Shalimar stood watching Jesse. Adam had mumbled something about sleep and that latter on tomorrow he'd see about the governor in Jesse's neck. She was pretty sure that he was hinting that she should sleep too, but how do you sleep when you know your little brother can't? When you know that the nightmares were coming and he'd be alone to face them?
You don't.
So Shalimar stood watch, close enough to be by his side if needed but far enough away that she didn't crowd him.
Shalimar had a feeling she knew what Emma was going to tell her before she said it, well she guessed anyway. It wouldn't be the first time someone had pawed Jess and it certainly wasn't the first time that Laura Brooks had touched him. No, Shalimar remembered the nights she would come from her 'walks' to find a weak but stubborn Jess practicing one form of martial art or another, the dim light barely highlighting his silent tears. It had taken Shalimar months to earn Jesse's trust, and even longer to get him to explain why he spent hours working out when he was still too weak to do more then sit up.
"I need to be stronger…."
"Well that won't happen if you don't rest."
"Yeah but I can't sleep unless I work."
"Why not?"
"I'm helpless…"
"But you're safe."
"Not from her…I can't stop seeing her…"
Shalimar replayed the conversation over and over in her mind. She remembered how Jesse never once looked at her, had never once moved and had never once seemed to lose control of his emotions. Carefully, hard won control that let him detach himself. She'd seen him use it every now and then if something got to close for comfort or he was reliving some painful memory. It always unsettled her some how, watching her beloved little brother who was so opened to his feelings, so in need of companionship, grow cold and distant. What she wouldn't give for a chance to know his pain at those times.
With a sigh Shalimar stretched out her aching mussels. "Oh Jesse, what am I going to do?"
"Go to sleep?" came a weak voice from the darkness.
"Hey you," Shal said with a smile as she slowly walked over to Jesse's side. "You sound better."
"Sound? Just sound?" Jesse asked with a weak smile.
"You won't be picking up to many girls for awhile. Sorry squirt," Shal said.
Jesse sighed and closed his eyes, "Yeah well, there's that game I've been putting off…"
"Leave it to you to think of something," Shal teased.
"That's why I get paid the big bucks."
There was a silence as Shalimar stroked Jesse's hair and Jess tired his best to fill his lungs again. He'd never admit it, but talking didn't just hurt, it winded him. Probably a bad thing.
"How you doing?" Shalimar asked. Jesse grew still under Shal's touch and gave another sigh.
"I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Emma, don't worry about what might have happened."
"Jess…"
"She spooked me Shal, that's all. I'm ok, I promise," Jesse reassured Shalimar, giving her a weak smile.
"I wish I believed you," Shal sighed.
Jesse frowned, but didn't say anything. God, it was really hard to catch his breath.
"Jess, every time something happens to you, you lock it away until you have to tell someone or you lose it. You get cold…strange…and I can't reach you," Shal said, her voice betraying her own emotions. "Why do you push us away when you need us? Why don't you talk?"
"Because that wasn't how I was raised. Remember Shal, I come from old money, and not just money, wealth. You just don't talk about things like that."
"How did you survive? I mean…you feel every thing…."
Jesse smiled sadly at her, "It wasn't easy and I thank God everyday that I had my grandmother…." Jesse stopped suddenly, a strange look coming over his face. "Shal…I need…you…to…get…Adam…."