A/N: Hey guys. After almost seven months of waiting, I'm finally updating this story. I promise updates won't take that long for this or any of my other stories. I really like this fic so far, I hope you guys do!

Secrets

Chapter III: Not Ready Yet

I look at myself in the bathroom mirror.I look the same as I did yesterday. I knew I would, but there's like a rule that says I should look at least a little different. Or rather, feel a little different.

Today is September 19th. My birthday. I'm eighteen today, which means I've officially come of age in the Muggle world. It feels more monumental that my birthday did last year, which most definitely has to do with the fact that I was raised in a world were '18' was the big number.

Harry feels the same way.

Ron doesn't. Last year he made a big deal about my birthday, and he thinks it's a little silly for me to be hyped up about it this time again, but that's because I didn't tell him last year that I really didn't care about turning seventeen. The only thing that made that birthday special was the fact that I could Apparate (after my test, of course) and was free to do magic outside of Hogwarts.

I snap out of my reverie and examine my profile again. My hair's curly (as it has been getting over the years) and falls to a little below my shoulders. Other than the little pink dot here and there, my skin is mostly clear. I haven't gotten taller since I was fifteen, making me somewhere around 5'4. My eyes are medium-sized, light brown, and with a kind expression. My lips aren't too big, but not too thin either, and my teeth are no longer huge, instead pretty small and sparkly white. My chest is an ample size, although I'm thin have a pretty much flat stomach.

I smile, feeling satisfied. I'm no longer a dorky, self-conscious adolescent. I'm a decently good-looking, intelligent, and confident young woman.

However, I still feel the same way as I did yesterday morning when I went through this same procedure. Sure, today is important, but not all that important, either.

Today, I'm officially a woman, but in my heart I was a woman the moment I gave myself up to Ron. . . The fact that I am now a year older doesn't give me that impression now. I've felt that way for a couple of weeks now.

I sigh, stepping out of the bathroom and making my way to the dormitory. I see Ron making his bed and notice a wrapped present with an white envelope attached on my bed.

"Good morning," I say cheerfully, "I see you finally decided to wake up."

He gives me a smile. "Happy birthday, you're finally eighteen," he says walking over to me and giving me a hug. "I put your present on your bed. I didn't think you'd be out of the bathroom before I left for Quidditch practice."

He lets go of me and I give him a smile, wishing more to kiss him than to just give him a friendly gesture.

"I hope you like it," he says, as I step towards the present and start to unwrap it.

I finish unwrapping it and see that it is a dark brown, leather-bound photo album with the word Memories written in red, glittery ink on the front. I smile as I turn to the first page and see another set of words on it. It read:

The Old Days,

The New Days,

The Good Days,

The Bad Days,

All hold smiles,

All hold laughter,

All hold hugs,

All hold kisses,

All hold scowls,

All hold quarrels,

And all hold dilemmas.

They're made up of moments,

Moments to cherish,

And moments to regret.

Regardless, we should hold onto the moments,

And the memories that make life a life to remember.

"That's sweet," I tell him after reading the words.

He nods and shrugs. "I didn't write it, though. That's how it came."

"Oh," I say, feeling slightly disappointed. "Well, it's nice anyway."

I turn to the first page and notice that the photos begin in second year. "Did you get these from Colin?" I ask.

He nods with a smile.

I examine the photos, in awe as to how much I changed. I look like a child, in the pictures. With a face possessing an expression slightly more adult than a normal twelve year-old, but still an expression tremendously more innocent than the one I bare now. I notice that the first couple of pages consist of pictures of Harry, Ron, and I, then they consist of pictures featuring Harry and I, first with friendly postures then with more romantic poses, then they move onto pictures of me and Ron. I linger on those pictures. In a few we look slightly annoyed with each other, in others we look amused, and in some we just seem to be doing our daily activities. Even in the simple photos where we're doing our homework or just sitting by the fire, my crush on him is apparent, as my eyes flicker at his direction every couple of seconds.

"Who took these?" I ask, pointing to the ones of him and I.

He shrugs, looking over my shoulder. "Harry took a few last year, but Ginny took most of them, though. Fred and George took some, too."

I smile as flip through the photos, remembering the good days and some days I'd rather forget. I feel his breath on my neck and realize he's looking over my shoulder. I turn to look at him and we lock eyes for a moment.

"I love it," I say warmly and quietly. I feel nervous being so close to him.

He nods. I should turn away at this moment, but I can't quite bring myself to turn my attention back to the photos. His eyes flicker from the photos to me, and I come to the realization that we've locked eyes for too long for it not to be awkward, but I can't seem to turn away. I'm not thinking. I really want to kiss him. Without thinking I start to lean my head on his shoulder, and he starts to bring his lips closer to mine. We almost make contact when a sudden knock on the door of our headquarters snaps me back to reality.

Without looking at him I rush to the door, a million thoughts and emotions running through my mind. What did I almost do? What did he almost do? And why?

I open the door and panic strikes me as I see a happy Harry standing there, smiling and holding a gift of his own. For a split second it feels like he arrived he at this moment because he knew what had almost happened.

"Hi Harry!" I say breathlessly.

"Happy birthday," he says warmly, stepping inside and kissing me on the lips. "I hope you like the gift. I looked in so many shops to find something nice."

I walk over to my desk, set on the right side of the room and start to unwrap my present. I stop when Harry says, "Hey Ron! How're you doing?"

Ron nods at Harry an says simply, "Pretty good. I'm gonna go out and practice a bit. Wanna join?"

"Nah, not today," Harry replies, "I'm spending today with Hermione."

"Well, okay." Ron says. "I'll see you guys later. Happy birthday again, Hermione."

I look after him as he leaves. Why did I have to love him so much? Why couldn't I love Harry? I sigh and put on a small smile as I unwrap Harry's present. Inside I see a small box. I open it to find a simple gold locket with my name engraved on the front. I turn to Harry and give him a smile.

"It's pretty," I tell him, noticing that he has already put a picture of himself inside it.

He nods. "It's a great locket. I have one just like it." he shows me a locket identical to mine except with his name on it, hanging around his neck. "They're connection lockets."

I look at him questioningly. "Connection lockets?"

"They let us feel some of our thoughts and actions." he tells me. "Like, whenever I'm thinking about you, your lockets gets hot. Whenever I'm angry you, your locket gets cold. There's a paper in there explaining all the features."

I take out a small piece of red parchment and read:

True Love Lockets are a wonderful new invention

for old and young couples. Not only do they

provide the nice, warm feeling of knowing

when your lover is thinking of you, they

also provide the reassurance and security

of a faithful and loving relationship.

Features:

Hot Locket: Your partner is thinking of you

Tickling Locket: Your partner is flirting with someone

Cold Locket: Your partner is angry at you

Warm Locket: Your partner has just thought about their love for you

Vibrating Locket: Your partner is being unfaithful

Shocking Locket: Your partner is crying over you

Piercing Locket: Your partner is taking their locket off

I finish reading the list and swallow slightly. My eyes stay at the vibrating feature. Your partner is being unfaithful. Is Harry suspicious? Sometimes I think he feels uncomfortable. Even though Ron and I have only been sharing these headquarters for about two weeks, it seems like he's slightly more possessive of me. He even asked Ron why he was looking at me last week. He asked it in a calm, friendly tone, but I think there was more to it.

I look at him. "How come most of these features are negative signs?"

He shrugs. "I hadn't read all of them," he avoids my eyes when he says this. "Aren't they neat?"

I feel slightly annoyed. Even though Harry has every right to be insecure at this point, I still don't appreciate him trying to keep watch on me at all times, by giving me a sneaky gift. "They should be called 'Spy Lockets'." I say, somewhat jokingly, even though I'm completely serious.

He looks down at the floor. "You don't like it, do you?" he asks, slightly wincing.

I sigh. "No, I like it. It's just. . ." I'm about to tell him that he should trust me more, but I can't seem to do it. I truly don't deserve trust.

"What?" he asks, putting his arm around my shoulders.

I shake my head and smile again. "Nothing," I say. "Thank you, Harry. I really like it." I take the locket and put it around my neck, securing it with its clasp.

He takes my chin and give me a kiss. "I have a date planned for tonight, so get ready at about eight."

I nod.

"Look, I have to go right now," he says, "I have to prepare for you."

(L)(A)(T)(E)(R)

By the time Ron gets back from practicing, I still haven't gotten ready for my date with Harry. It's seven, and I've spent all day thinking about Ron and Harry. I don't know what I'm supposed to say to Ron, and I feel pretty much exposed. I feel like he knows how I feel about him now, which is relieving in a way, but horrible in another. If he knows how I feel about him, he'll either love me back, or tell me we can't be together. Well, we can't be together. I just don't want to hear him say it. If he says it, none of the reasons I have for that conclusion will make sense.

Ron and I can never be together for the simple reason that I'm with Harry. Even if Harry and I broke up for some reason, Ron and I becoming a couple would not be an option, only because it would make Harry uncomfortable.

I wish I had figured out that what I felt for Ron was more than a crush before I'd said yes to Harry. I think I always knew subconsciously. I had asked him to have sex with me after all. The reason I had asked him for that wasn't even for what I'd told him or what I'd been telling myself in the beginning. I asked Ron to sleep with me because I knew that if I lost my virginity to Harry I would always regret it. I had wanted my first time to be special so I went to Ron. I can't even believe that he bought my reason for that "favor."

The moment Ron walks into our common room I go to him, determined. Yet nervous. "Ron I need to talk to you," I say before he can avoid me.

He sets his broom down on his desk. "About what?" he asks casually.

Is he really going to play this game? "What happened before--"

"Forget about it," he says, cutting me off.

I frown. "Forget about it?" I ask, slightly disappointed.

He looks at me in the face and nods his head seriously. "Yeah. Forget about it."

"But why?" I ask, feeling let down. I had been hoping that if we talked about it. . .something would slip.

"Because if we don't, things will get more complicated than they are now," he tells me, in the same, serious tone. "It was nothing anyway. Just a silly moment."

I say nothing for a few seconds, letting the disappointment sink in. Then I nod. "Alright. You're right. Let's not talk about it."

(L)(A)(T)(E)(R)

I didn't get dressed very fancy for my date with Harry. In fact I went in my school uniform and my robes. I simply hadn't had the time to find nice clothes that I would feel comfortable in. My uniform was the only thing I could find that would make me feel cozy. Plus I've been in a gloomy mood ever since my talk about not having a talk with Ron.

Harry doesn't mind, though. He says that's why he loves me.

Currently, we're in the Room of Requirement, which has been transformed to look like a romantic, private restaurant. We finished eating our food about ten minutes ago and now we're just chatting. The date has been going pretty well so far. We're in a happy mood and everything feels just right. Well, except for my conscience.

"So how's it feel to be eighteen?" he asks me.

I shrug and smile. "Pretty good. I don't feel much different."

"It'll probably take a while to sink in," he says. "That's how I felt."

I roll my eyes jokingly at him. "Well, you had about a million other things sinking in at the same time. Including freedom from your aunt and uncle and the fact that you saved the world," I say warmly.

"True," he says with a laugh.

I look at him and examine him. He looks so great lately. He seems happy.

"How do you feel now?" I ask. "About life."

I immediately see his eyes fill with emotion. It seems like his heart is getting bigger and bigger as he tries to describe how he feels. His eyes even seem to moisten a little.

He sighs a big sigh. "Better." he says, nodding his head. "Normal. I can live now."

I smile at him, feeling happy and take his hand. "Finally everything we've all worked for has been achieved. And I'm so proud of you."

Even though I'm not in love with him, I do love him like my own brother. All the obstacles and dangers and turmoil we've been through the years has been trying to protect him or trying to defeat the Dark Lord. Now that we have to worry about neither, I'm ecstatic for him.

After a few minutes of quiet he squeezes my hand. I look at him.

"I've been meaning to ask you, Hermione," he says, "Have you thought more about our relationship?"

Panic and dread slowly start to penetrate through my body. I nod. "Yeah, I have."

He seemed to be planning his words out very slowly. "And have you thought about what I told you last year?" he asks.

I stay quiet.

"About taking going to the next level?" he asks slowly.

I nod. "Yeah," say, slightly hoarsely.

He looks at me, expectantly.

I don't know what to tell him. I don't want to sleep with him. I bite my lip. "I think I need more time. . ." I tell him just as slowly.

I can tell he's trying not to look disappointed, but I see a flicker of it in his eyes, anyway. "Well, that's alright. I'll wait."

I sigh. "I just don't think it's right yet."

"Well, can I do anything about it?" he asks.

I shake my head. "No, Harry," I say. "Just let me think."

A/N: Please review. It gets better.