Before leaving, Nick had asked Charlie if he could inform the Paris Squad of his hospitalization. It seemed important to him that at least their close friends knew about it. Embarrassed, the brunet had agreed, not wanting to impose this secret on his boyfriend. Nick was relieved because he felt the need to share his concern with his friends. It often amazed him how close Charlie's friends had become to him. He felt much closer to them than to those who was supposed to be his friends in high school. The proof was that he no longer frequented any of them while he was still chatting regularly on the "Paris Squad " group that Darcy had created several years earlier. Of course, he had made new friends in college. Although he had never had difficulty making friends, he now felt more free to be himself and his new friendships were more sincere, because he no longer hid who he was.

As soon as he got out of the hospital, Nick had therefore sent a message to the group and the answers had not taken long to arrive. Tao looked shocked but Elle and Aled were already making arrangements to visit Charlie. Darcy and Tara, who had come back from college, promised to drop by too and bring him something to cheer him up. And above all, they came to talk to Nick in private to make sure he was okay and to remind him that they were there for him too.

These few exchanges made him feel better and the young man spent the rest of the afternoon organizing the summer once Charlie got home.

He returned to the hospital the next morning after picking up Charlie's phone from Tori who was due to drop by that afternoon.

When he opened the door to Charlie's room, he found it empty and his blood froze. He felt his breathing quicken and started to panic when he saw that he wasn't in the bathroom either. He was already imagining the worst, that Charlie had tried to kill himself again and that he hadn't failed this time, that he might have been sent to surgery or worse to the morgue.

He staggered out, shaking and went in search of a nurse but he felt so bad that he ended up leaning against a wall, panting.

- Nick?

He raised his head at the sound of this voice and almost had the impression of hallucinating when Charlie approached, looking worried.

Without saying a word, Nick pulled him close and buried his face in his neck, squeezing him tightly, unable to hold back the sobs of relief that gripped his chest.

- But…Nick…what the … ? Charlie asked in shock, awkwardly rubbing his boyfriend's back.

But Nick was unable to speak so he clung even more forcefully and waited for the fear to finally subside and for his calm to return a little. It probably only lasted a handful of minutes, but it seemed endless.

- I'm sorry, he said, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand, himself disturbed by his own reaction.

- What happened ? Charlie worried .

- Nothing, it's nothing, it's fine.

Charlie gave him a look that said a lot about the truth he attributed to this assertion and took him by the arm.

- Come on, let's go back to my room.

He made him sit down on an armchair, poured him a glass of water and repeated:

- What happened ?

Nick looked up and shook his head.

- Nothing it's stupid, you weren't in your room and I... I...

He didn't finish his sentence but blamed himself when understanding lit up his boyfriend's face quickly replaced by guilt.

- I am sorry. I had an appointment with the shrink. I didn't think that...

- It's nothing, it's me, it was stupid.

- It's not nothing and it's not stupid.

- Let it go, Char', please. Snapped Nick who had no desire to talk about it.

Charlie took a step back before nodding sheepishly.

- Alright ...

Nick softened at his sorry look and sighed before asking:

- Was your session okay ?

- Yes, yes, it went well .

- Are you going to keep seeing Geoff?

- Yup.

- And you are already… under treatment?

- Also yes. It seems that it takes a little time before it takes effect, but I already feel better.

- Good.

They were silent for a few moments before Nick remembered:

- By the way, I brought you back your smartphone, I thought you might miss it. He said pulling the device out of one pocket and the charger out of another.

- OMG, you are my saviour, Nick Nelson! Charlie exclaimed excitedly, immediately checking the device after quickly kissed his boyfriend.

A thin smile tugged at Nick's lips before disappearing almost immediately. He was trying to look contented but he was still afraid and it wasn't normal. His reaction had been totally disproportionate and was feeling worried about it.

They chatted a little more but Nick soon had to slip away to prepare for his first day of work.

- I'll write to you as soon as I can, okay? And I'll come back tomorrow morning.

- Ill look forward to it. Charlie smiled, showing him his phone. And I want to know all about this work that keeps you so far away from me!

- It 's gonna be awful and I'm gonna miss you terribly. Nick sulked, hugging Charlie tightly.

- I know, but I've decided to be a maintained man so you'll have to work!

They laughed and kissed. Nick hugged him a little longer and struggled to tear himself away from his arms.

- I love you, Char'.

- Not as much as I love you.

This little sentence shook the rugby player and he managed to leave before he could no longer hide his heavy heart. He knew for a while now that Charlie suffered from depression, it was a serious illness, from which one sometimes never recovered. But a part of him, probably far too naive, had hoped that their love could help him stay away from all this darkness. He thought his boyfriend's troubles were under control and even though he had sometimes seen him relapse, he had never imagined for a moment that it could get so bad that he would tried to kill himself. How was he supposed to believe that Charlie loved him so much if he was willing to abandon him by ending his own life?

Cursing himself for thinking like that, knowing it was unfair, pointless and much more complicated than that, Nick set off for his new job, unable to stop racking his brains.

Fortunately, this first day at the ice cream shop was so intense in information that he didn't have time to think about it all afternoon. He met his superior for the summer, a pretty dimpled brunette with a melodious laugh who had been doing this for three years at every vacation. She was going to team up with him and teach him all the tricks of the trade, she had told him, handing him his work apron.

She was a real chatterbox which meant that at the end of the day, in addition to all the ice cream and topping flavors he had to remember, Nick already knew far too much about Rose Healing's personal life. His charm worked enough to keep Nick's dark thoughts at bay, but unfortunately they returned as soon as he found himself alone in his car.

- So how was it? Did it go well? His mother asked when he got home.

- Yes very well, it was... nice, my colleague is nice and the job doesn't seem too complicated.

- Ha that's great, darling, I'm happy for you.

He smiled at her but the heart was not there. He was still thinking about his reaction to the hospital that morning, about that visceral panic he had felt when he saw Charlie's absence. He had thought him dead. So ok, it had only been two days, but he couldn't forget the image of his boyfriend bleeding off his bathroom floor. He was terrified of losing him and this fear totally paralyzed him. He no longer felt in control of himself and it was overwhelming.

- Mom? He said suddenly, uncertain.

- Yes, baby ?

- I think I need help...