Title: An Indecent Proposal
Author: desolate butterfly
Genre: crack, ficlet, humor
Pairing(s): Naruto/Hinata/Itachi, hints of ItaSasu
Rating: PG
Summary: Naruto and Hinata heal Itachi with the power of their luuuurve!

Itachi stared at the blond and the pale-eyed kunoichi with something that might have been disturbed shock if he were able to move his cheekbones.

Inwardly he cursed the botox injections which had not helped to improve the lines on his face, but had rendered him unable to make facial expressions. He would kill that incompetant hack, Kabuto, if it was the last thing he'd ever do.

"You want me to what?" Itachi repeated.

"Look," Naruto sighed, "I don't like it anymore than you do, but the fact is, Tsunade-baachan's given us orders to turn you back to the light, and the only way we can do that is by stripping you down right now and having a threesome, right Hinata-chan?"

The girl blushed and stared at the ground by Itachi's foot.

"Right. Please excuse the inconvenience, Itachi-san."

"...You honestly think that's going to work?"

"Worked on Deidera," Naruto scoffed. "And that guy from Sound with all the arms...what was his name?"

"Kidoumaru-kun," Hinata offered.

Naruto snapped his fingers. "Right. Him. So come on Itachi, get your kit off. We have an eight-thirty appointment with Sir Leader that we'll be late for if you don't hurry it up."

Itachi's eyes narrowed and his hands twitched on the hilt of a kunai.

"What if I don't want to?" he asked.

"Oh come on," Naruto scoffed. "Are you telling me you don't want a piece of this?" He gestured to his ass impudently.

Itachi's upper lip curled. "I think you are confusing me with another Uchiha."

Then again, the dark-haired girl did look an awful lot like Sasuke if he disregarded the breasts. And Itachi hadn't been laid in a while...

"Fine," he sighed, putting a hand to the tie of his cloak. "But I get to top."

Naruto scowled and shoved his pants down around the ankles. "Fuck no," he ranted. "I'm the one who's going to be seme."

"Is that so?" Itachi grasped the kunai tightly in his hand.

"Yeah, that's so!" Naruto growled back, clenching his fists.

"Um...guys?"

Suddenly, both Naruto and Itachi found themselves on their backs, their chakra points blocked entirely and Hinata calmly stripping them of the rest of their clothes.

"Please allow me to top today Naruto-kun, Itachi-san!" she said, smiling brightly and dashing all of Itachi's hopes that this would be even remotely similar to being with Sasuke.

He knew he should have just turned the kunai on himself.

--

Fic.

Kukuku...