Saturday

I saw a friend of mine the other day. He gave me a gift. He said I might need it and that he bought it for me special because he had one and it helped him mourn for his sister. Elijah had an older sister who was his best friend. She died in a car accident three years ago.

I have a shelf where I keep my books, my hollow books. It is conveniently in the bathroom. I put the gift that Elijah gave me in the closest book to the sink. Today, I needed it.

I walked in the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I opened up the book that was titled XP For Dummies. Inside there was an X-acto knife. Elijah was an artist. But that wasn't why he needed an X-acto. He needed it for the same reason I have one---Elijah was a cutter.

I pushed up my sleeve of my left arm and ran the X-acto across my arm. I clenched my teeth and screamed. Screamed, not because it hurt physically but emotionally. "Why Katie, why? Why did you leave me? I'm sorry, Katie, I'm sorry! I'm sorry I was a bitch! Sorry I played hide and seek! Sorry I called you a ho and a freak! I'm sorry I didn't try to save you!" Tears flowed harder from my eyes.

I looked down at my arm. Cut in blood, it read, "I'm sorry, Katie." I turned on the water and washed away the blood but the cuts still remained. I wrapped my arm in toilet paper from my elbow to my wrist and then covered it up with my sleeve. I washed the blade and dried it before putting it back in my book. Melinda was coming. I could hear her footsteps.

Melinda knocked on the bathroom door. "Becca there's someone here to see you. Are you okay? I heard your screams."

I opened the door. "No, I'm fine. I was just talking to Katie."

"Honey, Katie can't hear you. She's in Heaven now. She's in a better place." They think I did it. Everyone does.

"I know but it makes me feel better to think that she can." She nodded in understanding. Then she took my hand and we went out of the room. There was a screen that was supposed to keep me from getting distracted. She put it on my left and she pulled it and I was just supposed to walk beside it.

I stopped. "Becca? Becca. We're almost there."

There was a room where people were talking. "Summer, actually." "So circle gets that square." "We take a break while you check this out." "This is how you can be a part…" How can they all be so happy? It's depressing.

I looked up and started walking again. Melinda led me into a room and there sat Rachel Keller. Katie's aunt. She works for the Seattle PI. I sat down at the table across from Rachel.

"Do you remember anything about that night? That night with Katie?" I didn't answer. "Do you remember," Rachel paused, "how she died?" Again I didn't say a word. "Becca? She told you about a video tape, didn't she? She was afraid, wasn't she? Something was happening to her. Becca, how did she die? Please, I need to know."

This time I spoke. "And you will. She'll show you."

She put her hand on mine. "Who? Who will show me?"

"Not now." I turned her hand over and pushed her thumb to her palm. "Four days."

After Rachel left, Melinda brought me back to my room. Rachel watched the tape. I could see it in her eyes. She watched it Wednesday. She has four days left.

I walked into the bathroom and pulled up my sleeve. Blood leaked through the paper. It read, "I'm sorry, Katie."

--Becca