Disclaimer: All characters in this story belong to CLAMP. The bolded poem belongs to Edward Thomas.
A/N: the - - - things represent a change in point of view
Knots
Genre: Drama/Romance
Series: Card captor Sakura
And you, Helen, what should I give you?
"Look over here by the bed, they put a rose by the chocolate!"
Sakura fingered the rose gently raising it to her nose.
It was all really amazing; at least that's what I thought. Ever since the wedding the happy daze she brought upon me hasn't left. It was only some hours ago Tomoyo kindly had us chauffeured to the airport along with wishing us a fantastic honeymoon. In less than a day I have fallen in love, tied the knot, and given my first kiss. All in less than a day.
She turned her head towards the balcony. Beneath the midnight sky laid a city lit with excitement. The dull glow from the lights reflected off her face, still shimmering from the wedding. Even her smile shone with unparalleled beauty. I thought I was the luckiest man in the world to be married to such a goddess.
So many things I would give you
"Do you like the view?"
There she goes lighting up again.
"Is that Paris? It's beautiful!"
'Just like you'
"Listen, Sakura, maybe tomorrow I was thinking –"
She turns around just to kiss me. I think I am going to die from happiness.
"Thank you so much!"
'I love you too'
Had I an infinite great store
Her dress brushes past me as she goes on to inspect the rest of the suite. She's quite adorable when she gets worked up. I can hear her shouting my name here and there but I don't intend to follow her. Loosening my tie I sit on the bed and wait for her curious head to pop back in this room.
I realize, now that my wife has left the room that today is our wedding night. Suddenly, I find myself in a fix and feel a familiar blush creeping up my face. Yet for some reason I am able to smile through it. Maybe it's that post-wedding high getting to my mind but I am glad I will be sharing this experience with Sakura.
'I want you to know how much you mean to me. How much I love you my sweet flower…'
Offered me and I stood before
to choose.
I feel a light pressure on my lips. While in my reverie she took me by surprise, again. Really the odds seem to be against me today. But that's okay, I don't really mind being kissed senseless. Though on the other hand I do like to be the one doing the senseless kissing myself.
I can feel her smile beneath my response.
I would give you youth,
'How I love you…'
---------------------------------------------------------------
All kinds of loveliness and truth,
After effectively tackling him into the bed, he was only too willing to play along. I am sure he already knew I was coming, but still, I love making him happy. I can feel his hands around my waist, lifting me up. How is it that he can make me feel like an angel when I am only human?
Standing now I turn to run away; after all I did just take down the great Syaoran Li. Funny how some things never change. It seems just like yesterday I became the card mistress. Seems like only yesterday Syaoran proposed to me. Just yesterday. Here I am today as Mrs. Sakura Li.
Before I can run off he catches my left hand.
"The green in the ring really brings out your eyes."
"It's your favorite color, right?"
He doesn't answer and I can't decipher that strange look on his face.
"I know it's a little late but I've always wanted to see the Eiffel – "
'Two points for Sakura. One point for Syaoran.'
A clear eye as good as mine,
I was pulling back to finish my sentence when I finally understood what he was thinking. His mouth crashes down on mine, hungry, possessive. I am too shocked to respond.
'Is he happy? Is he angry?'
I start to panic - or is that my heart fluttering out of excitement? His hands are moving towards my back, I can feel the fabric loosening around my body.
'What is happening? What is he doing?'
The white dress pools around my feet and now I am only wearing a slip.
Lands, waters, flowers, wine,
'What…'As many children as your heart
might wish for,
Oh.
I push him away, at arms length. We're both panting for air. I can't face him, I – I 'm so scared.
"Syaoran…?"
A far better art
than mine can be,
'Why?'
---------------------------------------------------------------
All you have lost
upon the traveling waters tossed,
"Syaoran…?"
Her voice is shaking. She is looking away from me.
"Sakura…"
'I love you'
What have I done?
"Syaoran…? Syaoran, I…I…"
Hate you. Wish I never met you. Wish I never knew you. Syaoran, you bumbling fool look at what you've done to Sakura, look! Why didn't you ask her first? Why didn't you think? She must hate me, she must despise me.
'She must be wishing she never married me'
Or given to me.
She turns to look at me. Tears are spilling down her porcelain cheeks. I didn't mean to make her sad, I didn't mean to make her cry. Please just smile again. Why is it that no matter how hard I try to reach my goals I always come up short? Sakura, I am stupid, I don't deserve someone like you.
'I'm sorry Sakura'
'I love you, Sakura'
"Sakura…"
If I could choose
'I love you'
---------------------------------------------------------------
Freely in that great treasure-house
"Sakura…"
His voice is hoarse and raw. My tears run cold along my neck. Isn't this supposed to be our honeymoon? Aren't we supposed to be happy? Why am I so sad?
"I - I'm scared…Syaoran. I don't know what to do"
'Please tell me, what is happening to us?'
Anything from any shelf,
"Sakura, please, I am so sorry"
Somehow I find myself in his embrace. I can hear his heart beat, pounding almost as fast as mine. Then it dawns on me. This is our wedding night. What Syaoran was trying to do, why he kissed me like that, everything seemed to fall in place. Everything except…
'Me'
I would give you back yourself,
"Syaoran…why didn't I realize it sooner? Why…"
'Why do I seem to mess things up?'
And power to discriminate
"Please Sakura, don't leave me. I swear I'll do better please just give me another chance!"
He's got it all wrong. Syaoran wasn't trying to hurt me; he didn't do the bad here. He was just doing what I want to do to him. He's trying with all his might to make things right for us.
'He was trying to make me happy'
"I don't want to leave. I don't want you to leave. I want to live my life with you, I want to…"
What you want and want it not too late,
'I want to make you happy too'
---------------------------------------------------------------
Many fair days free from care
"I want…"
I look down only to find my wife sound asleep. The guilt from my most recent mishap still hasn't faded away and I smile grimly down at the beautiful angel in my arms. She still wants to be with me even though I almost did something irreversible.
"Thank you, Sakura"
I carry her to the bed and slip her under the covers. Her delicate features are brought out best when she sleeps. Sometimes I wonder why out of all the men in the world, why did she choose me? Maybe I will ask her sometime.
'Sakura, my cherry blossom, my wife, my love'
And heart to enjoy both foul and fair,
Climbing onto the other side of the bed, I feel her moving as if to wake up.
"Oh…Syaoran, did I fall asleep?"
I nodded pressing a kiss to her cheek. Satisfied with the answer she snuggles in between my arms, resting her head on my chest. I quickly accommodate her.
"Syaoran, I don't think I'm ready yet"
Her whisper startles me, slightly.
"What do you mean 'not ready'?"
I thread my fingers through her hair. It looks like I have strands of honey on my hand. The other arm safely holds my wife close to my heart.
"I mean, I don't want…lose my virginity yet?"
I can't help but let out a laugh, her innocence is endearing. She pouts.
"I guess it's alright. I mean I can wait until you're ready."
I smile at her, just to reassure her that it's all right. She looks up at me for a moment. I wonder what she is looking for. She gives me a quick kiss.
And myself, too, if I could find
"Good night, Mr. Li"
I looked at the rose, still lying by the chocolates and somehow they seemed perfect together.
"Sweet Dreams Mrs. Li"
Where it lay hidden and it proved kind.
I love you…
And that's all that matters