Chapter 9

Narrator: Wow I had a great time with Orlando. I don't think I could eat anymore. All right now let us go check on Gandalf.

Gandalf is at the polka store looking at CD. "Hmm let us see what they have,'' he thought to himself. An old lady came up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. Gandalf turned around to face the lady. She was an elderly woman.

"Oh lord, it's Gandalf the White! He is even sexier in person," the lady shouted. Gandalf looked kind of confused. "Ummmm okaaayyyy! I'll keep that in mind," he replied.

"Hey girls! Come over here!'' The lady shouted to the others. Just as the ladies heard, they rushed right over to Gandalf.

" Ummmm do you want an autograph?'' Gandalf stammered.

"Yes!'' the ladies shouted. Gandalf took out a piece of pen and paper and signed Gandalf the White on it. "There you go!" he handed it to her.

"Thank you! I got an autograph from Gandalf!'' the lady exclaimed.

''Finally the missing piece for the Gandalf shrine!" another lady shouted.

The ladies ran of out the store.

"People these days.'' Gandalf sighed. He left the store. On the road a bunch of stupid kids are playing by the sidewalk. "Why are you playing by the road?" he demanded.

"Ooooo pretty cloak!'' the kid said ignoring Gandalf.

"Yes my cloak rocks, but can you answer the question?''

"Forget the cloak, look at his staff,'' another kid said admiring his staff. The kid grabbed it out of his hands.

"Hey give that back!'' Gandalf demanded.

"No,'' the kid replied with a sneer. He took out a flamethrower and turned it on.

"Burn it burn it!'' the other kids chanted.

Gandalf got angry. So he did a magic spell. The kids all got traumatized. The kid handed the staff back to him and ran off.

"Jackasses.'' He muttered under his breath.

Narrator: Okay, enough with Gandalf's story. Time for the stalkers! I want to hear about their evil plans. Mwhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Oh sorry!

The stalkers were assembled. ''So what is the plan?'' Heather asked everyone.

"Well we have to find out where everyone is first.'' Wormtongue replied.

"How will we find them?'' Rachel wondered.

"Yeah they aren't in sight.'' Heather agreed with Rachel.

"Well we have to find Frodo so he can sign my nude autograph picture!''

Lonny exclaimed.

"That is the last thing he will do,'' Rachel reminded him.

Lonny's face faded with his happiness earlier.

"You guys are morons!'' Kelsey exclaimed.

Ann thought of an idea. ''We can pin point their directions.'' Everyone turned around to look at her. They were all confused.

"Anyway,'' Ann continued. "I have a GPS and they will show up as dots, so we can find out where they are. Everyone was still confused.

"To make this simple there are red dots and blue ones. The red ones are they and when they are tracked down a red dot will appear and their name will be written underneath the dot. The blue ones are us.''

"Have you found anyone?'' Wormtongue asked.

Ann checked her GPS. Dots then popped onto the screen. A red dot flashed and Eowyn was written underneath. ''Yes I found Eowyn,'' she informed Wormtongue.

Wormtongue started to hyperventilate. "Eowyn! She is so beautiful with her blonde hair shimmering in the light. Then, there are her boobs. Boy I would like some of that…………''

"Wormtongue, that was too much information then we needed to know.'' Heather said nervously.

"I'm okay though!''

"So anyway Eowyn is at the Las Vegas Love Pool, which is three blocks from here,'' Ann told everyone. '' We are on 6th street and the pool is that way.'' She pointed.

Everyone ran off with excitement.

Narrator: Okay let's go to Canada to see everyone else. I bet that Celeborn is frolicking rough the flowers. Oh what a horrible sight! You know I always wondered if Celeborn had issues because in Lord Of The Rings he doesn't seem to have any. Hmmmmmmmm! Anyway let's see how Canada is doing.

Of course the Narrator is right. Narrator: Ha Ha Ha!

Anyway he is frolicking through the flowers. Until Denathor sticks his leg out and trips him. " Denathor you faggot, you tripped me!'' Celeborn yelled.

"Celeborn you are such a moron. Look I bet you're a fairy. ''

"I can see why you weren't king of Gondor,'' Celeborn shot back.

"Shut up fairy,'' Denathor shouted.

"Oh no it's on, Grandpa bring it!'' Celeborn kicked him in the stomach.

Denathor threw mud on his face. He felt like he was so cool to through mud on the face of an elf king.

''That was so lame,'' Celeborn replied.

"Oh really?'' Denathor grinned. ''I'll show even better.'' He punched Celeborn in the face. They started fighting.

Meanwhile Gollum and Saruman are in the forest thinking evil plans to destroy Canada.

"I think we shall destroy this place and create Isenguard!'' Saruman exclaimed.

"Yes precioussssssssssssssssss!'' Gollum hissed.

"Don't you get tired of speaking in the third person all the time?'' Saruman asked.

"No preciousssssssssssssssssssss', Gollum hissed back.

Now on the grass where Sam and Gimli are arguing about what kind of fish is better.

''Flounder kicks but, '' Sam said.

''No way Salmon,''Gimli replied.

''Flounder it's not pink and that is disgusting!''

''Salmon!''

''Flounder!''

Gimli looked over and saw Celeborn and Denathor beating the hell out of each other. ''Stop!'' He shouted. Everyone stopped and turned around. ''Look we shall become a team.''

''Right Gimli.'' Sam agreed. ''Were stuck here and if we work together the faster we will get out of here.''

''Hell no I am not working with fairy boy over their,'' Denathot protested.

''shut up,'' Denathor demanded.

Later on at the gas station, Sam kept figuring out how to get the gas.

''Ok how do you do this?''

Saruman grabbed the plug and put in the car and turned on the machine.

Four minutes later he took it out. ''Their''

''All right Denathor your turn to drive,'' Celeborn said.

''No it is the hobbit's turn,'' Denathor replied.

''I can't my feet can't reach the pedals.'' Sam argued.

''Yeah Saruman and I drove already,'' Celeborn shouted.

''fine,'' Denathor grumbled. He got into the drivers seat into the car.

''Ok time for action.'' He told everyone while putting the keys into the ignition.

"Action?'' 'You drive like your grandmother, really slowly. '' Gimli replied.

"Silly dwarf, she is a good driver Denathor said snidely and glared at Gimli. ''Anyway let's get show on the road.''

'' This will be a long ride,"Sam sighed.

''Oh yes it will hobbit, ''Denathor said.

"Oh great!'' Sam said sarcastically.

"Time to rock and roll,''' Denathor said as he put his foot on the gas pedal.

He was driving so slowly that it wasn't even funny.

"Oh g-d our grandma drives like you do. Dwarf is right ''Gollum complained.

He got up and walked up to Denathor and pushed him out of the seat. Once he was in the seat he started to floor the car.

"Oh no!'' Denathor screamed.

Gollum continued to drive but he went over a speed bump. The car shook as it went over the bump. Also, Celeborn's latte spilled all over his tunic.

Celeborn looked at his tunic and saw the spilled latte all over it.

"Dam you Gollum My Coca Mocha latte spilled all over my tunic because of your reckless driving,'' Celeborn shrieked.

"Get over it Elf boy at least we aren't driving like Grandpa over there''

Gollum shot back.

" No way I drive better than you do'' Denathor hollered.

"No way!''

"Well now I must change'' Celeborn broke in.

"Aww poor you,' mocked Denathor.

Celeborn ignored Denathor and went into a changing room and closed the door.

Gollum still was driving and drove over another speed bump. Sam, Saruman, Gimli, and Celeborn got thrown against the wall. Gollum stopped the car to see how they were doing.

"You wench!'' Sam said angrily. "When I get off the wall I'm going to kick you in the behind you asshole!''

Sam jumped off the wall as so did everyone else. He chased Gollum around the room. Everything was breaking. Like the lamps and table fell down when Sam walked on it.

Gollum stopped and Sam stopped dead in his tracks.

''Drive filthy hobbit,'' Gollum snarled.

" No I'm going into the lounge, ''Sam said as he walked inside then closed the door.

Celeborn came back with a new shirt on that said: ''don't hate me cause I'm beautiful. '' It was in pink shiny sequence. .

" Ummmm oh my g-d!'' Denathor said surprised.

"Nice sequence!'' Gimli commented.

" Let's all work as a team! Come on everyone!'' Celeborn said ignoring Gimli and Denathor and copying Sam. He walked off in disgust.

Gimli fell asleep on the floor. "Hey want to play Go Fish?'' Denathor asked Saruman.

"Hell yeah!'' Saruman said. ''But let's make a bet.'' "If I win you have to massage my feet for two weeks. And clean them.'' Saruman flashed his feet. They were very hairy there was fungus between his toes as well.

In the distance they heard a high-pitched scream. Saruman looked around then shrugged.

"Ok deal but if I win you have to write a love song to someone in this room. Then when you're done you have to sing it to the person in front of everyone. Deal? '', Denathor explained.

"Oh piece of cake'' Saruman said all macho.

"Oh really?'' Denathor asked. The person is………. Gollum!''

"What?'' Said Saruman in horror.

"You have to do something for me,'' Denathor reminded him.

"I hate your guts,'' Saruman grumbled.

"I know you do.'' " So are you on?''

"Yeah!'''

Narrator: So everyone is hanging out. Who will win?

Author: So since Disclaimer is fired I will be disclaimer! No we don't own Lord Of The Rings. If I did I would make millions! Now I'm hungry I need to build a restaurant around here. I need crew, equipment. Well I got to go now! Bye runs off