September 2nd, 1987
Washington, D.C.
Downstairs, the house was quiet. The only sound that could be heard was the noise of the coffee maker hard at work. If asked, Jed Bartlet would have dubbed it the single most important appliance in the whole house. The world even.
On the kitchen counter, there was a Care Bears lunch box, a brown paper lunch bag, and three one-dollar bills all lined up in a row. Beside each of these things was a folded note, all signed "Love, Mom." Mom had been the smart one. Like always, Mom knew best. She had made these preparations the evening before, knowing full well that not one of them would be ready on this this morning. For this morning, it was the first of school.
The first day of school is a dreaded day for most, and an exciting day for some. Either way, it creates apprehension for everyone, even those not attending school.
As usual, the Bartlets were running late.
"Abbey, what time is it?"
"How the hell should I know?" Abbey replied, from inside her closet.
"You have a watch on."
She looked down at her wrist.
"Oh. 6:40."
"Damnit. I'm going in the shower!" Jed said, walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind him.
Abbey ran out of the closet frantically.
"Jed! I was just gonna get in!"
"Too late!" He called back as he stepped into the shower.
She opened the door and walked in.
"Come on, Jed! I'll be late if I don't get in right now!"
"Well, you could join me..."
The smile that had just appeared on her face was quickly replaced by a frown when reality hit.
"Oh, no ya don't. If I get in that shower with you, it'll just make me even later. I'll take one tonight."
"Suit yourself."
"Jackass."
"Love you too, Sweet Knees."
Elizabeth stood at her bureau, staring blankly into the mirror before her.
"Liz?"
Ellie walked in carrying two different shirts.
"What are you doing?"
"Looking at how fat I am," Liz replied, glumly.
"You're not fat."
"Not fat? I'm like Alfred Hitchcock."
Ellie giggled.
"Yeah, you are."
"What do you want?"
Ellie held up the two shirts.
"Which one?"
"Um...the blue one."
"I think I'll wear the red one."
"Whatever."
"You better finish getting ready or you're gonna be late," Ellie warned.
"Goodbye, Ellie!"
"Fine."
She quickly exited the room, only to be replaced by Abbey just as quickly.
"Liz? You almost ready?"
"I'm like an elephant."
"Quiet. You're hardly bigger than I am," Abbey replied.
"I'm not going."
"Oh, yes, you are, young lady. You are going to school."
"Everyone's gonna make fun of me."
"You don't know that, Liz. They've had three months to get used to the fact that you're pregnant."
"No, they've had three months to forget. The second I walk in that building, it's just gonna start all over again."
"I think you need to have a little faith in people, Liz," Abbey said.
"Why? They don't have any faith in me."
"I do."
"Yeah, well, you're my mom. You don't count."
"It's gonna be fine, Liz. And I'm sorry, but you're not getting out of this."
"But, Mom!"
"Name one time 'But, Mom!' has ever worked on me."
"Um..."
"That's what I thought. Come down and eat."
"In a minute."
"Ok."
"Hey, Mom?"
"Hmm?"
"You look really nice."
Abbey grinned.
"Thank you, sweetie."
"Ya know, I never understood why you always make yourself look so hot when you're just gonna get all scrubby at the hospital anyway."
Abbey laughed and headed for the door.
"Just to make your father crazy."
"Abbey, you are making me crazy," Jed whispered, with a groan, as she reached past him to grab a banana.
"Aren't I though?"
"Hurry UP!" Zoey demanded.
"Dude, Zo, we have like...an hour before we have to be at school," Ellie replied, shoving more cereal into her mouth.
"I wanna get there early!"
"Why?"
"Cuz I wanna!"
"Ook."
"Why must you torture me so?" Jed pouted.
"It's revenge for the thing earlier."
"What thing earlier? The shower thing?"
"Yeah. Drink your coffee."
"Or else what?"
"Or else no sex for you!"
Jed nearly spit out his coffee.
"Mom, ew!" Ellie complained.
"Ever?" Jed asked, appalled.
Abbey only looked at him slyly.
"You wouldn't dare."
Abbey laughed.
"Not hard to see which is the dominant organ in your body."
"Only where you're concerned, baby."
"Well, I certainly hope so," Abbey said.
"Tell me you're not denying me sex."
"Dad! Stop!"
"Women do it all the time when they get to a certain stage in their pregnancy, you know."
"You don't."
"That's because I'm a doctor and I know it isn't harmful in anyway."
"That's right!"
"But that doesn't mean I couldn't easily change my mind. After all, you denied me my shower this morning. Why shouldn't I deny you sex?"
"That's it!" Ellie shouted. "Either of you say the word 'sex' again and I'm becoming a nun."
"Don't tempt your father, Ellie. you know he'd prefer it if you lived a life of celibacy and subservience anyway," Abbey said, truthfully.
"'Don't tempt your father, Ellie,'" Jed mocked here. "That's quite a load of hypocrisy coming from you, Aphrodite."
Abbey shot him a look of cunning and guile.
"All right. I'm going to watch the news," Jed said, heading for the kitchen's exit. "By the way, Ellie..."
She looked up.
"Sex."
"Good morning, Congressmen."
"Morning, Sheila. How are you today?"
"Fine, thank you."
"Do me a favor and get Leo McGarry on the phone for me please."
"Sure thing."
"Thank you."
Jed continued on into his office. He put his briefcase down and settled himself at his desk.
"Jed, Leo's on line two."
"Thank you."
Jed picked up the phone.
"Leo! Buddy ole pal."
"Jed."
"I'm procrastinating."
"I see that," Leo replied.
"It's been a tough morning. I'm not sure I'm up for the War of the Conservatives just yet."
"Ah, the first day of school. Mallory was fighting us like Ali for the world championship this morning. As if Jenny and I were the ones who passed the law that says all minors must attend school."
"Yeah."
"Who beat you up, Mike Tyson?" Leo asked.
"Abbey."
"Abbey!"
"She denied me sex," Jed said.
"If you were trying to jump her on the first day of school, I don't blame her. It's like a holy day, Jed. A day of worship. Praise God for getting the kids out of our hair for nine months. "
"No, I didn't try anything. As much as I wanted to."
"Well, what then?"
"I denied her shower priviledges, so she has denied me sex."
"I'm sorry, but that really doesn't sound like a fair trade off to me," Leo commented.
"It sure as hell isn't."
"Doesn't she realize that denying you sex is only encouraging you to stray?"
"Hell, Leo, she knows that'd never happen."
"Would it?"
"No!" Jed exclaimed. "She was only joking anyway. I hope."
"So let me ask you this. Hypothetically. If Abbey were, for some reason or another, to deny you sex- God, I love that phrase- indefinitely, would you stray?"
"No."
"Would you stay?"
"Of course I'd stay."
"You'd stay and deal with her sexlessness."
"Yes, Leo, I would. Have you checked the lost and found lately?"
"No..."
"Cause I can't seem to find your POINT!"
"All I'm saying is, or all you're saying really, is that you would stay in a marriage of virtual abstinence without looking for stimulance outside the bonds of marital bliss. Is that correct?"
"That's right. There's more to marriage than sex, you know," Jedstated.
"This from the man who can't keep his hands off his wife whenever she's in the room."
"Hey, I enjoy showing people, and showing Abbey, that after more than twenty years of marriage, we've still got it. The thrill is not gone. I think it's important not to let the fire burn out in a marriage. And it's important that Abbey sees that I still want her. Damnit, I tell her how beautiful she is every day. Why? Because she is! Why shouldn't she be told that? The moment she finds herself doubting how beautiful she is or how much I love her, I've failed as a husband."
"Well," Leo said, after a short pause. "I'm glad I asked."
Jed laughed.
"I bet you are."
"All right, I'm gonna go."
"Ok. Leo?"
"Yeah."
"Try it with Jenny."
"Yeah. Ok. I will. See ya."
"Bye, Leo."
Jed looked up when there was a knock on the door.
"Come in!"
Sheila quickly entered the office.
"Your wife's here."
"She is!" He asked, confused, standing up and moving toward Sheila.
"Yes. And she's been standing outside listening for the last few minutes," Sheila added, in a whisper.
Then, Abbey strode into Jed's office, carrying herself with poise and dignity as always.
"Thank you for that, Sheila," Abbey said, sardonically.
Sheila shrugged and left the office, closing the door behind her.
"So," Abbey began, coyly, walking toward him. "You'd put up with my sexlessness, eh?"
He didn't reply, he only smiled. She was just so full of surprises. Never a dull moment with Dr. Abigail Anne Bartlet, M.D., by your side. Jed couldn't help but think what a lucky man he truly was.
"And I'm glad to haer the thrill's not gone."
"Abbey..."
"Jed, you realize this sarcasm is a sign that I have no idea what to say, right?"
He nodded, his eyes full of compassion. Of course he knew it. He knew her.
"Abbey."
"What," she said, quietly.
"You're so beautiful."
She smiled, almost tearfully, and walked right into his open arms. She buried her face in his shoulder, feeling such gratitude and love.
"Look at me," he said, guiding her to do so with one hand under her chin.
"None of what I said was a lie."
"I know. Why do you I think I'm all misty-eyed? I know you meant every word. And I couldn't love you more."
He kissed her gently, lingering for a moment.
"I just...after this morning's conversation...I didn't want you to think...you know, that sex is all I care about," Jed told her.
To his surprise, she laughed.
"Jed, that's what he do. We banter. We insinuate, we're saucy, we're sarcastic, we're suggestive. I don't think that that about you. Although I wouldn't blame you if sex was the only thing on your mind. I'm pretty damn good."
He laughed.
"I mean it, Jed. I am one foxy lady. And don't you forget it."
"How could I?"
"Good answer. But that doesn't mean we're gonna do it on the top of this desk right now."
"Damn, cause that would have really benefited my grand scheme of procrastination."
"Sorry I can't be of more help to you," she said, with a smirk.
"You really are incredibly beautiful, you know."
"Even when I'm big as a house?"
"You're carrying my house, Abbey. That just makes you even more beautiful. If that's even possible."
A small tear traveled down her cheek.
"I love you, Jed."
"If you haven't already noticed, I love you too."