Zoro's Mother

Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece, but I'm sure you all know that. Sometimes I wonder why I even have a disclaimer.

Zoro was sitting on deck, drunk and half asleep, as usual. It was a day like any other. They floated around a bit. Usopp spotted land in the distance, and that's where they were headed. Good thing too. He was running low on vodka.

It was about half an hour before they reached the land. Everyone was on deck now. He fumed over the loss of his peace and quiet.

"Maki Maki Village," Nami announced, "known for its super king crab legs."

That got Luffy's attention.

"Crab legs. That's meat right?" he asked Sanji.

"Yeah. It's meat. I should stop and pick up some of those. That would shut you up for a while right?"

Luffy just smiled. Zoro stood, stretched, and looked over the railing towards the village. There was something strangely familiar about it, but Zoro just couldn't put his finger on it.

Everyone filed off of the ship and went their separate ways. Zoro just wandered through the streets wondering why this place seemed so familiar.

" ZO-ZO!" a shrill old voice cried from behind him. Zoro turned around and watched an older lady with green hair make her way towards him.

"Oh Zo-Zo look at you, you're a big man now. Mommy missed you so much!" The lady hugged him. Zoro was confused.

"Who the hell are you lady?" he asked. She made a sour face.

"Don't you use that language with me young man. And don't you know your own mother when you see her? I mean what the hell! I'm sure I didn't raise you to be completely stupid like your dumbass father!"

Zoro took a good look at her and realized that he was in some deep shit. This woman really was his mother.

"Oh. Hi mom," he said weakly, "um….what are you doing here?"

"Oh I was just taking a vacation from the norm. What are you doing here sweetie? Oh wait you got a little shmutts on your face."

She licked her thumb and rubbed it into Zoro's cheek.

"Mother…" he said embarrassed.

"I asked you a question Zo-Zo, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here with my friends mom."

As soon as the words left his mouth he knew he made a big mistake.

"Friends," she said, "my little Zo-Zo has friends. What a change from your childhood. Well come, on Zo-Zo I want to meet them!"

"Mom, I don't think-" But Mrs.Zoro cut him off.

"Hold on a second, mommy has to run and get her purse. Be right back."

If I just ran now I could get away. Zoro thought. But he knew he couldn't run. If he did, and she happened to find him again, she would beat the living shit out of him...and she could.

Mrs. Zoro emerged about a second later carrying a huge, green,crocodile skin handbag.

"Killed him myself. Nice aint it." She said proudly.

So Zoro and his mother walked arm in arm as Zoro resentfully looked for his friends. It didn't take long to find them.

Everyone was at the center of the village, yelling at Luffy. From the looks of it, he had put a huge hole in the wall of the Village Hall. Zoro heard the shouting a mile away.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU LUFFY? EVERY TIME WE TAKE YOU SOMEWHERE YOU DESTROY SOMETHING!" Nami shouted then started slapping him.

"I...SAID...I...WAS...SORRY!" Luffy shouted back between smacks.

"Well, what's this. Could you all possibly be Zo-Zo's friends?" Mrs. Zoro asked gently.

Nami stopped smacking Luffy and stared at the woman. The rest of the crew stared too.

"Zoro, who is this?" Nami asked.

"thizmymum" Zoro muttered. Mrs.Zoro elbowed him hard in the stomach.

"Allow me to introduce myself since Zo-Zo obviously can't do it right. My name is Lilly Zoro. I'm Roronoa's mother."

It took everything in them to keep the crew from laughing. Robin covered her mouth with her hand. Luffy pulled his hat over his face, as did Chopper. Usopp turned away and Sanji hide his laughter behind a fake cough. Nami just smiled and held out a hand.

"It's nice to meet you...(giggle)... Mrs. Zoro" Nami choked out. Lilly shook her hand.

"Oh," she said elbowing Zoro in the stomach again, "Is this your girlfriend or is it that one over there?"

Nami and Robin stopped laughing.

"I am not Zoro's girlfriend. Neither is Robin. We're his crewmates. My name is Nami, I'mthe navigator. That other girl is Nico Robin, our historian. That tall blond guy is Sanji, our chef. This doofus with the curly black hair is Usopp, the marksman. The reindeer is our doctor, Tony Tony Chopper. And the destructive dumbass I was just pummeling is our captain, Luffy."

Lilly looked wide eyed. She turned to Zoro angrily and punched him right in the stomach with amazing force. Zoro doubled over.

"You forgetful dumb-shit. How come you didn't tell me you were a pirate. Now I'm going to have to be worried about you all the time and you know worrying will give me wrinkles." Lilly scolded.

Zoro stood back up. His stomach and his pride were hurting.

"I'm sorry mother." he muttered.

"And stop slouching!" Lilly said as she slapped him hard in the back.

"Mrs. Zoro," Sanji said polietly, "May I invite you to dinner?"

"Yes, you may." Lilly said blushing.

Sanji smirked at Zoro. He'll kill me for this. He thought.

I'll kill him for this. Thought Zoro.

That night's dinner was a nightmare for Zoro. They all sat around the table eating the super king crab legs Sanji picked up, and listening to Lilly's stories.

"Oh, I have to tell you this one, Zo-Zo was three, and he just learned to skip. I was having a little shin-dig with some friends, and before I knew itCalisto, one of my girls, wastelling me, 'Lilly, Roronoa is skipping around with no diaper!' So naturally I had to find him and when I did, he was skipping around our pool, butt naked singing 'yankee doodle boy'."

Everyone burst out laughing. Chunks of crab meat flew from Luffy's mouth as he laughed. Everyone thought Lilly was great. She was sooo nice and really strong. And she told the funniest stories.

"Ya know," she said, "I'm really not suprised that Zo-Zo doesn't have a girlfriend. He's always had problems with members ofthe opposite sex. Why when he was five, he tried asking some girl he liked to kiss him. But before he could he got nervous andwet himself. Poor baby came home crying."

When everyone finished dinner, Lilly burped loudly and checked the time.

"Oh dear, I gotta go!" She said. Everyone moaned. They wanted Lilly to stay.

"Well it was nice seeing you mom." Zoro said plastering on a fake smile. It didn't really work.

"Don't rush me Zo-Zo, I have to say goodbye." She walked over to Luffy.

"Bye-bye Lu-Lu." She kissed him on the forehead.next was Nami.

"Bye hon. You're a smart girl so take care of Zo-Zo." then came Chopper.

"God I can't get over you sweetie your like a little stuffed animal. Bye now," She hugged Chopper tightly. Usopp.

"See ya Poppy. I'll miss that curly head of yours." Then Robin.

"Buh-bye Robby, don't hesitate to slap Zo-Zo with one of your hands if he fucks off." Robin giggled. and finally Sanji.

"Oh San-San I'll miss you! You can kick Zo-Zo's ass too if he fucks off."

"Don't worry I will Lilly." he replied. Zoro glared at him.

"Well what the hell are you standing around glaring for? Help your mother off this ship!"

Zoro took her arm and gently helped her up. Everyone walked to the back of the ship to where they were tied to the docks. Zoro helped his mother over the railing and onto the dock.

"Bye now Zo-Zo," she said kissing him on the cheek, "Mommy will miss you most. Oh, and be careful with those damn swords, you might poke an eye out!"

"Don't worry mother, I won't poke out any eyes, but as for the rest of them...I can't promise you anything."

"Oh, that's my boy. But don't hurt these friends of yours. They're nice people."

"Ok, mother I won't."

"Good boy. I love you" she said kissing him again.

"I love you too mom."

So they set sail. As soon as they were far enough away from the village, Zoro drew out his three swords and turned to his friends.

"Hey Marimo-chan, you promised your mother." Sanji started.

"I know," replied Zoro, "But I had my fingers crossed."

Zo-Zo sure kicked ass that night. (Mostly Sanji's.)

The End