Melodies at Midnight

by Somebody's Nightmare

Cloud's life is defined by tragedies and failures. Following the tragic deaths of his best friends, Cloud is raising their child, still reeling from the inadequacy and anger he's had since he was ripped from the girl he had fallen in love with 10 years ago, until they reunite. She was supposed to teach his son how to play the piano. Instead, she taught him how to love again.

12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

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[ ν ] - εγλ - 2007 | August 2nd

Memories in Rainfalls

"I'd like to talk about your friends' deaths today, Cloud, if you don't mind."

Cloud held in the groan he wanted to spit out at Dr. Rayleigh's words, sitting across from her in her office. Once again, it was raining beyond her windows, the sky dim with clouds despite the early hour. That summer had been a wet one, August bringing with it rougher thunderstorms than Midgar had seen since early spring.

He was staring out of the window, his eyes transfixed on the puffy darkness that hovered above Midgar's busy expressways, his chin in one hand as he leaned petulantly in his chair in front of Rayleigh's desk. This was his fourth visit with her, and throughout their last two sessions, Cloud had struggled with the entire concept of therapy and the notion of opening up to intimate pages of his life and sharing them with a stranger. He tried not to show Rayleigh outright how much he truly detested this arrangement, reminding himself over and over again that he was doing this for Denzel and Tifa and ultimately for himself, but none of that changed the fact that he was miserable and riddled with anxiety for hours before one of their scheduled visits.

His second time meeting with her, Rayleigh had prodded deeper into Cloud's early life, particularly his years growing up in Midgar. During their introductory session, Cloud had already shared a little bit about those first years with her, but this time, she was digging deeper. Her questions had been pointed and direct, peeling away at layers about his schoolyard fights and his propensity to vandalize school property and smoke cigarettes behind the gym. Somehow, through the midst of that conversation, he found himself sharing with her how he both loved and hated the anonymity his large high school in Midgar had provided him. He'd managed to get into enough trouble with enough frequency that he became a household name among the school's administrators, but other than that, it had been easy to fade into the background, to become another faceless shape among the crowds of students around him. Nobody had paid him much mind during those years unless he was getting into mischief, and the longer he had spoken to Rayleigh that day, the more he realized that he had gotten into so much shit back in those days precisely because he had wanted people to notice him.

The third time they met, they talked about his move to Nibelheim and the bittersweet year that transpired for him there. Cloud had been frenetic with anxiety the entire hour they spent together that day. Rayleigh had asked him about why his mother had moved back to the sleepy little village on the other side of the world, prodding Cloud for details about why she had left in the first place. He winced, thinking again about Brian Lockhart and the way that he humiliated his mother in the bank or at City Hall, explaining to Rayleigh that Nibelheim was a town of traditions and propriety and counterfeit morals that the villagers wore like masks over their true personas. Cloud's father had abandoned her before he had even been born, and Claudia was a young, husbandless mother whose parents had passed away in an accident not long before she had fallen pregnant. Alone and without any other family in town, she'd made the choice to move her and her unborn child to Midgar to start over fresh.

But unstable real estate markets had ruined her financially, and soon, Claudia Strife could no longer keep up with her debts, defaulting on her mortgage and sending them back to the old little cottage her parents had owned in Nibelheim. Cloud's throat had tightened up when he told Rayleigh about his aimlessness in that new town that was so different from the city he had grown up in. He had been restless from the start, not interested in going to college and certainly not interested in any of the lame jobs in the local shops or up at the reactor, the only opportunities the town had to offer. His lack of motivation and constant sense of ennui had been a persistent point of contention between him and his mother, who wanted him to go to college and to make something brighter of his future than she had ever had the opportunity to do. But Cloud was stubborn, shoving away her pleas and refusing to set foot in another academic institution if he could help it.

And then he met Tifa.

Cloud really hadn't wanted to talk about Tifa, but he realized there was little else for him to tell Rayleigh about his sole year living in Nibelheim. Everything had been about Tifa that year; she had been the sun and Cloud had simply been another speck of planetary dust that revolved around her.

Talking to Rayleigh that day reminded him of how much of himself he had thrown into his relationship with Tifa that year. He had been young and stupid - there was no denying that now; he had learned a long time ago that his foolhardy behavior had gotten them both into a lot of trouble. But there was no denying that he had been unable to avoid attaching himself to Tifa from the moment that he had first laid eyes on her, something beyond the galaxies their naked eyes could see from their perch on the water tower at night sealing their fate together.

Just as it was doing once again, now that they were reunited.

Today, though, Rayleigh had moved on from the distant past to a history that was not so far in the rearview. As soon as she made mention of Zack and Aerith, he felt himself squirm in his seat, his body taking on a chill as his nerves lit up with fresh panic, memories sitting at the corner of his mind that matched the windy summer rains just beyond Rayleigh's windows.

"What about them?" he responded after a moment, swallowing thickly, his voice coming out so cracked it was as if his throat was lined with drywall.

Rayleigh offered him the same placid smile that she always did, one that he'd seen her shine down the hallways at her colleagues and at other patients that stepped into her office for visits. Cloud wanted to like and to trust her for the sake of this entire endeavor, remembering again what he had promised Tifa and what he had promised himself on behalf of Denzel. But it was difficult staring at that practiced smile, Cloud's cynical propensity to doubt taking reign every time she offered it to him and waited for him to respond with a tepid smirk of his own.

"Why don't you start by telling me about them?" Rayleigh asked. She was holding her clipboard in front of her, her pen in her hand again, ready to jot. Cloud's eyes dropped to it, and he leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes for a moment as he tried to summon the strength to respond.

"I didn't have any friends in Midgar or Nibelheim," he finally answered, not bothering to go back into a discussion about Tifa and how she may or may not have fit into that particular aspect of his life at the time. "I was a loner for the most part in high school. When I joined the military, I got along with some of the guys in my unit, but I kept to myself. Zack was an older kid already in SOLDIER when I met him. He kinda took me under his wing."

Cloud dropped off there, but Rayleigh pressed, her questions forcing him to dig deeper into the stockpile of his memories of the last decade. He found himself recounting moments that he shared with Zack those early days on the barracks, the older boy grating under his nerves as he forced Cloud under his wing. Zack had the kind of sunny disposition that saw the best in everyone, even surly, dejected nobodies like Cloud who wanted nothing to do with his glowing enthusiasm. Yet despite his initial attempts to shoulder Zack away, Cloud found himself drawn to him and unable to avoid his offers of mentorship, especially when Cloud shared that the only way he thought he'd survive being in the military is if he'd made it out of the doldrums of the infantry and became SOLDIER. Zack had done everything that he could to help Cloud achieve that end, and that was where their friendship had truly blossomed.

Maybe, Cloud had thought at the time, that if he was SOLDIER, he might finally be good enough for Tifa, no longer the loser her father and everyone else had been convinced he was that had led her to finally break up with him.

Everything had always been about her, and Dr. Rayleigh dragged this realization out of him with her consistently pointed questions. Cloud shook his head out at that thought, but Rayleigh pressed him to keep going, and Cloud was soon sharing how his friendship with Zack developed over the years, especially after Cloud had finally made it into SOLDIER and Zack married Aerith, whose teasing and overbearing personality had taken some time for Cloud to get used to. He talked about how Aerith had fallen pregnant within months of their wedding, and after Denzel had been born, Cloud found himself falling into the folds of their family and taking on the role of an uncle-like figure to the boy as he grew.

Rayleigh continued to scribble across her clipboard as she listened, the movements of her hands making Cloud's palms itch and filling him with more anxiety as he spoke. He dropped off after a while, leaning back in his seat and steepling his hands nervously in front of him as he looked down at his shoes.

"It seems like they both had a very profound impact on your life," Rayleigh commented, setting her clipboard on her desk as she leveled her eye gaze at him and waited until he looked back up at her. "It brings me to a less comfortable topic, if that's okay with you. Do you think we can talk about their deaths?"

Cloud felt his body tense up in his seat, ice water lining his spine. Of all of the topics that he knew Rayleigh would be interested in discussing about his messed up life, this was the one that he had been the most anxious about, and had been most looking to avoid. Too many times he'd had nightmares about that fateful, stormy night on the expressway outside of the Mythril Mines, terrors that shook him out of bed in a cold sweat. More often than he cared to admit he had been driven to pure distraction by the images of the highway and the Zolom that screamed at their broken bodies.

He found that he couldn't answer Rayleigh directly, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat and shrugging slightly to indicate his assent.

"Can you tell me what you remember most about that night?" she asked.

Cloud expelled a breath, closing his eyes, already seeing the scene of that night in front of him again, even as he opened his eyes. He stared out of Rayleigh's window, the rain beyond transforming in his mind's eye to the slats that had poured down on the asphalt where the Shinra sedan he had borrowed had rolled over to the curb. He shook his head, looking down at his hands.

"I… Zack was on vacation," Cloud finally began to answer, his voice tentative and small. "He had taken the week off and took Aerith and Denzel to Junon. Aerith wanted to see Shinra's airship, the Highwind. I remember her talking about it all the time.

"They came back a week later, and Zack asked me if I would pick them up and bring them back, because the heli-transports in the area were down for maintenance. Director Lazard let me borrow a car to get them. On our way back, though, we got ambushed by a Zolom near the mines. It…it crashed the vehicle and then killed them both. I tried to stop it, but I was too late. I'm always too late."

Rayleigh's eyebrow had gone up at this. "Why do you say that, Cloud?" she asked.

There was a knife lodged in the center of Cloud's throat, making replying difficult, but he found that the words were beginning to bubble forth. "All my life, I manage to screw up when it matters the most. I couldn't get to Aerith before the Zolom impaled her. I couldn't help Zack up before he got knocked away and his ribs punctured his lungs. I couldn't keep Tifa from falling off the mountain. I couldn't stop her father from killing my mom's prospects in town. I couldn't even stand up to those idiots in town who ruined Tifa's reputation and forced us apart."

Cloud was shaking his head, tears burning at the corner of his eyes and reminding him how much he hated this and why he hadn't wanted to do this in the first place. It was doing nothing but remind him of his never-ending portfolio of failures, mistakes stacked one on top of the other that all had had such dire consequences that nothing he could ever do could repair the destruction that his cowardice and inadequacy had scorched across the earth.

Rayleigh let the air stay quiet and still for a moment between them after that, watching him carefully before she consulted her notes. She then took off her glasses, leaning forward over the desk to peer more closely at him.

"It sounds like you blame yourself for a lot, Cloud," Rayleigh stated matter of factly, though her tone was soft. "Do you blame yourself for what happened to Zack and Aerith that night?"

Cloud's knee was beginning to fidget. There was no doubt that he had poured over these thoughts many, many times. Over and over again he had considered how he could have handled dozens of terrible situations in his life differently in order to yield a different result.

He could have been stronger and caught Tifa more swiftly, pulling her away from the abyss.

He could have challenged her father or told the town officials how he was blacklisting his mom.

He could have refused to let Tifa slip through his fingers, ignoring her father and the idiots in the village, finding her on the college campus in Midgar where he knew she was living.

He could have been a better driver. He could have gutted the Zolom before it gutted Aerith and tossed Zack to the side.

He could have done so, so much, so, so differently.

He found himself hanging his head in response to Rayleigh, unable to form words. She took it as a concession, and she sat back in her chair.

"It's understandable," she finally spoke, drawing his attention as he looked back up at her. "It's not unexpected to hold onto guilt when things like this happen around us, Cloud. Often, we try to look for ways to understand how we could have changed the outcome, especially when it results in a loss of life that leaves us still here while others are gone. It can make us feel inadequate, undeserving, and even resentful. Do these feelings sound familiar to you?"

Cloud tossed his head slightly, his only indication that he was agreeing.

"There are stages to grief," Rayleigh continued. "Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It's been over a year since your friends died, but you seem to be trapped somewhere between anger and depression. We need to get you to acceptance."

Cloud stared at her for a moment, thinking back on all of his despairing and melancholic thoughts of the last year, about his short temper and his tendency to drink too much, about his frustrations with his job and everybody around him, circumstances which had only begun to improve after Tifa had returned to him.

If he didn't fix this, he realized once again, he would never be good enough for her.

"Yeah," he agreed with a quiet breath.

Rayleigh pushed her clipboard away to the side. "Well, I think that's enough for today, Cloud. Thank you for being so patient. I'd like us to talk more in our next sessions about what it means to move past guilt and reach the acceptance stage. Can you do something for me before we meet next?"

"I guess," Cloud responded, already feeling nervous all over again.

"All of these things you shared with me that you blame yourself for," she went on, "I want you to write them down, and then think about what it is you need to do for yourself to let them go. It might not have anything to do with the other people involved. But if it helps you resolve that guilt, it's a start. We can talk about what you discovered when you come back next week. Okay?"

"…Okay," Cloud found himself answering.

He left Rayleigh's office a short while later, his brain still swimming with thoughts of the past, but a new sort of clarity infecting the gaps in his fragmented and darkened psyche where he had been harboring nothing but repression and pain. He was beginning to understand - if only just a little bit - that somethings were out of his control and that accepting that fact rather than fighting it the way he had been for the last ten years might make him breathe a little easier and sleep a little better at night.

Still, the session had bubbled up too many ugly, dormant feelings inside of him, and he paused in the hallway outside of Rayleigh's office to calm and still his breath. He inhaled deeply, drawing in the odor of the industrial lemon-scented cleaner that a custodian had moments ago used to clean the windows and the floors as she passed by on her rounds.

The anxiety still a quiet hum inside of him, Cloud did the only thing that he knew would silence the thunderclaps in his skull.

He called Tifa.

---

It was hours later when Cloud was off of work, sitting at the bar at Seventh Heaven, quietly nursing a beer. It was a Wednesday and he was trying to behave, but after his session with Rayleigh earlier that day, he had been itching for a drink for the rest of the afternoon.

It was a quiet weekday evening and the bar was light on patrons. It was mostly regulars who sat at the bar or in booths by the windows, enjoying Tifa's home cooked dinner specials along with cold draft beers to stave off the summer night's heat. Cloud was simply waiting for her to get off of her shift, his head still balled up with anxiety from his session with Rayleigh.

He watched her work as he waited, trying to clear Zack and Aerith and his personal record of past failures from his mind. It was difficult, though, even as distracting as Tifa's hips were in her tight, powder-blue denim shorts. He had never once before spoken so many words out loud about the worst parts of his past as he had that morning, not about his best friend and his wife's deaths and not about anything else that had transpired in the years behind, least of all what had gone down in Nibelheim. Today, under Rayleigh's carefully guided line of questioning, he had found himself laying so much of it on the table that even he had been surprised by what had come out of him.

He had thought that therapy was supposed to make things better. So why was it that he was feeling worse, having trudged up all of those old hurts and failures?

Maybe Rayleigh was wrong, Cloud considered. Maybe talking through and ruminating over his guilts was no way to atone for or recover from them.

He turned to the side, watching as Barret led Marlene and Denzel over to the pinball machine beside the jukebox in one corner of the bar's dining room. It was a trap door that led into the basement of the bar, where Cloud knew that Barret's organization worked and was where his and Marlene's living quarters were located. Denzel turned to him and offered him a grin and a wave before the three of them disappeared.

Cloud returned his smile as joyfully as he could manage, thinking once again about therapy and the reason he was torturing himself the way that he was.

"Hey."

He turned back to the bar, finding Tifa standing behind it, untying her apron from behind her back. Her hair was tied up on the top of her head in a messy ponytail, tendrils sticking to the sweat that lined her forehead and the side of her face. She leaned forward, Cloud realizing that she was wearing a tight fitting white and black layered tank top that afforded him a great few of her perky, generous breasts.

"Hey," he greeted her, his smile returning and this time with a little more vibrancy than it had before.

"Barret is taking the kids downstairs to show them some of the new gym equipment he bought," Tifa explained. "Marlene has taken an interest in martial arts, but she's still too young to take lessons with Zangan, so Barret bought some equipment. I showed her how to use the punching bag today."

Her smile was beaming, her grin widening and displaying her straight row of white teeth. Her cheeks were rosy and flushed, and as Cloud looked up at her, his heart skipped a beat, finding her more mind-numbingly beautiful than she usually was, her skin glowing and her eyes wide and bright.

"That sounds like fun," he answered, unable to keep his eyes from hooking on to her face, hovering there for a moment before they descended again, trailing the smooth, tight lines of her curves behind the bar.

Tifa tossed her apron behind her and dropped her hands to her hips, offering Cloud a smirk this time. "I'm done for the night, but I'd like to give them a little time to hang out with Barret before we get going for the night. You want to go upstairs for a little while?"

Cloud nodded with a shrug, content to do anything Tifa wanted, as long as he was with her. Already, just sitting across from her at the bar like this, he felt a little bit of the nervous energy that had his pulse off kilter begin to dissipate.

Tifa came around from behind the bar with a freshly opened beer in hand, offering him her hand just as Jessie appeared. She pulled him in the direction of the staircase in the back of the dining room, not missing the way that the red head turned and quirked her eyebrows at him as they passed.

Cloud ignored her. Over the past couple of months, he'd gained first hand knowledge of how truly annoying Jessie could be, and he did his best to avoid her anyway that he could. With the level of teasing she aimed at him, she reminded him a little of Aerith when he had first met her… albeit with less of her more redeeming qualities.

Wordlessly, he followed Tifa up the steps to the studio, his eyes glued to her backside as she swayed their entire way up. He didn't mind the lustful distraction at that moment; admiring the hills and valleys of her body was far better than dwelling on the painful stirrings of the past that he had been dealing with all day since leaving Rayleigh's office.

He followed Tifa inside the studio, but this time, she didn't sit at the piano, instead falling into the couch that was across the room, facing the windows. She held up the beer she was holding to him as he sat down, angling her body to face his as he settled into the couch.

"Thanks," he responded, scooting a little closer to her. "You're not going to have a drink with me?"

Tifa shook her head, leaning back against the couch. "Not really in the mood," she replied. "You go ahead. So how was your day?"

As she spoke, she stretched one arm out behind him on the couch, carefully wrapping it around his shoulders. She pulled him in close to her, curling him in her direction until he was compelled to lay against her, his cheek finding her soft bosom. He wrapped his arm around her waist and held her back.

"Alright," he answered. Cloud's mind was ticking with his therapy session from that morning, but his throat was dry and thick when he tried to pull the words together to tell Tifa about it. Instead of continuing, he sipped his beer and then draped his arm back around her waist, closing his eyes for a moment.

Silence fell for a bit, and Cloud felt Tifa drop her fingers into his hair. She dragged them across his scalp gently, and Cloud concentrated on the sounds of her body as they sat there, hearing her soft breathing and the beat of her heart, even the low, rumbly sounds inside of her belly.

Moments passed with him falling into a peaceful serenity against her that way before she tried again, giving him a gentle nudge. "You mentioned you met with Rayleigh again today," she said softly. "How did it go?"

Cloud let out a sigh, dragging a pull of his beer again before laying back on Tifa's soft body. She was so pliant and welcoming, he realized he could fall asleep right here and not worry about any of the things the earlier part of his day had wrenched out of him. "It was… a little difficult, Tifa," he finally admitted.

"How so?"

Cloud cleared his throat, leaning over to set his beer on the floor so that he could wrap his arms fully around Tifa's waist and hold onto her tightly, comforted by the feel of her body. "It just… brought up a lot of old stuff, Teef. Stuff I'd been trying to forget. I thought therapy was supposed to make things easier, but... I feel more weighed down talking about it."

Tifa didn't pry, just kept combing her fingers through his hair, one arm looped lovingly around his shoulders. "Hmm," she hummed above him. "Maybe it's not supposed to make things easier, Cloud. Maybe it's supposed to help you learn how to heal. To start to come to terms with the things that are weighing you down."

Cloud thought about this. Rayleigh had talked to him about the stages of grief, about acceptance and about letting go, about taking small, everyday steps to consider his losses and his guilt and figure out pathways around and out of them. She'd asked him to start taking notes about his triggers and the emotional tethers of his internal blame, to consider ways that he could begin to let them go.

"We talked about Zack and Aerith today," Cloud admitted. "It was hard to talk about, Tifa. I just can't stop thinking that if I'd taken a different route, or drove more carefully around that curve, or waited for the storm to stop before we left Junon, or even just pulled over that - "

"Cloud," Tifa interrupted him softly, her hand rubbing his back as she held him. "This isn't what Rayleigh asked you to do, is it? You can't blame yourself anymore, love. You have to start to let go. I know it's hard. I know."

Cloud closed his eyes again, listening to her heartbeat and feeling reassured by it.

"I just… I can't let go, Tifa," he argued, still holding her close. "I know I shouldn't blame myself… but I've failed at so many things. I let my mom down, never making anything out of my life and not protecting her from those sons of bitches in Nibelheim. I'm doing a shitty job with Denzel. I couldn't save Zack or Aerith. I couldn't even protect you. I could never get it right, Tifa, and now I can't look it in the face and accept that I've never been strong enough."

"Cloud," Tifa cried, pulling him even closer. "None of that is true. Your mother has always been proud of you, Cloud. You are a wonderful father to Denzel - don't you see how much he loves you?"

Cloud just closed his eyes, shaking his head against her chest.

"You did everything that you could for Zack and Aerith," she continued. "I know they are grateful to you for everything you've done for them and Denzel since they returned to the Lifestream. And Cloud… you never failed me. If you hadn't followed me to Mount Nibel that night, no one would have ever known that I had gone up there alone. I would have surely died."

He hadn't realized it, but a single tear streamed down his cheek. He shook his head, swallowing hard to keep down the sob that threatened so that she wouldn't know how her words were pulling him apart.

"The village would never have changed, Cloud," Tifa went on. "Neither would my father. He's still the same to this day, in fact. But none of that matters any more, because we are here now, at this moment, together, and all of that is in the past."

"I'm glad I have you," Cloud said after moments passed between them, Tifa's fingers now resting in his hair. He let out a soft sigh, feeling her shift slightly beneath him.

"You've always had me, Cloud," Tifa said softly in response, and Cloud could feel the way her belly rose and fell again as she breathed. "I guess… those years apart just feel like they don't matter as much anymore as they once did."

Letting those words sink in, Cloud gave Tifa's waist a gentle squeeze and then sat up again, settling beside her and looking into her eyes. She offered him a shy but wan smile when their gazes met, and Cloud nodded, feeling a sense of calm settle over him, dispelling some of his anxieties and letting her wrap her arms around him tight in a hug.

Maybe he did always have her, and maybe he just hadn't known it.

He did know, though, that this time, he would never let her go.

---

[ ν ] - εγλ - 2007 | August 19th

The Greatest Gift of All

"Okay Marlene," Tifa said, leaning over the bar. "I want you to go help Jessie set up the table in the back for me, okay? The big one. I left everything that you guys need to decorate the dining room for Cloud's party."

"Okay, Tifa," Marlene agreed. "Denzel said he and Cloud will be here by eight. I want to make sure everything is perfect!"

"Thanks, Marlene," Tifa responded, leaning forward to pinch Marlene's cheek gently. "You're being a great helper. I'll go check on dinner in the back."

Tifa watched as the little girl turned and ran to the rear dining room to help Jessie, smiling as she dropped the dishrag she was holding onto the counter and rolled her neck, working the kinks out of her shoulders.

Even though Cloud hadn't said anything about it over the course of the last couple of weeks, Tifa had remembered that today was his birthday. And she hadn't forgotten the way that he had gone out of his way a few short months ago to make sure that she celebrated hers, the charm bracelet he'd gifted her still dangling from her wrist and her stuffed fat chocobo still sitting on the center of her bed. When she realized that his twenty-ninth birthday was approaching, she was determined to make it feel just as special for him as he had made hers feel, even though he had told her more than once that he really didn't like celebrating.

Tifa dropped her hands on the countertop, staring out of the glass panel windows of Seventh Heaven's bar front that led outside, the sky still light but beginning to haze over with misty colors of dark indigo and red as night fell. She had closed the bar earlier that evening so that they could spend time together as family and friends without interruption, and despite the laughter of Marlene and Jessie in the dining room as they set things up, the bar was unusually quiet for a weekend evening. Barret, Biggs, and Wedge had yet to return from their latest job in the Sector, though Tifa was expecting them before Cloud arrived. She had even invited Marle, hoping that Cloud and Denzel both would appreciate her being there.

Tifa knew that Cloud didn't like a lot of attention. But over the course of the last couple of months, especially as their own relationship began to deepen, Cloud began to grow closer to some of her friends. He spent far more time around Biggs than he ever had before, and despite the fact that she knew he couldn't stand Jessie, he still tolerated her. She'd caught him having civil conversations with Wedge more than once. And much to her pleasant disbelief, even he and Barret were beginning to take somewhat of a liking to one another, even though neither of them were inclined to admit it.

The truth was, as the weeks and months drew on, things were beginning to take shape and fall into place in their lives. It was a rhythm that Tifa found herself falling easily into, spending more and more time with Cloud and Denzel as if they were a family, their lives that had once been so separate beginning to weave together like the threads of a tapestry.

The only problem, Tifa knew, was that their family was growing, but she hadn't said a word about it to Cloud or anyone else. Without even thinking about it, she dropped her hand to her belly.

For weeks now she had been turning over how and when she would finally tell him. She was just a little over ten weeks now, and she had been doing her best to hide the subtle effects pregnancy was having on her body from Cloud and anyone else who might find it suspicious. It was easier said than done, though. Jessie was the nosiest person on the face of the planet, and more than once she had quirked her eyebrow at her in skepticism when Tifa tried to brush off her sudden runs to the ladies' room. Barret was just as perceptive, but far less inclined to say anything or to poke and prod, though Tifa did not miss the way that he sometimes watched her when she worked. The good thing was that Tifa could usually explain away her stranger behaviors by blaming them on her illness.

This, however, only made it more difficult with Cloud. The days and nights they spent together became punctuated by his constant need to make sure that she wasn't in pain or that her condition wasn't worsening, and as much as Tifa appreciated his doting on her, it made her nerves crawl with anxiety. The closer he got and the more that he worried, the more that Tifa was sure that he would uncover her secret, and the more that she fretted over how he would react.

The last thing she wanted to do was alienate him or push him away, not now. Not after so many years where their lack of communication had built fortresses between them.

The irony was not lost on her.

Still, Tifa was glad that Cloud was at least somewhat oblivious about the things that were happening to her, and as much as he went out of his way to take care of her, he also gave her space when she asked for it and accepted her explanations about her condition, despite the way that his eyes pooled with concern. She was buying herself time, Tifa rationalized to herself. Eventually, she would tell him, and they would find a way to move past this. If they couldn't, she didn't know what she would do with herself. The misery of the idea of facing this, or any part of life, without his support was too much to bear.

Still, more than a month had passed since she learned that his child was coming to life inside of her, and she still hadn't found the courage or the words, and as his birthday drew near, her anxiety heightened and her resolve faltered. Even as she stood there waiting for him to arrive so they could celebrate this milestone together, she still hadn't figured out how she was going to lay her confession at his feet.

Tifa cleaned up the dining room quietly, watching as the sun dipped lower and lower outside until darkness had almost fully fallen. Barret soon returned with Biggs and Wedge, helping Tifa and Jessie with the final touches in the dining room as they brought out hot plates of food from the back kitchen to the dining room. A short time later, Marle arrived, her arms wrapped in a light summer shawl as she handed Tifa a card for Cloud and then joined the others in the dining room. Biggs shooed her away from the stove, insisting on carrying the trays of spaghetti and salad while Wedge carted cases of beer on top of his shoulders. Barret propped Marlene up on his shoulder, helping her to reach the rafters up above so that she could hang the last of the balloons and streamers from the ceiling.

Tifa was in the back kitchen, finishing icing Cloud's birthday cake, a three-layer vanilla sheet cake that she had baked earlier that afternoon when Jessie appeared, standing over the sink to quickly wash her hands.

"So," she began nonchalantly, glancing over at Tifa as she scrubbed her hands under the flow of tap water. "You gonna tell him tonight, Tifa?"

Tifa stopped, dropping her spatula to one side as she turned to look at Jessie, her heart picking up speed in her chest. Her friend was simpering at her, her hazel eyes lit up impishly as she scrubbed her hands and then shut off the tap.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, please," Jessie huffed in a laugh, reaching for a towel and drying her hands. "Tifa, you always think you are so good at hiding things, but you aren't fooling anybody, least of all me. Cloud is probably the only one who is too clueless to figure it out."

Tifa refused to respond, though her blood was beginning to rush in her ears. She swallowed carefully, then shook her head dismissively, hoping that if she ignored her, Jessie would just stop.

Of course, it was never that simple. "You're pregnant, aren't you, Tifa?" Jessie finally stated, her hands now resting on her hips.

Tifa sighed, closing her eyes and trying to disregard the way she could feel her heart begin to palpitate. "Jessie, I - "

"Biggs and I have a bet going with Wedge," Jessie cut her off. "Of course, being a woman, I knew a while ago. I managed to convince Biggs, but Wedge still couldn't believe it. A little naive that one."

"Jessie!" Tifa finally cried, exasperated.

"Oh, please," Jessie rolled her eyes. "You've been getting sick all the time, constantly running to the bathroom, and you're even moodier than usual. You can't blame all of that on Star Scar, especially not since you've been spending every waking moment with Hot Motorcycle Dad, hmm?"

Tifa shook her head, dropping her face into her hands. As much as she wanted to refute Jessie's observations, she knew it was useless, and from the way that Jessie had begun to laugh, she knew that she had been exposed.

"Listen, Jessie. Please don't say anything else to anyone. I'm still trying to figure this out."

"So you mean you're not going to tell him tonight?" Jessie asked, her voice lilting with incredulity. "What are you waiting for, Tifa? Are you not sure if you're going to keep it? Why did you let this happen in the first place?"

Jessie was asking too many questions, and Tifa was suddenly feeling overwhelmed, her hands beginning to tremble as her anxiety doubled. It made her increasingly aware of the aches in her body, even her fingertips beginning to tingle with pain.

"I'm keeping the baby, Jessie," she finally responded. "And…my doctors always told me that I wouldn't be able to have children because of my disease. I guess Cloud and I were just being careless. I don't know how to tell him. Why do you care so much, anyway?"

She didn't mean for her voice to take on the sharp, accusatory edge that it had, but she found that the flood of emotions she had been holding in along with the secret of her pregnancy was ready to burst free. The aggrieved, anxious trembling that had started with her hands was traveling up her body, and she closed her eyes, hearing Jessie scoff at her side.

"Why do I care?" Jessie took a few steps towards her. "Listen, I know that we don't always see eye-to-eye, Tifa, but I am still your friend. Barret is worried about you. The whole team is. We've been worrying about you for years. Marlene asks me if you're okay all the time. Of course I care."

She dropped her hand to Tifa's forearm, and Tifa finally opened her eyes to look over at Jessie, finding her brown eyes warm and, for once, sincere. It was true that Tifa and Jessie were not the best of friends and that their personalities often did not mesh. But she did know that all of her friends, Jessie included, had always been there for her when she'd needed them, and that she had no reason to be so defensive.

Maybe her moods were just a little bit volatile.

"I'm sorry," Tifa replied, turning to face Jessie. "I have been a little moody lately. I just… I don't know how to tell him, Jessie. I've only been back with him for a couple of months. Our relationship feels so fragile. And he's been through a lot… a lot more than you can even imagine. Springing a baby on him right now just seems… wrong."

Jessie started to laugh again, though this time it was a little snarky. "You're hardly springing a baby on him, Tifa," she gibed. "I doubt you knocked yourself up."

Tifa shook her head. "I know, but -"

"Stop making excuses," Jessie interrupted. "This baby is his responsibility, Tifa, and no matter what you decide to do, he needs to know about it. You need to tell him, and now."

"I can't tell him on his birthday."

"Why not?" Jessie took another step closer, and this time, when she spoke, her voice had grown softer. "Tifa, that boy is smitten with you. I know you're nervous - shit, I would be too - but don't you think he might be happy? What better gift to give him than this?"

Tifa looked up into Jessie's eyes, finding them bright with mirth, her painted red lips spreading into a smile. Tifa smirked, pursing her lips at her friend.

"Did Biggs come up with that one?" she asked, and Jessie burst into fresh laughter.

"You got me," the redhead admitted. "But I mean it, Tifa. You need to tell him, tonight. If you don't, I swear to Shiva I will tell everyone in this Sector that you are carrying that man's baby."

Tifa didn't put it past her. "Alright, alright! I will tell him tonight. But after the party. I can't tell him until we are alone."

"You better swear, Tifa," Jessie warned, narrowing her eyes.

Tifa started to open her eyes, but she heard the chime out front and the tug of Seventh Heaven's front door against the locks. Steeling her nerves, she shook her head at Jessie and gestured to the cake.

"Just put this in the fridge for later, please?"

Tifa heard Jessie's laughter ring behind her as she made her way out of the kitchen, crossing the bar to the front door and unlocking it. On the other side, she found Cloud waiting with one hand in his pocket, Denzel standing at his side with a smile on his face that widened when she appeared at the threshold.

"Tifa!"

"Hi, Denzel," she greeted, bending down to offer him a hug. "I'm so glad to see you guys! Go ahead inside. Marlene has been asking about you all day."

As soon as she let go of him, Denzel nodded and ran past her, leaving her alone with Cloud. He stood in front of her, dressed casually in jeans and a dark t-shirt, the summer night wind blowing a warm breeze through his messy hair. He wore a smirk on his face, his eyes already scanning her from head to toe.

"Hey, Tifa," he greeted her, then leaned in to press a kiss against her cheek. "You look pretty. Is it a special occasion?"

Tifa dropped a quick glance down at herself. She'd dressed in a halter-necked A-line seersucker dress that was colored a deep midnight blue, her hair parted to one side and swept over her shoulders. She blushed slightly, then looked up at him, stepping out of his way so he could follow her inside before she locked the bar again.

"Did you forget it was your birthday, silly?" she teased.

Cloud groaned, turning to her when she looped her arm through his.

"I told you not to worry about that, Tifa," he complained.

"Don't be a sourpuss," she chided him. "You deserve to celebrate, Cloud. And you made sure that my birthday was special, didn't you?"

"Because you are special, Tifa," Cloud insisted, pouting a little even as she squeezed his bicep. "I really don't care about this kind of stuff."

"Well I do," Tifa argued. "And this was all Marlene's idea, anyway. She spent all week planning this, Cloud, so you better not disappoint her!"

He smirked, nodding a little, and then he leaned in and offered her a kiss, nibbling at her bottom lip, just as Jessie appeared from the kitchens, clearing her throat and drawing their attention.

"Well there's the birthday boy," she taunted as she crossed the room. "Boy, are you in for a treat. You're just gonna love the gift that Tifa got you!"

Cloud smiled, turning back to Tifa again despite Jessie's goading, but Tifa's face was bright red, her heart on fire as reality crashed all around her once again.

---

A few hours passed, and Tifa watched Cloud as if from afar the entire time, drinking in the way that he blushed and groaned and smirked at the attention he received from their small group of friends. Marlene was the most enthusiastic, at one point showing Cloud all of the decorations that she had hand made and hung up around the dining room for him. Tifa watched, her heart swelling as Cloud listened intently and smiled and thanked Marlene, and she found her hand falling to her belly again, the slight bubbling that she felt from time to time returning.

She watched as Cloud ate the spaghetti dinner she'd prepared especially for him, their eyes meeting when she glanced to her left to peer at him. Even though his mouth was full and he was mid-chew, he had smiled at her, instantly warming her over as he wordlessly showed her his appreciation.

It made Tifa feel a certain degree of joy to realize that her friends had learned Cloud well over those last stretch of months and figured out how to enjoy his company without crowding into his personal space too much or making him feel uncomfortable. Wedge no longer talked his ear off, instead finding a way to calmly bond with him over a game of darts. Even Jessie kept her teasing to a minimum, though Tifa did not miss the way that she constantly made eyes with her across the room, offering her a knowing smile.

Marle was a little less discrete. As soon as Tifa got up to get Cloud's cake after dinner, the older woman had relocated to find a seat right beside him, and when she returned, she was horrified to find that Cloud's cheeks were the color of honeycrisp apples. She could only imagine what she had been saying to him, but she didn't dare ask.

It was soon growing late, though, and at the first sign of Marlene's yawning, Barret began to demand that it was time to pack up. They cleared the dining room, but as Tifa was carrying a tray back into the kitchen, Denzel stopped her, pulling on her skirt.

"Hm?"

"Tifa," Denzel began in a small voice. "I… before we go home, I was hoping that maybe I could use the piano upstairs?"

Tifa stopped, turning and glancing down to offer him a look. "It's late, Denzel," she answered. "You can always come over tomorrow and - "

"No, not to practice," he stopped her. He looked around, but Cloud was distracted by Marlene again and wasn't paying them any mind. "I - I've been practicing one of those songs you gave from your old concert album, and I wanted to play it for Cloud. As a, um, birthday gift."

Tifa felt her insides melt away into liquid, her lips pulling into an impossibly wide smile at his words. Denzel's cheeks were flushed, and he was clearly embarrassed, but he was asking nonetheless. It was the sweetest, most adorable thing she could ever remember seeing.

"I think that's a wonderful idea, Denzel!" Tifa exclaimed, bending down to offer him another smile. "Cloud is going to love it. Why don't you go upstairs to the piano and I'll get the others?"

"Okay," Denzel nodded, running for the stairs.

Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie had already left for the night, but Marle, Barret and Marlene were still there, and a few minutes later, Tifa brought them and Cloud upstairs to the studio. Marle and Barret settled on the couch while Cloud and Tifa stood side by side by the windows, Marlene joining Denzel on the bench to watch him play at his side.

"What's going on?" Cloud whispered to Tifa, wrapping an arm around her waist.

"Denzel has something he wants to play for you," Tifa answered. "Isn't that right, Denzel?"

Denzel turned to them with a smile, placing his hands above the keys. "I was actually learning this song for my audition for the band this fall," Denzel admitted quietly. "But I wanted to show it to Cloud first."

Marle sat up at her seat on the couch. "Well, let's hear it then, young man!"

"Denzel has gotten really great at the piano, Ms. Collins," Marlene added. "He's been practicing almost everyday, all summer!"

Tifa saw the way that Denzel blushed at Marlene's praise, and he quickly turned away from everyone to focus on the keys. At her side, Cloud squeezed her gently, and she looked up to see he was wearing another happy smile.

"I can't wait to hear it, Denzel," he said encouragingly.

Denzel nodded, still facing away from them, though Tifa could catch the profile of his face, and she didn't miss the way his lips turned up again.

"This is called Journey to Dignitas," Denzel said. "Happy Birthday Cloud."

Tifa's breath caught, and she listened as Denzel carefully dropped his fingers to the keys, nervously but successfully tapping out the first notes.

Armstrong's Journey to Dignitas had been one of the seminal pieces that Tifa had played with the Philharmonic during the height of her career. It was a brief, inspirational melody, one that was laced with just the slightest hint of foreboding melancholy. Tifa remembered playing it vividly at concerts all over the world, and as Denzel played, she closed her eyes, memories taking her back as she tried to keep her tears at bay while Cloud continued to hold her tight.

The song was over almost as quickly as it had started, and Tifa opened her eyes to the sound of Marlene's bright applause.

"Damn," Barret swore, earning a stern look from Marle. "You sure do know how to teach 'em, Tifa."

Tifa opened her eyes, finding Denzel looking back at them expectantly. But she soon realized that he was looking at Cloud, and Tifa turned to look up at him, finding him staring at his adoptive son with his eyes glassy, the corners of his lips turned up ever so slightly.

"Denzel," Cloud began softly, releasing Tifa's waist so that he could cross the room and kneel in front of the piano's bench as Denzel turned. "That was… incredible. You play beautifully, just like your teacher. I'm so proud of you."

While Tifa's heart stomped, the sadness of the past drained away, Denzel's smile lighting up the room as Cloud leaned up and hugged him. Marlene squealed, but Barret was soon at his feet, scooping her away from the bench with one massive arm.

"Alright. Time to go to bed for real."

They soon left, Marle following suit after she stopped to give Denzel a hug of her own and promise him that he was a shoo-in for the school's concert band, leaving Tifa alone with Cloud and his son. She didn't stop watching him, noting the way he fought the mistiness in his eyes as he slowly got back to his feet.

"Come on," he said, offering Denzel his hand as the boy climbed off of the bench. "Let's go home."

Denzel nodded, getting to his feet and joining him. Cloud turned to her then, his smile a little wider than before.

"You're coming too, right?"

He dropped his eyes then, centering them on her waist. Tifa watched them fall, and she realized that once again, she was resting her hand on her belly, right above the cluster of new and rapidly developing life that he had planted inside of her. She felt her cheeks warm, but she looked back up into his eyes, nodding her head in agreement.

"Of course," she responded. "I'm right behind you guys."

Watching as Cloud winked at her and then walked hand in hand with Denzel back downstairs, Tifa realized that she couldn't tear her hand away from her abdomen, as if their child was pulling her in, begging for her touch.

She would tell him tonight.

---

It was after midnight when they got back to Cloud's apartment, Denzel sandwiched between Cloud and Tifa on Fenrir as Cloud carefully drove them to Sector Five. Denzel had fallen asleep during the ride, and soundlessly, Cloud carried him into the house and upstairs, Tifa watching as he laid him across his bed and shut the door.

"Come on," Cloud said as soon as they were in the hallway together. "Let's go to bed. I miss you."

Already his tone had fallen sultry and desirous, and Tifa knew where the night was headed. And as much as she was ready to join him there, she knew that if they laid down together before she got her thoughts off her chest, she would go yet another day carrying this massive secret between them.

Besides, she did still have something to actually give him that she had been too shy to do in front of their friends.

"Wait," she stopped him when he started to tug on her arm. "I have something I want to give you. Um, your birthday gift."

Cloud's face twisted up into an aggrieved pout. "You got me a gift, Tifa? Why?"

She only offered him a coy smirk, now her turn to gently pull on his arm, leading back into the living room and toward his couch. She didn't respond, not until they were both sitting side by side, Tifa kicking her sandals off to the side before she folded her legs under herself and then turned to face him.

"Don't be silly, Cloud," she finally answered. "You deserve all of the happiness and all the nice things in life. Even if you think that you don't, that you're somehow unworthy. Even if it's little things like birthdays or gifts, you deserve to enjoy them. I think - I think you taught me that again, too. So let me teach you."

Cloud just stared at her, his eyes still rimmed with the glow of mako but the green flecks dim and tranquil. The bluest of seas were crashing into her from his stare, so intense yet somehow so placid at the same time. She wasn't sure why her words had grown so sentimental, but she realized that she meant them and that they had become unearthed from a place that was buried deep inside of her and had been for so long. Maybe it was the weeks and weeks of the steady restoration of their friendship and love that was helping to tear the sediment away. Maybe it was listening to Denzel pour his heart out into a song that had once meant so much to her as he played the piano for a man he had come to recognize as his father. Or maybe it was the fact that this man's own child was growing inside of her, every second of every waking hour reminding her of how they had somehow become destined to be connected forever.

She let that thought carry her attention away from his eyes to her purse, where she dug through it until she found the little velveteen box she had bought. Wrapped in metallic blue gift wrap, Tifa reached for Cloud's hand and unfurled it, placing the gift into his palm.

"Happy Birthday, Cloud."

The pouty look on his face diffused and his smirk returned, and Cloud dropped his eyes to his gift as he pulled the paper away and opened it.

Tifa watched his face as he discovered her gift, a single studded silver earring, shaped in the profile of a wolf and pierced by a solitary, iridescent gem. His features remained motionless, but she saw his eyes light up, and after a moment, he looked up at her and smiled.

"This is… beautiful, Tifa," he told her. "Where did you… why?"

Tifa just shrugged, and he redirected his attention back down to his gift, turning it over between his fingers and studying it quietly. Tifa reached out for his hand, wrapping it in both of hers.

"I remember you having an earring," she replied, her voice quiet and still. "When we were younger. But I notice you don't wear one anymore, even though I can still see where your piercing was." As if to demonstrate, she lifted one hand to his ear to pinch her fingers around his lobe where she could still see the empty hole from his piercing. "I was curious about your bike's name one day, so I looked it up… I figured you must like wolves, and when I saw it one day at the markets…"

She let her voice drift off, bashfulness growing inside, but Cloud had put the earring and its box on the coffee table in front of them, quickly leaning forward to take her by the waist and pull her in toward him.

"Come here."

The burst of heat between them was instant, but Tifa recaptured her sense of awareness just in time to stop him and grab him by one forearm, forcing him just slightly back.

His eyes locked with hers, and once again, she found that she was losing grasp on her resolve. But the pressurized bomb of truth inside of her was ticking, and she stared back at him, summoning every wispy thread of determination she could find.

"Cloud, I have something else."

"Huh?"

"Another…" No, that was foolish. How could she call this a gift? She hadn't a clue how he might take this. For all she knew, especially with the state of her body, it was a curse.

"I have something I want to tell you."

His expression straightened immediately, and he sat up, slowly leaning back away from her. Tifa was still holding his hand, and he tilted his head slightly, glancing at her and waiting.

The fact that he remained silent only sent the pressure cooker in her chest into a full boil as she tried to gather her thoughts and her words. He was being patient, already distracted by his lust but waiting for her nonetheless. It made her even more fully aware of the weight of what she was about to tell him, reigniting the doubt and forcing her to take pause yet again. But the longer that she stared back into his eyes, the more she realized that she could no longer hold this in, and without any preamble at all, she let the words tumble forth from her lips in a rush.

"Cloud, I'm pregnant."

The air was still and cool between them once she'd spoken, Cloud's face just as expressionless, the only indication of his reaction the slight widening of his pupils. All Tifa could hear at that moment was her heartbeat, loud and tumultuous in her eardrums as it flooded her vessels with blood. She felt as if her words were so weighted that she could almost see them hanging in the air between them, reminding her over and over again how she had just polluted the world to ruin everything between them.

"But I thought you -"

Finally, his beautiful mouth parted and he spoke, the stunned facade that was etched across his boyish face faltering. Tifa felt a smooth caress of warmth against the inside of her chest at his words, knowing where he had been heading even though he hadn't finished his sentence. It made the corners of her eyes sting again, and she looked down, giving her head a little toss.

"I know," she replied. "I thought so too. But Cloud… I …"

She stopped again, unable to continue, stagnated by the truth. The next few moments were silent split seconds of time, but they felt like they transpired over millennia. Tifa's mind was beginning to work its way through all of the miserable realities she might have to live through now that she had confessed when she felt Cloud's weight shifting on the couch at her side. He was suddenly much, much closer to her, his arm snaking around her waist and pulling him into his chest as he wrapped his arms around her and held her to him.

"Tifa," he said her name just once, and Tifa realized that he was crying.

She didn't know how to respond, so she closed her eyes, leaning into him. She let the tension slip from her body, feeling his arms tighten around her, the strength between every muscle crushing her in his protective embrace for all of eternity. His chest buckled slightly as he swallowed back his sobs, his lips drifting into her hair, and Tifa found herself beginning to weep, holding him back as the emotions between them swam in an ocean of quietude.

Tifa wasn't sure how much time had passed when Cloud's hold began to finally slacken around her, and he leaned back away from her, now holding one arm firm to her forearm as he searched her eyes with his. His other hand slowly dropped to the center of her abdomen, pressing lightly against it, his fingers splaying as his palm settled.

"We're really going to have a baby?" he finally spoke.

For whatever reason, the slight edge of possession in his tone unwove her, and Tifa felt herself puddling away in his direction again. She nodded, her throat stabbed by the sudden need to sob again, and she carefully swallowed it back to find her voice.

"Yes," she responded at last.

That hinted smile that she sometimes saw cross Cloud's face returned, but this time, she watched it deepen, his cheeks flushed and his beautiful blue eyes wet. She could almost find no green in their specks, and Tifa found herself drifting back a decade, back to a cold, dry mountain village where the rain fell heavy in the wet season, where bright blue flowers grew along the ridges of the mountains, matching the gaze of a boy she had met in a downpour.

Cloud said nothing else after that, but he was soon scooping Tifa up into his arms. She looped her arms around his neck, dipping her forehead against his shoulder as he carried her into his bedroom, quietly kicking the door shut behind him.

He settled her on the bed, stopping to slide out of his shoes and then pull away his shirt. Tifa reached up to untie the straps of her halter behind her neck, but Cloud stopped her, gently tearing her arm away and holding it down as he sat close beside her and reached up to loosen it himself.

Tifa watched him silently as he undressed her, pulling her dress down to her waist. Her breasts had been held up by soft cups inside of the tightly ruched bodice of her dress, and as he lowered the fabric, she felt their weight and the distinct ache of her arousal in them as they fell free. Cloud's hands dropped to her waist, gently nudging her to stand again so that he could lower the dress to her feet and help her step out of it.

Tifa frowned slightly when he tossed her dress haphazardly to the floor, his eyes centered on the smooth expanse of her stomach that was still flat, his fingers already hooking into the waistband of her underwear. She stared down at his face, absorbing the paleness of his skin in the moonlight and the nearly translucent yellowness of his brows and eyelashes as he squared his focus on the center of her body. When she felt her underwear fall past her ankles, she closed her eyes and breathed out a sigh, her entire body pooling into jelly when his hands came back to her waist and pulled in close, soon pressing kisses all across her belly.

He stopped only long enough to slide out of the rest of his own clothes, Tifa shyly staring down at her hands as she felt the flutters in her belly kick up again. Despite the way that their relationship had rekindled across the weeks, Tifa could not stop her thoughts from running free with the realization that they were now closer than they had ever been before in life, their bond now solidified by blood and tissue that was taking shape right in the center of her being.

Cloud then pulled Tifa down to the bed again, and he was soon maneuvering himself behind her, his arms wrapping around her body as he settled with his back against the pillows at the headboard. Completely pliant, Tifa let him hold her to him, one hand back at her belly and the other wandering the front of her body.

"Tifa," he whispered into her ear, dropping his chin to her shoulder. "I… I love you so much. You…"

His words drifted away again, another thought incomplete, but somehow whatever it was that he couldn't say, Tifa could feel as he offered her a gentle squeeze. He was stroking a line down her throat, his fingertips brushing her collarbone and drifting between her breasts as he breathed in her scent.

"I love you too," she canted back, effortlessly.

Words left them for the rest of the night. Cloud's hands became untamed and carefree, recklessly traveling every sensitive patch of skin on her body he could find until she was writhing and purring and moaning in his embrace. His legs were wide and locked around her, forcing her against him as he stroked her mindless, fingers rolling over her nipples and caressing between her thighs, sliding in the slippery rivers of her desire and passing over her swollen nub until she was crying through her climax with Cloud pinning her against him.

Eventually, as she panted and tried to breathe, he shifted their bodies so that they were laying on their sides in the tangle of his sheets, her back still pressed to his chest. He caged her even tighter into his grasp, one hand gently lifting her thigh as he slid inside of her from behind, Tifa wincing with pleasure when she felt the firm tip of him slide deep inside of her and reach a hidden place that he had first discovered so, so long ago.

He couldn't have gotten any closer to her if he tried, one arm looped around the top of her head and holding her close to him as he began to roll his hips into a steady back and forth rock against her backside. His other hand was against her tummy once again, holding her firm and gently rubbing her up and down, comforting the life inside of her as he stroked her to bliss. She squeezed her eyes shut, letting herself dissolve into him as they became one over and over again throughout the night, Cloud soon whispering his love and devotion into her ear as their passions grew wilder and their positions changed.

The sun was just peeking against Midgar's skyline and coating the atmosphere in a hazy periwinkle blue when they were finally spent, shined over with sweat and trembling with their arms against each other, their noses touching. They laid atop the tangle of the sheets, the soft hum of the air conditioning unit doing nothing to alleviate the summer heat and the fire of their affection for one another that clouded the air.

"Thank you, Tifa."

Caught off guard, Tifa looked up at him. "Hm?"

"You've made me so happy," he said after long moments passed that had her heart rising in speed all over again. "After everything that's happened… I didn't know that I could feel like this. This is the greatest gift you could have given me."

He squeezed her again but fell silent, no other words shared despite so much more that could have been said. But as Tifa turned his sentiments over in her mind, she realized that he didn't need to say anything else. What he had just said had been enough for lifetimes.

Cloud was soon asleep, snoozing silently at her side, his arms still tight around her. Tifa glanced up at his face for a final moment, studying the lines of his handsome features one last time before she shut her eyes again. She held on to him tight, her belly flat against his in their embrace as she once again felt the ghost of a bubble and a rumble deep inside.

---

[ μ ] - εγλ - 1997 | 17th June

Ferris Wheels and Fistfights

"You sure about this, Tifa?"

Tifa glanced over at Cloud where he sat behind the wheel of his mother's sedan, his hand resting on the gearshift as he stared at her expectantly. She offered him a sunny smile, her happiness and her mood unable to be punctured by his doubt.

The summer had just begun, and despite the way that the school year had ended - the humiliation of prom and the awkwardness of returning to school to finish the year, the loneliness of facing her graduation ceremony without her mother in the stands watching her, and the pressures of the looming future. Her admission to the Midgar Academy of the Arts in the fall was secured, but all it was was a reminder of the uncertainty of the future, her time consumed with thinking about how she and Cloud could weave their paths together. Yet still, she made it through, even though her father continued to drink and monitored her every move whenever he was lucid, still content to insist on his reign over her life.

But as the spring faded away into the warmer weather of early summer following her eighteenth birthday, Tifa found herself growing further distant from her father and her behavior growing ever more rebellious. On some nights, she snuck out to spend time with Cloud on their secret dates, and on others, she slipped him silently into her room, crawling with him under her frilly sheets as they kissed and caressed each other while her father slept drunkenly down the hall. After their first time joined together under the stars, Tifa had committed to let nothing come between them, and despite her father's threats and how he forbade her to see him, Tifa disobeyed him and spent every moment of her free time with Cloud Strife.

At the present moment, they sat at the curb in front of Cloud's house, the sun hanging low in the sky and painting the horizon in a swath of magentas and fuschias. The Nibelheim Fair had set up in the fields to the south of the village, a long stretch of earthy plains that led out of the quiet village and onto the grassy knolls that headed in the direction of Cosmo Canyon. The fair came to the village late every spring, and Tifa had gone with her parents since she'd been a young girl, a tradition that had stalled when she'd gotten a little older and started to go with her friends from school instead.

This year, though, Tifa wanted Cloud to take her to the fair. There was something hopelessly romantic about ferris wheels and cotton candy and the glow of fairy lights under a warm night sky, and with high school behind her and adulthood at her toes, Tifa wanted to experience it with him before the summer of their youths evaporated forever.

The problem was - as she could read in the anxiety behind Cloud's cobalt stare - that the village fair was a very public event, and Cloud and Tifa were still actively working to hide their relationship from the prying eyes of their neighbors and peers. Aside from her father's obvious wrath, Jody Hartley was still a dubious thorn in her side, still petulantly insisting up their doomed betrothal any chance that he got, still finding ways to send chills of disgust running along her spine anytime she was unfortunate enough to run into him in town. And with Nibelheim being such a small village, gossip coursed through its cliques and communities like lifeblood, her peers still abuzz with the embarrassment of her prom night.

But now that school was out and she was preparing to leave Nibelheim for a very long time - maybe for good, even - Tifa was beginning to no longer care about what others thought and about the consequences of her defiance. Still holding her smile, she turned away from Cloud to stare back out the windshield, catching the first, faint glimmer of stars bleeding into the canvas above.

"I'm sure," she responded. "This is our last chance to see the fair before we leave the village, Cloud. I want to spend this time with you."

He nodded, a smirk climbing back onto his face and replacing his earlier worry. He offered her nonchalant shrug, trying to throw out an air of cool smugness, but Tifa didn't miss the way that his cheeks reddened slightly as he put the car into drive and pulled off onto the streets.

It wasn't much later when he was parking on the grass and helping her out of the car, cool gusts of mountain breeze ruffling the hem of her sundress and blowing through the long threads of her ponytail. The valley was filled with cars, and as they walked hand in hand together, Tifa could already see the colorful lights that tore above amusement rides and could smell the funnel cakes and sweet water taffy that was imported from the Coasts in the air.

For most of the night, their fears about being noticed or spotted by others in town were mostly quelled. Tifa only once ran into a group of girls she was friendly with in school, and they fawned over her and Cloud, even offering to take a polaroid of them in front of the Ferris wheel and handing it over to Cloud, who smirked at it before sliding it into his back pocket. They giggled and blushed, but none of them said anything out of the ordinary, and Tifa soon forgot all about them.

They rode the tilt-a-whirl and the wave swinger until they were dizzy, then settled their stomachs with pop and funnel cakes as they sat side by side on benches in one corner of the square. They played carnival games together, Tifa beating Cloud at hoops and giving him the fat chocobo plush she won, Cloud eating up all of the points at a water shooting game and earning a glass dolphin figurine for her. They carried their prizes with them as they made their way through the amusements together, the sky growing darker and the stars gleaming brighter as the hours ran on.

Eventually, they returned to the ferris wheel, just as Tifa yawned for the first time that night. Hearing her, Cloud turned to her, his lips turned up at one corner as he tilted his head in her direction.

"Tired?" he asked her. "I can take you home."

"Let's ride the ferris wheel first," Tifa replied, staring up at it as its current rotation came to a stop. "It's the only ride we haven't done yet."

She took his hand, not waiting for him to respond, and pulled him into the line. As they waited, Cloud came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her to him, sending bright blooms of warmth in a rush down her body.

The ride emptied and they were soon able to board, climbing onto a gondola-styled seat across from each other as the operator bolted the door closed. Airy, jubilant music began to swirl in tempo with the flash of the lights that lined the wheel's spokes, and Tifa let her eyes drift upward to the sky as they began to rise higher and higher.

Something about the slow climb had Tifa's heart racing again, and she stared out at the stars as the earth and the activity below grew smaller and smaller with their ascent. Tifa realized that of all of the things that made Nibelheim the village that it was, the stars would forever be her favorite. Even though it was now late - after ten - and the sky was full dark, it was as if it were illuminated by floodlights, the stars so bright in their thick clusters that painted the blanket above. Stargazing had been a pastime of hers ever since she had been young and had looked up at the stars with her parents, but in that year since she had met Cloud and shared such moments with him, those celestial lights had taken on new importance and residency in her heart.

"You're so pretty," Cloud said suddenly, tearing her out of her distraction. She pulled her attention away from the sky to glance at him, realizing that the wheel had come to a stop and that they were hovering right near the top. Cloud was leaning over on his bench with his knees wide, elbows resting atop them as he stared at her, a hopeless simper on his face as he admired her.

"You're a flirt," Tifa teased him in response.

"Maybe," he agreed. "But can you blame me? I have the hottest girl in the village on my arm. I might be a little worked up that everyone got to see us together tonight, finally."

Tifa blushed, looking away from him even as his smirk transformed into a grin. But he was soon taking both her hands in his, pulling her in close to him so that their noses were just barely touching, his mouth soon dropping to hers in a light kiss, his lips slightly parted.

They kissed for a long moment before they broke apart, Tifa's face flushed with heat when their eyes met again. His hands were still holding hers, and he gave them a squeeze.

"The summer will be over before you know it," he told her softly. "I was waiting for the right time to tell you this, but… I heard back from that community college in Midgar. They've reserved a spot for me and I'll even have a dorm. It's still a little too expensive, but I'm gonna find a job as soon as I get to the city so that my mom doesn't have to take out any loans. But at least I'll be close to you."

Tifa couldn't stop the way that her cheeks lit up and her lips spread into a grin that matched his, showcasing her perfect line of teeth as joy spun like a whirlpool through her chest. She squeezed his hand back, already feeling the weights of the past year and all of the ruin it had laid to her heart dissipating.

"I'm so happy, Cloud," Tifa responded. "It will be a fresh start for both of us. Midgar is such a big city, too. I can't wait to see all of it with you."

He nodded, then leaned in and kissed her again, this time sliding his hands away from hers so that they could ride up along her forearms and latch onto her with their heavy warmth. Fireworks were set off on the other side of the fields beyond the carnival, lighting up the sky with neon colors as they kissed and kissed until the ferris wheel got moving again and brought them back down to earth.

Tifa's heart had settled into a happy, pleasant rhythm when they disembarked, walking hand in hand, the fair beginning to empty now that it had grown so late. They were making their way to Cloud's car, Tifa's head lazy against his shoulder when she heard a stiff voice call her name.

"Tifa."

Tifa turned, her eyes widening at the sight of Jody Hartley standing in front of his car in the lot with his arms folded over his chest, his icy blue eyes narrowed as they stared at one another.

Jody pushed away from his vehicle, making his way toward her. Tifa felt her blood run cold, icy fear and anxiety collapsing all of the earlier elation she had felt throughout the night. She felt Cloud grow rigid at her side, instantly dropping her hand and instead throwing it around her waist, pulling her in close.

She didn't respond to Jody's call of her name, and this seemed to irritate him even further as he came to a stop just a few feet in front of them. Even from where he stood, Tifa could smell the stench of ale from his breath, and she was instantly reminded of her father, memories of her mother's death and goddess ceremonies returning to her with an ugly slap.

"I see you're still cheapening yourself with this loser," Jody finally snapped, his voice bright with anger but slightly slurred from drinking. "Every time I lay eyes on you I get more and more disgusted by the fact that I have to marry a slut like you."

Tifa opened her mouth to respond, but it was fruitless. Cloud released her, pushing her behind him as he took a step forward.

"Do you want me to break your nose again?" Cloud demanded, stepping right up to Jody, who stumbled back a pace, staring defiantly at Cloud even so. "If you say another word to her, I'm gonna cave your entire face in."

"Fuck off," Jody responded. "You've already ruined her, but it doesn't matter. We're getting married, and it's about more than just me and her. It's about this entire town. But I wouldn't expect a deadbeat like you to understand that."

Tifa felt herself boil over with anger at Jody's presumptive words, but she had no time to react or voice her frustration, because Cloud was moving in. He tackled Jody to the grass, the taller boy letting out a shouted curse as Cloud fell on top of him and sent his fist into his jaw.

"Cloud!" Tifa cried, watching as the two boys began to struggle against one another, limbs flying and blood spurting into the air. They rolled over the dirt, swears and heavy grunts exchanged between them. Despite the advantage of his size, Jody had no idea how to fight, and he scrambled against Cloud's every assault, who scrapped with the deftness of a street brawler. Jody pulled at his jacket and tugged at his hair, trying to find a way to get his fist to connect with Cloud's face and failing every time, Cloud soon splitting his cheek open.

"Cloud, stop!"

The fight was quickly becoming one-sided, and Tifa covered her face with her hands, her heart pounding as Cloud continued to pummel Jody, both of them cursing one another. Not knowing what to do to stop this, she cried his name again, only to hear shouts in the distance as a trio of Jody's friends came running in their direction, followed by a uniform from the sheriff's office who had been stationed in a cruiser on the other side of the lot.

"That's enough!" the officer shouted, wedging his body between Cloud and Jody's and separating them. Jody rolled across the grass, holding his face in both hands, his friends crowding around him and helping him to his feet.

Cloud was still swearing, but the cop was pulling him to his feet with one grip on his arm. Tifa's eyes were wide discs as she watched the scene unfold from the sidelines, her mouth hanging open but words unable to slip through.

"What's the matter with you?" the officer demanded, shaking Cloud roughly and then releasing him. Cloud stumbled back a step, wiping spittle from the corner of his mouth. Tifa looked up at him, but with the exception of a few scratches across his cheeks and forehead, he was relatively unscathed.

Jody's face, on the other hand, was completely bloodied.

"He assaulted me!" Jody immediately cried, bent over at the waist while his friends steadied him, blood leaking through his fingers as he held onto his nose. "I think I need to go to the hospital!"

Cloud just spit into the grass in response.

"That's not true!" Tifa cried when the officer began to pull Cloud away by his arm again, a second cop arriving in a jog. "He started it!"

She was pointing at Jody, but she soon realized that no one was paying her any attention.

"Can't help yourself from being a menace, can you?" the first officer demanded angrily. "You're coming down to the station with me. Your mother can come pick you up and deal with the disaster she gave birth to. Jones, make sure the Hartley boy sees a medic."

"Roger," the second cop agreed.

Every manner of four-letter words were falling from Cloud's lips, but Tifa just watched helplessly as the officer dragged him away in the direction of the police cruiser, shaking his head and scolding him the entire time even as Cloud struggled in his grip. He turned back once to look at her, his eyes sorrowful and regretful as he shook his head, and Tifa felt asphyxiated as she watched the officer force him into the back of the vehicle.

She turned away immediately, refusing to look back at Jody, walking blindly back in the direction of the village, alone in the dead of night.

Tifa walked all the way home, tears streaming down her cheeks, her fists balled up at her sides and her heart on fire, miseries she thought they had escaped from returning to her, choking her alive and beginning the downhill slide of the summer that would lead to the end.