-RE-WRITTEN-

Rikku: I changed the title of the chapter because the previous one didn't appeal to me anymore, lol.

Please R&R!

Winter of Love

Chapter 7: Broken and Repaired

About a week had passed since the entire video tape incident and I had learned to just forget about it. Horo had been deep in thought for a while, but eventually, he was willing to accept Pirika's little crush on Ren. Just not Ren himself. Then again, that was a lot to ask of for two continuously quarreling foes.

My feelings for Horo were developing faster than I knew. For some time, I was convinced it was nothing more than infatuation. Though the others would often tell us Horo and I were inseparable, the bottom line was that we were just friends.

I thought heavily on this as I turned in bed, still awake even though the clocks were ticking well past two. I sighed, reflecting on Pirika's fit on the bus.

"When you've finally re-collected yourself… when there's no more doubts, and Horo does end up being the one for you… don't let him down."

I made her a promise. When I was certain that I could love Horo whole-heartedly without a single shred of doubt or fear… I'd open up my heart for him. I had also promised myself that when I agreed to Pirika's demand, and I couldn't go back on my word.

But I didn't feel secure yet. As much as I enjoyed his presence, something told me I wasn't in love with Horo. That I hadn't completely healed yet and that a part of me was still debating on whether or not I was free to trust just yet.

I was stubborn, flawed… but most of all, I was scared. My mind kept telling me I was damaged, and beyond repair. I didn't want to accept it, but I knew. I knew that with my feelings still so wracked up and unpredictable, I just couldn't be with Horo and feel safe at the same time.

But I was also greedy. I wanted a love like none other, and I wanted my 'knight in shining armour' – someone to protect and hold me. I wanted Horo badly, because something told me he was the only one able to mend my soul back together…

If only my mind were willing to accept that.

I shut my eyes and frowned. Tomorrow was just another day, possibly waiting to torture me with the same thoughts and questions. But I aimed to fall asleep, hoping to slumber past the hours and into that anticipating day, whether or not it'd torment me even more.

I wanted to see him in the morning.

xxxxx

The vibrant sun gleamed through a small window in my room, causing me to stir and awake from my limited hours of sleep. I groaned, stretching my arms in different directions as I struggled to sit up. Rubbing at my foggy eyes, I willed myself to my feet and trudged over to my large pile of clothes.

I was going through the wide variety of clothing, particularly shady colours, when I heard the familiar sound of light footsteps entering my room. I turned around to catch Horo making himself comfortable on the futon I had just previously climbed off of. During the last week or so, Horo had made it a regular routine to stop by my room early in the morning, whether to confide in me or just to wake me up with a great deal of noise.

"Nice pajamas," he commented.

I sighed, looking down on my long soccer jersey and black shorts. "Why is it that coming here everyday has become such a habit for you?"

Horo smirked. "Because I want to be the first to see you every morning."

I blushed, turning back to my pile of clothes. Over time, I had realized that Horo's worse habit yet was the tendency to make smart remarks every now and then. "You know, knocking would be nice."

"See, 'nice' and I just don't go well together," he stated. "On the other hand, you and that pair of short shorts you got there…"

I cast my eyes heavenward, praying a silent prayer as Horo proceeded to snicker. "Get out, I want to change."

"Not so fast, Miho." The shaman grinned, scooting closer towards me. "I have plans for today with you."

"We went to the arcade yesterday. And the day before that, you took me to the movies."

"Yes, and today -"

"… And today I want to rest." I interjected. I gave Horo my best smile as I turned away from the garments to look directly at him. "Please."

For a moment, Horo just stared at my pleading expression. "But Miho… today's the last day the fair's open before it packs up and leaves."

"It's still open?" I questioned, raising a brow.

"Of course!" Horo dug at the chance when he realized my anxiety. "Miho, you haven't even gone yet; just let me take you this one time before it's too late."

I sighed, glancing into the boy's meaningful orbs. When it came to puppy looks, Horo was always sure to one-up me. There was no way my pleading black eyes could successfully compete against his. "Alright, fine… just let me change, Horo."

He smiled. "Aww, come on Miho, can't I stay for that?"

"You're pushing your luck."

"Okay, okay." Horo backed out of the room with one last appreciative nod my way before the door shut in his wake.

Quickly, I slid into a short black tee, adorned on the sides with loose, hanging buckles. I glimpsed at my pile of jeans, only to see quite a few of them tearing at the ends. I sighed and changed into a matching denim skirt, reaching for my brush next when I suddenly heard a knock on the door.

"Miho?"

"What is it Horo?" I muttered in reply.

"Are you done yet?"

"No, Horo." I shook my head in irritation, already plotting to throw the boy off of the first ride at the fair.

It was but another minute before I reached for the door, sliding it open to reveal Horo leaning back against the opposite wall.

"Ready?" He asked with a wide grin.

I smiled, shutting the door behind me. "Yep."

Horo chuckled. "You know, when you smile like that it just makes me like you even more."

Hearing this, I frowned. Horo was being a lot more intimate than usual, causing a pool of doubts to stir within me. I didn't want to think that he was trying to get his feelings across to me, but he was being so direct and honest. "Horo… don't say that."

"But it's true." His tone seemed all the more sincere. "I want that smile all to myself."

"You don't mean that."

My answer was so straightforward, even I could feel the impact. Horo looked confused. I watched as the shaman's brows drew together with concern. "What makes you think that?"

I averted my gaze elsewhere. I didn't want to provoke him. "Forget it."

"Miho," Horo snapped, pinning his firm arms onto the door behind me as he leaned in. I could feel his cool breath on my neck as he spoke. "I think you're lying to yourself."

I bit my lip, keeping my stare away from him. "Who are you to tell me that?"

"I'm the guy who loves you." I felt my shoulders tense at the response. I narrowed my eyes as my hands quivered at my sides. "You just don't get it, do you?"

Inwardly, I could feel my heart tearing into pieces. How could I answer him? I wanted to tell him that he didn't understand me. What Horo didn't know was that I was just this mess, this walking disaster, covered up in sweet smiles and a sharp attitude. He didn't know how much it hurt, being unable to respond to his feelings.

At that moment, I told myself that what I felt for Horo wasn't love, but mere companionship. The part inside of me that constantly tried to make it clear that I was still too fragile to fall in love was winning me over and controlling my every emotion.

"I do get it." I replied, still refusing to look him in the eye. "But I just don't love you in that sense, Horo. I'm insecure, unpredictable and impaired – you don't want me."

"But I can help you." Horo insisted. I could hear his voice weakening and it was torturing me inside. "I can be there for you. I'd never break you, and even if you were broken, I'd do everything I could just to repair you."

I felt a clog in my throat. Unshed tears began aching to pour, but I held them back once again. I wanted to cry, I wanted to express all the pain I was feeling, but the thought made me feel inferior. I didn't want to look weak in front of Horo, even if it was killing me inside. "I'm sorry, Horo."

He didn't say another word. Slowly, I felt his breathing slip away as he retreated. I finally directed my gaze towards him only to see Horo scratching at his head. "We should go soon, before it gets packed," he stated with a nod.

I couldn't help but feel taken aback at the sudden change. I knew Horo was trying his best to mask what he had just displayed to me, but I didn't know how delicate that mask really was. Playing along seemed like the best solution for keeping his ego in tact, so I restrained from questioning.

Trying not to irk him any further, I nodded as well. "You're probably right."

xxxxx

Horo really upheld his front during out time at the fair. Establishing a cheerful disposition of my own in hopes of maintaining his mood contributed to a rather enjoyable time at the fair.

As soon as we got to the attractions I dragged him on every ride, bearing a smile that told him there was no where else I'd rather be.

"Calm down!" Horo complained as I grabbed at his hand, pulling him towards a small cotton candy stand.

I promptly picked out a blue and pink stick of the sugary treat and handed over some change to the man behind the booth. "Aww… aren't you having fun, Horo?"

"Well, yeah but – mmmpph."

I giggled, having shoved the cloudy stick into the boy's face before he could complete his sentence. I looked down at our joined hands and felt my smile spread. I had a crush on Horo, I couldn't deny that. Being with him didn't feel like any ordinary feeling. It was like being in the comfort of your very best friend – someone you couldn't live without.

"Tell you what," I began, retrieving my stick from his mouth. "We can sit down and take a break if you're not up for anymore rides."

Horo smirked at me, still chewing on the remaining cotton candy on his face. Suddenly, I felt a strong jerk at my hand as he led me towards a nearby bench.

"Sit." He ordered.

I raised a questioning brow, but obeyed. "You know, I was planning on throwing you off a ride today."

"You wouldn't have the heart to." The shaman pointed out.

"That's what you think."

Surprisingly, Horo didn't throw one of his snappy comebacks back at me. Instead he chuckled, and with a shake of his head he silenced himself.

I couldn't come up with another word either as Horo and I sat amidst an awkward air, still holding hands. With my free hand, I clung onto the mess of blue and pink fluff just barely hanging off its stick. I sighed, tightening my hold on Horo as the tension between us increased.

And judging by the gentle squeeze from Horo's end… he must've felt it too.

Were things ever going to be the same between us?

xxxxx

Our time at the fair sped by quickly. We had been on every attraction, played at every booth, and eventually regained both our laughter and the ability to communicate again.

By late evening, we had both decided to embark on the long journey home, back to the shrine. As we walked down the streets, hands no longer entwined, we suddenly engaged into a small conversation.

"How did we accomplish an entire day without Anna or Pirika?" Horo questioned, crossing his arms.

"Same way I accomplished not throwing you off that last Ferris wheel." I replied, a grin dancing upon my lips.

"If anything, I would've pushed you off a ride." The shaman mumbled.

I chuckled. "Liar. I wasn't that annoying."

"Nah, you weren't," Horo agreed, suddenly breaking into a grin too. "But I'm still pissed you rejected me."

"Ah," I muttered, feeling my heart sink all over again. I knew Horo was only using his infamous sense of humour to cover up any pain he felt. I shook my head and sighed, "I didn't want to… 'reject' you, I -"

"I know." Horo cut in, sighing as well. "You're not ready. Pirika told me."

"She did?"

"Yeah," The boy grunted. He looked at me with sympathetic, almost apologetic eyes. "I knew, but I pressured you anyways. That was my fault. But I still get to be mad; it's only fair."

I knew Horo was trying to lighten up the situation, but I couldn't help but frown. Despite Horo's words, I was convinced he was still upset inside. "Maybe you should've thrown me off a ride…" I whispered softly, hanging my head low.

"Don't say something like that." Horo responded, slowly drawing a deep breath. "I told you I'd never break you. And I meant that in both emotional and physical terms, believe it or not."

I looked at Horo through narrowed and pained eyes. I tried to decipher his expression, to see whether or not he was lying. But the sincerity and consolation in his deep black orbs told me otherwise.

"What's wrong? Need me to hold your hand?" Horo teased.

I raised a brow, but turning my head helped me realize we had stopped by a silent intersection. I felt a smirk slip across my face and in an attempt to suppress my previous agony, I glanced at the gleaming green traffic light mischievously.

Not a single car came by – absolutely nothing. I stuck a playful tongue out at Horo as I made my way across the road, stopping midway to turn and look back at the snow shaman. "I can cross a street on my own, mister. See for yourself."

I expected him to come up with another smart remark, or even to stick out his own tongue at me. But his reaction was completely different. Horo's eyes were filled with concern as he frowned. "Oi, Miho… that's dangerous. Don't play around like that; you could get hit."

I shook my head, chuckling. "No one's driving around in this area, Horo. Look," I glanced around in different directions. "Not a single car."

"You can't be so sure, Miho… Just get off the road."

"Nice try, but no, I will not hold you hand, dearest." I snapped, breaking into another short fit of laughter. "Come on, stop worrying, I -"

What sounded like the screeching of tires echoed amidst the air and I suddenly felt my body tense up. An intense ray of light appeared from my left, and I whizzed around on my heel, feeling my eyes expand in horror as a great, blinding glow neared me…

"MIHO!" I heard Horo cry, his voice howling over the car's repetitive beeping.

I stared the vehicle down, feeling my entire body freeze in fear. I couldn't move; I couldn't react. The car was speeding towards me without any hopes of stopping, and I couldn't even lift my foot from the ground underneath me.

Without another thought, I shut my eyes, ready to embrace the pain. And yet, the constant beeping of that damn horn continued, on and on…

It was a brief moment before I felt my side connect sharply with the rough cement, but I still didn't open my eyes.

I was alive, I knew that much. But why hadn't it hurt so much? The incident was surely lacking an impact, since the pain was certainly bearable. I hadn't even felt the cold metal from the car come in contact with my body…

It was only then that two and two came together. I definitely wasn't hit.

My eyes snapped open almost immediately, and I found myself lying nimbly on the road. I sat up, rubbing the bruised arm that had landed first on the cement. It was too dark for me to see anything clearly, and what felt like water had suddenly brushed against my skin. I glanced at the sky to see a quick flicker of lightning. An abrupt outburst of rain began to pour from the sky at an alarming pace, already drenching me from head down.

I started to look around, wondering where the car had gone. It wasn't until the lightning began to strike fiercely and brighten up the atmosphere, when I noticed a familiar body lying limp, in front of the halted car…

"No…" I pleaded, my eyes focused on the body. It wasn't moving. "No… please, no…"

I began crawling towards it, my clothes soaked and sticking to my skin, as my mouth fell open and my breathing began to race…

"No… God, please… not him…"

Trembling, I brought myself to my feet, still fixated on the injured figure. For a while, I couldn't grasp reality… I just couldn't swallow what had just happened. But when my eyes began to well up with tears, I knew I wouldn't have allowed myself to cry unless what I saw before me was real…

"HORO!" I screamed, rushing to his side.

I fell to my knees, examining his injuries; he was suffering. Never had Horo looked so weak or defenseless before… I felt the greatest pang of guilt inside of me when I acknowledged the heavy flow of blood from his bruised legs. My mind went blank and my heart pulsated madly, thumping on my chest with a strong rhythm. "Horo…" I said weakly, grabbing a hold of his hand.

"Y-you okay there Miho…?" He suddenly muttered quite hoarsely, his eyes shut tight.

I didn't have enough senses to react and celebrate the fact that he was still alive. Instead, I pulled his head onto my lap and embraced him. "Idiot…" I scolded, hearing the own cracks in my voice. "How could you be so stupid? Look at you…"

"I couldn't let you get hit."

"But why?" I whimpered, gripping at the strands of his blue hair. "I let you down, Horo… I 'rejected' you, just as you said… Why would you…"

"Because I told you I loved you." Horo smirked, amongst his pain. He opened his eyes, revealing such a soft, yet broken gaze. "I couldn't let the only girl I've ever confessed that to get hurt."

I couldn't find a single word through all of the anguish I felt inside to respond to Horo. His eyelids fluttered as I tightened my hold around his body. Eventually, his eyes shut tightly and despite his ongoing heartbeat, he didn't say another word. I was convinced he had passed out…

I finally felt the tears pour relentlessly, stroking down my cheeks without end. I had never given into my emotions before, like I did at that moment, when every agonized feeling I had suppressed since my runaway overflowed into tears.

I clutched Horo into my arms and cried. I cried my heart out in heavy sobs, feeling that not even the oozing rain could compare. It felt so right, crying for the one person that deserved every tear… crying for the one person I loved most.

I loved Horo. Realization dawned over my mind as I felt a sudden burst of security, hope and love. No more doubts, no more regrets. I felt repaired, even though my heart was shattering, I knew it was only because the one person that had managed to truly restore my broken soul had just risked so much for my sake.

"I should've known it from the start." I breathed, gasping between sobs. "I love you, Horo."

I knew he wasn't awake to hear it, but I meant it with everything in me. I watched his empty expression, drained of its usual happiness, and inwardly felt myself melt inside. The only person I truly wanted whole-heartedly laid broken before me, having risked his life because of his confession to me… a confession that I couldn't even respond to. All because I was being too hard-headed to notice that Horo himself had been repairing me all along, since the moment we first met…

"I'm sorry…" I mumbled, leaning over Horo's body to bury my face in his shirt. I continued to cry, clutching at him with all the strength I had left. "I'm so sorry…"

xxxxx

Horo was rushed to the hospital immediately after witnesses had phoned the police. After routine checks, it was proven the driver was drunk.

Unwillingly, I released Horo for the paramedics to take him away. I felt his presence slip away and I couldn't help but crumble under the sorrow.

When we reached the hospital, Horo was wheeled into an emergency room, still unconscious. I couldn't utter a single word as the nurses shut the doors in my face, promising to 'explain' matters later.

All I could do was stare at the closed doors as I felt even more of myself breaking away. I was afraid of the odds in Horo's situation, if fate would take him away from me… I was afraid of losing someone I never even had…

xxxxx

"Miss Sugiyama?"

I looked up from my hands to see a young female doctor embracing a clipboard to her chest. "Y-yes?"

"You're free to go and see your friend now," she smiled. "His operation was a success."

Numbly, I nodded, feeling a sense of relief come over me. I had been seated in the waiting room for long hours ever since Horo was pulled away on a stretcher. Checking my watch, I followed the woman down the halls. It was now three in the morning.

Finally, she left me in front of the door to Horo's room. I took a deep breath as I tweaked at the doorknob, opening the door. I peered inside, catching sight of Horo as he sat on his bed, staring out the window to his left.

"Hi," I said softly, walking in and shutting the door behind me. "How are you feeling?"

Horo turned from the window to look at me. He smiled. "Never felt before."

I stayed stoned to my spot by the door and nodded. "Good… I'm glad."

Silence filled the room. I averted my gaze out the large window and stared at the tall buildings across from the hospital. Horo didn't speak up either as he shuffled in his spot.

I drew in another long breath. "So -"

"You said you love me."

"Excuse me?" I felt my cheeks heat up at the accusation. I turned to see Horo's devious expression.

"I heard you admit it after I got hit." He laughed. "'I should've known it from the start. I love you, Horo.'"

I blushed even more at Horo's imitation. His voice had gone awkwardly high-pitched. "Y-you were still conscious?"

"Yep," His grinned spread from one ear to the other. "But I blacked out right after."

"Ah," I nodded, biting my lip. My view fell to my feet as I hung my head low, blushing a deep crimson red.

Horo gave another soft laugh. "Miho… get over here."

Hesitantly, I complied, pacing over to the hospital bed. Horo gestured for me to take a seat, patting an empty space on the mattress. I didn't say a word as I seated myself, giving Horo a view of my back as my legs hung over the edge.

I could hear him shuffle even more. "Did you really mean it?"

I fidgeted with my fingers after neatly folding my hands together on my lap. "I meant every word."

"How do I know you're not lying?" Horo questioned, making me feel even more uncomfortable. "What if you're just saying that out of pity?"

"You don't have to believe me." I retorted with a sigh. "But I know that what I feel is real. Being with you… I feel like I don't have a single doubt in mind now; not a single regret… Just this strong sense of security.

"When I saw you like that… on the road, injured and in pain, my heart broke into pieces. And I cried. It never felt so right to cry before… especially since I had been holding back those tears for so long. You're the only person I've ever allowed myself to cry for, and it made me realize just how much you mean to me."

"Miho…"

"I was afraid of losing you. That's what I feared most. I thought I'd never get the chance to tell you how wrong I was when I told you I didn't love you."

Suddenly, I felt a pair of bold arms snake around my waist. Horo pulled me close into a tight embrace from behind, and I could feel his cold, even breaths bristle against my neck. "Stay with me, Miho… I told you before that I'll always be there for you, and I meant that," he said, propping his chin against my shoulder.

"You also promised you'd never break me," I stated, clutching onto Horo's comforting arms. "But risking your life for me… making me see you suffer back there… that was enough to break me apart."

"'And even if you were broken, I'd do everything I could just to repair you.'" The shaman recited. "Believe me, Miho, that's exactly what I'm trying to do right now."

I eased into Horo's grip, turning my head slightly to the side to lay a quick kiss on his cheek. "Don't ever do something so idiotic again."

"Whoa, whoa… I can only commit to so much you know."

"Fine." I smiled widely. "Then promise you'll always be my idiot, and mine alone."

Turning around in Horo's arms, I caught sight of him grinning just like before. "I promise."

Rikku: Dull, uneventful week. This calls for more writing.

Please review guys! And thank you for reading the re-writes!

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Nishikido-Rikku