Rikku: I DIDN'T DIE!

Whoa… it's been far too long. More than half a year, I think… I've worked on re-writing the first few chapters, and that's coming along well, but I thought I'd update a new chapter as well… First of all, I want to apologize – just like I always do. I'm really sorry guys, and this isn't just any message – I mean it! I understand a lot of my faithful readers have stopped keeping watch on this little ficcy, and that saddens me… I know it's my fault, but if there are still some of you that will accompany this fanfic 'til the end, I really, really appreciate it.

I want to thank everyone that's reviewed, whether it's now or in the past, thank you for all your kind support!

Also… yes, I know I'm getting repetitive, but I just wanted to remind you guys to read the re-written chapters! I can't stress this enough! The re-writes are so dramatically changed and need to be read for further understanding of this fic! I'm truly sorry for the hassle, but I think this fanfic will benefit from the extra information in those chapters and not to mention, the much better writing quality!

So thank you everyone that's contributed to Winter of Love in any way possible!

Winter of Love

Chapter 23: Another Fated Farewell

I didn't get it.

Well of course I didn't, I mean, the one person I needed most in this crucial time of investigation was going to leave me in the dark while he slipped away.

I didn't know what to feel… was I supposed to get mad? Or sympathize with him? My instinct told me Horo wouldn't freely choose to leave at a time like this… it was most likely Pirika's doing. But how was I supposed to comfort him when I couldn't even understand my own feelings and how they were affecting me, let alone support myself.

I felt weak, like a burden. Maybe that's what I was to him. A burden. Maybe he wanted to leave knowing that his girlfriend was slowly breaking down on him while she re-lived her mother's death over and over again…

That's what the last few days felt like anyways. One big flashback that refused to succumb to reality. It was dragging me in and I was beyond reach by now. I kept thinking about her. Emiko Sugiyama. Why did she have to die? How would life be like today if she didn't? What would Miho Sugiyama have become? 'Definitely not as damaged as I am now…' Even though I had spent just about all of my childhood with my loving mother, I felt as if I barely knew her… I wanted that overrated mother-daughter relationship in advertisements; on the media… If only reality wasn't so cruel…

But what I wanted most at that moment was to find Horohoro and wring his little neck with my hands.

I stomped back and forth, pacing through every room of the shrine without a moment to spare. This reminded me of my first couple of weeks at the shrine when I was usually on the hunt for that troublesome blue-haired boy…

It had been a little more than an hour since Tamao broke the news to me. She told me all she heard about the secretively planned trip to the North for a certain pair of siblings. For a while, I just sat there as she tried to make light of the situation. But when Manta hurriedly approached me, informing me with details of how he caught sight of Horo around the premises of the shrine, my mind starting functioning again and suggested that I confront him before it was too late.

They're leaving tonight, I reminded myself for the hundredth time, taking a deep breath. I couldn't react properly with my mind dead set on finding my supposedly 'dependable' boyfriend and giving him hell.

"Oi, Miho."

Finally, I stopped in my tracks to peer over my shoulder. "Oh, Ren."

"What are you up to?" he asked almost suspiciously. It was obvious Ren had just come back from his usual training. He was panting and the sharp point in his hair was slightly drooping from the moist sweat dripping all the way down to his face.

"I can't find Horo…" I muttered, stomping my foot rather childishly. I was desperate now, and I especially didn't like the idea of chasing after that snow shaman all day.

"Not that I care or anything… but Horohoro left the shrine with Pirika this morning." Ren stated with a small nod. "He had been running around from room to room and his sister eventually got him out."

"But I heard he's returned by now," I sighed, shaking my head. "He's probably still avoiding me."

"You two fight?"

"No… why does everyone always assume that?"

"Then what could be the issue?"

"He's leaving…" I blurted, dropping my gaze to the floor. "He's leaving tonight and he didn't even bother to tell me."

"Really?" Ren almost sounded surprised. "D-does that mean she's going too?"

"She?" I repeated, unable to suppress a wide grin. "You don't mean Pirika, do you?"

Ren blushed and looked away, waving a dismissive hand. "Nevermind that. I-I think I heard the front doors open… it's probably your boyfriend… or something…"

I chuckled at the shaman's behaviour but decided not to press on the subject. So he's finally fallen for her, ne? Wonder how Pirika managed to do it… "You know… you're probably right. I should really check that out. Thanks, Ren."

I skidded past the boy as he concealed his tomato-shaded face with the towel that had been around his neck. I headed towards the shrine's main entrance, looking around, peaking into every corner for just a glimpse… just one blue strand of hair…

But what I found tore my heart in two. Sure, I not only spotted one strand, but rather the whole head too… and the entire boy, weighed down by a large backpack slung over one shoulder and another bag in his other hand as he trotted away from the shrine… He was leaving, no doubt about it. But I couldn't allow my mind to register all of this as I watched his retreating back…

No.

He wasn't going to leave without a single word from Miho Sugiyama.

I growled, tightening both my hands into fists. How was I supposed to get to Horo before he was gone for good? How was I supposed to get him to listen to me? To talk to me? To tell me everything was going to be okay and that he really, truly did mean to tell me he was leaving – it just slipped his mind, that's all. I told myself all of this as my mind begged for reassurance. I needed him… I needed him like a bad, unhealthy addiction that would probably send me to my grave earlier than planned.

I needed him so bad I couldn't cope with it.

So the first thing that came to mind was to throttle him into listening to my say. But I knew I was no match for Horo if he really put his strength into it… Then my brain was telling me to call out for him… but I figured he'd only ignore my cries… And then I felt blank as I watched his figure motioning further into the distance, slipping from my grip…

It was then that my body began to think for itself as my legs picked up, dashing out the door, down the pavement and towards him. I wanted to scold myself for almost letting him go, but more importantly, I wanted to scold Horo with every bit of that burning rage inside of me. I was going to prance on him. That was the first step. Then I'd yell at him for being a ditcher! HA, that's right Horohoro, you bigshot – a ditcher!

I was nearing him. He was but only a few steps away and I was ready to jump on my prey. At that moment, I didn't care if my actions were going to cause any injury or pain. Just as long as I could spill my heart out to the one idiot that managed to make me fall in love with him, despite all his flaws and all his errors.

But all that anger I felt inside myself was only making me run faster and harder, and I knew all the energy I was putting into my sprinting was causing radiations in the air. Well, spiritual ones. And Horo felt this too.

Immediately, as if he could sense a disturbance in the air, Horo had stopped moving. With wide eyes, his head turned to regard the approaching threat just as my feet left the ground in a jump. I fed him the worst of my glares at that instant before my body fell on his with a rock hard impact, causing him to release both his bags elsewhere with a jerk from his arms. We were both sent crashing to the ground, Horo underneath me and pinned by my small body… just like the old times…

"Wh-what the hell!"

"Leaving without saying good-bye!" I spat, challenging him with the tone of my voice.

"Oh, you'd know that sort of routine, wouldn't you, Miho!" Horo retorted, his face darkening with a glare that matched mine. "Can't handle a taste of your own medicine!"

"That was a long time ago, Horo, I -"

"Either way, it's still the same." Horo argued. "You would've left without a word if I didn't stop you."

"The same way you're fucking with me now!"

"Miho, you don't know what you're saying… you're being hysterical -"

"I'm not crazy!" I cried, grinding my teeth together. "I hate you!"

"No you don't, you're just upset… Go inside and calm down."

"And let you walk away from everything that's going on in my life!"

"That isn't my responsibility; it's yours and I just -"

"Coward! You're backing out of your promise, I knew it! You're just running away -"

"I'm not fucking running from anything, Miho!" He retaliated, placing a firm grip on my shoulders with both his hands.

"Liar!" I snapped, watching Horo shift uncomfortably from underneath me. "You're running from me… you didn't even bother to tell me you were leaving and now look at you!" I felt tears sting the back of my eyes as they threaten to spill. "Bags packed, walking away… and what am I left with? Not even an explanation let alone a good-bye!"

"Stop it, Miho."

"No, you stop it!" My voice was shaky as the tears overpowered me, flooding down my cheeks and eventually onto Horo's shirt. "I… I can't stand you! I hate you!"

"Miho, look at what you're doing to yourself… You're falling apart."

"No…" I mumbled, fiercely wiping away the tears that were clouding my sight with the back of my hand. "No… no, I'm not. I'm stronger than this, I-I swear… I'm not this weak…"

"No one said you were." Horo replied with a calm tone, affectionately placing a warm hand on the back of my neck. "You just need the extra support, I understand that."

"I don't want to be a burden on you."

"You're not." Horo sighed and with one arm, lifted me up. He brought the both of us to seating positions as I numbly watched his every motion. "Miho, I'm always going to be your shoulder to lean on, I promised you that… I'd never do anything to hurt you -"

"So you didn't assume leaving like that was enough to break me down!" I shot back. "A little compassion wouldn't hurt!"

"Of course I knew it'd break you, that's why I had to leave in secret!" The shaman rebutted, his anger and concern blazing within his eyes. "I didn't want to tell you because I knew how you'd react - I can't bear to see you in pain, and worse, from my own doing! Don't you think this is hard enough on me already!"

I paused, my heart splitting among two sides. I was angry that Horo would even consider leaving me without a word, but at the same time I felt guilty that my own suffering could affect him so much. I chanced a look at the boy only to find comfort in his gentle visage. I softened my expression as well, but I just couldn't smile with all the tears falling from my eyes.

"Miho?" He had noticed I was still crying.

"What am I going to do now, Horo?" I shook my head, disappointed at what I'd become. "Look at me, I'm an emotional wreck! I can't cope with myself at a time like this… not while I'm looking for the people that killed off my mother's existence…"

"It's hard on you." Horo stated. With a soft touch, he brushed away the tears falling from my eyes. "I know it's difficult for you to do this on your own."

"So then why are you leaving?" I demanded.

"Because I have to." He responded rather bluntly. "Pirika's making me. I'm supposed to go back to the North, to my family, and to enroll in further training… this was all planned out back when I left my home for the first time anyways."

I sighed at my own stupidity. Of course Horo's duty was not only 'Miho Sugiyama's boyfriend' … but he was a shaman too and that was important to him. "For how long?"

"Probably a month or longer."

Reluctantly, I nodded. "Then I guess this is good-bye."

Horo's strong hand wrapped around mine and his eyes fell on mine. "Good-bye Miho… and I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too." I mumbled, collapsing into Horo's arms. He held me tightly, pressing my face towards his chest where I silently indulged in the comfort. "I don't hate you after all, stupid."

I could hear him chuckle as he tightened his hold. "I knew you couldn't resist my deadly charm and maximum sex appeal."

I laughed as well, pulling away from the embrace. Silently, I dropped my gaze to the rough cement in between us, unable to stir up a word.

"I should go." Horo spoke up in a soft whisper. "Pirika's ahead, waiting for me."

"Then go, idiot."

He scowled at my remark. "I don't want that to be my last memory of you before I leave!"

"Better than having said nothing." I reminded him. Immediately, Horo saw my point and dismissed the subject. He bit his lip and turned his gaze elsewhere. "I hate you, Horo."

"I thought we got over that."

"Yes, but you make me want to hate you, even if I don't mean it."

"Well, now you're making me glad that I'm leaving!" Horo joked with a smirk, patting my shoulder reassuringly. "Good luck with your search, babe… especially when you don't even have a starting point to begin with! How's that for compassion!"

"Bite me."

"Gladly."

"Ditcher!"

"Ah," he smiled. "I love you too, hun."

I grimaced, folding my arms across my chest. "I hate that you're right about a 'starting point'."

"Then I advise you act quick." He suggested, his expression turning from playful to cold and serious as he finally got up to his feet, offering a hand to me. "You know what you have to do."

"And what's that?" I inquired, taking his hand as I dug for some answers. I wasn't only lacking a place to begin at, but also some common sense. Horo lifted me up so that I was able to look into his face that told me he had an idea… and I pushed further to get it out of him. I needed everything he could offer me at that point, anything before his entire presence faded away for an entire month. "Horo?"

"… Go to Osaka, Miho."

Rikku: Uh-oh, another Osaka arc to write up… Please review guys, I'd really appreciate the extra motivation. I mean, look at how long it took me to post this… ugh.

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Nishikido-Rikku
Formerly, x-Rikku-x

xxxxx

READ THE RE-WRITTEN CHAPTERS:D