"Privacy, hands down. Everything we do is scrutinized. I suppose I understand. I understand the public's need to be in sync with us. The thing is, they can't be. It's difficult to understand unless you're in, or have ever been in, my situation. Things are not always as they appear. In a photograph, if my husband isn't looking at me and smiling…suddenly our marriage is in trouble. Which couldn't be further from the truth. We live the same life as everyone else. Do you smile every second of the day? Neither do we, and we shouldn't have to create the illusion that we do. I miss being myself. Or at least, being myself without millions of eyes focused on me."
"If your husband hadn't been elected President, where do you think you would be at this moment?" Jay asked.
"At work. Spending time with my friends. I have…no friends anymore, Jay. I've got the White House staff and that's about it. And what a dismal bunch they are!"
"Dismal!" Josh shouted.
"Dismal?" CJ repeated.
"Dismal," Toby said, nodding.
"Dismal?"
"Well, no, I mean…no. They're great. I love each and every one of them. But it's work, work, work for all of them. They don't sleep, they hardly ever go home. Only thing I've seen them do besides work is eat. They certainly do that."
"So they're a pretty serious crew?"
"Sure. They have very stressful jobs. It's only I think that, just once, I'd love to see one of them dancing around to Michael Jackson music, or lip-syncing a Joan Jett song."
"Joan Jett!" Josh cried. "She wants us to sing Joan Jett?"
"Not in my job description," Toby said.
"And she wants us to dance to the music of a molestor. Perfect," Sam added.
"Come on, guys. A little 'Thriller' wouldn't hurt," Liz said.
"Beat it…beat it…" Zoey sang. Ellie, Liz, and Mallory joined her in song.
"Do you listen to Joan Jett, Abbey?" Jay questioned, laughing.
"I was her biggest fan in the '80s."
"You're kidding."
Abbey laughed.
"Yeah, I'm kidding. But I did listen to her. Who didn't?"
"So what are your tastes in music then?" He asked.
"Oh, you know. My CD collection is all rap and R&B. Puff Diddy, Swoop Dogg, LL Cool G. I gots me all der albums, dawg. I be listening to 'em up in da White House all day yo."
The audience roared with laughter, Jay included.
"Yeah, you know it, chief. Fo' shiz," Abbey said, through fits of laughter.
"Well, you've officially gotten the attention of everyone in Harlem!" Jay said.
"Harlem? Bitch, please."
"Dear God," Leo whispered.
Zoey, Liz, and Mallory could not hold back their laughter. Ellie, however, joined the rest of the staff in their shock.
"No wonder Amy kept her mouth shut about the rest of the show," Josh said.
"This…is bad," CJ said. She couldn't bring herself to say anything else.
"You said it, CJ," Sam said.
"I don't know how we're going to get ourselves outta this one," Said Toby.
"God, she is great," Jed said, with looked of delighted astonishment on his face.
Once the uproarious laughter subsided, Jay continued with his interview.
"Well, normally we don't do this, but this is a special occasion. Our audience members turned in some questions they'd like to ask you, during commercial. Do you mind answering a few questions?"
"Yes, she does," Josh said. "She minds."
"Don't do it, Abbey," Mallory said.
"It's a trap!" Liz exclaimed, mockingly.
"Don't drink the water!" Zoey added, laughing along with her oldest sister.
"Don't eat the apple! It's poison!" Ellie added.
"You guys don't seem to understand the severity of this situation," Sam began. "This is potentially dangerous."
"Oh, hogwash," Mallory rolled her eyes. They continued laughing.
"Leo, would you please tell them that this is potentially dangerous?"
"This is potentially dangerous."
The girls silenced themselves immediately.
"Oh. Ok."
Sam looked at them with disbelief. Mallory stuck her tongue out at him.
Meanwhile, Jed was in his own little world. Just him and the TV.
"Go ahead and answer their questions, honey. You've got nothing to hide," he whispered to the TV.
"No, of course I don't mind. Ask away."
"Ok. First question," Jay said, reading the first card in his hands. "What is your favorite room in the White House?"
"The Oval Office- after dark."
"Ok, I don't even wanna know what that means," Josh said.
"Oh, you KNOW what it means," Sam said with a wink.
"What I'm saying is, I don't WANT to."
"From now on, we're keeping surveillance cameras in the Oval," Toby suggested.
"What, so a security guard can steal a tape and suddenly we have a Paris Hilton-type scandal!" CJ exclaimed.
"That's not what I was talking about."
"Apparently."
"Guys, be quiet, will ya?" Charlie implored them.
"Who is your favorite designer?"
"My favorite designer? Oh, I love 'em all. Ralph Lauren, Versace, Valentino, Gucci…and I love my Manolos."
"Who is your favorite actor?"
"Oh, I cannot divulge such information. But I'll tell you this, as long as you keep quiet about it. His name begins with a John and ends with an Epp."
"Dammit. Why did she have to go and a pick an actor who famously hates America?" Leo questioned with agravation.
"Maybe because he's gorgeous," CJ answered.
"And sexy," Liz added.
"And he dresses like a pirate," Zoey included with a childish grin.
"And he has those brooding bedroom eyes," Mallory said.
"And he's offbeat. Mom loves that," Ellie said.
"Ok, gals, you're making me feel a little down on myself right now," Jed admitted, to their amusement.
"What's your favorite television show?"
"I find I don't really have much time to watch TV. But I do like 'Friends' and actually I like 'That 70's Show' a lot. Hilarious writing and acting on that show. 'Sex and the City' of course. Oh! And 'Will and Grace.' I LOVE 'Will and Grace.'"
"Well, if the Democrats didn't already have the support of Gay America, now it's official," Sam commented.
"And if the Republicans didn't already want to burn the White House with us in it, now it's official," CJ replied.
"What's your favorite movie?"
"The American President."
Everyone laughed.
"Really!" Jay asked in disbelief.
"Oh yeah. And it was even before Jed was elected. I love Michael Douglas…ohh dreamy. And I adore Annette Bening."
"I think that might have been the first good answer we've heard all night," Sam said.
"Mm hmm. Pitch perfect," CJ agreed.
"Hold on, kids. She ain't done yet," Leo said, cautiously.