Chapter 19: The schemes
Author: 'Ello everyone welcome back!
Narrator: Yay! Claps hands
Author: Here is what happened in the last chapter if you are too lazy to have read it. Anyway, the first chapter started with the stalkers. The stalkers recruited a new member. His name is Bill the Bartender. Bill the Bartender overheard the stalkers talking about Aragorn so he decided to join the group. Once he joins the group Bill comes up with a plan. Meanwhile Frodo and the others go to the bar. Frodo gambles with the secret hooded figure. It turned out that Frodo lost. He then had to give up the ring. Then, Frodo goes on to Ebay and wins the auction against Sauron. He then gets a note that he has three weeks to pay the money. So now, Frodo and the others must come up with a bunch of schemes hence the chapter title to get the right amount of money so they can get the ring back. Well that is it. Now I suggest you go and read it! Yes and I don't own Lord Of The Rings and all that bloody shit.
Narrator: You know I can't wait for the gang's plans.
Author: This I can imagine.
Narrator: You can?
Author: Yes, young Skywalker.
Narrator: First you do Michael Jackson impressions now Yoda?
Author: Michael Jackson voice Hello little boy! Want some Jesus Juice?
Narrator: puts a gun against her head Let's start the story with the schemes. Lowers her gun
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The group sat somewhere in the hotel room. They came up with ideas to get the money. It was time to put it to the test. " Frodo, how long do we have until we have to pay the money?'' Aragorn asked.
Frodo drew a heavy sigh. " Three weeks.''
At least everyone had an idea of what to do. Okay that wasn't necessarily true. Legolas had trouble coming up with an idea. He sat in the bathroom sorting his beauty products.
" Wooah Legolas, you might as well start a hair salon.'' Haldir replied at the sight of the products. Haldir leaned against the door smiling to himself. Legolas looked up at Haldir and thought of an idea. It was like a bright light appeared right in front of his eyes.
" Haldir, you're a genius!'' Legolas exclaimed.
" Um Leg, I was just kidding. '' Haldir said.
" Come on Hal, I am going to start a hair salon. I am going to need your help. Don't let me do the Legolas's look.''
The Legolas look happened to have Legolas with his eyes lowered and his face all grandma like. Haldir was sucked into this. He had to agree because the Legolas look was scary.
He ran out of the bathroom and dropped the shampoo bottle spilling shampoo all over the floor. But he didn't care. He needed to do something. Legolas sped out of the hotel. He began to accelerate faster. He moved swiftly and quickly. " I need to find a vacant building to use for the salon.'' He pushed himself even harder. It didn't matter anyway since elves are used to this kind of thing. He used his wonderful elf eyes and saw a building. He stopped short. He faced forward to get a good look. This place looked vacant. Legolas thought this place was great.
Suddenly, Haldir jogged up to Legolas. Haldir stopped and turned around to get a good look too. " Legolas, I hope you are kidding.'' Haldir said sadly like he lost Legolas for good.
" Does it look like I am?'' Legolas said with his eyes peeled to the building.
Haldir snapped his head at Legolas and back to the building. He thought this was so hilarious that he began to laugh.
Legolas did not find this amusing. " What is so funny?'' Legolas snarled.
" Oh look at this place. It's a piece of shit.''
Haldir did have a point. The building was worn down and looked like it hadn't been used in ages. The building was a small one with one story. The windows were broken and cobwebs were coming out of the windows. It was a terrible sight period.
" I bet the inside is even worse.'' Haldir muttered.
Haldir and Legolas walked inside. Oh boy Haldir was right again. The floor was cracked. There were so many cracks in the floor and it was very dusty. There wasn't even a door. The door appeared to have fallen off or something.
Haldir could not understand why Legolas would want a hair salon in here. This place lost its hope a long time ago.
" Alright Legolas,'' Haldir said really pissed off. " This isn't funny anymore.''
" Haldir, this is the best place to create a hair salon!'' Legolas exclaimed ignoring Haldir's comment.
"Your are nuts Leg.'' Haldir clicked his tongue.
"Look,'' Legolas said getting annoyed. " You can help me with this dream since you are my friend and also we have to get the ring back. Or you can go off and be a sourpuss. Whatever you chose.'' Legolas did the look again to change Haldir's mind.
Haldir winced at the look. He then replied faintly: " Well, we will have to do some furnishing but it will be a success.''
Legolas brightened at this. " So Haldir will you help me?''
"Apparently so.'' Haldir answered.
"Great!'' Legolas exclaimed. Legolas ran out and Haldir had no choice but to follow him.
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The car was completely destroyed. It lay in a ditch smoking to smithereens. The gang climbed out of the car wobbly and dizzy. " My head hurts.'' Celeborn complained.
" So does mine.'' Sam moaned.
Saruman was the only one who was chipper. " Come on guys it's a wonderful day!'' He shouted.
" Saruman how can you be so chipper after what happened?'' Sam asked smirking.
"Well halfing I had a epiphany.''
"What the hell is a epiphany?''
" A revelation,'' Saruman said impatiently.
"What's going on?'' replied the voice of Denathor who was followed by Gimli and Gollum.
"Saruman claims to have a epiphany.'' Sam stated in a matter of fact.
" Let me guess, your revelation was that you and Gollum are meant to be together forever until you part?'' Denathor joked with worry in his voice.
Saruman glared at him. " No my revelation was the fact that we worked together when we fell. Now we fight. We are growing weak. But to pull this off we have to work as a team. We will get to Vegas!''
No one moved no one said anything.
" Come on let's go,'' Saruman urged.
Narrator: So they trudged on in the forest tired and hungry and thirsty with just the clothes on their backs. Oh no!
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Meanwhile, Aragorn was in his room. He needed to think of a plan to get money. " I must do something to get the money.'' He said to himself. He sat on the bed and thought until he had an idea. " BY GEOGRE I GOT IT!'' He shouted at no one.
" Gandalf complains about old ladies watching him in the shower when there is no one there. I'll shoot images of Gandalf in the shower and sell them, so they can see it at home instead of Gandalf going nuts every time.''
"I'll make a fortune!''
Aragorn definitely loved his plan. He believed that the result of this plan would get him a thousand dollars. Aragorn took the time to plan out the whole thing but then there were a few things missing. He didn't have a camera or a ladder or anything. What was he going to do? Aragorn dived for his bag and searched every compartment. The last compartment he opened contained the video camera and tapes. Aragorn then remembered what Elrond always told him. Elrond always said to have a camera and tapes and a lot of film when he was at a party unless something embarrassing happened. Aragorn never forgot the saying until this day. He drew out his video equipment and his radio. Elrond also told Aragorn for years that he must always have a radio just in case you need a theme song. Then, he remembered Elrond also telling them to always have a pulley so you can climb to the side of a building and shoot inappropriate porn videos of Gandalf. Gee what a nice father.
Aragorn figured that Elrond must have been high when he told him his mottos.
Anyway Aragorn set off with everything he needed and went outside. A rope and a ladder laid on the ground and a random pole. Aragorn using his ranger skills, he set up the pulley and hoisted himself on it. Then, Aragorn jumped up to pull himself up until his feet touched the brick. He turned on the radio and the theme to " Mission Impossible.'' blared all around him. " Bloody Hell, I am trying to get some beauty sleep. Must you blast that?'' A random guy bellowed. The guy threw a rock and the rock hit the radio. The radio began to make whirring noises. Then it smashed into pieces. The pieces fell onto the ground.
" Oh crap,'' Aragorn cried helplessly. " What do I do?'' " I failed Elrond.'' Aragorn stopped from climbing. Elrond's voice appeared in his head. " You must always carry a radio just in case you need a theme song.''
" Stop it get out of my head!''
" I'm down here stupid.'' Elrond said from below.
Aragorn looked down at Elrond. " What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be working?''
Elrond licked his lips and thought how to explain this. " Well I um… taking a break.''
Aragorn noticed for the first time that Elrond was wearing drag queen clothes. " Why are you wearing drag queen clothes? Are you going to a club or something?''
" That isn't important right now. What are you doing on top of a building?''
" Practicing my ranger skills.''
"Right……….'' Elrond laughed.
Then there was silence.
"So what are you doing wearing transvestite clothes?'' Aragorn asked again.
" I told you that isn't important right now.'' Elrond replied angrily and stomped off.
" Well, Elrond is a queen after all. After all these years I would never of thought about this.'' Aragorn said then sighed. Suddenly, he had to think about what he was going to do. He then started to sing the Mission Impossible theme song to himself. He continued to climb. " Dun Dah Dun.''
A few floors later, he finally reached Gandalf's window. Now it was time to get ready. He took out his camera and turned it on. He then jumped off the brick and hung in midair.
He swung around for a few seconds until he grabbed onto the windowsill to stop him from swinging. He then leaned it closer to get a better look. There was Gandalf taking a shower and dancing around. Apparently Gandalf was dancing to the Macarena. How scary. Aragorn thought this was funny. So he positioned himself right in front of the window to get a closer image. He began to film every moment. " Yeah Gandalf you scrub that armpit.'' Aragorn muttered. Then he heard Gandalf singing: " Oops I Did It Again.'' Aragorn beamed, this was the best footage ever! Gandalf should shower more often. For an hour Aragorn filmed Gandalf. Gandalf eventually got out of the shower and dried himself off. Aragorn then turned off his camera and climbed back down. This was going to be a hoot. Aragorn thought positive things while he detached himself from the pulley.
For days, Aragorn filmed Gandalf in the shower. He saw Gandalf at his funkiest. The old ladies would love this. Aragorn needed to sell these videos soon before the three weeks were up.
Two days later, Aragorn set up a video stand. The sign flashed in bright letters. The sign said: "Souvenirs''. Aragorn stood very tall and still. He hoped that someone would come over. An old lady did come over. She came wrapped in shawls with pigeons resting on her shoulders. "Souvenirs?'' she asked very shifty.
"Yes,'' Aragorn answered plainly. " These souvenirs are porn videos of Gandalf the White.'' " Live footage!'' Aragorn added.
The lady thought this over. " So I can get five videos for a dollar?''
"Right.''
"I'll take them.''
Aragorn felt so pleased with himself. This is a success. He took out a box with more videos and dumped them into a crate. " More videos come and get them!'' Ladies rushed to the stand and demanded for more videos. For the rest of the day, Aragorn sold so many videos that he didn't have many left. At the end of the day, Aragorn made two thousand dollars. " Holy Crap!'' " I can't believe that I made two thousand dollars in one week!'' Aragorn cried in amazement.
Gandalf was in the kitchen looking at pie recipes. He was known for the best pie maker back in the second age. He figured that the pies would still be good.
"What pies shall I make?'' Gandalf asked scanning the pages of his recipe book. There were so many good pies that he could make but he couldn't make a decision. So, he made a bunch of pies. He made ones like: Pumpkin Pie, Pecan, Apple, Blueberry, Blackberry, and sweet potato pie. They looked so good that he decided to sell them to get some money. " I am going to make a profit!'' He cried.
The next day came and Gandalf stood out in the street behind his pie stand. It was two hours since Gandalf was standing out there and no one came over. This made Gandalf really upset and he burst in tears.
"Wahhhhhhhh, somebody please buy some pies.''
Gandalf sobbed. This was terrible. He thought that the pies would look appealing. Eventually Gandalf got his wish. A man came up to the stand looking like he was hungry.
"Excuse me sir, I would like to buy some pie.'' The man asked nicely.
Gandalf eyed him suspiciously. "You just feel sorry for me don't you?'' Gandalf replied with tears streaming down his face.
"No,'' the man said hurriedly. " I just want some pie.''
Gandalf said nothing and took out his sample pies. " Which pie do you want?''
"Pumpkin pie please.''
Gandalf took out a plate and a knife and cut the pie into pieces. He then took out a fork and a napkin and handed it to the guy.
The man took a bite. It seemed to enter his mouth peacefully but his taste buds didn't agree. Then he looked like he was going to vomit.
"So do you like it?'' Gandalf said looking at him.
"Actually I am not in the mood for pie today.''
'Why?''
"I got to go.'' The man seriously looked like he was going to vomit and he ran off.
"He didn't like my pie,'' Gandalf said sadly. "I used to be the best pie maker during the second age. What happened?'' Gandalf sat down and contemplated this for a while.
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"Hey does anyone know where Legolas and Haldir ran off to?'' Galadriel wanted to know.
"They probably met some girls then they got drunk and are probably stoned.'' Elrohir said dismissively.
"You know, I have to pee.'' Elrond said randomly before he ran to the bathroom.
"Elrohir, Legolas and Haldir aren't stupid.'' Arwen said angrily as she shot a hateful look at him.
"Relax sis, I was kidding.'' Elrohir assured her.
Legolas and Haldir came in with so much news.
"Hey guys where have you been?'' Arwen replied shrilly.
"Guys,'' Legolas said ignoring Arwen. "Haldir and I are going to start a hair salon!''
Silence filled the room. No one knew what to say.
Elrond came back. "Did you just say you want to start a hair salon?'' Elrond interjected.
Legolas nodded.
"Well at least you're using your hair products somewhere else. Instead of clogging up the bathroom.''
"Good point dad,'' Elladan agreed.
"Where is this hair salon?" Eowyn asked.
"Good thing you asked Eowyn,'' Legolas smiled. " Come everyone let Haldir and I show you.''
Everyone else got up to follow them. Two blocks later they reached their destination.
"So what do you guys think?'' Haldir asked nervously.
"It sucks,'' Elrohir said plainly. "You can't use this building for a hair salon.''
"Yeah,'' Eowyn said observing the place closely.
"Well we will have to add some touches.'' Legolas said.
For long days, they spent creating the hair salon. Until it was time to open.
"Leg, this is spectacular!'' Haldir rejoiced.
They were inside and Legolas began to give out orders. " Alright, this is what who is doing what. Galadriel and I are hairdressers. Arwen, Eowyn, and Haldir are shampoo girls. Elrohir and Elladan will be the janitors.''
"But why do I have to be a shampoo girl?'' Haldir objected.
"Well Hal, remember the time when you gave Glorfindel a hair cut?''
A flashback comes: it is during the second age
It was a glorious day in Rivendell thought Glorfindel as he was sitting in a chair while Haldir was doing his hair. He drew out a newspaper called: The Rivendell Times.
" So Glorfindel, how's Rivendell?'' Haldir asked.
"It's great!'' "How's Lothlorien?''
"It's good.''
"You know Galadriel has been making sexual implications towards me lately.''
"Oh really?''
"Yes, a few weeks ago she wanted me to dance to the tango with her naked.''
"Did you do it?''
"Oh silly no.'' Haldir said. " So do you want just a trim two inches in the back and the sides?''
"Correct.''
Haldir took some scissors and started cutting.
" I feel sorry for Celeborn.'' Glorfindel resumed back to the conversation.
"Yes I know.''
"Elrond has been doing the same thing. Last night he asked me if we could have bathtub parties. I mean literally bathtub parties.'' Just at that moment Elrond barged in and was wearing a very short bathrobe. " Hey Glorfindel, I am going to take a bath now want to come?''
" You see what I mean?'' Glorfindel said to Haldir.
Elrond walked away shaking his butt as he walked. Glorfindel was feeling sick just now.
"You poor elf you.'' Haldir shook his head.
At this point, Haldir took some pink dye and put it on Glorfindel's head. Finally, Haldir was done. "All done Glorfy.''
Haldir removed the bib and Glorfindel looked at the mirror. His hair was pink and in a mohawk. Glorfindel just had to scream. "Ahhhh!'' The windows broke and Haldir hid under the table. Glorfindel's scream were heard everywhere. His screams were heard all through Rivendell, to Lorien, to Mirkwood, to Rohan, to Gondor, to The Shire, to Bree, and to Mordor. People in the various locations stopped whatever they were doing and ran for cover.
Meanwhile, Sauron was sleeping wearing his pajamas. He also had a nightcap and fuzzy slippers. Sauron woke up to the screams. He saw Mount Doom falling down. Sauron jumped and ran down stairs and went outside. He was furious. " Hey, I am trying to get some beauty sleep here!'' Sauron could not understand why Glorfindel was screaming like a lunatic. Seriously, Orcs were being scrambled around as Sauron pushed them to a random location. An orc pushed its head out the window of Mount Doom and saw Sauron standing there.
" Hey Sauron, nice pajamas.''
" Shut up.'' Sauron scowled.
" Hey I suggest you get out of the tower.'' Sauron shouted.
" What?''
" I SAID I SUGGEST YOU GET OUT OF THE TOWER!''
" Sorry, I don't have my hearing aids on right now.''
" WELL PUT THEM ON!'' Sauron screamed at the top of his lungs.
"What?'' The orc pestered Sauron again.
" I SAID……………………. AHHHHHHHHH!'' Mount Doom was falling even faster and Sauron was in deep shit.
" Oh shit, Glorfindel is trying to bring down the mountain!'' Sauron grabbed with all of his might and pushed the building. His arms were about to fall off.
"Stop screaming you asshole!''
Sauron eventually pushed the mountain back and the screaming ended.
End of flash black
"Yeah well good point.'' Haldir sighed.
"Well everything is settled.'' Legolas said and clapped his hands.
The hair salon looked amazing. Everything inside was organized. Shampoos were placed on shelves and the place was decorated nicely.
"Okay everyone,'' Legolas replied with a dictator tone. "Legolas's Elven Body Work's is open!'' The twins rolled their eyes at this. " Hey you too pay attention.'' " Anyway, I expect you guys to behave properly. Before we get started I have your uniforms.''
Legolas dashed to the closet and returned too seconds later with different outfits. "These outfits have our names on them. They shall be worn at all times.'' Legolas passed out the outfits. " I have special ones for you.'' He indicated to the shampoo girls and Haldir.
Legolas gave them pink aprons with their names sewn big on them. Arwen and Eowyn enjoyed it but Haldir did not.
"What's wrong now Haldir?'' Legolas asked crossly with his arms crossed.
"Why do we have to wear these horrible aprons?''
"So you don't trip and pink really looks good on you.''
"No it doesn't!'' Haldir bellowed.
Legolas was getting agitated. He stalked off and went into the closet. A few seconds later, he returned with a blue jacket. He threw it at Haldir's hands.
"Now does anyone else have a problem?'' Legolas turned to face everyone.
The room was still and everyone else was silent.
"Good,'' Legolas smiled brightly. "Now our customers will be arriving shortly. Everyone must make a good impression got it?''
The others murmured a yes in unison and went to their positions.
"Good!''
Before you know it people show up, people of all ages walk in. The majority of the customers were teenage girls, but it didn't matter. As long as it was thriving. People were looking around. They admired the shelves, and the whole room. Legolas decided to approach this one woman.
"Welcome to Legolas's Elven Body Works Salon, how may we help your hair shine like it never did before?'' Legolas asked while thinking that it was a dumb slogan.
The woman looked at Legolas hopefully.
" Really, my hair never shines.'' She started to tell Legolas her story about her hair.
"Look mamm,'' Legolas interrupted her. " Your story is interesting but we have people waiting. Come with me and I'll take you to our shampoo people.'' Legolas said. He said people just in case Haldir was listening. He took her to them.
"Haldir, Arwen, and Eowyn wash the hair. Take a seat anywhere.'' Legolas scurried off to greet more customers.
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Elrohir and Elladan were having fun. Actually let me add something. They were having fun, just not working. They tried to flirt with every hot girl that walked in. If you think about it, it obviously didn't work.
" Hey 'Ro there are a lot of hot chicks in here. You know what I mean?''
Elladan replied suggestively.
"Oh yeah,'' Elrohir high fived his brother to the bone.
A girl walked in and they dropped whatever they were doing and got ready to meet her. The girl looked very confused. Her eyes scanned the room nervously and took a seat and grabbed a magazine.
"Okay 'Dan remember one thing.''
"What's that?''
"Be cool and let me do all the talking.''
Elladan nodded and remained silent.
They approached her slowly not wanting to scare her off. " Okay Elladan remember what I said. Be cool.'' Elrohir reminded him.
Elladan still said nothing.
"Hey baby!'' Elrohir said smoothly.
"What do you want?'' the girl said while looking at the magazine.
"I just want to say hello and I just want to let you know that you look absolutely fineeeeeeeeee! ''
"Good for you now scram.''
Elrohir took a seat next to her.
The girl was getting impatient. "What are your names?''
"I am Elrohir son of Elrond of Rivendell and next to me is my brother Elladan son of Elrond of Rivendell. We are twins.''
"Hi,'' Elladan said meekly.
" Well this is great,'' the girl replied happily. " I can report you two for harassment.''
"Harassment?'' " Okay fine be that way but if you want to have fun with me just look for me.'' Elrohir said angrily and walked away. Elladan did not leave.
" Look, we are not harassers. Just ignore my brother. He is a total bastard 24/7. Obviously twins aren't the same people.''
The girl decided to stop reading. She looked up for the first time and examined his physical features. Boy he is hot she thought. She then added happily. " My name is Farrah.''
"Hi Farrah, my name is Elladan.''
Elladan then looked up for the first time. Farrah had flaming red hair and was very thin. Her flaming red hair turned him on.
"Elladan, there is garbage that needs to be taken out.'' Legolas called.
" Wait here is my number.'' Farrah drew out a piece of paper with her phone number written on it.
" Call me!'' She handed it to Elladan. Elladan tucked it into his pocket and said goodbye then ran off.
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"Elladan where have you been?" Elrohir demanded.
"Nowhere….''
"Liar, you were talking to that girl weren't you?''
"Yes and her name is Farrah.''
"Farrah.'' Elrohir chuckled.
"Elladan, she is a bitch.''
"No she isn't.''
"Whatever you say bro,'' Elrohir sighed deeply. He was not in the mood to argue.
"Come on let's take out the trash.''
Elrohir and Elladan gathered up the trash and took it outside.
When they were taking out the trash, Elrohir thought they saw someone they knew.
"Hey Elladan come over here.''
"What?'' Elladan asked quietly.
"What is Ada doing wearing transvestite clothes and why?''
Elladan peered closely and perched himself on top of the dumpster. "Oh my God he can't wear fish net stockings for life.'' He laughed.
"Don't laugh!'' Elrohir commanded. " We are scared for life now!"
" If the word gets spread to Rivendell you, me, and Arwen will be the laughingstock of Rivendell! Elladan, we have to stop this now!''
"Brother, we won't be scared for life. I think that Ada found a way to express himself and we will respect that,'' Elladan said reassuringly. "Now come on and let's get rid of the trash.''
"We have to stop Ada before it gets to late,'' Elrohir yelled not hearing what Elladan said.
Elrohir and Elladan ran to the bus stop.
"Ada, what are you doing?'' Elrohir screamed.
Elrond paid attention to the street instead of him. He hoped that someone would pick him up since he was dressed as a transvestite.
Elrohir had enough. What would people say? Would people tease me because my father is a drag queen? Thoughts swam in his head until he felt like his brain was leaking. Elrohir couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed Elladan by the arm and walked onto the sidewalk facing Elrond.
"Dad what are you doing?'' Elrohir demanded.
Elrond said nothing.
"Dad this is a disgrace.''
"So,'' Elrond replied dully.
"We are your sons.''
Silence.
"Don't forget about Arwen.''
"Ada let's go back to the salon,'' Elladan said.
It took a lot of coaxing to get Elrond back to the salon. Once they got there. Elrond became the receptionist.
"Why is Elrond dressing in drag?'' Eowyn asked. She happened to notice Elrond sitting at the desk still in his outfit.
"Apparently some of his parts are malfunctioning.'' Haldir said thoughtfully.
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"What should we do?'' Frodo asked.
The hobbits did not know what to do. The only thing they had was food but it wasn't enough.
"I don't know,'' Merry said.
They watched everyone walking down the street to fulfill their boredom. Pippin thought he saw someone they knew. "Hey guys,'' Pippin said.
"What?'' Frodo and Merry answered.
" Fatty Bolger just passed us.''
"Why would he be here?'' Frodo asked.
" I don't know. Let's ask him.''
"HEY FATTY!'' Pippin shouted.
The hobbit supposedly called Fatty turned around to face him.
" Hey Fatty come on over here.'' Pippin said.
" Uh Pippin that isn't Fatty.'' Merry said sadly.
The hobbit that was called Fatty glared at them. He was very big and had similar features to Fatty. "What did you say?''
" I said Hey Fatty.''
" I'm not
Pippin was scared. He ran behind Frodo and Merry and hid behind them.
" I'm not a fatty, you bastard. You want to start something?''
"Come on out, come fight me like a real hobbit not a wimp.''
Frodo and Merry stood out and did not move.
" Where is your little friend,'' he barked.
"I don't know where he is Fatty.'' Frodo said plainly.
" So you want to start something?'' " Fatty.'' Barked at Frodo.
"Fatty." advanced toward Frodo and Merry. Pippin decided to run at this point. Frodo and Merry followed him.
"See I told you that that wasn't Fatty.'' Merry said sarcastically.
" Well excuse me for living.'' Pippin barked.
They kept on running until they ran into an alley. They found a barrel and jumped in it.
"Hey guys remember this barrel?'' Pippin asked.
"No.''
" This is were we were hiding when we were being chased by the fan girls.''
"Oh yeah.''
The barrel was very dark and they couldn't see anyone. " Hey get out of my house you trespassers.'' A hobo said.
The hobbits turned around. " I thought hobo's lived in boxcars not barrels.'' Merry thought.
The hobo cringed. Frodo looked through the hole that Merry carved. " Fatty.'' ran by. Frodo leaned back. " " Fatty.'' Just passed.
" Oh crap.''
They waited for twenty minutes and " Fatty.'' didn't come back.
Merry carved another hole with his knife and they climbed out.
"Thanks for letting us rent your house.'' Pippin said.
The hobo said nothing.
They ran out and decided to come up with an idea.
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"Wormtongue don't worry this will be a master plan. You will be Eowyn's man.'' Bill replied.
Wormtongue had second thoughts about this. "Eowyn will never love me. She loves that dimwitted Faramir of Gondor.'' Wormtongue cried.
"Wormtongue if there is anything I hate is to see you cry. Now piss off.'' Bill replied angrily. Bill got up and left.
The stalkers were outside in the park. They were talking about Bill's plan. Wormtongue decided to go take a walk. The plan was troubling him. Would Eowyn ever love me? He had to sing something. Songs soothe the savage beast. He sang an Eowyn song:
Eowyn the one who is tall and fair.
Especially her long golden hair. Eowyn I love you Eowyn!
Wormtongue ceased from singing. He began to think about the positive things. He walked on and on until he tripped over a rock. He fell on his back and couldn't feel anything. His eyes blurred and everything went black. "Eowyn Eowyn!'' he cried.
Eowyn's face shimmered in the light. Wormtongue could imagine himself in a forest with Eowyn standing in front of him.
"Lando Lando,'' Eowyn sang. "Your face is so fair just like your afro hair.''
Wormtongue smiled. He had another image of himself dancing with Eowyn. But her face changed to Ann's.
"Wormtongue wake up!'' Ann shouted.
"Ahhhhhhhhh!'' Wormtongue couldn't believe it, he was having a nightmare.
Wormtongue sprawled on the ground. His eyes fluttered open.
"Wormtongue why were you screaming?'' Ann wondered.
"Your face.''
"Very funny,'' Ann said crossly. " Tell me what happened.''
Wormtongue shared his account exactly what happened. When he finished Ann laughed.
" Wormtongue you need to relax. You will get Eowyn. You are better than Faramir.'' Ann replied with reassurance.
" I hope so.'' Wormtongue replied hopefully. Ann came and helped him up and walked away.
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"Come on somebody please buy a sock.''
Faramir and Claude were selling miscellaneous items.
"You idiot, no one would buy a sock!''
"But it's satin with polka dots on it.''
"Faramir where did you find that?''
"I found it in a dumpster!'' Faramir said.
Claude rolled his eyes. "I wish I could sing a song about how stupid Faramir is.'' Claude sighed.
Song begins
Legolas: Welcome to Legolas's Elven body works! Come on in and take a seat. We have the best service 24/7. Now sit back and let us tell you all about it!
Music starts
Elves and Eowyn: clip clip brush brush wash wash away. We opened a hair salon and it's a wonderful day!
Arwen: We all know exactly what where're doing!
We have the best hairdressers of the day.
With Galadriel's expertise with scissors.
And Legolas being… you know… gay!
The Twins: Uh huh hell yeah!
Elrond: Boys this is no way to run a business.
I am sick and tired of your tricks. You too are supposed to be here working
and all you do is flirt with all the chicks.
The Twins: Uh huh hell yeah!
Elves and Eowyn: clip clip brush brush wash wash away. We opened a hair salon and it's a wonderful day.
The hobbits
Frodo: Come on guys stop fooling around. You think this is funny but it's not.
We got to do this we have to win! Now come on and help me with this box.
Merry: Yes because we are stronger together. We can do anything as long as we try because we are wiser forever. We can do it as long as we don't cry.
They pick up the box
Pippin: Don't worry Frodo, Merry and I will help you through and through because we are stronger together we can do anything as long as we try. We are wiser forever if we are strong we will not cry! We will have to work as one. We are the best under the sunnnnnnn! Whoops I got carried away.
The hobbits: We are stronger together we can do anything as long as we try. We are wiser forever if we are strong we won't cry.
To Aragorn
Aragorn: No one would ever expect this I know what I'm doing is right! Gandalf will have a higher self-esteem and I will be a millionaire overnight!
To Gandalf
Gandalf: sadly Please buy my pie. Or I will cry. Please give it a try. Please buy some pie.
A guy comes up to Gandalf for an idea.
Man: You know, this pie is okay but I have an idea and this idea will make the pie irresistible.
Gandalf: Really, tell me?
Man: Well………………………. A car serves and hits him He is lying in the street dead
Gandalf: soul like PLEASE BUY MY PIE!
A random choir comes out of nowhere
Choir: LORD!
Gandalf: FOR THE MAN WHO DIED!
CHOIR: FOR THE MAN WHO DIED!
Gandalf: SO PLEASE GIVE IT A TRY!
CHOIR: OH JESUS LORD
Choir: PLEASE GIVE IT A TRY!
Gandalf: sad again Please buy my pie. Or I will cry. So please give it a try. Please buy some pie.
To Faramir and Claude
Faramir: Will you please buy a sock?
Claude: He is dumb as a rock!
Faramir: Please buy this kiddie pool.
Claude: My master is a fool.
Claude: He will never succeed. A higher IQ is what he needs.
The Twins: Uh huh hell yeah!
To the stalkers
Wormtounge: This is a master plan! This will definitely work! Before you know it I will be Eowyn's man!
The others: Eowyn's man!
Rachel: Holds a picture of Frodo to her face Me and you!
Heather: Holds a picture of Legolas to her face You and me!
Hobbits: Just us threeTogether we are stronger. We will be together forever and longer!
Merry: That's right!
To the losers
Losers: We found the strong men inside! From Vegas we won't hide! Who says we need a ride? We found the strong men inside!
Saruman: We will make it! Vegas lie in our hearts! As long as we believe, we will be strongerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Everybody at once
Elves and Eowyn: It's a wonderful day!
Hobbits: We will be stronger together!
Aragorn: I will be a millionaire overnight!
Gandalf: Please buy my pie!
Claude: A higher IQ is what he needs!
Wormtongue: I will be Eowyn's man!
Rachel: Me and You!
Heather: You and me!
Losers: We are on our way to Vegas. We are on our way!
Everyone: And Legolas is gay!
Legolas: Hey!
Music ends
Author: What a great song!
Narrator: Yes
Author: I just want you to know that if no one reviews then there won't be a new chapter. It will not kill you to type a suggestion or a comment. Besides is no one reviews then I won't know how to change my story or if I shall continue. On another note, Sorry to all of you Faramir fans out there for making him dumb. No flames! Anyway, please also add in your reviews for places in Las Vegas where the characters can go. Thank you for reading this note and have a good day!