Chapter 1: Another Day Another Dollar (Hopefully)
A/N: This is my first Stephanie Plum fan fiction. Any and all opinions, reviews, and critiques are welcome! I have no beta so I apologize for any errors. I'm having to write around taking care of a toddler and an infant so my thoughts stay pretty scattered. I use quotes from the whole series without any regard for the order they arrive. This is total AU and as such, I do what I want with it. :) As expected, I don't own anything recognizable, that honor rests with JE.
I hate mornings. They start so early. I'd gotten used to being unemployed and the luxury of sleeping until noon that allows, but since I hit rock bottom three months ago and blackmailed my cousin Vinny to hire me, sleep is for the rich or dead.
I won't lie, this whole bounty hunting thing is not exactly what I expected. It was pure luck that I captured my first felon. If Joe Morelli hadn't decided he needed my "help" to figure out who was framing him, I would have never been able to bring him in. Though if I'm being honest, I should've just stun gunned him in the beginning and been done with it. I'm surprised he trusted me at all after the whole Buick incident. It just shows how truly desperate he was to save his own skin. Okay, so I might still be harboring some rage from our time spent working on this case. From what I hear, he's still pretty mad I locked him in that cooler truck so I guess we're even. Heh. I still crack a smile when I think about when he realized I was locking him in the back. Serves him right for making me climb in that dumpster and for making me feel incompetent. I brought him in didn't I?.
I was still smiling when I pulled in front of the bonds office. Nothing like well deserved revenge to make your commute fly by. I saw through the window that Connie was already working. I got out of my beat up rust bucket of a car and walked into the office. I could tell by the white box on the edge of Connie's desk that she had stopped for some sugary mood boosters.
"Hey Connie. Anything new for me?" I asked when she looked up. She nodded. While she was looking for the files, I grabbed a donut covered in chocolate and sprinkles. It wasn't a Boston Creme but they were already gone, and all donuts are delicious.
"Here you go. Two low level offenders. Simple drunk and disorderly and a peeping tom. I have another FTA as well, but I'm not sure he's in your league."
"I kinda feel like they're all out of my league. What makes him so special?" I flopped down on the suede couch to eat.
"Well he's a violent offender for starters. Assault with a deadly weapon and then he tried to set the responding officers on fire." She looked a little worried. "This guy is extremely bad news. I can't believe Vinny would write bail for him, but who knows what that weasel was thinking."
"What was the weapon?" Maybe it was just a knife. What is my life coming to when I'm hopeful that a guy used just a knife to attack someone.
"Blowtorch. He's a welder over at one of the chop shops out near Route 6. Apparently, he was confused about which car he was supposed to be disassembling and accidentally dismantled the boss's new car. Boss fires him and he decided to take the blowtorch to the boss as retribution. The cops showed up just in time to see his former boss running down the street with his hair on fire."
Crap. My vision swam and I heard little bells ringing. I don't wanna think about my hair on fire. Before I could register the tingling on the back of my neck, my head was shoved gently down between my knees.
"Deep breaths, Babe." My blood started pounding and my face went red. Not a normal reaction to panic, but par for the course for Ranger.
Ranger or Ricardo Carlos Manoso is a badass bounty hunter who handles the high money bonds for Vinnie. He's 6 feet of musclebound mocha latte colored deliciousness. He's Cuban by birth and silent by choice. This man prides himself of using the fewest words possible to get his point across.
"I'm okay now." I sat up when Ranger removed his hand. My blood pressure dropped significantly once he was no longer touching me. I'm hoping my red face is attributed to bending over, not to how close Ranger was still standing. Nothing like a perfect example of manhood to provoke hot flashes. "Thanks. Hey Ranger, you wanna take this one?"
He looked at Connie, "What's the bond?"
"$50,000. The judge was feeling lenient." She shook her head and mumbled in Italian. From her sky high curly dark hair and olive complexion to her mob connections, Connie was Italian through and through. As someone who was only half Italian, I seemed to have only inherited the smartass attitude.
"I'll pass. Call me if you need help." And he was gone. Out the door and off to do who knows what. We're pretty sure he's Batman.
Connie started fanning herself. "Man that guy gives me hot flashes just by speaking. How are you not a puddle on the floor after he touched your neck?"
Good question. "He's not that hot." She stared at me like I'd suggested we take up sky diving. "Okay so he is, but he's like a mentor. Plus he is so far out of my league it's not even funny. Nothing would come of it."
"So? I'm not saying devour him, I'm just appreciating the packaging. That man is smokin'!"
"Can we get back on topic, please? I have no idea how to get that firebug in, but I really don't wanna try. He seems way to crazy for me to be able to capture him."
"Well if Ranger doesn't want the file, it goes to you. We don't have another apprehension agent. Maybe you could ask Ranger to help you bring him in?"
My mind flashed back to a conversation Ranger and I had right before Joe decided he would "allow" me to bring him in.
Ranger pinned me to the wall with his body. His breath was warm on my cheek when he said, "I'll help you with the takedown, but you'll owe me."
"Owe you? Like money or dinner?" I was starting to experience heat stroke being this close to him. Ranger had an impressive body, and I could feel every hard inch of him pressed against me. It was enough to scramble my neurons and make me incapable of forming complete sentences.
He leaned in closer and whispered in my ear, "I was thinking more like dessert."
I blushed bright red. "I don't think that's a good idea. I'll figure something out. See ya."
I walked out onto the street and allowed the cool breeze to soothe my red cheeks. I got in my car and looked at the other two files. Clarence Thompson is a 40-year-old white man who looked about 12 or 14. He apparently got drunk off his ass in a bar down on Hamilton then tried to drive home. Unfortunately for him, a patrol car was parked across the street. They stopped him from driving away but he caused enough of a ruckus for them to charge him for the disorderly as well as being drunk in public. He should be happy they didn't charge him with a DUI as well.
I put the car in gear and headed off. Clarence lives on State Street near the Happy Times Daycare. He didn't have a job listed so If I'm lucky he's probably home sleeping off the night before. As I pulled up in front of his place, I realized today was not my day for luck. Clarence was sitting on what some would generously call a front porch. It was barely a stoop with a small crooked roof on it. The whole house listed to the right like it was in some kind of intense wind.
I stepped out of my car and turned towards the house. This could go a number of ways but my spidey sense is telling me it's probably going to be embarrassing. Not that that's unusual for me. It's a slow week if I'm not covered in garbage, food, or some other noxious liquid. Don't even get me started on how often I kill a car. Car heaven is filled with my previous victims.
I took a deep breath and smiled vacantly trying to look as ditzy and clueless as possible. Clarence glanced at my face and lazily scanned up and down my body. I guess I passed the test because he sat up straighter and smiled. He was missing a number of teeth and that coupled with his childish face made him look like an 8 year old waiting for the tooth fairy. When I got within grabbing distance I stopped and tried for an embarrassed look.
"I'm sorry to bother you. I seem to have gotten lost and can't seem to find my way back to the highway. Do you think you could point me in the right direction?" I asked, leaning slightly towards him.
He stood up and leered at me. "Sure baby. All ya gotta do is keep going on State until you hit Jackson and turn left. Can't miss it." He slung his arm around my shoulder and I was hit by what had to be a weeks worth of b.o. and a strong case of morning breath. God, some people think basic hygiene is a suggestion.
I smiled again and tried to keep my eyes from watering. I wrapped my arm around his waist and started walking slowly towards my car. He leaned into me and stared down my v-neck shirt at my boobs. Hey whatever works. He was more concerned with peeking at my practically nonexistent cleavage than paying attention to where we were walking. He seemed confused when we reached the passenger side of my current P.O.S. and shock registered on his face when I casually clamped one loop of a set of handcuffs on the wrist hanging off my shoulder. I spun around under his arm and made a grab for his other wrist, but before I could close the other cuff he smacked me in the face with his elbow. I hit the ground hard, my purse sliding off my shoulder and dumping its contents all over the yard. My nose was bleeding a lot and I couldn't see past all the stars dotting my vision.
Clarence didn't stick around to do anymore damage. He grabbed my keys off the ground and jumped into the drivers seat. He took off down the street; my handcuffs swinging off his right wrist. Damn. I can't believe I've lost another set of cuffs. Connie is gonna have a field day over this. Before I can get too far along that train of thought, there was a loud crash. I looked up to see my car smashed into an SUV that was trying to cross the street. Apparently in his panic, Clarence ran a red light and got t-boned. What kinda screw up wrecks a car he just stole 50 feet away from where he took it? How am I supposed to explain this? My car is totaled and my FTA just ran off to God knows where. To top it off, I'm sure I'm going to have a beauty of a black eye tomorrow. Every time I think I'm getting better at this job, that I'm almost competent, something stupid like this happens.
While I was sitting there contemplating my life choices, the back of my neck started to tingle. I looked up from the ground and noticed black work boots in front of me. Great, Ranger's here. Maybe if I don't look up, he'll go away.
I heard a small chuckle and glanced up to see Ranger smirking. "I said that out loud, didn't I?" He nodded, his eyes still crinkled in amusement. Damn. I can't seem to keep my thoughts to myself around him. It's gotta be his inhuman hotness. Maybe his superpower is causing loss of mental control in unsuspecting women.
He raised his eyebrows slightly. "Giving intel to the enemy, Babe." Double damn. I did it again.
I sighed and stood up. "Well this day can't get any worse." I turned to look at my car just as the gas tank ignited turning my car into a bonfire on wheels. "I stand corrected. I'm never gonna hear the end of this." I shook my head and looked back at Ranger. Nothing registered on his face even though the fire had made quite a boom. That man is the king of blank face.
About that time, a blue and white pulled up followed by a fire truck. The firemen started trying to contain and extinguish the fire while the cops sauntered over to where we were standing. Even from the other end of the street, I could tell it was Carl Constanza and his partner Big Dog. They walked up to us with barely contained glee.
Carl seemed to be in better control of his mirth so he started the questioning. "Hey Steph. Looks like you lost another one. What happened this time?" I answered his questions and tried to not lose my temper when they kept having to stop and laugh. I looked over at Ranger ready to punch him if he so much as thought about smirking. Lucky for him he still had his blank face in place.
Big Dog kept grinning and shaking his head. "Well, what a great way to start the day! I thought I wasn't going to win this month."
"I'm so glad I can help line your pockets," I said through gritted teeth. "Can I leave now? I'd like to go home and get cleaned up." My nose was killing me and the blood was starting to crust up on my neck and face. Carl had the good sense to know that I wasn't in the mood for joking. He nodded his consent and walked back towards the flames.
I looked back at Ranger and asked, "Can I catch a ride home with you? I don't wanna have to call my Dad or Lula."
"Of course. Do you want me to handle removal of the remains?"
"Yes, please." I would bet he's pretty good at disposing of unwanted remains.
"Well it has been a bit, but old habits and all that," he said with a twinkle in his eyes. I have got to get a handle on this speaking what's on my mind thing!
I just sighed and started walking towards his Turbo. He beeped it unlocked and I slid into the passenger seat. Man, this is the best car! It's almost physically painful to go from riding in another crappy mismatched car to this beauty. Yet another thing that separates Ranger and I. It's bad enough that he's this scary ex-military mercenary with his own security firm, but he has the best toys too! Some people have all the luck. Ranger reached over into the glove box and handed me a wet wipe. I flipped the visor down and started wiping my face clean. My nose wasn't crooked so maybe it wasn't broken after all.
As we started towards my apartment, Ranger spoke, "You know, I could get you a new car. One that you won't have to worry about whether or not it will start each time."
"Yea? Why would you do that? What's the catch?" I mean come on, no one in there right mind just gives a car away for free. Especially to someone who kills them so often.
He glanced over at me. "I'll run you a tab."
"That's a terrible idea! I'll never be able to afford to pay you back. I can barely afford to buy these crapola cars!"
"I wasn't talking about a financial tab." Holy smokes!
"Then I definitely can't afford it!" But man I wished I could take him up on the offer. It would almost be worth totaling another car to have to pay him back!
Ranger growled a warning low in his throat, "Babe." Shit! Do they make a mental muzzle or what? I could feel myself blush. You could fry an egg on my face at this point.
"Sorry…. I apparently can't keep anything in my head today," I said looking down at my lap. "Maybe I should just stop talking before I say anymore stupid things."
He pulled into a spot near the front of my building's lot and looked over at me. "Babe. It's not stupid if that's how you feel. But you should know I will use that to my advantage. I want you, and I'm going to do my best to talk my way into your bed. I've made a concerted effort to back off and let you see where this thing with Morelli went, but I'm tired of waiting. I'm not above using leverage to get what I want. Borrow my cars, ask for my help with takedowns, but know it will add up quickly."
I'm impressed. That's the most words I've ever heard him speak at one time. Wait what did he say about Joe? "What thing with Morelli?"
"It's all over the streets that he's claimed you. You're 'his girl'. Ever since you brought him in after he went FTA."
I could feel my face heating up again, but it definitely wasn't from embarrassment this time. "That son of a bitch! Who the hell does he think he is? I haven't even spoken to him in months! What kind of psychopath thinks that equals a relationship?" God! What a douchbag! No wonder I haven't had any luck on the dating scene. Who in their right mind wanted to sneak around with a cop's girlfriend. I mean besides Ranger, apparently.
Ranger looked at me for a moment studying my face. His blank face was back but his eyes showed surprise. I guess he thought the rumors were true and he was warning me. Whatever he saw must have confirmed something because before I could register his movement he had leaned across the console and pinned me against the seat. He wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled my face towards him. "You really shouldn't have told me that, Babe."
A/N: Well? What do you think? :) I'm going to try and get a chapter a week out for now.