Hello ! I'm obsessed with Nick and Charlie right now and now that I've read all 4 comics multiple times, devoured the netflix show multiple times, and read all of the Oseman books several times ( nick & charlie , this winter, solitaire, i was born for this , radio silence and soon loveless ), I had no choice but to write a little something to get them out of my head (spoiler alert: it doesn't work xD )

Please excuse my english as it is not my first language.

TW watch out, it's about suicide, depression, anxiety and eating disorders

1

- What did you do ? The voice cried as soon as he picked up the phone, confused, the ringing having roused him from his sleep.

- What .. ? Tori ?!

- I trusted you ! You're the only one I trusted when it comes to my little brother! The only one !

Nick felt his heartbeat quicken as he woke up and his interlocutor's panic began to hit him. He sat up in bed and ran a tired hand over his face.

- Tori , you're freaking me out, what's going on? Is Charlie okay?

A sob answered him and Nick felt like a brick was falling into his stomach.

- Tori , answer me, is Charlie okay?! He insisted with concern.

- No… no, he's not well at all…

There were a few seconds of hesitation where he felt like the ground was going to swallow him up. He finally recovered and got up abruptly before descending the steps 4 by 4. He put on his shoes at full speed, trying to control his panic.

- I'm coming, I'm coming right away.

He didn't even wait for her answer and rushed out into the street, thoughts racing through his mind. What could have happened? Charlie hadn't been at his best lately but they had finally reunited after two long months now that Nick had returned for summer vacation. He knew their long distance relationship hadn't been easy for the brunette but it couldn't be that. Charlie was supposed to join him at uni in september, the hardest part was behind them! What could have happened? Nick tried to recreate the film of their reunion, he had been so happy to see that face again, to kiss him, to hug him. It had even seemed to him that Charlie was in better shape, less skinny. The afternoon had been idyllic and if he could, Nick would have made this moment last forever. But he had an interview the next morning for a summer job and he had resigned himself to going home. What could have happened between their goodbye kiss, which had lasted far too long, and this call, not even an hour later?

Did he say or do something that upset his boyfriend? Without even noticing it? Guilt and anguish crushed his heart as the Springs' house drew closer.

The blond rushed inside without knocking and called out, panting:

-Charlie?

He thought he heard a noise upstairs and he rushed in that direction, totally unprepared for the sight of horror that unfolded before his eyes as he pushed open the bathroom door. Tori was sobbing alongside a blood-covered Charlie, deathly pale and barely conscious.

Nick gasped.

- No. No no no…

He knelt down next to his boyfriend and wanted to take his hand before realizing that the blood was coming from his wrists. He glanced horrified at Tori who, he only noticed then, was pressing towels to his brother's arms to stem the blood loss.

- The ambulance is on the way. She managed to tell him.

Nick felt tears burn in his eyes as he nodded helplessly. Not knowing where to touch him safely, he carefully slipped his hand through Charlie's hair, trying to get his attention:

- Hey… I'm here, Char, it's going to be okay, hold on, okay?

- Nick…?

- Yes, yes, I'm here.

- I'm sorry…

- You don't have the right to say that word, remember? He said, trying to smile but failing miserably.

Charlie's extremely pale face fell and he closed his eyes as a few tears silently escaped.

- I don't deserve you...

- Shhh … stop talking nonsense. Nick pleaded in distress.

- All I do…is… ruin the lives of the people I love…

- Don't say that, Charlie, please don't say that.

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry… he sobbed, putting his forehead against the rugby player's shoulder.

Nick placed a kiss in his hair as the sirens of the ambulance approached. Before he really understood what was happening, the emergency services pushed him aways to access the injured one and carry out first aid. He wanted to join him in the ambulance but he was not allowed to so Tori, who seemed to have regained her composure, drove him to the hospital.

- What happened ? She asked him after several minutes of silence.

He shook his head, lost.

- I have no idea, I swear, he was fine when I left. Or at least I thought he was fine…how could I not see he wasn't fine?

He was the world's worst boyfriend.

He took his cell phone out of his pocket and read the last messages sent, remembering their reunion. Nothing suggested any problem.

They had talked about moving in together in September, the future was looking bright, so what? How could he have gone from this perfect afternoon to this waking nightmare? He tried not to imagine the worst, even if the worst had already happened since he was joining his suicidal boyfriend in the hospital.

Nick felt like he was punched in the stomach as this thought began to settle in: Charlie had tried to take his own life, he had wanted to die.

Upset, and again fighting back tears, he texted his mother to tell her where he was. He hesitated to send a message to the Paris Squad but decided to wait to find out more.

Tori glanced at him and seemed to notice his confusion.

- It's not your fault… you know, this kind of illness doesn't go away like that. It's not the first time he's done this...

- What ?

- Last year, when he was being bullied…

- No… he whispered, horrified.

- I already was the one who found him...

- Ho, Tori, I'm sorry, he never told me… I thought that .. well, I knew that it was hurting himself… but that….

He hadn't suspected it at all..

- I'm the one who's sorry, I shouldn't have accused you like that, I don't know what's going on in his head in those moments, but it's not him, and it doesn't have anything to do with you.

Nick looked down but didn't answer. He wasn't as sure as she was. He glanced over at her as she drove, hands clenched on the steering wheel, straight as an i, refusing to start crying again, and he thought Charlie was very lucky to have a sister like her.

So he sent another text message to Michael. After all, he wasn't the only one who needed comfort tonight.