A/N: I'm sorry this chapter was delayed. I have a new job and my hours free have changed. Plus I have finals. My attention's also been distracted by another fic that I want to start. But anyway, here's this next chapter. Hope you enjoy.

Secrets

Chapter XI: No Longer Secret

This is going to be the worst day I'll ever have to live through. I just know it. The last two weeks have been a complete waste. I never took the chance to confront Harry. I just. . .

What if he's really going through something bad? What if he's having some kind of crisis? I could never forgive myself if I went up to him and made everything worse by telling him that his two best friends have betrayed him mercilessly. Twice.

Ron keeps saying that Harry already knows. Sometimes, I think that's true, but most of the time, I can't help but suspect that it might be something completely different. I mean, if Harry had somehow found out about Ron and me, then wouldn't he confront us right away? Is that the kind of thing that people can just keep to themselves and wait until the other person brings it up? I've never heard of anyone, no matter how calm, be able to do that. And Harry was never that much of a pacifist, nor is he that much of a patient person.

I know that lately Harry's behavior can hardly be called patient, but I really truly think that Harry would have said something the moment he suspected us. Instead, he's been acting all nice and romantic to me. Why would he be like that if he thinks that I've been unfaithful? He and Ron still haven't spoken to each other since their fight, but still. Their fight was over Quidditch, not relationships. Or maybe it was over something else, I'm not sure, but either way, there was no mention of cheating. And I'm positive that there would be. It just all leads me to believe that maybe he still really doesn't know anything.

I sigh.

But that doesn't matter today. No matter what the situation is like today, I'll have to let him know. I have to tell him the truth.

It's Valentine's Day. Harry is expecting me to sleep with him in a few hours, while I'm planning to break his heart. I can't believe I've let time tick by so much, not doing anything about this. I just don't know what's happened to me. I used to be so much smarter. What changed?

I sit up in my bed and look at the clock on my bedside table. It's eleven in the morning. I've been awake all night, thinking. I must look a mess.

Groggily, I step off my four poster and stand for a few moments. I close my eyes and breathe. Things have to be done today. I open my eyes and look at the empty bed in front of me. I know that Ron got up much earlier than I did. I heard him climbing out of bed a few hours ago.

I need to talk to him. I think he's mad at me. We didn't have a big argument or anything, but he's been insisting that I confront Harry everyday, and after seeing that I wasn't going to do it anytime soon, I think he gave up hope about four days ago. So he's been acting moody and fed up towards me lately, and I don't think he wants to be near me until everything's settled and done with. It makes me feel like an idiot. It's as if he already knows how everything needs to go and I need to catch onto the program. Well, it isn't as if my concerns are that far-fetched. He should at least give them some real thought before getting all angry.

Just as I get ready to find him, I see a note on my bedside table. It's Ron's handwriting, I see. It says;

Went to Hogsmeade early. Good luck, and don't it screw up. I'll be back early.

Ron

Of course. Today everyone's going to Hogsmeade for their Valentine's Day holidays. It was another reason why Harry thought this day would be so perfect for us to do this; Ron would have a perfectly good and legitimate reason to be somewhere else.

We agreed that my dormitory would be the best place to do it for obvious reasons. Any of Harry's roommates could walk into his dorm at any point. Neville could decide that he doesn't want to go on the trip, or Seamus and Dean could decide that they want to come back from the village early. My dorm's just the obvious choice of place.

Right. I look around, deciding what to do next.

I guess I should get ready for my date. It's set for noon, only an hour away. My stomach clenches at the reminder. Okay, this is it. Today, there's no turning back. No excuse to escape. Harry must be told the truth, and I'm the one that has to do it.

I take a nervous breath.

I wonder what he'll say. I wonder how he'll react. Obviously, not nicely, but I wonder if it'll be as bad as I think it might be. Maybe he'll miraculously understand. Maybe he'll say that he somehow always saw it coming, like Charlie did. Maybe he'll just get it.

I roll my eyes at myself.

Who am I kidding? Harry will never understand. Why would he? Why should he? He's been betrayed by the two people who were first above all others to give him a family. He'll be angry and hurt, and he'll probably never be able to get over it. He'll end up saying something about not being able to find the forgiveness inside him. If he decides to forgive us now, it'll be a miracle.

I don't think we deserve it. No, actually, I just think I don't deserve it. I disobeyed all my principles and did things I don't believe in, I dragged Ron into this and ruined his friendship with Harry and his last year here at Hogwarts, I've lied and lied to Harry, and I've put off all opportunity to settle the situation. Now, it's too late, and I'm going to have to confess this secret to him at an unfavorable time, whether I like it or not.

I blink, and realize that I'm still standing in the middle my dorm staring out into space. Suddenly, I feel a lot gloomier than before. My eyes are a little misty. Oh God, I'm getting torn up before anything even happens.

Okay, pull yourself together, I tell myself. This is going to be a horrible day, but I've gotten myself into this. I need to face this once and for all. I should go get ready for today.

Feeling defeated, I look towards my dresser. I stand in front of it and open a drawer. For a few moments, I stare at all my clothes, neatly folded inside it. What do I wear? Would it be appropriate to get dressed as he expects me to be dressed when all I'm going to do is tell him that I've been unfaithful and our relationship needs to end?

I sigh.

Maybe I shouldn't get ready. Why would I? I'm not going to actually go through with the date, am I?

I bite my nails nervously.

Merlin, I don't even know how I'm actually going to do this. All I spent last night thinking about was today, yet I actually failed to make a plan. Most of my thoughts were consumed by what Harry's decision to either forgive or reject would be. I didn't actually make a plan on how or when to do it. I just pictured myself sitting in front of a hurt Harry crying my eyes out.

I close the drawer and sit on the edge of Ron's bed. Now I've got to actually plot this day out. I continue to chew on my nails for a few moments as I think. It would probably be smarter if I sit Harry down as soon as he gets here and try with all my strength to tell him everything, rather than to go through with the date and tell him the moment he wants to start doing what he's been waiting ages to do.

Yes, that would be the smarter thing to do. I walk up to my dresser again and pick out a plain white blouse to wear my uniform skirt. After I put them on I throw myself onto my bed and stare at the ceiling, waiting.

(N)(o)(o)(N)

Harry arrives on time. As soon as he walks through the gargoyle-door I know something's off. He too looks as if he threw on whatever clothes were the first he came across that matched. I walk up to him and give him a smile; I'm not sure if hugging him would be right. Before I can stop him though, he kisses me.

I try not to flinch, but don't manage.

He frowns, but there's something odd about his expression. He's trying to look concerned, but there's a weird glint in his eyes. . .

"Are you okay?" he asks. "You look like you've been crying."

I swallow and just look at him, unable to speak. I feel terrified. Completely petrified. He's standing right in front of me. Harry. The one I've known since I was twelve. The one I've been dating for two and a half years. The one I betrayed. On purpose. What the hell was I thinking?

"Hermione?"

I want to open my mouth and say something, but I can't. Knowing everything that I have to tell him has completely paralyzed me with fear. I just know he's going to despise me after this. Why did I ever cheat on him? Why didn't I just break up with him? Why did it just have to feel so right?

He puts a hand on my shoulder and looks at me straight into my eyes with that same insincere expression. "Are you nervous?" he asks.

I nod, finally making some kind of reaction.

Breathe.

Following my thought's command, I start to inhale and exhale, not realizing that I've been holding my breath.

"It's okay," he says. "I'm nervous too."

This is going to be hell. I watch him as he sits down on a couch and motions for me to sit next to him. I do so, but I avoid looking at him. Instead, I fumble with my hands on my lap and try to pull myself together. How am I going to do this?

"So how do you feel?" he asks. "You look sick, but I guess it's understandable. I'm asking you to take a big step for our relationship. . ."

Harry's words don't register in my mind. He's rambling on about something that has to do with us, but I'm not even listening. All I can do is wonder how I'm going to shatter his little fantasy, and how I'm going to tell him that I've already done what he wants to do twice behind his back. With his best friend.

I'm starting to feel sicker with nausea by the second. I can't believe my life has come to this. I really can't. I can't believe I've gone from being one of the smartest, most loyal people in this castle to being a sleazy, backstabbing skank.

I. Am not. A skank!

And I'm not! I can't believe I just called myself that. Am I a skank for losing my virginity to the one guy I really love? Am I? I can't even believe I'm thinking all this. This isn't the time.

I look at Harry, who is still speaking. The sick feeling rises again, and I seriously panic that I might throw up all over the floor. I can't do this. Maybe if I really do throw up it'll be an excuse to get out of this whole thing. I mean, I will tell him eventually, just at the right moment. If I do it now, he'll hate me forever no matter what.

You've become such a coward.

My eyes start to moisten and I have to blink a few times to get them dry. It's true. I have become a coward. I've been running away from everything. From the truth, from my problems, from Harry, from Ron, and from myself. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. Every time I do, I feel this shame. I look at my reflection and I just know, I've betrayed myself as badly as I've betrayed Harry. I've done so many things I don't believe in. It's despicable.

Suddenly I feel a jolt of surprise.

Harry has started to kiss my neck. I look at him with his eyes closed, pressing his lips against my skin, and try hard not to push him off. He pulls away and looks at me. He frowns again. I must look terrified.

"What is wrong with you?" he asks, in a slightly tilted tone.

I take a deep breath. Time to start. "I need to talk to you." I say, my voice trembling.

"You know what?" he asks, ignoring me. "I think we'd both feel a lot better if we just got to it right now."

Now it's my turn to frown. "What?" I ask.

He gets up and tugs on one of my arms, directing me towards the dorm. "Well, we're both so nervous," he says. "I think it'd be better if we just started doing it now."

I pull my arm away from him and stare at him. Why is he acting so strangely? The Harry I know would never talk like this. He's acting like this is all a game or something. And he sure doesn't look nervous to me. He looks. . .odd. Like he's up to something.

I shake my head and look at him. "Harry, I said I need to talk to you." I say, my nerves rushing back, but feeling more steady.

"Do we have to talk about it now?" he says, kissing me on the lips.

I shake myself off him. He's really acting weird. Something's just so off about him right now. I don't even know if I should tell him. The excuse to escape is so tempting that I almost decide on it.

But no. This has to end.

I open my mouth to speak, but he leans in again and kisses me hard. I try to pull myself off, but before I can make the effort, he wraps his arms around me and kisses me harder.

Oh my Lord.

With all my might I push against his chest and look him straight in the eyes. He's behaving so oddly that I feel some of my fear be replaced with indignation.

"Harry," I say, trying to keep myself calm for both of the scenarios I'm dealing with, "it's really important. Extremely important."

He gives me a disappointed look. "But isn't our relationship extremely important?" he asks. "We're going to take a big step. Don't ruin it."

And again, he kisses me. This time, it only lasts a second, because I push him off, hard.

Anger flashes through his eyes. A lot of anger. "Well, what is it?" he demands, the irritation audible in his tone.

I look at him, angry and impatient, and I already feel defeated. These conditions are definitely not the ones I was hoping for. But now, I've got to do it and get it over with.

"Harry, this can't happen." I say, looking at the wall behind him.

"What can't happen?" he asks, and in his voice, I hear something. It sounds like. . .he's waiting for something he expects. My stomach turns.

"This." I say, still not looking at him. "You and me."

I hear him give a knowing sigh. "And why not?" he demands.

I look down at the floor. It's time for me to say it, I realize. It's time for me to tell him. But I can't bring myself to say the words. Suddenly I feel physically incapable of opening my mouth. It's as if I've forgotten how to speak.

"Is it because you're still not ready?" he asks, his tone on the edge of a breaking. "Is it because you've got some kind of problem?"

I don't say anything, and I still don't look up from the floor. My eyes are welling up with tears. Why do I have to go through with this? I've always been a good person. I don't deserve this.

"Or is it me?" I hear Harry say.

Still, I don't speak.

"It is, isn't it?" he drawls. Even though I'm not looking at him, it feels as if he's smirking. He's acting like he expected me to interrupt. He's acting as if he's provoking me into confessing.

"Tell me Hermione, what's wrong with me?" he asks.

I glance at him, but look away immediately. After a few moments of pause, he continues.

"Is it because I'm not handsome enough?" he asks, and starts to pace around me.

I look at him as he walks around me in a circle. More tears start to spill from my eyes. It feels like he's purposely attacking me. Like he's looking at me as though I'm some pest. I feel like trash.

"Is it because I'm not smart enough?"

He raises his eyebrow at me and rolls his eyes at my tears.

"Is it because I'm not that great of a boyfriend?"

He gives me a semi-sincere questioning look. He stops in front of me and stares at me for what seems like years. He starts to tap his foot slowly, waiting for me to say something. But I don't say anything. Finally, he speaks again and the question literally makes my heart stop.

"Is it because I'm not Ron?"

After he says the words, it's as if I go deaf. The silence penetrates my ears so much that I can feel them throb. I feel a feeling of confusion so intense that I feel like I've been woken up from a coma. I look around at my room, my bed, at Harry, at the window, at Crookshanks, at everything, and none of it seems real.

It's like this isn't even happening.

But it is.

I look at Harry, looking angry and hurt. He looks almost as bewildered as me. He looks wounded and betrayed. He looks shamefaced. And now, all I can feel is shame. And pain.

Tears start to pour from my eyes uncontrollably, and my whole body starts shaking. I'm sobbing like a little child, and I have to hug myself to control some of the tremors. In the past, if I cried, Harry would do all he could to make me feel better. Now, he's just staring at me as I suffer without the slightest trace of pity.

I don't know for how long I stand here, crying and sobbing and wiping tears away from my own face while Harry just stands in front of me, watching. After a while, I sit on my bed, telling myself to calm down. I guess what hurts the most out of all this is the way I'm having to tell him. The way he tried to make it play out. Right into his hands.

But I guess he deserves to win this one, doesn't he? I have no right to think this should be made easy for me.

After my sobbing is under some control, I finally speak. "So," I say, gulping, "you knew."

He glares at me so harshly that it stings. "Yes, of course I knew!" he snaps. "The damn locket's around your neck right now!"

I stare down at it, confused. "But I--I broke the connection," I say, bewildered. "I t-took out your picture."

He smirks. "That only stops you from feeling what I do, Hermione!" he shouts. "If I still have your picture inside mine, and you're still wearing the stupid chain, I still know everything you do!"

I blink, feeling both more ashamed of myself and more confused than before. "But. . .the paper," I say. "It said. . ."

"It says exactly what I just told you!" he spits. "Check it yourself."

With fresh tears rolling down my face, I reach over to my bedside table and open the drawer. I take out the red piece of paper that had come with my locket and read.

Breaking the Connection:

While True Love Connection Lockets can be both very useful and reassuring, sometimes they may become a bit intrusive and at other times, even irritating. Not to worry! It is possible to break the connection. This can be done in two ways:

1. Taking the locket off.

Taking the locket off completely breaks the connection between you and your partner. However, your partner will be able to feel a warning when you remove your chain.

2. Removing the pictures.

The second way to break the connection would be by removing your partner's photograph from your locket. By doing this, you will break your partners outgoing connection to you.

I frown. That's exactly what I read the night that I decided to take Harry's picture from my chain. I look at Harry but he shakes his head.

"Turn it over." he says.

With dread, I turn the piece of paper over to find more gold writing on the back. Feeling like a complete idiot, I read:

However, as long as your partner still keeps a picture of yourself inside their locket, your outgoing connection to them will still be present. Meaning, if you decide to remove your partner's photograph from your locket, you will no longer be able to feel any of the features provided by our product. If your partner in turn still keeps the photograph of yourself inside theirs, they will still remain with the power to feel the features from you. (Meaning anyone who owns a Connection Locket and places a photograph of yourself will be able to do so as well. For privacy concerns, please ask your local enchanted jewelry merchant to create one custom made. This will cost extra.) To completely break the connection, both people must remove the photographs.

If True Love Connection Lockets weren't quite the type of Connection Lockets you were searching for, please note that we also create: Friendship Connection Lockets, Brothers Connection Lockets, Sisters Connection Lockets, Mother-Daughter Connection Lockets, Mother-Son Connection Lockets, Father-Daughter Connection Lockets, Father-Son Connection Lockets, Husband-Wife Connection Lockets, and many, many more!

I have never felt so stupid in my entire life. All I had to do was turn a piece of paper over to completely understand how exactly Harry could still spy on me. But instead, I didn't, and I gave him a completely open window into my life. Wow. I truly have changed.

I look up at Harry, who is standing there with his face turning redder and redder by the moment. "So, now you're going to explain to me quite a few things Hermione--"

He breaks off as we hear someone stepping through the gargoyle door and walk into the common room.

He turns to me and smiles. "Just on time, isn't he?"

A/N: Did you guys like it?