Nick was slumped in the waiting room, his arms crossed, as if to reassure himself, to hold on, as if he was going to collapse if he didn't hug his arms tightly enough against his chest. A little further, Tori rested her head against Michael's shoulder who had arrived quickly after his message. It almost looked like she was asleep but the way her hand clung to his friend's, Nick knew she wasn't.

He felt like they had been there for hours, but in reality, minutes were passing with exacerbated slowness.

- Nikky ?

The blond looked up to see his mother in the hallway, he got up and took a few steps towards her before letting himself be hugged tightly.

- Oh my baby.

He tried to tell her how horrible it had been but the words stuck in his throat. He was close to collapsing and cry like a child and he had to monopolize all his resources not to crack.

- How's Charlie ?

- I don't know, they haven't let us see him yet. He said in a flat voice.

- Aren't his parents here ?

- They left yesterday on holiday with Oliver, Tori hasn't told them yet.

She nodded wordlessly and gently squeezed her son's shoulder to give him some courage.

- Thanks for coming…

- I will always be there for you, baby.

And he knew it was true. He had never been closer to her than since his coming out. Sharing his doubts and fears with her, especially regarding Charlie's problems, had helped him a lot and had only strengthened their bond. He felt so lucky to have this rock in his life.

They waited in silence for what still seemed like an eternity before a doctor came to check on them.

- He is fine. He's a little stoned from the sedatives, but his life is no longer in danger for the moment. He will stay for a few days under observation and our psychiatrist will meet him. He will surely prescribe him a treatment.

- Antidepressants ? Michael asked.

- Probably, we usually have good results with this kind of cases.

- Can we see him?

He took them to the bedroom and advised them to hurry.

Nick stayed outside as Tori and Michael joined Charlie. He felt bad and dreaded seeing his boyfriend's condition.

- I'll get us some tea, do you want something to snack on? Suggested his mother.

- No, I'm not hungry, thank you Mom.

She placed a kiss on his forehead and walked away. He mustered up his courage and pushed open the door, but stood in the doorway, watching them from afar. Charlie was still pale, but less so than when he was lying in the bathroom. His wrists were bandaged and he was on a drip.

When they left his side, Nick hesitated. He felt unstable and was afraid of his own reaction. He still couldn't realize that he could have lost him and the simple idea terrified him.

He took a deep breath and finally sat down by the bed. He cautiously took Charlies' hand in his and tried to smile when he slid his gaze over to him.

- Nick? You came ?

- Of course I came.

- Why ? You must hate me...

- What ? Charlie, no, stop. I will never hate you.

- Well I hate myself… I don't know why I did that… I don't know why I always ruin everything…

- Hey, don't say that. You're sick, it's not your fault.

- You don't have to go through all of that, it's not fair. You are…wonderful and I…I am nothing… nothing but a monster…

Nick shook his head, tears in his eyes, his throat tight as his boyfriend cried into his shoulder, belittling himself more and more. How did they get there? Charlie always saw himself as a nobody and put his eldest on an unjustified pedestal. His view of things was so distorted and far from reality. How could he not see that he was everything to Nick?

"Don't say that, Char', please," he begged, running a hand through his lover's hair. It's not true.

- I'm hopeless, Nick… I don't know how to be happy… I can't…

- No, you'll be fine, everything will be fine.

But his words rang hollow. What did he know about it? He thought it was better, that everything was under control, and this is what happened. Charlie had cut his wrists less than an hour after he left, after that afternoon when he, Nick Nelson, had been so happy. The contrast was so incredible it made him sick. He couldn't get it out of his head that it was his fault, that he had missed something, that he should have seen, that he should have known, that he could have done something to avoid this horror.

Charlie cried again against his shoulder apologetically for a moment, crushing his chest a little more each time, but he gradually calmed down and fatigue finally took over.

Nick was asked to leave, which he did reluctantly. His mother was waiting for him in the hallway and this time he couldn't hold back his tears. She hugged him for a long time, rubbing his back gently.

- Come on, come on, I'll take you home.

Nick nodded awkwardly wiping his cheeks. Before leaving, he exchanged a few more words with Tori and promised to come back as soon as possible the next day.

He must have looked pretty damn bad because his mother walked him to his room and tucked him in, something she hadn't done in years. As she pulled the covers over him, she tenderly caressed his cheek and whispered:

- It wasn't your fault, Nicky, you couldn't have done anything.

He knew it, at least a part of him knew it, even though it was having a hard time being heard that night.

- I'm scared… scared of losing him, scared of not being up to it, scared of hurting him…

His mother looked at him with emotion and smiled at him.

- You really love him, huh…

He nodded, moved too.

- And he loves you too. What happened had nothing to do with you.

- Daniel says it's a teenage love and that it will never last. He spat suddenly with bitterness. If you had heard him, he said that with so much contempt… but it's not because he collects girls that I have to do the same!

- Your brother can be really stupid sometimes. Just ignore him.

- Dad thinks the same…

It was obvious, even if he hadn't told him in those terms. His dad was hoping Charlie was just a passing fancy and Nick's next crush would be a girl so things would go back to normal. It hurt him way more than he was willing to admit.

Sarah sighed and gave him a knowing look about what she thought of her ex-husband's opinion. Nick couldn't suppress a smile.

- And you, what do you think? she asked gently.

- That they don't understand what I feel. Even I find it hard to understand sometimes, or to believe it. I never thought I would feel that one day. I've known him for three years, and it's still going strong! My life is so much better now….

Because in his head, he saw himself build a life with his teenage love, he could saw himself building something big and beautiful with Charlie. As if they complemented each other perfectly and didn't need anything else.

He chuckled sadly before continuing:

- Even though I've never felt as bad as tonight… I can't imagine my life without Charlie, mum.

- I know, sweetheart.

- But I don't want to be selfish, what if I wasn't good for him?

- What are you talking about?

- Maybe it's because of me that he's bad. Maybe it's too much for him, all of that, us. Maybe he would be better off without me, to heal.

- Ho, honey… I'm sure not. You help him a lot but you put a lot of pressure on yourself. You know that his recovery does not depend on you. Did you tell him about it?

He shook his head. He hadn't had any reason to fear any of that for the past few months. Despite the distance, they were fine, their couple was fine, or so he thought.

- Do you think it would help you to see someone, too?

He frowned and shook his head, not understanding:

- What do you mean ?

- Wouldn't be good for you to be able to speak with a professional? It might reassure you and give you some leads to help Charlie, while feeling… at least less bad?

- You… you think?

- It's just an idea, think about it, but if you feel the need, we can find you someone, okay? What you're going through is not easy and you should never hesitate to ask for help.

- Thank you Mom…

- Come on, get some sleep, darling.

She placed a kiss on his forehead before leaving his room. And even though Nick was exhausted, it took him forever to fall asleep.