. "And then what?"
Tucker paused for a moment, and gulped.
"And then...I said..."
He stopped altogether.
"Tucker?" asked Danny.
He watched as he was at a loss for words...but as he continued watching his expressions, the answer suddenly became clear...
"Were you...the one who sent her out after me?"
A long silence followed the question...
...followed by a nod from Tucker.
Danny backed off a step in horror.
Tucker gulped again. "Danny..." he said, matching his friend's sotto tone, "I'm sorry...I swear...I didn't realize this was going to happen..."
Different reactions ran through Danny at once, as he found out the truth...Danny felt like exploding in some form of emotion...Tucker was the one who sent her out...
Rage was building up inside of him...ready to lash out at Tucker...
But he couldn't bring himself to do it...Tucker was his best friend...he really didn't know the magnitude of everything that was going to happen...
Instead of rage, it all went the other way, as he sobbed on Tucker's shoulder once again.
"Oh, God..." said Danny crying, "Tucker, this is all my fault..."
"No, it isn't..." said Tucker, still patting him. "You didn't do this...and I was the one who sent her..."
"Yes, it is my own doing..." said Danny. "You don't understand what happened to me..."
"Yeah," said Tucker, "you had a run-in with Spectra, didn't you, and she did this to Sam and Jazz...you'll get back at her..."
My love is vengeance that's never free...
Danny turned away in the other direction as his voice rose in volume. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! SPECTRA DID NOT DO THAT TO THEM!"
"What?" asked Tucker, confused.
Danny's shoulders drooped.
"Spectra isn't responsible of what happened to Jazz and Sam," he said. He paused to catch his breath before he could muster enough strength to say the next two words.
"I am."
"You?" gasped Tucker.
Danny could already tell that he wasn't expecting anything like that.
"I...I don't understand..." said Tucker.
"Neither did I," said Danny, his head down towards the floor. "But it's true..."
Tucker was in shock about what to say. Different questions rang in his head before he could only settle on one.
"What happened?"
Danny looked up from the floor. "You're not going to like it," he said truthfully.
But when Tucker insisted, Danny told the whole story.
When he had finished, Tucker was speechless.
"But...but...I thought you had gotten rid of that guy!" said Tucker, when he finally found his voice.
"I know," said Danny. "I thought so, too...but apparently I didn't..."
No one knows what it's like to feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you...
Danny's eyes watered up again as he then added. "I did everything...it's all my fault..."
"No, it's not..." said Tucker, trying to reassure him, but Danny wasn't buying any of it.
"YES, IT IS!" he exclaimed. "I try saying that to myself, but I know for a fact that I was the one who did this whole mess!"
"But you were forced..."
"...by my own damn anger!" Danny finished for him. "My own feelings...my own decisions...I did EVERYTHING!"
Tucker blinked.
No one bites back his heart on their anger
None of my pain and woe can show through...
"STUPID SPECTRA!" screamed Danny. "I had to get tangled up with a ghost that involves emotion! And I'm half-human! There isn't a single day where a human can't run into some sort of emotion! She's always one step ahead of me, and unless I can control my feelings, there isn't one damn thing I can do!"
"Danny..." said Tucker, reaching out to him. "This isn't all your fault...other sources made you feel these feelings...Spectra, for example, the first time around, she was the one who was harping on your abilities in the past...it was her fault there...not yours..."
The half-ghost's voice lowered once again. "But I acted on it..."
Tucker looked down as that truth came to light. "I know..." he said. But then his head rose up once again, his eyes fixed on Danny. "But that's because you are a human...of course you are going to take offense to it! Something like that is natural, Danny...of course, we are responsible for our emotions, but that's because they are us. You cannot blame for something that is a part of yourself..."
Danny looked up at Tucker. This was interesting...
"What you can blame, however, are your actions...though we can't fix an emotion, you can fix yourself to how you act on something...because if you don't know how to act, then there's nothing to live for..."
Danny couldn't believe it...it was as if his sister was speaking through Tucker...he made sure he was listening to all of his words...
"Danny," Tucker said, finishing his speech. "Don't blame yourself...you could not have done all those things yourself...you were put into that situation...it was not all of you..."
The half-ghost smiled, as he wiped away a few stray tears. But with his other hand, he gave to signal to high-five.
"Thank you," he said weakly, as Tucker shifted all his balance to one crutch to connect with the hand slap.
"I'm sure Sam and Jazz will wake up soon," said Tucker, desperately trying to cheer up Danny. "And everything will be as it was."
But that statement brought only pain to Danny...because he knew some things Tucker did not know...especially when it involved flying them there in the first place...
Though he didn't want to admit it, things were currently not looking good for Sam and Jazz.
Hiding away his pain, Danny forced out a smile...he shouldn't let Tucker know the hurt he had inside...it would have ruined his speech.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
But my dreams, they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance that's never free...
Danny didn't want to go home...to a building where there were parents that were angry at his best friends' parents and blaming him for not looking out for his sister. Even further, they had more suspicion to believe that it was the ghost kid who did this to Jazz...it would have been a horrible place to spend the night.
When everyone left, he decided to wait in the hospital for the news on their conditions in ER.
Danny didn't tell Tucker the whole story for a good reason...both girls were in horrible shape.
At the last checkpoint, he found out that Sam's head had taken more damage then he had thought than just flying glass. Though doctors removed glass particles from Sam's face (a lot of them lodged in difficult spots, but luckily, not her eyes), there was a chance that she might have inhaled some of the particles. Plus, her head had hit the ground hard...meaning it wasn't just his sister who had a head injury. Surgeons had to graft new skin onto her mangled finger. They also had a really hard time with her arm, because instead of a regular break of the bone, it was actually shattered. Her leg suffered the same effects. The thoughts made him twinge with pain.
No one knows what it's like to be mistreated...
Jazz wasn't doing well herself. Two broken legs to start with became even more complicated when that billboard fell on top of her. There was a large risk that amputation was going to be the answer. Some of the many cuts she received required stitches. And her head...he didn't even want to go there...doctors used numerous stitches in order to close up deep gashes from bits of debris from the falling billboard. There was great fear that she might have had brain damage...
To be defeated
Behind blue eyes...
Normally, he was the one who ended up getting the raw end of the deal when it came to these fights...but as he was stronger in ghost mode, he could take the blows a lot better than his mortal form...
He hated knowing that no matter how hard he tried, somehow it was the people he cared about were the ones who would pay...just like the future that almost came to be...
Danny was feeling that familiar pain again...unfortunately, he seemed to be forgetting the entire speech Tucker had given him, as his sorrow started coming back...
It was as if he could feel the pain that both of them were feeling as he imagined himself crashing through a window or having an old billboard fall on top of him...or crashing through the window...and how they must've felt...
A person in white walked up to him. But Danny, lost in his thoughts, did not see nor hear him come up.
"Umm...Daniel Fenton?" asked the person.
Danny looked up. "Huh?"
"Are you Daniel?"
"Daniel?" asked Danny, lost. But then he snapped back into reality. "Oh, Daniel, yes, that's me...I'm sorry...I usually go by Danny..."
"Oh, yes, Mr. Fenton," said the person. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Dr. Alan. I'm the one who helping both Samantha Manson and Jasmine Fenton. I'm sorry, were you in the middle of something?"
"No, I wasn't," said Danny. "I'm listening."
"Are your parents around?" he asked.
Danny shook his head. From what he last heard, both his and Sam's parents were thrown out for causing a large ruckus.
"You can tell me," Danny said.
"Are you sure?" asked the doctor. "I'd actually feel a lot better talking about this with an adult..."
"I'm adult enough," said Danny.
Dr. Alan sighed. "All right, Danny," said Dr. Alan, "because this is quite unfortunate news."
"Oh, no..." thought Danny, as once again, his heart rate took a gigantic leap. He did not like the way that the doctor said the term "unfortunate news..."
In fact, when he last checked, the term "unfortunate" never meant any good news...
"What's wrong?" Danny asked in a sotto tone once again, anticipation killing him.
The doctor sighed once again, as he looked at Danny straight in the eyes.
"I'm sorry to say that Sam and Jazz may not make it..."
The adolescent felt a chill run up and down his spine, as if his world was about to shatter...
And no one knows how to say
That they're sorry
And don't worry
How I'm not telling lies
The doctor continued. "Sam has inhaled a lot more glass particles than we thought...it would take a miracle to retrieve those from her lungs without extensive surgery...and Jazz has suffered heavy head trauma..."
The doctor paused, sadly watching as the adolescent's head slowly turn down towards the ground.
"...I'm so sorry, Danny..."
Danny was shaking...shaking both with fury at himself and at the world...The doctor's voice seemed to be trailing off into the distance as Danny put his hands to his head.
"No," he said feebly. "No, this can't be..."
This wasn't fair...they couldn't die...they couldn't!
Danny's voice came out shaking, like his body. "Is...there...anything...y-you can d-do?"
"Well," said Dr. Alan, "I suppose we can continue with the operation...but I must say that chances of success are less than 20 percent..."
No...that wasn't what he wanted to hear...he wanted to hear that they were going to make it...
The stat rang in Danny's head...a twenty percent chance? His greatest fears were coming true...
Dream flashbacks ran through his head...
"You are responsible for my death...you will pay..."
"Oh, God..." he said, over and over, tears flowing down...
And he felt himself say it again..."This is my fault..."
The doctor overheard him. "No, it isn't, Danny...you had nothing to do with it..."
Danny pushed away all of his surroundings as he continued talking to himself. "This is my fault...I should have gotten here earlier..."
"You didn't bring them here..." said the doctor. "It was that ghost kid that brought them in...and since his story doesn't hold up, we're now keeping a close watch to see if he comes back...don't worry, kid, if you're worried if we'll never catch him, don't worry...we will..."
Ghost kid...
That was him...when would anyone understand?
He wasn't trying to hurt people...he was trying to save them...no one understood him...
"No one..." he said, shaking his head. "No one..."
He had failed...Sam and Jazz weren't going to make it...he had failed on three things...making people understand that he was a good guy, and on Sam's and Jazz's accounts...
He couldn't do anything right...no one was safe with him...
He had to get out of here...away from everyone...no one could be around him...
But my dreams, they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely...
Despite everything that was said to him earlier, he just couldn't handle any of the news he had just heard...it was too much...
Sprinting out of the room in a blind panic of tears, he almost ran into some people along the way...
"No, please! Danny!" screamed the doctor. "Come back here!"
Danny's sense of hearing was completely shut off, as he made his way to the roof...
When he reached the top, the once again fell on his knees in agony...breaking down in the pain that would not go away...
"How could I let this happen?" he cried, between sobs and screams of agony. He threw his arms towards the heavens once again as he looked up at it, letting the rain splash against his face.
"NO!" he screamed.
A bolt of lightning answered his cry.
My love is vengeance that's never free...
Sobbing, his hands went down, hitting the roof of the hospital so that he was on all fours, his tears getting washed away from the endless torrents of raindrops.
Once again, he kept feeling that he couldn't blame anyone else...he could only blame himself...therefore, he could only take out vengeance on himself...
There was something...something he had to do...something that could make the pain go away...no more burdens of human emotion...
No more of this...he was tired of all of this...he didn't want it anymore...Tucker's speech seemed to be drifting out into the past...
There was some place he had to go...some place that he could not be around anyone...
As his head raised, he looked towards the edge of the building...
...that was another place...
Danny didn't know what he was doing, but there was something about that edge that looked so inviting...
Still crying, Danny got up and quietly walked over to the edge, quotes ringing through his head...quotes that he had ignored...quotes that were too late to fix...
"Please don't do anything like that in the future, Danny...it will lead down a destructive path..."
"I know you'll make the right decision..."
"You did not do all of these things yourself..."
When he reached the edge, he peered down. He was hundreds of feet in the air.
He could do it...no more emotions to feel...everything was a mess...
And he would be with them again...perhaps they would meet up with him...they never did anything wrong...
He summed up all of his thoughts into one big cloud, letting flashbacks collect in his head, thinking about his life as it passed him by...everything he had to do, he began to think, was something that could not be done, it was impossible to be carrying all of that weight...people were against him once again, and that was despite all the work it took to get them to trust Danny Phantom...it felt to be some sort of nuisance...it was all for nothing...
This was it...he was going to do it...
He stretched out his arms into his full-length wingspan, into a diving position...
One last tear fell from his eye, as he felt his last emotion take hold of him, felt the last raindrop fall on him, had one last thought...there would be no going ghost to save himself...
That ghost had to die...along with him...
He wasn't doing this because he was depressed…this ghost was also part of the reason…
He took his final breath of air...as he gathered everything up...
...and let himself go from the building.
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes...
A/N: I must ask that you send a review...